Will didn’t know how long he was laying in the bed until he noticed someone knocking on his bedroom door. Will opened the door and saw that Anna was standing there.
“Hey, can I come in?”
Will nodded and went to sit down on his bed. He didn’t really feel like talking. Anna took one of the chairs and sat down facing Will.
“Will, I’m really sorry for the pain that this is causing you. I know it’s really difficult but…”
“OH, YOU KNOW, DO YOU?”
Will’s voice and temper was rising.
“Really, what on earth could be so difficult about this situation? I’ve only had to leave all my loved ones, had my fucking gender changed and all that was because of YOU. Now, you just want me to forget all about myself and the people I love. But hey, it’s all fine right, just as long as you get to be Magister Primis”.
Will saw intense pain cross Anna’s face as he said this. Anna went pale and closed her eyes. Will felt disgusted with himself as he saw a teardrop trickle down Anna’s left cheek. Anna didn’t deserve this. She wasn’t the one who took his life, it was Mildred and as for his gender, that had been an accident. Will sat there trying to come up with something to say to Anna to express how sorry he felt.
It was just typical, his brain wasn’t offering up anything useful when he really needed it. Anna opened her eyes after a moment.
“You’re right Will. It was my selfish desire to get a human familiar that caused you pain”.
“No, Anna..I..” Anna raised her hand for silence.
“And yes, I was really happy when you changed into a mage and became my apprentice. But if you decide that you don’t want to learn magic, I would never force you Will”.
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Anna moved closer and took his hands in hers. He still couldn’t get over how slender his fingers looked.
“Whatever you decide, I want you to know I’m here for you. If you don’t want to learn magic, then that’s okay. Even though I don’t know how your gender changed, I promise I’ll keep looking for a solution. I don’t care if it takes years or decades, I’ll do everything that I can”.
At that moment, Will knew that Anna was sincere. She had pulled down all the barriers between them and was truly vulnerable and she was asking for his trust. Will broke down crying as the shame of what he said to Anna earlier washed over him. Anna moved over and sat beside him in his bed holding him while he cried.
Anna had been nicer to him than most people he’d ever known. And she was actually happy to have him with her and made him feel safe. He hadn’t truly felt safe ever since his mother Anya passed. Finally, when Will felt that he could trust his voice again, he whispered to Anna
“I just don’t want to give them all up”.
“Oh, honey, I think you misunderstood what we said earlier. We’re not asking you to forget about the people you love. You don’t have to erase all of memories and feelings from the past, but you have to come to terms with who you are. You are not a helpless stable boy anymore. You are a beautiful girl and you have the capacity to become a fantastic mage. I know you would like your relationship with your loved ones to go back to exactly what it was before, but that’s not possible anymore. You have changed. That means people are not going to look at you the same way, but this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The people who love you, you can get them all back. Your relationship will not be the same as before, but you can work to make it even better. And who knows, you might end up being happier because of your change rather than in spite of it.”
Will felt as if a ray of hope had entered his heart. He didn’t have to forget anyone, but he had to admit to himself the truth of what had happened to him. And the truth was that he was not Will anymore. He still loved Rowan, Mary, Cara and...and Geoffrey but he couldn’t be their same old Will anymore. But that didn’t have to be a bad thing. Will was unable to defend himself and spent everyday in fear of Mildred and his step father Walter. That didn’t have to be the case any more. He could get the power to defend himself and the people he loved.
Will drew in a deep breath to steady himself. Anna had called him honey, which felt a bit odd but now was not the time to dwell on that.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I think I need some time alone to think” Will said with an apologetic smile.
“Sure honey, take as much time as you need” Anna rose from the bed and before she left, leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. She smiled at Will’s slightly shocked expression as she closed the door behind her. She’d called him honey again and even kissed him, but it didn’t feel bad. It felt kinda nice.
Yes, she was right. This new life could be better than his old one.. Much better.