Outside the pastry shop, Evie and I sat against the wall to enjoy our lunch. Gooey chocolate oozed from a ball in the center of my fluffy pastry. Its edges crunched into flaky bits that fell onto my blouse.

“Mmm~ It’s so good~”

More flakes fell with my next bite and the sky matched its tempo when rain pattered against the awning above.

People darted from the streets in every direction, but a boy with glassy eyes that looked like mine stood still and stared at the sky, his face white as a ghost. Protruding from his wet mop of white hair, six black horns curled to a point. Coiled around his belt was a thin, black tail that was cut into arrowtip-like segments.

I opened my umbrella and kicked its handle, sending it sailing toward him. Snatching it out of its descent, he turned and walked the other way.

“Heyeyey - don’t just take it, use it to come over here.”

He stopped and, after reversing his course, plopped down on the ground next to me. Evie broke off a piece of her roll and dipped it in chocolate. She passed it down the line and I held it up to him.

“Want some?”

“No thanks- I- eh?”

His eye twitched while he watched me eat the pastry.

“I’m Evie and this is Marina.”

“I’m Kael.”

“Oo~ Like the plant.”

“The what?”

“Everything alright, Kael? You looked kinda lost out there like it was the first time you’ve seen rain or something.”

The pitter patter above our heads slowed to a drizzle and people braved the streets once more. Kael’s head panned and followed the stride of a woman with long, blonde hair. The horns on his head twitched and a black blush shined in his cheeks. Evie and I looked at each other, but found no answer in our confused stares.

“Everything alright? You know her?”

He leaned closer and whispered. “She’s naked.”

“Ah-. Yeah.”

“What do you mean yeah?!”

“Ahyaya- don’t make yelling noises in whisper distance. I mean, if she wants to be, what’s wrong with that?”

“There’s plenty wrong, like what if people look at her- you know.”

Evie put her finger to her chin and looked up to the clouds.

“Won’t people look at her even with clothes? She’s really pretty.”

“Yeah, but like- okay, but-”

Evie cupped her hands into a cone and yelled, catching the attention of a man passing by.

“Oe you! Did that naked woman freak you out?”

“Uh-. No, should I be? Did she do something?”

“Naw, nevermind- thought she was someone famous or something. Sorry, forget I said anything.”

Evie and I leaned, returning our attention to Kael.

“You were saying?”

“Is this just how it is around here?”

“Here? Where are you from?”

“Alaroth.”

“Mm. Don’t think I’ve heard of it. What nation is that part of?”

“That is the nation. I’m from Pycanum.”

“Eeeeh? You’re from the Ethereal Realm?”

Ah- this makes so much more sense.

I leaned into Evie and whispered in her ear.

“What’s your best guess?”

“Eeeh- probably five fifty.”

“Mm. I was thinking younger, maybe two forty?”

“Ah- quick question. You don’t have to answer if you don’t wanna, but how old are you?”

“I’m 369 years old.”

Evie and I bumped our fists together and let out a collective, “Ooa, nice.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ah hah- don’t worry about it, so why’d that lady freak you out?”

“Well- she was beautiful and uh- kinda made me feel good to look at her.”

“Eh, I mean, that’s not that weird. For example, I feel real good when I look at this ooey gooey snack.”

I stretched the end of the pastry apart and plopped the last bits into my mouth.

“Yeah, but you can’t get with whatever that is and that looks super weird. Can you stop.”

Is it right for us to keep playing dumb? I mean, he probably won’t understand that everyone born in this realm is aromantic asexual. Maybe we can segway into a teaching moment. But I don’t get what his issue with me is.

“Mm? Get with? Stop what?”

“Stop shoving that into your mouth. What are you even storing it for anyway?”

Heh? Am I the one who’s about to learn something?

“Sorry, what do you mean storing?”

Kael thrust his hand down his throat and pulled out a freshly folded cloak.

He can do that?

“Waoow~ I thought only dragons from the Ethereal Realm could do that, you all can?”

“Yeah, you can’t? What happens when you put things in there?”

“It tastes yummy and lets us live.”

“That’s crazy- live? You need to store things to live?”

“Yeah, it’s kinda hard to explain to someone who’s practically immortal and doesn’t eat.”

Kael sloped his head back, the bend of his horns scraping against the wall.

“So. Everyone here is dependent on storing things and no one here does it.”

“Mm. I’m sure someone out there does. Doing something isn’t the same as feeling something. Just because someone makes fun of themselves doesn’t mean they’re a clown. Oah- also what you think’s a joke and what I think is a joke are probably really different. But in a world where no one can laugh, what's the point unless you just really like telling jokes?”

I get what she means, but that’s probably gonna go right over his head.

“What? How are there so many of you? How haven’t you all died out by now?”

“Also kinda hard and gross to explain, but-. Oh, I have an idea.”

I really don’t wanna get up and waste time going back inside if this doesn’t work. It’ll be fine~ I’ll be quick.

A pinching pain gripped my head while my eyes flashed purple.

“Hey-”

I pressed my hands into my eyes and whimpered. Evie grabbed my arm.

“You okay?”

“Do you have any ether or transcendence boosting potions?”

“I- yes, but- nevermind. Here.”

I took the vial of milky purple liquid from Evie. After drinking it my eyes were pierced with a purple hue.

“Hey, Alaphan!”

A voice buzzed into my head.

“Marina? How can I help?”

“Who’s Alaphan? Has she lost it?”

“Naw, she’s just talking to her boss who lives in a really big library on the other side of the city with her head.”

“What?”

“Can you give me the address of anyone who’s turning 50 years old today?”

“I-. You do realize how busy I am, right?”

“Oo hoo hoo~, there’s the bratty Alaphan I used to know.”

“...”

“Alaphan~”

“-12 Seashore Lane in the First District. A man by the name of Reginald Guyver.”

“Thanks! - Ah- you think I can get like my own assistant at the library that I can call up and look this stuff up for me- hello? Alaphan? - Ech.”

The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

My eyes pulsed and stung, returning to ash.

Ech ow ow. I still need a lot more practice at that.

“Alright, let’s go crash a birthday party.”

“Weehee~ Field trip.”

“You’ve both lost your minds.”

The house we were traveling to wasn’t far from the pastry shop.

“Hey, hey Marina, you think we should buy flowers?”

“I don’t know if we’ll have time.”

“Awh, but it’s tradition.”

When we arrived, there was a decent sized crowd gathered throughout the house. We walked into the living room. Tucked in the back sat an old man in a worn down rocking chair. Flowers were gathered at his feet and the crowd sang.

“Happy birthday to you~”

On the final note Reginald slumped forward. A smile stuck to his face while his lungs let out their last breath. His skin melted into clumps of black ichor. At the center of his ribcage rested an evergreen sapling, a goblin infant, and a baby dragonfly. The infants suckled the ichor as they squirmed.

“What sort of sick-”

Evie and I threw our hands over Kael’s mouth.

“Shhh. It’s the miracle of birth.”

We pulled him through the crowd and out to the middle of the street.

“That is not how birth works. First of all, that's a dude and second of all, we just watched a man die and everyone is fine with that.”

“Yeah, that’s totally how it works. We just saw it happen. No one has a problem with it, because he lived a fulfilling life and now life endures beyond his grave. It’s only sad when their life gets cut short.”

“None of that makes sense. Why did he look so happy to die? He could have probably done so much more if he kept living.”

“We have some explaining to do. On his 49th birthday he started feeling the best he’s ever felt. It must have been such bliss for him and that only strengthened as time went on. Evie, hit him with some baby talk.”

“When someone turns 49 years old, little babies start growing inside them. The little babies grow into bigger little babies by dining on their organs little by little. Once that person turns 50, the babies crush their heart and make it explode. Like pwoh.”

My palms squished together, squelching out a slurp of air.

“They eat that black ichor until they’re strong enough and the bones wear down enough that they can break free and wander off on their own. Meanwhile if you guys die you kinda just sit there like a doll until bugs and stuff eat you.”

“Stuff eats us? Like your paystreet?-”

“Pastry~”

“-What sort of repulsive nonsense is that.”

Ah- this is gonna take a while. It’d probably be even more confusing if I mention that most of our plants and livestock come from Dominium.

“But it makes no sense. Where’s the love in this? The joy of bringing your kin into the world and raising them? How can you be happy knowing this will be your fate? You’re just food for some slime that doesn’t even look like you.”

A few people exited the house. I tilted my body and peered past Kael. Inside, half a dozen people were arguing with one another.

“I mean, eh.. I don’t really understand what you mean. Why do you need to bring your kids into the world to raise them? The people that are still in there are making the case right now why they’d be great parents to those babies. They want to raise and take care of them and in their mind they’ll be honoring the man who just passed.”

“Because when you fall in love with someone your child will be a combination of all your hard work and dedication that will carry on your name.”

“Mm? You keep saying the word love a lot, but I love a lot of people and I don’t want to raise a baby with them.”

“It’s not- that definition is way too loose.”

“Mm- I don’t think it is. The way I see it we’re all like cups. You need different kinds of love liquids to fill up your cup, but we just need water and some people can even pour their own water. Oo~ Then we can brew the water into tea or hot cocoa.”

“I like mine with milk~”

Kael slouched forward. His fists and face curled in frustration.

“There’s no way you can compare true love to whatever watered down love that is. It-. Like-. It’s when you feel the flutter of romantic love beat in your chest. Or the burning, heated passion of intimate desire that lights up your face. It steals your breath away whenever you’re around them. Your stomach knots up. You feel the blood pulsing through your veins. It pulls you towards them and it feels like they were a piece of you that was missing, finally making you complete.”

“Like heart palpitations and a fever?”

I clapped my hands together in a meaningless gesture of prayer.

“Ah, you poor soul, you have my condolences, may whatever god you pray to grant you alleviation from the discomfort you are experiencing.”

“It’s not like that- I don’t feel it now. It feels nice. Like thoughts of them come up at the most random times and it makes you wish you could always be by their side. You can’t imagine your life without them. They show up in your dreams and stick in your thoughts when you wake up in the morning. That kind of love.”

“Mm. Do thoughts of someone dying count?”

“No, absolutely not.”

“Do cats count?”

“Do cats- no, at least I hope not. Were you two dropped on your heads or something?”

My hand covered Evie’s mouth and she puffed out her cheeks.

“You’re not the best example for this.”

“Are you telling me no one born in this realm feels that? That’s not just a you thing?”

My hand jerked, poked away by Evie’s slimy tongue.

“Hmm~ Yup. That’s all of us. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone before that has to go through that.”

I tugged Evie’s floppy, fox-like ears.

“Ah- yeah, we don’t feel those but - some people feel like they can’t help but stare when they look at someone pretty. Some people have friends they’d do anything for. Some love their kids and some want to be far away from everyone to be happy. But no, you’re alone on that one chief.”

My mouth stretched, pulled by Evie’s pinkies at the corners. In retaliation, I wiggled my fingers in her ears.

“Ayaya.” “Oyoyo.”

“It's just so weird. You’re all cursed to live such short lives and you never get a chance to see your kin or fall head over heels for someone.”

Cursed? Me? He’s the one from Pycanum.

“We might not live long in the grand scheme of things, but they’re still fulfilling lives. We live through our successes and failures just like you.”

Eeeh. It sounded cooler when Beatrice said it.

“How could it possibly be fulfilling if you’re just going to disappear after that. It’s just so unfair and unnatural.”

“It’s kinda strange hearing that from our perspective. People from Pycanum used to be looked down on because of that.”

And still are to some extent.

“The fact that your mind goes all fuzzy and weird - it’s unpredictable and it used to scare people. Not to mention you base your entire existence around it. It was seen as a defect. Ah- I have some documents from Leytania during the Age of Sorrow about the purges if you wanna see-”

Ah- the intrusive thoughts are winning.

“If we’re the ones who are defective then what are those even for?”

Kael jabbed his finger toward my chest and I swatted it away.

“Aesthetics.”

“You’re messing with me.”

“Ehh? I’m telling the truth. Do they have some other use in Pycanum?”

“Of course they do. At least, I think- I don’t know. If that’s the case, then why doesn’t everyone just walk around naked? What’s the point?”

“The same reason I don’t walk around dressed like a jester. The point is I like how I dress, so I dress how I like.”

“That’s not the point of clothes. You’re supposed to dress up to attract the attention of other people. Gah, the Material Realm is so pathetic.”

If he was from this realm I doubt I would have paid any attention to his comment. The fact that he wasn’t made something in my brain grind with a sense of patriotism.

“Oho? From my perspective it’s pretty pathetic that you turn into a raving psycho that you need to cage up when you even so much as imagine someone who checks off all your special boxes.”

Evie tugged on my arm. “Marina-”

A smirk crept onto Kael’s face with what I assumed was a mixture of annoyance and admiration for my audaciousness.

“If you want a pissing contest I won’t be nice about it.”

“Bring it.”

“Alright. Don’t blame me if you want to cry after. You think I’m a psycho? You’re the freaks here. What purpose could you possibly have in your boring lives that would ever triumph over the feeling of being in love? It’s all meaningless, because no matter how much you accomplish it will all be for nothing. It’ll just be a sad, lonely existence that no one will ever comfort or care for.”

“‘Wah~ Why won’t they put me before anyone else in their life~.’ Who’s the one that drowns in perpetual heartbreak? The next day you’ll see someone else that makes you feel the same way anyway. What was all that sadness for then? Love? You call that meaningless fickle mess of psychosis love?”

“Nice try. You don’t know me at all. How dare you throw around the word love like that. It’s sacred and blossoms into the greatest bond imaginable. It has meaning that friendship could never even dream of coming close to. True romantic and intimate love are the most pure joys imaginable. They give life meaning. It’s why I exist in the first place. Whatever you feel is just a cheap trick you pull on other people to make them think that you’re normal.”

Why is this actually fun?

“Your addiction to attraction deludes you into thinking that love will come from lust. Too bad those feelings get carried away like little specks of dust. You’ll rush and chase after what you think both your hearts desire, but those desires are smoldering flyers penned by different writers.”

“Cute poem, but attraction fuels the flames of love with the time that you devote-”

“‘Nyah~ I’m so dedicated and loyal~.’ It has you by the throat.”

“True love conquers all. You couldn’t even hope-”

“‘Unya~ We have so much in common, they laugh at every joke~.’ But all you wish deep down is to have them by their throat. ‘Don’t resist this love my dear, please, you’re gonna choke~.’”

“Stop. You’re wrong, it’s-”

“Mutual? Let’s talk intimately about your shared wish for intimacy and then let’s see how the blanks fill in with nothing but your own fantasies. But wait, what about when that doesn’t quite match up with reality? Better love bomb them with platitudes plastered in fallacies. Gotta keep up that everlasting heartfelt mentality. Gotta bottle up the pain and all those different personalities. ‘Darling, please don’t leave~. Don’t you know how much you mean to me~?’ And you call what we feel just cheap tricks and blasphemy? Who drafts up romances and delivers subpar comedies? Subpar? That’s funny. They’re bargain bin quality. Tragic in all honesty. Honestly, what a pathetically painted pathology. Your heart should be in a museum, or better yet, an open gallery. ‘Ah yah~ This one speaks to me ever so gallantly~ I hear its cries through its black and blue analogy~.’ You have to see this tragedy's captivating calamity. Your hearts the only thing that suffers endless-”

Evie sprung forward.

“Brutality~ Flawless victory~”

“I- where’s my turn? What’s really going on here? You got a problem with me?”

“Nah, but let’s settle this in a way that seems fitting. MAK-”

“Mak?”

“RO-”

“What’s going on?”

“GAH!”

I flicked my finger against Kael’s forehead.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Okay your turn.”

“I. My. What?”

I brought my face close to his with a menacing smile painted between my cheeks.

“Hit. Me.”

I leaned back. Kael’s fist swung past my temple and my feet danced and skipped over the cobbled road.

“Oh ho ho~ Nice try buddy, but I’ve gotten my face railed so many times this week by bigger blows than that.”

Evie walked over and bumped her fist against mine. “Nice.”

“What is wrong with you people?”

I flicked his forehead again.

“That’s 2-0. It’s your turn again. Tell you what, I won’t even move. Go ahead. Try me.”

As he flicked my forehead, I flicked his cheek.

“Boop.”

“Wait, that was too fast-”

“Huh? You took your turn, so I took mine right after- final score 3 to 1, thanks for the game!”

Collar drawn tight and pulled backwards, I lifted off the ground. A voice I recognized spoke over my shoulder.

“Heya Marina, hanging out again?”