The cat said nothing; it continued to stare. Slowly, its tongue slid out; it appeared to be choking.

He withdrew a pistol with his free hand and pointed it at the cat. “I’ll let you breathe, but attack me again and we’ll find out if cats really have nine lives! Got it?!” The cat didn’t change its expression, but managed to blink its eyes. James smiled. “Good. Glad to see we’re communicating.” He relaxed his grip; the cat took a deep breath and then coughed violently.

Finally, its breathing slowed. “Please let me go,” it gasped. “I promise not to attack you anymore.”

James gave it an angry glare, then dropped it. The cat collapsed onto the passenger seat, then slowly drew itself to its feet. Before long, it looked James in the eyes. “I take it you’re not from around here.”

“I could say the same about you,” he fretted. “How exactly does a cat talk?”

The cat slowly sat upright, scooting backwards into the seat. “That’s a long story.”

James shrugged. “I have time.”

The cat perused him closely. “I wounded you pretty badly. You should get something to eat for that.” He glanced at the nearby grocery store. “Shall we go?”

The store had rows and rows of goods, but a limited variety. James and the cat both grabbed some beef jerky; he saw a small amount of money deducted from his total. He smirked; it appeared that shoplifting was impossible in this world.

James also noticed the cat was walking upright, and somehow holding onto its own package of beef jerky, as well as a quart of milk, despite not having hands. The other patrons continued to mill about, apparently unimpressed with this miracle of nature. Leaving the store, the cat bounded over to a table set up in front, shaded by an umbrella. James followed and sat down, noting with a wry smile that the taxi was already gone.

They both began to snack; James was relieved to feel his wounds close up. The cat rotated its right shoulder a few times, finally satisfied it was repaired. It gave James a gesture with its paw; he somehow recognized it as a thumbs-up.

“So,” James began, “you can start anywhere. I have a lot of questions, and you can guess what most of them are.”

The cat took a large swig of milk; James marveled at the inexplicable dexterity. “So there was this old lady that lived in my neighborhood. She wasn’t my owner, but then, we cats never have just one owner. I’m sure you’ve noticed that.”

“It explains a lot,” James agreed. “My family didn’t have any cats, but there were plenty moving through our yard all the time.”

“One day,” it continued, “I found a pretty jeweled collar in her collection of knick-knacks. It was a bit of a struggle to put it on–no hands, after all–but finally managed. Imagine my surprise when the world around me suddenly shifted! Everything had a weird gloss, like I had done too much catnip.” It waved its paw idly. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that.”

“Yeah,” James concurred. “It looks like we’re in a video game.”

“That explains a lot,” it observed. “I’ve seen human kids playing those. Anyway, I bounded over to the old lady, who noticed the collar and called me a pretty kitty. I told her I was going to keep it, and she almost dies from fright! I didn’t expect her to understand me, but she did.”

“I wonder how that’s possible?” James mused. “Maybe she had a ring that let her access this world.”

“I have no idea,” the cat admitted. “Soon afterwards, she was put in a nursing home; her family thought she had lost her mind. She was talking to a cat, after all.”

James grimaced. “That’s awful!”

“I didn’t mean to!” it protested. “I miss her a bunch. She gave out the nicest treats! She even gave me the occasional can of human-grade tuna!” Its eyes became starry as it sighed wistfully. “We cats can smell and taste, like, a dozen times better than humans, but you serve us garbage! Fish by-products, indeed! I can taste the ass of the tuna, you know!”

“I can imagine,” James commiserated. “I don’t know how cats or dogs stand for that.”

“Dogs are dumb,” it stated confidently. “As for us, we don’t. We go from house to house, looking for better food. Also, cats hunt…a lot. I’ve eaten a lot of birds and lizards.” It took another bite of beef jerky, then washed it down with some milk. “But I vastly prefer human-grade food.”

James stared in wonder. “How are you able to do that without hands? I literally see the milk carton hovering near your paw.”

The cat snickered. “I have no idea. I think this place assumes I must be human. I can also drive a car, fire a gun, answer a phone…pretty much anything a human can do.”

“And you never wondered how?” James sputtered.

“Why?” it asked. “It’s a great advantage! Why ask why the mouse ran down my throat?”

James paused. “Is that like looking a gift horse in the mouth?”

“I don’t know about that either,” the cat jested. “I’ve never eaten a horse.” It blanched. “Well, maybe out of a can.”

“So you can interact with this world like a human?” James probed. “Does that extend to everything?”

“Everything so far,” it explained. “I can throw punches, too. Didn’t I seem to hit you harder than a ten-pound cat normally would?”

James laughed. “You’ve got a point there. But does it extend to girlfriends?”

The cat shuddered visibly. “That was the most awkward night of my life. She asked me if I wanted to come in for coffee. The next thing I knew, I was in bed with her, and powerless to leave; it was like something else was in control.” It stared woodenly as it took another large gulp of milk. “I never saw her again.”

His face widened into a leering grin. “So cats don’t fantasize about sex with human women?”

It glared at him hotly. “Not female cats!”

James reared back. “Oh…I thought…sorry, I assumed you were male.” He put a large wad of beef jerky into his mouth.

“So does this world,” she grimaced. “It was unsettling at first, but I’ve gotten used to it.” She took another bite of beef jerky. “Sort of.”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

James chewed silently; neither of them spoke for a moment. Finally, he swallowed. “So you’re really sure cats are smarter than dogs?”

“Positive,” she glowered.

“What makes you think so?”

“Dogs are too agreeable,” she pointed out. “When was the last time you thought someone was intelligent for letting others do all of their thinking?”

“Good point,” James conceded.

“And if a dog gets loose from its yard, it gets lost. Cats roam their entire neighborhood, and find their way home every time.”

“What about service dogs?” James countered. “They work for the police, they fight fires, they sniff out explosives, they’ll jump into freezing water to retrieve game…”

Her gaze locked onto James’ eyes. “You’re making my point for me. Cats would never stoop low enough to do any of that.” She shuddered. “Sniff out explosives? Are you nuts?”

James laughed as he put his hand to his forehead. “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He paused a moment. “Dare I ask if you think cats are smarter than humans?”

“We obviously are,” she sneered. “Which one works all day long, and which one lounges and meanders the whole time?”

“I should have kept my mouth shut,” he quipped.

“Still,” she admitted, “it’s not all bad being a human. You get a lot more toys to play with.” She met his gaze. “But learning to be human was difficult. Your lives are so complicated.”

“And life in this world is a lot simpler than real life,” James observed.

She looked down. “Just one more reason I prefer to be here.”

“So what do you do for money?” James asked. “I’m guessing you don’t do taxi missions.”

Her eyes opened wide. “I can’t drive well enough! Driving requires way too much focus and attention! And so do the gang jobs. It was a struggle for a while. Finally, I found something completely in line with my talents.”

“Which was?”

Her eyes twinkled. “Burglary.”

James’ brow furrowed. “Really?”

“What, you’ve never heard of a cat burglar?”

He put his hand to his face. “I walked right into that, didn’t I? I think I’m ready to admit cats are smarter than humans.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” she laughed. “You could probably be a cat, but I have to work really hard at being human. At least, until the day I stole a dark-painted box truck. That changed everything.”

“How so?” he asked.

“Because I’m so good at it!” she chortled. “As I drove around–slowly, that is…definitely my speed–I noticed some houses had yellow arrows in front. I went in, and found green arrows pointing to items. I was easily able to spirit them away–cats are silent hunters! No risk at all! I found I could clear several houses in one night, and I’d end up with thousands of dollars! I’ve been doing that ever since.”

“Is that how you spend most of your time?” James asked.

Her eyes narrowed. “Well, no. That just keeps me fed and housed. I spend…” She cocked her head. “Are you telling me you mostly chase after money here?”

“Well…” James puzzled. “So far, yes, but I’ve only been here a short time.”

The cat’s expression became bemused. “Are you claiming you didn’t spend of your real life chasing after money?”

James had to admit it. “I did. And it seems I’m doing the same thing here.” He shook his head. “I need to get out of my rut!”

“My life here is a lot like it was,” she revealed. “I work only enough to be fed, housed, and comfortable, and spend the rest of my time trying to unravel the mysteries of existence.”

James suddenly laughed, letting forth a spray of beef jerky bits; some fell on the cat, who looked disgusted. “I’m so sorry,” James said as he brushed away the litter.

“Ew,” she seethed.

“It’s just that…I never thought cats were such philosophers. Most of the time, when I see a cat, it’s just laying in the sun, napping.”

“We’re meditating!” she protested. “You thought we were sleeping?” James had no response; she continued. “And then we spend the night communing with the spirits that only come out when it’s dark.”

“I never knew about that,” James mumbled.

“Of course you didn’t,” she spat. “Human surround themselves with electric light at night. We have to find unlit areas to meet our spirit friends.”

“Where do they come from?”

“I don’t understand your question.”

“The spirits. How do they get into our world?”

She looked at him incredulously. “They live in our world. But the light is too intense for them, so they only come out at night. Just like bats and owls.”

James pinched the bridge of his nose. “Wow. This is a lot to process.”

She snickered. “And you humans think you’re the highest species in the world.”

“You’re human now, aren’t you?” James pointed out.

“I have the best of both worlds!” she gushed. “The abilities of a human, and the awareness of a cat. My studies into the nature of reality have come along quite well here.”

“What have you discovered?” James asked. “I’ve been trying to figure it out since I got here, and so have the other avatars I’ve met. No one knows for sure, but it seems likely this is Heaven.”

She let out a snort. “Hardly. This place has some unsettling properties.”

James’ eyes opened wide. “Like what?”

She finished her jerky and milk. “Let’s take a drive; I’ll tell you on the way.”

They both got up and walked toward the street. “Where are we going?” he asked.

She transfixed him with a gaze. “You’ll see when we get there.”

Without skipping a beat, she carjacked the nearest vehicle; James jumped into the passenger seat and they sped away.

“So,” she began, “this world is a lot simpler. For one thing, there are no spirits that come out at night. In a very real sense, this place is practically dead.”

“It does seem a little sterile,” James observed.

“And no matter how long I meditate, I can’t reach God,” she explained. “The only life I can detect are the other avatars.”

“That is unsettling,” James agreed.

“Also, it’s strangely solid, and yet flimsy, at the same time,” she continued. “I’ve never been able to dig a hole in the ground, but I’ve found existing holes. Not only do they reveal the ground is paper-thin, but that underneath it is…nothing.”

“That sounds incredible,” James reacted. “But what’s your evidence?”

She looked him in the eye. “That’s where we’re driving.”

They didn’t speak for a while. She drove the car into an upscale neighborhood in the hills, then slowed as she looked carefully at each house as they passed by. “I think this world is something of a playpen for humans,” she revealed.

“What makes you think so?”

“The rules here are greatly simplified, and seem to be disconnected from ethics,” she observed. “Why is it OK to slaughter the people here? Even humans aren’t that evil. But not only is mass murder allowed, it’s sometimes required!” She shook her head. “The rules here are nothing like what I’ve learned from ascended beings. We appear to be in a pocket universe.”

“So, a reality contained in another reality?”

“More like out of phase with it. Although that doesn’t entirely explain why it’s so spiritually barren. It’s almost like literally nothing exists outside of it, that space itself is finite.”

“Guess that doesn’t really sound like Heaven after all,” James mumbled.

Suddenly, she brightened up. “This is the place!” She pulled over and parked, bounding out of the car immediately. Galloping toward a nearby house, she abruptly stopped and looked back. “Well?” she asked. “Aren’t you coming?”

James blinked, then exited the car and followed. “Get ready to have your mind blown!” she called out. “You’re about to witness one of the secrets of the universe!” She vaulted a short wall before disappearing into a backyard.

With a lump in his throat, he nervously trailed behind.