Part XVIII: The Siege of Sanurdipal

By Dagoth Nevena, Acolyte of the Sixth House

Their screams raced across my mind with the penetrating force of a cliffracer’s shriek and I felt it from them. I felt the fear. The pain. The death. I felt their voices get cut short in the night as something—someone—set foot upon our territory and struck out at our people. Milos says that I should not lose my focus of getting to Kogoruhn, but he didn’t hear what I did. He didn’t hear the voices suddenly go silent or the heartbeats suddenly paused forever and that is why I do not trouble myself with his counsel on this matter; he doesn’t understand what it was like to hear their deaths all at once. He doesn’t know how it felt like a punch to the diaphragm, knocking the wind out of me on a deeper level than any punch could, and that’s why I’m going—with or without him.

I’ve already warned him that I will leave him here if I must, but there is a trouble stirring beneath Sanurdipal and I can not abandon them just as I can not abandon him, but if he forces me to make a choice, then I will do as I must for the greater good of the House. I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave out here, alone, in the great stretches of Molag Amur, but I won’t betray my house through inaction to sate his demands of me. He is my friend, but he is not my master, and if he should confuse that relationship, so be it, but I will not stand by as our people are laid up in siege. I will not and I can not allow this to continue; Lord Dagoth would not have shown me the troubles in Sanurdipal if not to take action. He knew what he was doing and I know what I am doing as his faithful servant; I will go to Sanurdipal and I will put a stop to whatever has done this, with or without Milos’ help.

He lectures caution.

He says that action without forethought is destined for failure, but these lectures are no different than the ones that Diviner Dolyn would give to me and maybe they are right, but is it worse to act recklessly and fail or to do nothing? I don’t know. I do know this though: if I stand by and do nothing—whoever—or whatever—is doing this to my brothers and sisters at Sanurdipal will continue and I will feel their thoughts go silent forever and I will not allow this. I will not stand by when my house is under siege and Milos should know that. He of all people, a High Priest, should be willing to stand with me, but he doesn’t.

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I do not know why or what drives him to be so afraid to take action, but I know that this is not only my fight, but the fight of all of us who bear the name Dagoth. But though Milos himself Dagoth, he has lost faith in Lord Dagoth; he has reclused into himself and that is why he considers the matter of Sanurdipal to be none of our concern and that is his mistake. He has fallen outside the grace of our lord and it shows in his isolationist attitude, but I can’t allow myself to be as such, for I must stay within the good graces of Lord Dagoth. It is what Cerebel would want, I know it. He knew that Lord Dagoth would teach me the great mysteries and if I should fall from his grace by becoming as Milos has, then everything I have done will have been in vain and I can’t—I can’t allow that. The road to Cerebel’s vision for me has been paved in my blood, my sweat, and my tears, and I will not give up everything I have worked towards because Milos doesn’t understand just what is at stake for me.

He thinks himself so wise, so knowing, and in many ways he is, but he forgets his place. He forgets that Lord Dagoth knows things beyond either of our comprehension and it shows when he lectures me of the great reformation he thinks I am to bring to our house. He sees me as a bringer of some great change, of a new era, but he doesn’t realize that it is not my place to try and undo the foundations that Lord Dagoth has laid. Still he lectures though of how I will be everything our has needed for centuries, but I am not his pawn. I will not act against Lord Dagoth, even for Milos; it is through Cerebel that I realized the profundity of the universe and it is through Lord Dagoth that Cerebel became as he was.

But I can’t find it in my heart to be angry at Milos, even for his, hubris. He is arrogant beyond measure, for how can one think they know more than a god, but his aspirations ae noble. He only wishes to see the Sixth House restored to its former glory and he doesn’t realize that it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t realize that gods do not concern themselves with the opinions of mortals and it is through Lord Dagoth that we will become as he is, but I understand his ignorance. He has not been touched by Cerebel I was; he lacks the perspective to realize that there are things in this world that matter far more than the standing of our house.

But at the end of the day, regardless of his lack of self-awareness and his ignorance of the truly important things, he has still been my mentor and my friend. More than a friend. He is my brother and I love him as such, but I can’t let him hold me back from doing the will of Lord Dagoth. I love him with all that I am, but to deny Lord Dagoth is to sacrifice all that I’ve done to get here, and I will not allow that to happen, not even for Milos.

I only hope that Milos does not force me to decide, because I will do as I must, but it will be with a heavy heart that I do it if he does force me to do so.

-Dagoth Nevena, Acolyte of the Sixth House