I jolted up, in a sweat, my whole body shaking. My lungs gasping for air, I must have been holding my breath. I took deep breaths, my breathing returning to normal. It was a relief having air to fill my lungs.
The dream was so vivid. My mind still couldn't wrap around the fact it wasn't real. That hopeless darkness, trying to fight against it. It almost overshadowed the light of the pool. It was the same dream I had the night Merle first came after me.
I breathed trying to stop my tremors. The sun light poking in, my heart beat slowed. I wasn't drowning anymore. I ran my hands in my hair. Surrounded by Luca's dusty book collection, I was back in my room. Back to the messy reality I lived in. I had enough on my mind without terrible dreams. I was supposed to kill Birdman. It gave a grimmer shade to his chase after me. This struggle was bigger than a stolen book.
I shivered ducking back under the covers. I didn't want it to be true. I hated him more than anyone but the thought of killing him, it didn't sit right. Sure I had a lot of blood on my head already but I never actually killed anyone. I wanted to be a hero but not like this.
How was I going to face Luca today? I couldn't accept his plan, I was growing certain of it. My face grew hot trapped beneath the covers. Throwing the blanket off, I got up, and got dressed. Throwing back on the second pair of makeshift clothes Broc lent me. Running my fingers through my hair I tucked it behind my ears, whatever it looked like it didn't matter. Controlling my hair was futile. I dragged my feet to the door, pausing in front of it.
Taking a deep breath, I turned the handle and walked with dread down the hall. Walking down the steps I heard Broc's laughter ringing out louder than anything else. It made me smile for a second.
I reached the bottom, looking around at the familiar room. Broc looked over with a wide grin. "Phyn, good morning." He said, waving at me warmly. I returned his grin.
I looked for Luca but didn't see him. I was surprised, he usually beat me down here. I guess he wasn't up yet.
Emery sitting instead across from Broc, sipping from a mug. "You want some too? It's called coffee. It's a big deal back in Manic." He offered, getting up to pour a cup. "Sure." I said, walking around the couch I found a seat.
Broc handed me a mug with the hot brown liquid. It smelled strong, I took a small sip, blinking at the intense bitter flavor. Broc laughed at my expression, "It's better with some stuff in it." He informed me, taking it back from my hand. Mixing in some honey and a little milk he handed it back to me. I reluctantly took another sip, finding the taste much more tolerable. By my second or third sip I was getting used to the flavor.
"Where's Luca?" I asked looking up from my mug. Broc retook his seat, "Still sleeping I guess. Unusual for him but he probably needs it." He stated. I nodded, feeling guilty for interrupting his sleep.
"Emery's been entertaining me with some rather incredible battle stories." Broc leaned back in his seat. Emery shook her head, "We've been entertaining each other. Broc has some good stories of his own." She stated, putting down her cup.
"How are you feeling this morning Phyn?" She asked, digging into my soul. Her cool grey eyes searching. Would she see beyond my answer? "Fine I guess." I muttered, trying to hide the dread building in my stomach. I was afraid and she could tell.
Emery nodded, "Good. I want to talk to you privately, after you finish your coffee." She echoed turning the handle of her cup away. "Ok." I agreed, wondering what she wanted from me.
"No need to look so serious, I don't have anything ominous to say." She chuckled, flopping back against the couch. "Sorry." I said, giving her a reassuring grin. The grin felt fake though, I was still rattled from last night. I kept looking over to the steps at the slightest degree of a sound. Part of me wanted Luca to be there and yet at the same time I didn't.
"Luca and you don't have any crazy plans today do you?" Broc asked, raising his eyebrows. I shook my head, focusing my attention away from the steps. "Not to my knowledge." I answered, taking another sip. I was starting to enjoy this strange drink.
"You like it?" Broc asked, pointing at my drink. "It's growing on me." I admitted. "Good. Trying my best to be a good host." Broc remarked. "You are an excellent host." I corrected. "Well thanks." He chuckled, scratching his head. I smiled, happy to fluster him with my compliment.
Silence fell on the room and we settled in it. Emery arms crossed, she was a stranger here. As much as Broc attempted to make her welcome, we were all wary of her. She knew much more than she was saying. A lifetime of questions wouldn't begin to unravel her.
I didn’t have to play along with it. What did destiny mean anyway? I didn't have to be bound by it. I stared at the reflection off the liquid in my cup. My blue eyes grief stricken and weary. How much fight did I have left in me? That was a question best left unanswered. I did have questions that needed answering, far too many, an impossible amount really.
I could feel Emery's eyes on me. Broc shifting awkwardly, trying to keep things friendly. If I could get one question answered this would be worth it. I chugged back the last little bit of coffee before standing up. "Okay Emery, let's get this over with." I set down my cup. She smiled, her eyes lighting up. "Awesome, follow me." She said, getting up.
Emery walked, swinging her cloak as she went out the door. She maybe was suspicious and blunt but there was something awe inspiring about her. I gave Broc a nervous grin, before going out the door after her. Going to get answers from this strange feisty woman. I gritted my teeth prepared for whatever she would throw at me.
Emery bounded down the porch steps and I picked up my pace to follow. The forest welcomed us in the warmth of the sunlight. The birds are already well into their song this morning.
She turned in a dramatic swoop, facing me with her staff in hand. That fearsome look in her eyes, it made me falter.
"Okay Phynley let's see what's up with your ability." She demanded, blinking at me as if waiting. I paused, giving her a frown, "I told you it's normal to have my gifting affect me like this." I argued, frustrated that she wouldn't take my word for it.
Emery shook her head,"It's not normal Phyn and I need to know what you're doing wrong." She replied, putting her fist on her hip.
"What I'm doing wrong? So this is my fault." I rolled my eyes at her dismissively.
"Yes." She concluded not budging. I shook my head. I knew my own gifting, I didn't need her to tell me some nonsense about it.
"Just teleport for me, please." She smiled pretty.
"No I don't need to use my energy uselessly." I bit back, turning back to cottage. This was a waste of time.
"Surely you're not so weak that one will do any harm? Prove me wrong, if there's nothing wrong with your gifting then let's see it ." She called after me, stopping me in my tracks. I hung my head and sighed, "Fine, but you're wrong about this." I echoed, turning back to face her.
I visualized the tree to her back, what it would look like to be there. The mental picture of what the cottage looked like from that distance. Closing my eyes the forest vanished, fading from view. I reappeared under the tree in a burst, facing a clapping Emery who turned to face me.
My head felt a little dizzy, but besides that, I was fine.
"Are you happy now?" I spat crossing my arms. She smirked, "Yes that was quite fun. It's quite an extraordinary gifting, Phyn, thank you. " she noted, enthusiasm in her voice.
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"So are we good here? It's fine." I concluded walking back once more. Emery shook her head, "I wouldn't say that." She pondered, causing me to turn back. "Of course it's not." I muttered. She swung her staff to the other arm.
"You're wrong in your technique. If you keep using it like this you'll always end up sick from your gifting, maybe even dead." Emery concluded, resting firmly on her staff. I frowned, that was a more serious diagnosis than I expected. I hated that she was probably right.
She sighed, tossing the staff in her hands. “I'm not blaming you, you've had no one to teach you. There are no other Wanderers to learn from.”
"Well if you know so much about it what do you suggest then? Considering there is no one who could actually teach me." I argued. Emery laughed, "There aren't any Wanderer's who can teach you but that doesn't mean no one can. My gifting puts me in a unique position to help you, I have the head knowledge needed to show you how to do this right." Emery offered with a confident grin.
I lowered my frown, "What are you proposing?" I asked, studying her intentions.
"Come with me tomorrow when I continue on my journey. I can show you how to use your gifting properly and you can ask me those million questions you've got in your head. Once you've got a good grasp on it you can come back to the brown eyed Dreamer boy you love or whatever else you wish to do. I wouldn't pass this up if I were you." Emery stated. My face turned red at the part about Luca.
Regardless, her offer was a good one. If I could teleport without getting sick that would be immeasurably helpful. Could I trust Emery though? Her offer favored me a lot more than her. I could fix my ability and get some answers. This almost seemed like a solution to my current problem. I was going to have to leave here soon anyway. This might be the right move. It would give me a chance to learn more about my destiny and I could leave with a good excuse. That filled me with some sort of ease, maybe Luca would understand better this way.
I bit my lip, and signed "I want to say yes." I echoed, looking at her calm expression. She nodded, "So why don't you? I can talk to the Dreamer if you want."
I shook my head. I didn't want her to do that. "No I'll talk to Luca. It will be better coming from me." I settled into my decision. I was leaving with Emery. The reality of it hit me.
"Good. I'm excited to be a part of destiny." She remarked with a sliver of excitement. "I'll let you say your goodbyes today and we'll head out tomorrow. I need to get to South Gate before nightfall. Time is always against us, no?" She chuckled, loosening her posture. I nodded.
She started heading back to the house, turning back to me. "If you figure out the gifting problem in time I want to show you the catacombs."
I opened my mouth looking for clarification, to which she swung her head around. "And before you go asking me about that, I'll explain what that is down the road."
I shut my mouth, shaking my head. That was going to get annoying fast. I walked back to the house with her, silently. As if that would stop her from reading my mind.
I wasn't sure how Luca was going to react to this. I was hit with the dread of goodbyes. I didn't know how I was going to do it. I was falling in love with this place. I frowned stepping back inside. I could hear Broc's voice drift through, as the warmth of the living room fire hit me. The log walls make the space fitting to the forest that was Its surroundings.
My eyes were quick to find Luca. Sitting by the fire beside Broc, his eyes settled on mine stoically. The dread returned, I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to leave, though I knew I had to.
Emery crossed the room with a smirk, "Broc make you try his coffee stuff too?" She asked Luca, finding a spot to lean against. He nodded, wrinkling his nose, "Unfortunately yes." He rolled his eyes at Broc.
Broc laughed, "It'll grow on you if you keep drinking it." He advised, widening Luca's frown, "That requires me wanting to try it again." Luca replied. Broc shook his head, "You disappoint me Luca.".
I smiled at their usual banter. This place felt like home more than any other. I had never wanted to stay somewhere so much. This was gonna hurt.
I locked eyes with Luca once more. "Can we talk?" I said interrupting their fun. Luca's expression turned serious, "Sure." He nodded, getting up. Broc and Emery watching us as we went. I didn't want an audience for this.
I walked back outside, finding the cool morning air once more. Luca shut the door, his eyes trying to discern where this was going. Taking a step down I sat on the stairs and looked out to the forest trail. Luca joined me on the steps, waiting for me to speak. I stared at my knees, this was harder to say than I imagined. He looked over probing,"Phyn-"
"I'm leaving tomorrow ." I interrupted, avoiding his eyes. He stopped, looking down as well. "With Emery, she's going to teach me how to better use my gifting." I kept my head down, unable to let myself see his reaction.
"Oh." He said dully, a slight ache that made this harder. "For how long?" I bit my lip, "I don't know. Not forever I hope." I said, briefly meeting his eyes.
"You think you can trust her?" He asked warily. I shrugged, "Probably not but I won't put my guard down."
"You know what you're doing. You'll be fine." He nodded his head. I wondered if he was saying that to convince himself.
"I'm sorry about last night." Luca echoed, causing my heart to jump. He wrung his heads, "I shouldn't have pressured you like that. I don't want you to think that I'm just trying to use you Phyn." He muttered, a weight on his brow. "I know you're not Luca. You've been a real friend to me." I said, surprised that this was his main concern.
He gave an exasperated grin, "I'm glad you don't feel that way but sometimes I wonder. What if I'm demanding too much in all of this? Maybe I should just let things be." He pondered, tightening his fists.
"Do you really believe that?" I asked him, watching his fists loosen. "No." He echoed hopelessly, "This is my path and I face it however it unravels."
I felt torn. I wanted to be here for him, I really did. I forced myself to look at him, guilt filling me for the sadness in his eyes. "I might change my mind, maybe I'll come back." I echoed, the words feeling like a lie. Birdman's horrific face kept me from considering it.
"You don't have to. I'll find another way, I always do." Luca stated confidently. I didn't believe his confidence. I was letting the world burn because I was afraid and we both knew it. This would almost be easier if he hated me for it.
"I told you I'd always be in your corner and I meant it." Luca gave me a brave face. "If you ever need me, Broc should know where I am."
I wanted to repeat the same sentiment but I couldn’t. I wasn't in his corner. I was abandoning him.
Luca got up from the steps staring out into the forest before he turned back to me. "I wish you the best Phynley Okie, it's been nice having you as an ally." He offered me a handshake. I got up and took it. "I'll miss you Luca. Good luck saving the world." I wished, meeting his gaze once more.
My brain was screaming at me to change my mind. I wanted things to be different. I wanted to fall in love with him and never look back. To take away the pain in his heart and share some of that weight he carried on his shoulders. I wanted to be able to say that I would never leave his side. Unfortunately, the world was a sinister place, without room for happy endings. All I knew was an endless list of mistakes. This was not to be.
I took a sigh as I turned back to the cottage. The pain in my heart swelling. I bit my lip wondering what Broc would say to all this. The big burly captain who had become my friend. I'd miss Broc too. He had been so kind to me.
I stepped back inside, to what appeared to be an uncomfortable silence. Emery watched me as we walked back in wearing a nervous expression. "Is it all settled?" She crossed her arms.
I nodded, "He knows."
Broc turned his head, "What's settled?" He asked with a furrowed brow. Emery pushed off the wall, straightening her posture, "Phyn is coming with me when I leave for South Gate in the morning."
Broc turned back to me, confused "You are Phyn?" Broc probed, studying my expression. I nodded, "Emery's going to help me with my gifting." I explained to him, watching his expression soften. "Okay Phyn. It only feels as if you just got here, but if you're sure." he nodded accepting it. "I am." I said, fighting back my emotions.
"You're always welcome if you ever need a place to stay again." Broc offered, making me teary eyed. I didn't have many anchors in this world. "Thanks Broc. I'm sure I'll be back someday." I smiled at him bittersweetly.
Emery rolled her eyes, "No need for such sad faces. We're not leaving till tomorrow. You still have all day to cry about it."
It was an insensitive comment. She didn't understand what I had here. I'd forgive it though, I didn't think Emery had many friends. I still gave her a glare.
Today was going to slip by fast. I took a deep breath, I hadn't been this happy in a long time. For once I wasn't being driven away I was choosing to leave. My heart and head at war over it. I had decided though, I was leaving. I wasn't going to change my mind.
I stared at the room, memorizing it in my mind. One day I'd try to come back and visit this place.
"So what are we going to do then if it's your last day?" Broc asked, thinking through the options. I gave a slight chuckle, "Cry?" I offered, jumping back to Emery's comment. Broc laughed at that, "Well as much as that would make a scene, let's not." He joked.
"How about we just take it easy. You have a big journey tomorrow and will need your rest. I'll cook up a good meal, we can just visit, and then you can get a good amount of shut eye." Broc offered, settling on his hunting gear. "That sounds nice." I nodded.
"I'm going out to shoot something for my promised supper, but I hopefully won’t be long." he added with a chuckle, going for the door.
"Well I guess I'm just in the way here." Emery muttered, slinking back against the wall regardless. My heart felt heavy as I settled on the couch. A sad eyed Luca quickly sat beside me. We watched the fire in silence. We had already said enough. I was just happy to have him near me.
This was coming much faster than I wanted. Tomorrow I would hit the open road once more. Back to the shifting sand that was my reality.