Messenia didn’t feel like talking to anyone. She didn’t want to be alone either. Then she would only have her own thoughts for company, which was worse than other people’s company. Just to take her mind off things, Messenia decided to go take a walk around the village. The physical exertion provided a little comfort, but sadly not enough to completely tune out her own thoughts.

Today, Alice was the one accompanying her. Messenia preferred Alice’s company as she talked a lot less than Agnes. On her way out of the house, her mother’s guards were in the courtyard and they bowed to her. Messenia barely acknowledged this as she was aware of their actual feelings towards her ever since the day they tried to punish Rowan’s daughter Cara.

Walter still hadn’t recovered from his burns and even if he did, his face would be disfigured. Lady Mildred’s men were quite angry since they thought that Walter was unfairly punished just for carrying out Mildred’s orders. On top of that, true to his promise, her father Lord Damien had effectively muzzled them. He had taken away their powers to administer punishments to anyone in the village.

If there was one person who was feeling more wretched than Walter these days, it was Lady Mildred. Her daughter had openly defied her and now even refused to stay in the same room with her for any meaningful period of time. Her husband had been remarkably cold ever since he’d found out what Mildred had done to Will in his absence. Lady Mildred spent most of her time alone these days, snapping at anyone who dared to disrupt her solitude. Employment in the manor house was becoming increasingly less attractive for the servants these days.

Messenia walked around the village aimlessly. As she passed the village square, she looked at the wooden pole at the centre of it. She still couldn’t shake the image of Cara tied helplessly to the post or what would’ve happened if she hadn’t intervened in time. If something had happened to Cara as well because of her, she couldn’t have borne it.

Messenia had informed the tailor that there was no need to send Cara up to the manor house. Messenia would come down to his shop and he would retain her business, provided he retained Cara as his apprentice.

This small gesture was nowhere near enough repayment for all that the poor girl had to suffer because of Messenia. But for now, that was all she was able to do. Messenia wondered what was it that made Will give up his life to save Cara. ‘Would I have given up my life for someone?’ thought Messenia. Sure, she would’ve been willing to die for her father and mother but no one else came to mind. Will had been willing to die for Cara, who wasn’t even related to him. Messenia sighed.

A month ago, Messenia hated Will more than anyone. Now that she was actually looking for reasons why she hated him, she couldn’t find anything that he had done wrong. Messenia had grown up hearing about Will from her mother. She was told that he was the reason why her family wasn’t perfect. Mildred had also injected the fear that Will might one day supplant her because she had been born as a girl while lord Damien probably wanted a male heir.

Mildred had hated Will for a long time before she even met him. And when they did finally meet, she had abused him in every way possible while he stood there silently and took it. Initially, she had felt bad about it, but her mother had convinced her that he deserved it. Messenia was taught that she was of noble birth and everyone else in the village mattered less than her. Messenia knew how much it pleased Milderd to see Will cowering down in front of her daughter. So, she had chosen to ignore all her early misgivings and torment Will and soon after, she began enjoying it. Messenia had found it a reassurance of her power to threaten Will every day.

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Will was gone forever now, he had given up his life so that Messenia would live. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d spoken a single kind word to him. And now she would never get the chance. This thought brought a sting to Messenia’s eyes. She wanted to stop thinking about Will. Unfortunately, as soon as this thought crossed her mind, she noticed that she was at the border of the village and the road that lay straight ahead led to the meadows.

This brought back memories of that fateful day for Messenia. Will had warned her that the storm was coming and later he even had the good sense to suggest waiting out the storm in old farmer Creedy’s place. If only she’d listened to him that day.

It seemed like there was no place in the village where she could go to get away from everything. Messenia drew in a deep breath as she finally made up her mind and headed to the village.

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Messenia told Alice to go back to the manor without her as they reached the stables. Alice didn’t look too happy about it, but obeyed.

As Messenia stepped into the stable, she could see Rowan at the stall on the far end attending to her father’s horse. Messenia wanted to apologize for causing trouble for him and his family. She was thinking about exactly what to say when he turned around and noticed her. As Rowan stepped forward to meet her Messenia she still wasn't sure what to say to him.

As Rowan bowed in front of her, he didn’t look angry or disdainful like he was last time. Messenia thought he almost looked pleased to see her. Rowan said “I wanted to say thank you my lady, for saving my daughter” his eyes shining with gratitude.

No, this was too much. Messenia owed Rowan a thousand apologies. She didn’t deserve his gratitude.

“No, I am the one who should be apologizing to you and your family. It was because of me that Cara was almost punished”. Messenia shuddered at the thought that Cara could’ve been scarred for life.

“Still, I’m very grateful that you stepped up to defend her. Thank you, my lady”.

“No, Rowan, please don’t….I can’t ...I can’t….”

Messenia broke down crying. She felt that she deserved to be flogged for all that she’d done. Instead, here was Rowan, thanking her.

“Rowan I’m sorry..I’m really really sorry….”said Messenia through the sobs. It wasn’t just for Cara that she was apologizing. Messenia wished that Rowan could see inside her heart and know how sorry she really felt.

Rowan was gentle and kind as he supported her to sit on top of a haystack. Messenia remembered with a jolt that this was where Will used to sleep and she cried harder than ever.

It was a while before Messenia calmed down enough to be able to speak again.

“I’m sorry Rowan, I’m sorry that Will had to give up his life for me and I’m really sorry for the way I acted towards Will. I know that my apology doesn’t mean much, but it’s all I have”.

Rowan was thoughtful as he considered her for a moment.

“You’re right my lady, apologies aren’t going to bring Will back”.

Messenia gulped as she waited for Rowan to condemn her actions and call her selfish for apologizing to try and assuage her guilt.

“But there is something you CAN do”.

“Name it. Whatever it is, I’ll do it”.

“Make sure that Will didn’t give up his life for nothing. Make it count, my lady. I can already see that you've changed a lot. But you’re not helping anyone by moping around all day. If you really feel like you owe a debt to Will, help people that need it instead of hurting them like your mother. I think that’s what Will would’ve wanted”.

Messenia looked up at Rowan. He had an encouraging smile. There he was, trying to cheer up the girl who had cost him Will’s life. At that moment, Messenia knew that Rowan had more nobility in him than she ever would, no matter what his birth was. She would follow his advice and try to be worthy of the life that was sacrificed for her.

Messenia stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes. This was the first time she had felt a little at peace in the last month.

Messenia jumped slightly as a voice called out from the entrance to the stable

“Well, look who’s here?”.

Messenia turned and saw Geoffrey standing at the stable door.