“So, Barin, mind telling me who our little unregistered passenger is?” A muffled voice sounds right outside the barrel, waking me from my slumber. “Just a pickup, Admiral. Ah thought that if she can sneak onboard without being seen she could surely be of help, so ah gave her a li’l test. Seems she made it without the guards seeing her, so she must be competent enough, don’t ya think Admiral?”
The top of the barrel opens and staring right at me are the familiar, dignified eyes of the Admiral. I sheepishly put up my hand and wave at her. “Uhm, hi Jenora.” Her eyes goes wide for a moment as she realizes who I am before pinching her nose bridge and letting out an exasperated sigh. “Get out of there, Zarys.” I follow her instruction, at least I try to, but my legs and tail have fallen asleep and I can’t stand up. “Can I get a little help? It’s kinda cramped in here.” The Admiral takes a step to the side, making room for the shit eating grin of Barin. He reaches his meaty hand in and when I grab it he hoist me right out the barrel. Once he puts me down on the ground I wobble little as I find difficulty finding my balance while feeling flows back into my lower body. Barin takes a step back and starts laughing. “Harharhar, now isn’t the best time to find out you don’t have sea legs, li’l fen!” He says with an amicable smile.
But the smile slowly fades from his face as Admiral Jenora keeps staring at him pointedly with her arms crossed, very much unamused by his antics. “Uhm, Admiral? Have ah done someth…?” But the Admiral promptly interrupts him. “You have no idea who this is, do you?” Barin takes a closer look at me scanning me from top to bottom, but he ends up shaking his head as he takes a step back again. “Can’t say that ah do, Admiral.”
“Then I’ll enlighten you. This here girl is Zarys Istannyn, sole remaining family member and niece of my dear colleague and Councillor Ferrun Istannyn.” Barin face blanches a little when realization sets in who exactly it is he just helped getting smuggled out of the city. “Agh shite.” He turns to me “Agh shite! Are ya really THAT Zarys, li’l fen?” I nod my head at him and he slumps down on a barrel next to the wall. “Bloody bogs, me and my stupid ideas!”
“Indeed, but what’s done is done. She’s here now so we’ll have to deal with her. And by we, I mean you.” Barin opens his mouth ready to protest, but Admiral Jenora cuts right in. “And before you ask, no, sending her back on one of the rowboats is not an option. You were already planning to take care of her anyway, I don’t see why her being a little bit more important than an average street rat should make that any different.” He puts his hand on his forehead, thinking it over a bit while rubbing his eyebrows. “Aye, aye it shouldn’t. A’right, I’ll keep an eye on her.”
The Admiral gives him a curt nod. “See that you do. Now then, I have more business to attend to.” She turns to the door to leave, but not before saying a last word to me. “We’ll speak in greater detail at a later time Zarys, but while you’re on my fleet I expect you behave. Do I make myself clear?” She says that last part with an icy undertone sending literal shivers down my back and making my ears fall flat and my tail puff up. “Yes ma’am!” She looks a moment longer at me, the corner of her mouth twitching slightly. “Good, carry on then.” And with that she leaves the room leaving me with Barin.
After a short moment he stands up and paces around the room, apparently a storage room now that I take a better look at it. He speaks up after a few rounds. “Ya and the Admiral are not playing a trick on me, right li’l fen?” I shake my head. “Not really. Sorry to say, but I really am that Zarys Istannyn.” He nods once and makes his way to the door while addressing me. “Just, stay put here for a moment will ya? Ah need to think over some things. Ah’ll be back in a few.” And he shuts the door behind him before I can answer, leaving me alone between the barrels and sacks.
I’m not alone for long, though, as I feel a gentle wind settle on my right shoulder. /That was hilarious, ha ha ha. You were so awkward the entire time. So precious./ “You were watching that? All of that?” I say with an annoyed tone, my tail swishing slightly as it mimics my annoyed state. /Yeah, I was about to warn you someone was coming, but I thought it’d be more fun if I didn’t./ I deadpan in her direction. “For you maybe. Ugh, I knew I recognized that voice somewhere, but it really had to be Admiral Jenora of all people.” That seems to have peaked her interest. /You know her?/ I throw my hands up in exasperation. “Of course I do. She a colleague of my uncle and the wife of Rolan. I don’t remember her being this scary though.”
Zeph seems to have remembered something as she loudly proclaims. /Aha! That’s why she smelled familiar!/ That’s weird takeaway from this conversation. “Smelled? How does that work?” She responds in a smug voice. /Rolan had some hints of her smell on him. Specifically on his lower area./ And that makes me blush furiously. “Zeph! D-d-don’t say that! How did you even recognize it!?” I try to hide my blush with my hands, but am not very successful. /Well, I’m wind-based. And I guess that means being sensitive to smells. So, when I smelled something different on Rolan I went to investigate. And that led me to his pants and th…/ My blush rapidly spreads across my face, even heating up my ears. “STOP!! No more details! I believe you. So please stop!” Oh no. I definitely gave her fuel just now. And she takes it wholeheartedly as her voice takes a distinct smug tone. /Oh? I don’t see what’s wrong with talking about a guys pants. Especially when it has the smell of his wife on it. Almost like they did something before the Expedition left. Like, say. Uhm, what did you call it again? Ah yes. Sex./
I can’t take it. There might as well be steam coming out of my ears with how hot they’re getting. I’m a maiden, I don’t think about such things! Definitely not. Nah, ah. “I hope Amanthys takes you Zeph!!!” And of course Barin chooses that time to swing the door open and waltz in. “What in the bogs are ya screamin’ for!?” He’s not mad, just loud. But that doesn’t stop my heart from sinking in my shoes while Zeph is having a laughing fit inside my head. My tail doesn’t know if it either needs to puff up, swish wildly or stand upright, so it just spasms behind my back.
Barin doesn’t say anything for a bit, giving me a much needed moment to calm myself down. When that finally happens I’m just left agitated at that stupid spirit, who is still laughing. And Barin standing there with a stupid grin doesn’t help it one bit. “What?” I say while swishing my tail a little in agitation. “Ya fen truly do wear yer emotions on yer sleaves.” That makes me swish my tail even harder, even though I’m trying my best to do the opposite. “Harharhar, no need to get so upset. Everyone is a little crazy sometimes.” “I’m not crazy.” “O’course ya aren’t. Anyway, come with me, ah’ll show ya around.” He walks back out of the room and I follow him, still swishing my tail a little. Zeph has finally stopped laughing, though. I don’t feel her anymore either, must have flown of somewhere.
We immediately enter what I presume is the kitchen, going by the multiple counters, stoves, and the herbs hanging in bunches from the ceiling. “Welcome to mah humble domain, the galley. In here ah am king and master. And ya, ya will be mah humble servant, harharhar.” I look at him sceptically. “Your humble servant. I’ll be helping you cooking?” “Aye, but tha is not the whole day. Ya’ll have plenty o’ time to work on the decks. But I’ll show that to ya another time. For now, we’ll cook up some meal.”
I fold my arms over each other as I lean my back against the wall. “Okay, but first two things.” “A’right’, shoot.” He’s started to gather some pots and pans, but I can tell he’s listening. “I thought you were apprehensive in taking care of me. Why are you acting like it doesn’t really matter now?” He looks a bit regretful while I say that. “Ah told ya. Ah thought it over and conclude that the Admiral is righ’, it shouldn’t matter whether ya have a big name or not. So there ya go. Ah didn’t mean to hurt ya, if that’s what ah did.”
That’s sweet of him, not that I’ll tell him that. “Nah, you’re good. I’m more frustrated that you knew from the beginning what I was planning.” He belly laughs while he picks he few herbs from the bundles above. “Har har har, ya’re hardly the first to want to be stowaway. Ya learn to recognize them after a few.” That’s probably fair enough. The Admiral did hint that this wasn’t the first time this happened.
“Ya had one more thing, righ’?” I’m fidgeting now, slightly embarrassed. “Yeah. Uhm, how do I say this. I don’t really know how to cook. I mean, I’ve worked with some burners in a lab, but that’s about it.” He looks a bit dumbfounded. “Well, ah hadn’t considered that, harharhar. But don’t ya worry li’l fen. Ah’ll bring ya right up to speed. Now, if that was all, fill that pan with water and start gathering some taters from storage.”
====
“Ah don’t believe it. How can ya be that bad at cooking? It’s been three bloody days, ya should’ve at least learned how to boil taters by now!” Barin says while looking into the pot. “Hey, don’t blame that on me! It’s all this stupid stove.” I give it a kick for good measure. “And this batch should be good enough.” Barin shakes his head while he works on some kind of stew. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Barely good enough. Ya did say ya had worked in a lab so ah had higher hopes for ya.”
“The entire ship is brimming with artifacts yet you’re still cooking on a wood-fired stove. Why?” He takes a smug smile. “Cause ah asked for it, why else?” I’m flabbergasted. “And they just allowed that?” The smug never leaves his face. “Yep.” I swear, this guy. “Why?! An artifact-stove would make everything so much easier.” He shakes his finger at me. “Ah-ah, don’t start tha with me li’l fen, ah’ve heard the sales pitch a million times. Ah don’t care for it. Ah cook better on a normal stove anyhow.”
I give an exasperated sigh. “Have it your way then. But we’re about done now, right?” He gives a nod while shoving the final vegetables into his stew. “Yeah, ya’re good. Ah’ll take care of the rest, ya go see the Admiral.” I take of my apron and hat, Barin insisted I wear them because of my fur. “Then I’ll be off. See ya later.”
I walk outside onto the deck, the grey sky blocking the view of the disk. The deck is busy with all kinds of sailors, some of them cleaning the deck while others inspect the cannons, but I imagine it would be even more busy if this ship used sails instead of an Essence engine. When I’m halfway across the deck to the Admiral’s quarters I feel a gentle wind settle again on my shoulder. /I’m back! Did ya miss me?/ She always leaves before we start cooking, apparently not finding it interesting enough, but it’s not like she’s been away for days. I give her a subtle nod nonetheless. /Guess what I saw just now?/ I keep walking on in silence, hoping she’ll get the hint. Thankfully she does. /Ah, right. Lots of people, no talking. Lame. Anyway, there was a clawwhale! At least, that’s what the sailors called it. It jumped up from the water right next to the ship. It was awesome./ Hearing here being so enthusiastic about it brings a smile to my lips. It’s nice that she finds entertaining things to do, now that I can only sporadically speak openly with her.
/So, where are we going?/ I nudge my head slightly towards the door forward. /Ooh, are you going to see the Admiral now?/ I nod my head a little. Just enough to not make it obvious to the rest. /Then I’ll stay. This is bound to be more fun than your cooking./ Well, I said it. I arrive at the door on the other side, leading into a small hallway. At one end there is a staircase leading down. On the other end is my destination. I walk towards it and gently knock on the door. After only a beat Jenora’s voice comes from the other side. “Yes, who is it?” And I promptly respond “It’s me, Zarys.”
I can hear some shuffling and then someone walking towards the door. A latch is released and the door opens, revealing Admiral Jenora in her military dress. She takes a step to the side and motions for me to step in. I do so, after which she closes the door again. “Sooo, you wanted to see m..?” /Incoming!/ And I’m quickly turned around and pulled in a hug. “Mmmmmph!” I struggle a little and just as suddenly as I am hugged I am let go again.
Jenora stands before me, seeming a little flustered, but that is quickly wiped away be a mask of professionalism. “Ahem, hello Zarys.” I’m not entirely sure how to respond to her now. “Hi. Uhm, what was that for?” She walks towards her desk an sits down in a dignified way before she answers me. “Whatever do you mean?” I roll my eyes as I take a seat opposite of her. “You know you can be a little more open with me right?” She gives me a gentle yet dignified smile. “I just did, but I’m still expected to act like a suitable leader to this Expedition, even in private, so that’s the limit at which I’ll allow myself to slip.” I look right into Jenora’s eyes for a moment. “Isn’t that tiring? Keeping up that façade the whole time?” She blinks at my question but laughs it off promptly. “Hahaha, nonsense. One gets used to it. Afterall, I’m not a fledgeling at these sorts of mannerisms anymore. Years of service will harden anyone, even in conversational skills. Especially the officers.”
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She takes a more serious position as she folds her hands in front of her, making me also straighten up in my chair. “But that is not why I wanted to speak with you.” She gives me a moment to settle back down. “You know I should’ve sent you back on one of the rowboats, right.” I nod at her. “Do you know why I didn’t?” I think it over for a moment. “Uhm not really. I really thought you’d send me back. Why didn’t you?” She leans back in her chair giving me a nostalgic look. “Because I see aspects of my younger self in you. Smart, eager, ambitious, a certain disregard for rules if they stand in your way. Only difference is, I was more subtle about it. And I definitely didn’t hide myself aboard a military expedition.”
I give her a wry smile at that. “I don’t think you’re the military type, that’s where we differ. But I have no doubts you’ll grow to do great things. Especially in the area of Artificing.” That grabs my attention. Only some people know in which areas I specialize at the University. Jenora is not one of them.
“How did you know? No, let me guess. It was uncle, wasn’t it?” She gives me a nod while holding my eyes. “He is really proud of you, Zarys. Whenever you bring in another 10 he can’t help but brag about it. He’s so eager for you to follow in his footsteps.” I break eye contact and let my head hang. Thinking about uncle and how I suddenly left. “He must be worried sick.” Jenora finds it amusing somehow, but I don’t really see what must have been funny. “Hahaha. Knowing him, definitely. But I’ve send a message that your under my command. That should put him at ease at least a little bit.” Not only him, as I feel myself calm back down as well. “Thank you.” I say to her, but she waves it off. “Don’t mention it.”
“Now then. I can guess the reason why you smuggled yourself onboard, but I’d like to hear it from yourself.” I really don’t want to tell her though. “Seeking the sailors life isn’t going to fly, is it?” She shakes her head, not smiling any longer. “Well, I tried.” Here goes, what I’m about to say nobody except Zeph knows, not even my uncle. “I’m actually interested in the changing water-Essence levels in the ocean. Specifically the decline registered since the slight spike four months ago.” Jenora motions with her hand to go on, so I do. “I think there might be a connection with the sudden disappearance of Her, the unrest triggered by Amanthys and something else I’ll keep secret for now. But trust me when I say that it is absolutely revolutionary.” I have her full attenttion now and she leans slightly forward. “Does that third point have something to do with you sometimes talking to ‘yourself’?” My body immediately tenses with my tail knocking against the backrest. Zeph decides to pipe up, notifying that she’s still here. /And I thought we were stealthy enough./ But I am in full damage control mode. “Please tell me you haven’t told anyone else.”
Jenora moves her hands in a placating manner. “Don’t worry. Only Barin noticed and he told me. No one else knows, as far as I and Barin can tell. But if you want to keep this a secret, I suggest you be more subtle about it.” It calms me down a little, but it is still bad enough that two people know something is up. That’s two more people than I’d like. “But going by your reaction that third point is the absolute priority for you, isn’t it?” My mind is whirring, quickly trying to think of something to get her thought process away from this line, because I will definitely not like where it ends.
But while I try to think of something, Zeph speaks up, sounding not as happy and easy-going as her normal self. /She knows something is up already, can’t you just tell her about me? Having at least one person other than you to know I exist would be fine, right? It feels so lonely sometimes./ That gives me pause. I thought the spirit would be fine with only talking to one person, but apparently I have severely misjudged that. She is way more human than I gave her credit for. And besides, I don’t know anyone more trustworthy than the great Admiral Jenora. I want to believe my secret will be safe with her. I have to. For Zeph’s sake, too.
“Alright, I’ll tell you. But I need to know if this room is secure.” Jenora gives me a nod of confirmation and points to the door. “I can make it so. If you’d lock the door behind you.” I stand up and move to the door to shut the latch. When I step back to the chair I see Jenora fiddling with one hand under her desk. I don’t feel anything, but Zeph must have felt it when it activated. /Wow, there’s some kind of barrier around us./ I smile at her excitement. “I guess Jenora just activated some kind of wind-Essence Artifact for blocking sound. Right Jenora?” She looks quizzically at me. “Right…, this should make our conversation completely private. Though, I didn’t think you’d start talking to yourself all of a sudden.”
“Well, I might as well talk in the open now since you already somewhat know of it. No need to really hide it anymore.” I turn my attention to the excitedly vibrating puff of wind on my shoulder. “Go ahead Zeph.” She moves away from me and makes her way toward the Admiral making her hair move a little when she settles on her shoulder. Jenora seems a little surprised, but she doesn’t speak up and lets it happen. Zeph doesn’t speak immediately, seeming to take a moment to prepare herself, but soon enough she has gathered enough courage. /Uhm. Hi Admiral Jenora. It’s nice to meet you./
At first Jenora seems surprised, then she smiles at me. “So it’s an artifact. You’re definitely not old enough for one yet, but I shouldn’t be surprised knowing your uncle. Strange choice to go for a wind-Essence one, though. But having it voice controlled is certainly new and worthy of keeping a secret.” Amidst the Admiral’s musing I hear the downcast voice of Zeph. /She can’t hear me…/ Unaware of it though, the Admiral just continues on. “Tell me Zarys, how does that work. I get the Artifacts working with pulsation somewhat, but I must confess this is entirely foreign to me.” I look at the Admiral, trying to keep the emotion from my voice. “…She’s not an Artifact.” Jenora frowns at me, not understanding what I mean. “What?” “She just tried to speak to you, but apparently it didn’t work.” She’s even more confused now. “She? Speak? What are you talking about?” I ignore her though, focusing on Zeph instead. “Are you alright Zeph?” She leaves a long moment of silence. Jenora also stopped talking when I ignored her, leaving the room completely silent.
Jenora looks at me puzzled, probably wondering what I’m doing, when a quiet voice sounds in my head. /I, I want to be outside for a while./ She sounds so crestfallen, making me more downcast as well. “Sure. Here I’ll open the door for you.” I stand up and make walk to the door to open it for her. When I approach the door I can feel myself pass through the wind-Essence barrier, but after I’m through I can’t feel Zeph anymore. /…I can’t get through./ Ah, right. Wind-Essence barrier. I walk back through the barrier to address the Admiral. “Jenora, could you deactivate the barrier, please?” She still looks puzzled, but complies nonetheless. “Uh, yes. Give me a moment.” She once again fiddles with one hand under her desk. “There.” I can feel the barrier lift. “Thank you.” I open the door and feel Zeph leave through it. When I’m sure she’s gone I close it again and shut the latch.
Jenora stares at me with a worried expression. “Could you enlighten me as to what just happened? I find myself rather confused.” I nod at her. She already knows of Zeph’s existence, I’m sure explaining it further won’t bring any further harm to Zeph. “Sure, but I really need you to activate the barrier again before I do that.” She again fiddles with one hand under her desk before folding them both on the desk. “Go ahead, the barrier is reactivated.” She looks intently at me. “Well. Zeph introduced herself to you just now and when you didn’t react to her and talked as if she were an artifact she became dejected and wanted to be alone.” So holds my eyes for a moment before leaning back in her seat. “Okay, let’s take a step back. Who and what is a Zeph?” I stand up from my own chair and start pacing around the room. “I’m not really sure myself. Zeph seems to be some kind of sentient bundle of Essence. Specifically wind-Essence. I came to know of her about three or four months ago. That’s when she decided to bond with me. Since then I’ve been able to communicate with her, though I cannot see her.”
Jenora has a thoughtful expression on her face while she tries to digest what I just told her. After a few moments she speaks again. “So, this Zeph, she acts like a human though she isn’t?” I turn to her and nod. “Exactly. Though somewhat childlike she has a distinct intelligence and individualism. She is basically a new sentient lifeform. One nobody seems to know about.” The Admiral gives an understanding nod. “Alright, so she is her own person. Why did you keep her a secret, though? That seems unnecessarily cruel to her.” I fidget a little, feeling sorry to Zeph because the more I think about it, the more I realize I was indeed cruel to her. “Well, that’s because of the bond we underwent. It made me scared of both of our safety.” She perks up her eyebrow, still not fully understanding. “What do you mean with that?” I take a deep sigh. When I this leaves my lips there’ll be no turning back. “The bond doesn’t just let me hear her. After being bonded I, uhm.” I pause for a beat, making Jenora impatient. “Well. Let’s hear it Zarys.” I take a deep breath and spill the secret as fast as I can manage without stumbling over my own tongue. “Icanmanipulatewind-EssencewithoutanArtifact.”
She says nothing at first. It looks kind of comical seeing the moment it registers what my sentence means and her face contorts as she jumps from her seat, all of her decorum gone. “You WHAT!?!” I shrink a bit into myself with my ears flat on my head. “I uhm, can manipulate wind-Essence without the use of an Artifact. It feels more powerful and accurate than any modern Artifact can manage, though I can’t really compare it now. Even at only two months of training it’s already more useful than most assisting Artifacts.” To get my point across I focus on the pulse within my heart and guide it out, releasing a stream of wind circling around the Admiral.
Now it’s her turn to start pacing around the room. I just hold my tongue, letting her mull over my words and their implications. After a few rounds around the room she sits back down and stares into my eyes. “…” Just before it becomes unbearably uncomfortable Jenora closes her eyes and releases a sigh. “No wonder you were trying to keep it secret. This’ll change everything.” I nod at her, though she cannot see it, having come to the same conclusion a month into my bond with Zeph.
Jenora opens her eyes again, seemingly not as tense as she was just now. “Are there more of her kind?” A shake my head. “No, as far as I know Zeph is the only one. But I can hardly imagine that being the case. Where there’s one there are bound to be more. That’s why I was so eager to get onboard. I was already planning to try it before I met Zeph, just because of the variety of Artifacts on board, but after meeting Zeph getting onboard just took a whole new meaning for me. I have a distinct feeling the appearance of Zeph has something to do with the disappearance of Her.”
She mulls it over once again, talking to me only when she’s come to her own conclusion. “What you’ve just told me, speak of it to no one. Ever. Ugh, you shouldn’t have told me in the first place, but I understand why you did.” I can only agree with that sentiment, but I don’t regret it. “I’m sorry, but she was really excited about it. You must understand that she’s only had me to talk to and since getting on the ship I barely have time for that if I want to keep it discreet and secret. I didn’t notice it until now, but it must have been getting to her for a while now. This was just the final straw.”
Jenora gives a sigh whilst shaking her head. “What’s done is done. I can definitely see why you’d be interested in this as much as you are. This could be ground-breaking. Revolutionary. Everyone will try to get their hands on it when they realize it.” I look worried at her, but she gives me a kind smile. “But don’t worry about that too much. I’ll hold my tongue and I’ll make sure Barin does as well. You just worry about Zeph, try to make it up to her. Let her come back to you of her own volition and talk with her. Give her some attention.”
I nod at her, thinking that course of action best as well. Jenora stands up from her chair and I do the same, feeling that this conversation is coming close to an end. “I’d like to speak to you again tomorrow after breakfast. Let’s try introducing me to Zeph again. This time maybe you can service as a messenger between us. I’m sure that’s better for her than no communication at all.” I give her a nod of agreement. “That could work. I’m sure it would make her happy.” She clasps her hands in front of her with satisfaction. “Then let’s do it like that. For now though, you’ve given me lots to think about. I’ll see you again tomorrow, Zarys.” I give her a wry smile and open the door. “Sorry about that, see you tomorrow.” And with that I close the door behind me.
I make my way back to the galley. A gentle drizzle has started falling from the sky, making the deck somewhat slippery. Zeph doesn’t come back to my while I cross the deck. I didn’t expect she’d come back right away, but I kind of hoped she did. When I enter the galley I see Barin standing there cleaning one of the large pots. He must have spotted the complicated look on my face as he stops cleaning and shoves a chair my way while setting on opposite it. He motions for me to sit while he starts preparing some tea.
“So, how’d it go?” I give him a flat stare. “All in all? Quite well. Personally? Could have gone better. And I can’t believe you were eavesdropping on me. And then you even tattled on me!” I point an accusing finger at him, but he just smiles while he finishes the tea. “Now, now li’l fen, don’t give me that. Ya were loud enough at times ah can just here ya when ah am cooking. Someone showing signs of being a li’l schizophrenic is something ya should warn ya superiors about.” He hands me one cup of hot tea and I take it, gently blowing on it. “Still, it would’ve been nice if you told me first.” I mumble with my mouth hanging over the cup.
We sit in silence for a moment. Me slowly blowing on the cup while Barin swishes his around. “Then if it went well, why are ya feeling down? Don’t tell me you’re getting homesick.” I scoff at that. No way this fenerin will get homesick that easily. “No, it’s not that. Let’s just say I screwed up, but I will make it right.” He gives me an approving smile as I say that. “That’s what ah like to hear.” He finishes his hot cup of tea in one gulp and stands up to gather some of the pots and herbs again, but I need a little longer to sip it down. When I’m done I put away the chairs and join him at one of the counters. “So, what are we cooking?” He laughs loudly while cutting some kind of cabbage. “Harharhar, what else but vegetable stew with mashed taters!” Of course. Well, cooking will take my mind of things for a little while, so I grab a pot and a sack of taters and start peeling them, letting the simple actions take over my thoughts. All thoughts but the slight worry and doubt if Zeph will ever forgive me.