I stood in front of Luca's door, completely torn about whether or not I should knock on it. Luca promised to tell me something tonight but after the commotion at the monastery, we both forgot. So now like a crazy person I was considering waking him up in the middle of the night to ask. I was endlessly curious but this was clearly irrational.

I should just go to bed, ask him in the morning, but I knew I wasn't going to sleep easy with this swirling in my brain. Although It would be terribly inconsiderate to wake him up. I frowned, frustrated. I didn't know what to do. Why was I even considering this?

I raised my fist to knock, still unsure if I should act. I sighed, lowering my hand. The door  suddenly swung open. I stared bewildered, Luca standing there with sleepy eyes.

 "What are you doing Phyn?"

 I hung my head, "I don't know, you told me that you were going to tell me something tonight but then you didn’t. I'm sorry this was a mistake. I'll let you get back to bed." I rambled, turning back to my room. He blinked with groggy eyes, "I'm already awake." He closed his door, "Let's step outside."

I lifted my head, surprised. I didn't think he was going to. My curiosity burned as I followed him down the dark hall, trying my best not to stumble. Down the steps and through the living room, I had to focus to make sure I was still following him. Luca was quiet. I couldn't tell if it had to do with tiredness or what he had to say.

 Reaching the door, he let me out first. Luca avoided my eyes. This was more than tiredness. This was something he didn't want to tell me. Serious enough he'd oblige my curiosity at this hour. I frowned stepping down the porch. 

The cool evening air sent chills down my spine. I shivered, holding my limbs close. "Here." Luca said, tossing a blanket from off the porch to me. I caught it and wrapped it around my shoulders, "Thanks." I mumbled, watching him follow down the steps. The blanket fighting back the chills of the night air. 

Luca took a deep breath, the pine needles crunching under our feet. His eyes looked troubled. What could he possibly have to tell me that caused him to react like this? I pulled my hair back behind my shoulders, staring up at the stars. I always seemed to have more questions than answers.

We walked a short distance from the house, with the weight of his message looming over. "I'm sorry I don't know how to start." He said his voice sounded gravely serious. "It's okay whenever you're ready." I offered, hoping it would ease his mind. He nodded, giving me a weak smile.

I didn't know what to expect. I looked dully at the shadowy ground, waiting for him to open up. Luca kept a steady pace forward, despite us not having a particular destination. He hung his head taking a sigh, he finally slowed.

"I've known something about you since the first day I met you that I've never told you, something about your future." He started, pulling my attention. 

"What sort of thing?" I asked, interrupting him with my curiosity, "I'm getting to that." He explained, putting aside my question.

 "Have you ever wondered why Merle has been relentless in trying to find you?" Luca asked, his eyes searching mine. "I mean yes I guess so. I've always just assumed he was insane." I answered. For the first time that thought was haunting me. 

"He's not." Luca stopped walking, "Not about this at least." 

I stared at him, panic pounding in my heart. He was right, it didn't make sense. Merle never let up, after all these years. Even the Remedy was certain I was one of the few things that could draw him out. This new question wouldn't leave my mind. Why did Merle want me dead so desperately? 

Luca turned away from my gaze. "There's a lot of prophetic material from other dreamers. In some of these prophecies, and in some of my own, there is a particular character, a hero. She's a young woman with wanderer powers. I'm almost certain she's you Phyn." Luca stopped, locking my gaze. The image of future me came to mind, the unique leather tunic, I saw it depicted in one of Luca's prophecies. 

"That's not all though. They also tell of Merle, the Remedy, this great catastrophe that's coming. It's working up to something beyond what I can see." His voice ran dry. I didn't know why he was so nervous about this. Sure it was strange to have part of your future written but I could handle it. 

"What is in my view though, what I have seen, is Merle's end." He said with a slight tremor. You are his ending Phyn. I've seen you kill him." 

My mind went blank. I stared in horror. No, it couldn't be true, it wasn't. He was wrong about this. Luca dropped his tone, the fear in his eyes becoming real, "His death is the only thing left now that will stop the catastrophe." 

I stepped back, tears stinging my eyes, "What?" I searched for his expression. I wanted him to tell me it wasn't true. 

"I know it's not an ideal plan. I don't really know-" 

"Not ideal?!?" I spat,  "You're asking me to face the person I fear the most in the world! The person I'm completely helpless against! That's far more than not ideal!" I threw back. I locked eyes with him and made him look at me, "You're asking me to kill someone." I whispered, my hands shaking. 

Lucas eyes filled up with guilt, he opened his mouth to protest closing it, before he settled on his words, "I'm not asking you to do that, not alone at least, I'm just telling you what I know and what I've seen." He shot back, his voice growing defensive. 

I shook my head, "Its suicide Luca. Even if I could stomach the idea of killing someone, he would kill me first." I echoed desperately. I was no match for Merle, not in any situation. This is why he had to be wrong.

 Luca shook his head, "He won't. You won't fail." He replied, almost confidently. The panic in my heart came out as anger. "I can't!" I called, letting it take hold of me. I shook my head, ignoring the forming tears that blurred my vision. I couldn't face that monster, ever. 

Luca shook, an intensity in his eyes, "I don't want this either Phyn. If I knew another way I'd take it. Why do you think I've fought so hard to convince the capitals!?! I've wanted to prevent this!" 

He took a deep breath, getting a hold of himself, "But I have to think of everyone Phyn." He swallowed.

 "So I guess I really am asking you to kill someone." He hung his head. 

My heart dropped  to my stomach. He wasn't going to change his mind. 

I stared at him wide-eyed. This was unfair. He couldn't ask me to do this. He shouldn't ask me to do this. I would have stormed off if the sorrow in his eyes wasn't so genuine.

I bit my lip and stared up at the starry sky, fighting back my tears, "I don't know how to respond to that Luca." 

"Then don't, not tonight." He echoed, his voice cooling. My hands shook and I looked down at them, watching them tremble. The quiet night made our silence feel longer. Standing together, neither of us really acknowledged the other. Why did I stick around? I probably should just leave and go back to bed, but I didn't want to. I wanted to argue with him, make him understand. I could tell he was at war with himself. He knew what this meant for me. I clenched my fists, this wasn't fair. None of this was fair. 

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"He's my grandfather." Luca's voice broke through my mental fit. "...Merle is." Luca's voice, trembling worse than before. 

"Your Grandfather?" I looked up in shock and he nodded.

"I've never told you that either." His voice low and quiet. I blinked at him not knowing what to do. I had never made the connection. I had always thought Luca was just his servant boy, not his actual blood. It made more sense now that I knew. I should've seen it sooner. This put a whole new perspective on Luca's actions. He was personally intertwined with this. 

My initial  shock was interrupted by a tear running down his cheek. 

Oh no.

 I realized I had just been gawking at him, giving him hardly a reaction. His eyes wide as he waited, his expression traumatic.  My heart ached for him. I stepped closer, wiping it off his cheek, staring up at him with a well of compassion. He refused to look me in the eye, holding back the rest of his tears, "It's the thing I'm most ashamed of, that I'm related to that monster." His voice cracked, my heart breaking all the more for him. I didn't want him to ache like this.

"It doesn't matter Luca, you're the very opposite of a monster." I spoke, trying to reach his soul with those words. 

He let out a sob, "But what if I-" 

"You're not like him Luca, you're just not. You have a heart so big I don't know how you carry it. I've never met anyone like you." I admitted, staring up into his brown eyes indepthly, admiring the dark honey flecks that circled his dark brown irises.

 "He killed your family." Luca said, breaking my wonder. I swallowed a lump in my throat.  

"That had nothing to do with you."

He finally allowed himself to look me in the eye, "I'm sorry Phyn." He said, looking down at me. "For what?" I muttered. 

"For everything you've been through and what I've asked you to do." He said taking a deep breath to steady his voice. My stomach turned at remembering,  "I can't blame you for asking. I don't blame you." I breathed, torn ultimately about what I would do. Luca nodded, hanging his head. 

The tension drove me to start walking again. I didn't know what else to say to him. Luca  put his hands in his pockets, keeping up beside me. I liked being here with him. I wanted to keep fighting this with him. What if I really could gather enough courage to face Merle? Destroy the beast that tormented me. It was a ridiculous thought. In reality, I was weak. A pathetic runt, I lost more battles than I won. I was wholly incapable of what Luca asked of me, and I was afraid he'd resent me for it. I bit my lip at that terrifying thought. I didn't think I could handle his resentment. 

The cold breeze shuffled by bringing me back to reality. I breathed, I would be okay, Luca would be okay, no matter what I decided. Even if I was alone again, I would live. It wasn't the end of the world and I had to remember that. 

"I need to sleep." He mumbled, lifting his head. I stopped walking realizing we were starting into the forest. Looking down at me with his sleepy brown eyes, we needed to get back. I needed sleep just as badly as him. 

 We both turned, walking back to the cottage.The crickets chirping loudly, in contrast to our silence Reaching the porch I climbed up the steps. Slipping off the blanket, I put it back on the chair Luca found it. He waited for me, following as I went back inside. 

We tiptoed through, our eyes adjusted to the dark, we found our way fairly effortlessly. Back up the stairs and down the hall, I found my door. I turned back to Luca before pulling the handle. "Goodnight." I whispered to him. "Goodnight." He echoed, continuing to his own door. I slipped inside and shut mine, finding my way back into my mess of blankets.

 I curled up, a swell of bittersweet emotions. I couldn't get a grip. Luca was wonderful, what he asked of me was terrible. I was paralyzed, this would change everything.  I wasn't just helping with the plan to save the world, I was it. I didn't want the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I also didn't want to leave Luca. If I said no to this I couldn't stick around. It would be unfair. I couldn't do this halfway. I choked back the dread I felt. I had no good solution.

I shook my head, I wouldn’t think about this anymore. My mind ached for sleep and I wasn’t going to deprive it. I regretted having this conversation in the middle of the night. I should've waited till morning.  I couldn't sleep easy with all these swirling emotions. I fought with my mind to calm it. Pushing back the aching fear in my chest. I was stuck with a hollow feeling, empty.  I focused only on breathing on my eyelids getting heavier, and heavier. Despite how I felt, sleep was slowly and assuredly taking hold of me. I fell deeper in it, till I was consumed. 

----------------------------------------

I was laying in the grass.  Flaxen-green it swayed in the wind, tickling my nose. I brushed it aside. Taking a lazy breath of air, I slowly sat up. My mind was a cloudy mess, I paused confused at my surroundings. 

I didn't know where I was. 

I was sitting in some sort of clearing in a forest, although it was very different from any forest I'd ever seen. The colours of everything were unearthly vivid. I couldn't help but stare. Like colours in a story book. Though even that seemed to be a cheap comparison.  

A light breeze, rushing in, bringing with it a smell of something like lavender and sage. A floral forest-like scent. The air was cool but not cold. 

I was surrounded by a canopy of silvery leaves. They swayed with the breeze, creating dancing shadows across the floor. Whatever this place was, it was beautiful. 

I stood up on my feet, fireflies floating near my head. Little glowing dots, that ebbed and flowed. I smiled, following them. The glowing spheres telling me to chase them.

 I wandered further into the forest, very carefully. Something about this place felt sacred. 

The grass was golden like daylight, everything else, drenched in blues and purples. Everything was quiet, unlike the usual forest noises. No other creatures roaming about, aside from me and the fireflies. 

I walked between the trees. They bent around, framing the forest in dramatic spirals. The fireflies seemed to be moving faster. I increased my speed, keeping up with them. My chase was interrupted by the sound of running water. 

I suddenly realized how thirsty I was. My throat was dry, like I hadn’t had water in hours. I followed the sound, abandoning the lights. My throat was hurting worse, it felt raw. I needed to find the source soon. 

I ducked under tree branches and around brush. I was growing desperate. I started running after the noise. I was afraid I'd collapse if I didn't get a drink soon. 

My limbs suddenly heavy, I had to fight to keep going. I was almost crawling by the time I saw it. My jaw dropped, as I saw the pool. I had never seen anything so wonderful in my life. A mix of shining golds and light blues, they swirled around one another, in a beautiful symphony. It put  the rest of the forest to shame, embodying light itself. I was left in awe, no breath left in me.

It fell in gentle spouts, shining waterfalls. Somehow the water poured in but never out. The bank stayed at a steady level.  

I bit my lip, my thirst still overwhelming me. I couldn't bring myself to drink from it. I was too unworthy, the least awe inspiring thing in this magical forest. I was despairing, I knew I'd die if I didn't drink. At the same time I feared I'd die if I did. The water was too wonderful not to overwhelm me.

 I trembled, making my way to the water's edge. My thirst forced me to approach. I knelt beside the bank. Guilt twisting up in shame. Staring at my grey lifeless reflection in the sacred water. I was a blot, a dull grayish smudge on this masterpiece. 

I reluctantly cupped my hands, anyway. I dipped them into the pool, pulling the light to my lips. I took a sip of the liquid light. It fell down my throat, soothing the burning that existed. It felt lighter than air.

 I needed more, I desperately scooped the water to my lips trying to consume as much as I could. My body fell, weighted towards it. I found myself diving into the whole of Its light. I swam through it diving my head down.  

Under the water I swam deeper. I opened my mouth, releasing the breath from my lungs, I let my lungs fill with it. It didn't hurt, or inspire panic. I could breathe as if it were air, surrounded by a world of coloured and light. I wanted to absorb as much of it as I could. To remember this feeling forever. I finally was whole.

 That thought was cut short by a sudden lurch in my body. The swirling colours rushing down as I found myself being dragged down into the depths. I fought against the pull, desperately swimming upward. My arms burned as I just fell deeper. I kicked, swatting at the water. I used every muscle I could. The harder I fought the deeper I fell. 

I looked down to find a thick chain pulling me into darkness. I pulled at it clawing, finding chains on every limb. They cut at my wrists, pulling me deeper. The colours fading away, I could see a slight glimmer above. I reached for it, it too disappeared into a meer memory. 

It wasn't light anymore, it was nothing. I couldn't breath, my lungs screaming at me. My eyes wide in panic. My limbs gave way to falling. There weren't any chains anymore, just blackness. I wasn't even sure which way was up anymore. I gave up fighting, completely alone. 

This was darkness.