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The Runic Realms [A Comfy Cozy Tragedy]
Chapter 17 - Caught in the Cookie Jar

Chapter 17 - Caught in the Cookie Jar

We followed our guide through the ruins of the old city. Its buildings that once stood stories tall were scattered at our feet.

A crack gave way to a crunch.

Sugma stood behind us with his foot planted atop a skull crushed into chunks.

“Oyoyo, what are you doing?”

“Having some fun.”

“Those aren’t toys, they’re ritual masks made from kinling skulls.”

From a pile of skulls, each covered in a series of coiling horns, I plucked out one that caught my eye. Protruding from the back its base were six horns curled forward like fish hooks. I turned it over and showed Sugma the wool lining inside.

“They used to be worn by high ranking members of the Circle to pay respects to Albenac during celebrations.”

“Don’t be silly Maligna. Circles don’t pay, we pay with circles.”

Sugma crossed his arms and nodded with a prideful look on his face while I shook my head toward the ground.

“It’s just the name of a group of witches and druids that worship the god of the Material Realm. If I remember right, the practice started being phased out over a hundred years ago near the end of the Age of Sorrow, because- ah, that.”

I motioned to Ligmas whose mouth was agape. He looked like he was on the verge of tears as his claws shook out in front of him.

“How barbaric. To desecrate Lord Evrardin’s chosen kin in such a manner. How utterly-”

“Barbaric? Now you’re speaking my language.”

Sugma picked up one of the skulls and placed it over his head. I sighed and adorned the one I was holding. Mockingly spooky, we threw up our hands toward Ligmas and wiggled our fingers.

“OoOo~”

“You two lack class.”

“Never been to it, didn’t have schools where I grew up.”

“Class- that is not what I meant. I am arguing with a brute again.”

We continued our trek through the wreckage. Around a bend of broken brickwork we stopped before a shed welded from scraps of metal. Inside, a winding, service staircase cascaded into the abyss. Our feet crunched against the dust covered stone steps and we made our way down.

After twenty minutes of descending staircases, we reached a door made of similar scrap to the one we entered. On the other side, shouts of workers and the whirls of drills cracked along the rocks.

Past miners brandishing picks and translucent purple drills four times the size of their bodies, we approached a wall of rock that shot toward the sky.

Sunlight lit the top of the chasm like a lake above our heads, but its warmth could not reach us. The chill of the winds took hold when we stepped upon a walkway that spiraled around the wall of rock that was the mountain Eyngard rested upon.

Our escort handed out harnesses to secure ourselves to the railing. Strapped in, we clicked our cables onto the railing. Sugma let out a grunt.

“You’re gonna wanna do this.”

“No, I’ll look stupid.”

I hunched down and tapped my fingers on the mask placed over his head.

“You already do- ayaya-”

Sugma hopped up on the railing and knocked his knuckles against the top of my mask.

“Right back at-”

A gust of wind pulled Sugma’s foot free of the railing and he fell onto his back. Our escort tossed a harness over Sugma’s chest and giggled at him through a thick accent.

“It is best to be learning your lesson here. The winds will only be getting worse the higher we go up. Take safety seriously. If you do not, you may not get a chance to again.”

Sugma stood up and strapped the harness around him before clipping to the railing. The dwarf placed his fingers into his mouth and whistled.

“If it may not be apparent, I shall be teaching the ropes.”

A smile bridged across the escort’s face before falling flat.

“Tough crowd. From your harness is two hooks-”

Evie peeked around my shoulder.

“Oa~ I get it, ropes, because these are-”

“Miss, if you will please be letting me finish.”

Evie slinked back behind me and the dwarf continued.

“As you walk, you will notice bar in middle of railing stoping you from moving. Use your other hook to attach to next section and then remove previous hook. Do not, under any circumstance, remove hook before the other is attached.”

We spun around the spiral with care. Halfway through our advance, the chasm’s familiar black abyss had already swallowed the ground we once stood on and the sounds of the miners were but a distant memory.

A wall of wind struck my chest and I stumbled into Ligmas. We all hunched down to brace ourselves before a guttural yell made us whip around.

By the stretch of his cord, Sugma flailed out over the abyss. His voice cracked in a shriek while our guide crawled toward his line. Inch by inch, through strained muscles, Sugma was pulled toward us. Once he was reeled back over the railing, our guide’s swears were muffled by another gust of wind.

The hunching and bracing continued for an eternity before we finally neared the top. Sugma stretched his cord between his grip.

“Alright, maybe this thing is kind of handy.”

“Yeah, you can imagine how devastating it was before the city we were just in added safety requirements to this place. Ah- I think that was almost four hundred years ago to give you an idea how old that place is-”

I reached into my bag and pulled out a sheet of tattered paper. As I held it to my eyes, a gust of wind swept it from my grasp and carried it toward the abyss. Sugma hopped on the railing.

Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I pulled him backwards on top of me.

“Oyoyo- it’s just a piece of paper, don't be so reckless.”

Sugma turned his head and grinned.

“That’s the Macchiato we know.”

I smiled and flicked his bald head.

The following document outlines an appeal to the Laudralian Council for increased safety measures of the ring.

Begin record:

Department: Survey Corps.

Date: Early Spring 1-4, 29AQ

Inspector's name: Lynn Carlyle

Brief: There are growing concerns about the safety conditions for workers making their way to the bottom of the ring.

Investigation: Reveals that the spiral walkway which extends down and around the city into the dark depths are extremely hazardous due to the width between the outer walls and the walkway allowing harsh wind currents to form that can lift anyone on the walkway over the edge.

Recommended action: The construction of the ring has been deemed too important to the city by the Laudralian Council to shut down, but at the very least some guard rails and special fastenings could greatly lower the amount of casualties each year.

End record.

A ruling from this time period matches up with the contents of this report:

Guard rails and special equipment for workers excavating the ring have been approved with 275 votes for, 51 votes against, and 11 votes abstained.

ARC ALI 1669.4-2127:R1:TK

Sincerely, Yeila Eruden

The five of us parted ways once we reached the streets of Eyngard. All that could be said was already said. All that could be done was locked in my thoughts. I sought a distraction. Something to pull the events from earlier free from my mind.

Pulling myself through that familiar ripping current of Merchant’s District, I continued my search of finding a new staff and stumbled into a shop with a sign shaped like a witch’s hat.

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Fixed atop shelves and displays were pens and wells of ink in all shapes and colors. Before turning to correct my assumption by making my exit, the silhouette of the shopkeep grabbed my attention.

At the far end of the room, behind a counter made of light pine, stood Norville, the elderly man from the novelty shop in Druidale.

Maybe I have lost my mind.

“Oh the millenia that have passed.”

Norville waved his hand. Six patrons around me looked up and placed down the items they were holding. Through an absent minded strut, they exited the shop. The door slammed behind me. A black void with an indiscernible end coated the walls.

“Heh?”

“Ages upon ages I have waited to cross paths with new kindling that is of our kind. Tell me, from what age did you spring forth to this accursed realm?”

“Age? I’m 30 years old- kinda.”

“Hoho, newly formed in your subservient bone. Her majesty is truly benevolent to grant you this gift. Montgomery Palchinera, Bishop of the Veil. I know it must be a pleasure to make my acquaintance.” she said in a flat, calculated manner.

A shroud of darkness swirled around the elderly man. His tired appearance stretched into that of a woman with charcoal skin and shoulder-length pink hair.

White wings burst from her back and feathered out twice the length of her body. A pink, thorny halo made of light floated above her head. The robes she wore became an open coat that draped off her shoulders.

The skin of her legs were white and narrowed to a thin strip above her knee. The strip ran up her leg and ended in a ring around her thigh as though it was a garter burned into her flesh.

Her skin peeled and hair smoldered away to reveal her bleached skeleton. Two small white dots emanated from the sockets in her skull.

Illusion? No, this is real. I’ve never seen anything like this. I think-

I touched the mask still on my face.

Oh. Oh no.

“Sorry, there must be-”

“Ohoho, it would appear you truly are but a young bud sprouting through this newly found unlife. Your prima is still unrefined, how utterly tragic. You can at least take solace that you are not resisting it.” she said with a condescending tone stretched to the back of her throat.

“Great job girl. Don’t sweat it. I have faith in a few centuries you’ll figure it out. That power is like totally nigh unparalleled, for real. Check it out.” She said with a nasally, rising inflection.

The void bled away. A sky of pink clouds in its place. Washing under our feet, bright blue grass tickled our ankles and rolled across short hills. Trees sprouted and withered in second long cycles. A breeze sprung forth flora that appeared and vanished as the wind swept by.

“The insolence of the younger generation already shows its fangs. I have given you my name, yet you hesitate to relinquish yours. I shall utter it once more. Montgomery Palchinera. No, you must be in a daze from when you were blessed by her majesty thirty years ago. Who could possibly blame you? But it is lowly for a servant of my prestige to be required to submit such a simple request for common decency. I shall forgive you this once. What is your name?” She said in a low tone as though she was mocking someone who took a dark poetry reading too seriously.

“Mar- Mm.”

“My name is Ken - Tucky?”

“Hoho, blessed with a title reserved for her upper echelon - wait seriously? You? You were given a name like that? No way, like really?”

Why aren't the other two like this?

“Magnificent! I am in awe. Her majesty’s will is absolute and it is truly an honor to be in the presence of someone so blessed.” She said, the pompous accent making its return to the spotlight.

Ah- she’s-

“With our cordial formalities out of the way, Ken Tucky, I am here to serve our majesty and the aid I relinquish to my superior shall be unconditional.”

-An idiot.

“Do you have your phylactery? I remember being so careless with mine early on that it nearly spelled my demise.”

“Phylactery?”

“The remainder of your fractured spirit that glows with the intensity of your being. It would have been near your body when you awoke- don’t tell me you left it.”

The jar with the glowing bishop I had found in the underground study burst into being above my hand.

“Pink? Well damn. Also sick taste in containers, girlfriend. I got one just like it.”

That’s actually what this is? Why does-

“I see, it can only be described as fate. Give me an F! Give me an- No, wait. Of course. It is all according to her will, her majesty. Such unbounded wisdom and planning I could only hope to fathom a single step.”

“Sorry, Bishop Palchinera, I am very confused what-”

“Please, no, don’t. You can call me Montgomery- I mean, if you want to. It’s only proper that I address you that way, Archbishop Tucky.”

She knelt down and grasped my hands with her bony fingers.

“Oh, it burns my pride - the sting of centuries of unchecked hubris. Please grant me salvation. Allow me to merely refer to you as Ken. My heart cannot fathom such subordination.”

“Ah- sure. Marina is fine too. But I have several questions. What are you- we- what are we? Who is her majesty? Ah- I mean, of course I know her majesty- why hast thy slumber been cast to the depths from thy reach verily?”

Montgomery looked at me with what I thought was skepticism, but her lack of eyes made it difficult to tell.

AAAAAAH.

Two chairs made of vines sprouted from the ground. Her bones clinked when she waved an invitation for me to sit.

“I shall start from the beginning, my confused master.”

Now I’m her master? I have no idea how to read or handle this chick.

“Ages ago her majesty peered beyond the Veil. She saw a world so teeming with beauty that it made the world we inhabit seem dull by comparison. Dull and boring.”

“That’s the same thing.”

“Never-the-less, the events she put in place would cause beauty to spring forth, starting with the ascension of the final god of these realms. Spirits split in two, birthing the soul. Mortals were free from the cycle of rebirth. Their spirits would still be lost, but their souls could live forever. However, betrayal - oh harrowing betrayal, she found herself bound to be witness to the end of those who are blightbound. Bound by the hand of the Czypher of Astra. Bound to that accursed plane for millenia.”

“Astralum.”

“Totally. We’re like their polar opposites. These phylacteries are sorta like a contract her majesty worked out with that loser who fell from the Void and kicked off this whole shindig.”

“Upon our demise a single piece is sent to the Primal Forge. A shard is then rebound to a new essence- body, vessel, whatever ya wanna call it.”

“That’s why ya gotta keep that safe otherwise whoopsie, say hello the worst sun tan you’ll ever experience. And then forget about. Along with everything else you ever knew.”

“So, what is it you do for her majesty?”

“I pretty much pass the time waiting for her by running this shop. I like collecting different kinds of inks- hehe~ Let me show you.”

The pink sky and blue hills evaporated. We were back in the shop. Montgomery’s skin pieced itself back together and her wings and halo retracted into her body.

“Check this one out. Erilyser 400B. The dark blue tinge it has comes from a slime that gathers around a leviathan’s teeth while it hibernates. To get the consistency right and not be total ick it also needs to have some Ethereal dragon tears added to it.”

“Ah- cool.”

“I know right? Doesn’t it just make you feel all kinds of awesome? Like, you’ve got all this powerful stuff reduced to just an ink- ee~ It makes each letter that stains the page make you feel like a god.”

“I don’t really know much about writing. The most I do is just use some regular old ink for spells or notes.”

“Don’t stress girl, I was the same way. Here, write with these.”

She handed me an ordinary looking pen and sheet of paper. I leaned over the shop counter and scribbled my name.

“It just feels like pen and paper.”

“Duh- that’s the baseline, gotta get you a frame of reference.”

She scooched the piece of paper away and placed down a thick piece of parchment. She took the pen out of my hand and replaced it with one that was white and gold decorated in colorful bubbles.

The pen glided across the paper without a scratch or tug. No matter the direction I shifted my fingers, I had control over all my strokes.

“This is amazing ehehe~”

I kept writing and doodled a little ice cream cone and a sun with a smiley face before she took the parchment away.

“Woah yo- chill. That stuff ain’t cheap ya’know.”

“Hey Montgomery, what do you know about novelties?”

A two-tone chime rang in my head. A voice buzzed.

“Attention. This store will be closing in five minutes. Please exit the building so the next round of shops can open. If you do not exit in the designated amount of time you will be locked in the store’s dimensional pocket until tomorrow. The Ministry of Commerce thanks you for your cooperation.”

After parting ways with Montgomery, the mask on my head disappeared into a shroud of darkness while I sprinted out of the Merchant’s District. Halfway down Wind Chime Avenue my cloak drew taught. I whipped around.

“Evie?”

She placed a cardboard box that clinked with heft into my hands.

“I’ve been working on these for a while. They’re still prototypes- so I can’t make them too potent, but they should help out when you leave for work.”

I hugged her and placed the box into my bag before continuing my sprint toward the Gardens.

Beyond the Gardens’s gates and the library’s gargantuan doors, I leapt from the balcony. My fist slammed against the red oak doors to Alaphan’s office. They pulled open and I rushed inside.

“Ah, Marina, how can I-”

“I need those documents back.”

“So they are culturally significant?”

“Culturally significant in saving my butt. Hand them over.”

“You’re serious. New copies have just been made that can be used as our first editions.”

Alaphan waved his hand toward a wooden table against the wall with feet that curled in swirls. I ran over and snatched the papers along with the plank of wood. Alaphan waved an envelope in the air.

“Before you go Marina, we have noticed a lapse in some of our recent records pertaining to the town of Silverkeep-”

“Would love to help, sounds super exciting and all, but I’m kinda in a hurry-”

“About that request to visit Ravenford-”

I snatched the envelope from his hand and skipped back to the door. Before making my exit, I spun and flashed Alaphan a smile. A bright light pulled me from the library.