It was in the mud pits where she realized how useless she was.

She could see them in the back of the dark room, domed like all the other spaces she had walked through before. All interchangeable with unidentifiable greys, petrified vines and the occasional plant growing through the cracks of the wall, coming from who knows where.

The only true odd thing was the pits, and by extension the residents.

A dozen red lights glowed in the darkness as grey monsters crowded around the distant shape of Bart. Like a sentinel he stood in the end of the hallway that connected to the open space. His figure was hard to grasp through the shadow emanating from his armor made him look twice his size. He seemed shapeless all the same as a defined grey creature shifted through the air and landed on his shield with a thud and a growl. On his right, a sword swirled in Bart’s hand, the only sharp feature to his silhouette. It turned to point at the creature and slid in between the red lights, disappeared wetly, and reappeared within a long horizontal cut as he stretched his arm towards the right. Two more grey shapes thudded to the ground. More shapes joined the mob meanwhile.

Meanwhile, she stood in the back next to Brynn who slowly loosed arrow after arrow over the mob crowding around the lone knight.

‘Why are you so tense? You’re perfectly safe here.’

‘It looks like Bart is having such a hard time. I wish I could help him.’

‘That’s the whole point. It needs to be hard. He won’t get good if he has it easy. Besides, if I thought he couldn’t handle this much, I would be shooting more arrows. Honestly, he is getting proficient to the point it's boring me.’ Brynn said as she absently loosed another arrow.

‘There must be something I can do…’

‘Come ooon, you’re helping best by staying put, out of danger. Oh damn, look at that.’

A bigger orc had slammed into Bart, crashing him into the floor as the beast bit on to him and its large fangs slammed onto his helmet, cracking sickly into teethly shards. The lone knight took a knife from his belt, screamed, and cried as he jammed the sharp edge through the midriff of the sentient bag of mud. Again and again, until enough clay had dropped from the membrane to roll the carcass of him, just in time for another orc jumped him. Brynn casually shot two other orcs preventing them to do the same. With this, Bart would manage to kill his aggressor and get to his feet.

‘See? He’s perfectly fine.’

Amethyst wrapped a piece of thread around her finger until it hurt.

---

It was the end of the day, and they were all ready to go to sleep, but here she thought she could make a difference. She did this night after night for a few nights now. She stood by the branches holding a knife and stepped to side along the walls. She practically ran through the tunnel as fast as she could, her knife rasping along the branches and vines, dropping softly something to the floor. She ran.

Most people wouldn’t notice, but there was a huge plant life in these tunnels. She noticed the first time when she climbed up the vines, fleeing from a big lizard which had many more legs than it ought to have. Along the petrified plants a soft fuzz grew, and after closer inspection, she realized it was a grey moss. This strange fuzzy plant grew away from where the blue stones shone brightest, seemingly shunning the light. She ran along the walls, rasping the moss of the vines. It was perfect to be used as bedding and gave an earthy flavor to the meat they ate. She noticed how Bart was bothered by his aches after a tough fight, and she realized by now that the standoffish archer craved the softness of their fur at night as she seemed to wrestle with her dreams. She cared for both. She felt hopeless as they struggled.

She too was tired and hadn’t noticed the shape that lingered within the stone thicket, and as she got close it shot at her from its hiding spot, its fangs dripping with venom.

‘YEEEK!’

The girl fell on her ass as carapace cracked and an arrow pierced it into the stone wood.

‘I figured you’d be at it again.’

‘We figured.’ Bart said, carrying a pile of moss in his arms. ‘There’s a lot more than this. Let’s collect it and sleep.’

Amethyst sat on her knees. She held back her tears. His smile made her feel a pressure on her heart. He said, ‘Those spiders scare me too, a lot.’ and grinned, wounded by being a burden. She was both happy and hurt he didn’t notice.

The three of them carried the moss back to the fire. She padded it all into a comfy bed. The two soldiers slept deeply, but she kept up with dry eyes, embroidering a piece of cloth. Soon enough, Brynn started to quiver and shake. Amethyst put the cloth away very carefully and moved closer to the strong woman who looked frail when she slept. She snuck her arm around her and hugged her gently, until the shaking stopped, and her twitching ears stilled. Contently she herself curled up into a ball and snuggled in between of the two brave rats.

---

She walks through a big house where many ratmen run about. Kids playing by the hearth as she and her husband cook up a lovely dinner. She looks out of the kitchen window from where she can see the giant blue stone in the sky illuminating the modern kingdom. A kingdom where she helps society prosper through science and collaboration. She is tired but content, raising their kids and making her contribution. Her intellect is treasured, her talent cultivated. Fifty years well spent, and she hopes for fifty more.

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The man she calls her husband touches her arm with the palm of his hand and stares deeply into her eyes.

‘I love the life we’ve built, Ellen.’

She grins as she taps a wooden spoon against the forehead of the brown and white rat. His whiskers twitch about in played fright.

‘Oh hush, you old goof. If you have the energy to be sentimental, go talk to your mother. You know she craves it, these days.’

Words ring in her ears.

I love you, Ellen. I love you, Ellen. I love you, Ellen.

I love the life we’ve built.

Praise Ashe for the life we’ve built.

---

Amethyst her eyes felt as dry as could be. She stared at the ceiling, lit by the blue, fluorescent stones. Who in the world was this Ellen person anyway?

It wasn’t the first time she had a dream like that. Some of her best ideas came from there. Embroidery also was inspired by the hypnotic visions of hands moving along with thread for hours until the pattern revealed itself to her and she believed that she could do it. In fact, she knew she already had done it. It was clear to her the woman in her dreams was supposed to be her. This was the blessing. She rubbed her temples until it hurt too much to keep going. Who was she if she wasn’t Amethyst?

She smiled broadly as she greeted Brynn, who already was awake and readying her equipment for the day.

‘Good dreams, miss archer?’

She only looked at the eye within the white spot upon her face as Brynn turned towards her. She could tell a small twitch.

‘Peace and tranquility, sweet cheeks. Must be because of those beds of yours. Did you dream well?’

‘Haha, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed that we found Anite and could return home heroes. We saw our friends again and they were really happy to see us. Of course, Clementine would scowl and say something about mass murder, and Tess would only look at Anite the whole time, but they would be so glad to have us back home. Safe and sound.’

Brynn chuckled.

‘That sounds like a much better dream than mine, I’m jealous.’ The archer frowned so hard she seemed to turn into herself, putting her arrows away to lean her elbows onto her knees. ‘Honestly, that’s the first time I thought about those two in a while. I can see that it’s tough on you two. We’ve been away from home for almost two weeks.’

She stared at her while she said that, not blinking once. Amethyst smiled. She knew when people tried to evoke reaction from you, Ellen had taught her.

‘Oh, I’m perfectly fine. We’re doing this for Anite after all. He must be so scared alone. Remember when he made those cute stone dens for us to sleep in. He really overdid it then. It scared me a lot when he started screaming, but when he had calmed down and he cried himself to sleep he seemed so fragile. I think he’s actually a really tender person, a softy you know?’

She still smiled. The archer listened, looking confusedly, still frowning.

‘Look,’ she said ‘I’m worried about you. You know... I’ve a blessing that lets me see more than other people can see. Things that are beyond light and darkness, and I can see that you are not well.’

‘Please, I’m totally fine. What is that you’re saying about a blessing? What does that mean anyway?’

With a smile on her face, she fought a battle that she knew she could fight. There is not a way that she would show her heart so readily to someone that plays it as close to her chest as Brynn. She thought of the shaking back and twitching ears she tightly held the night before. She would keep this smile, even if she cared for the archer.

And sharp as she was, the archer seemed to see through her. Both knowing and not knowing, she pouted.

‘Well, it’s not something I know everything about. It’s uhm… something you get when you have picked the interest of a god. Which I seem to have done, a lifetime ago.’ They both chuckled at this. Then again the archer looked very grave, and Amethyst stopped smiling. It seemed difficult for Brynn to talk about this. ‘What god blessed me, I’m unsure of. It certainly wasn’t Gloria, Ragon nor Ashe. None of the human gods. That I know, and that it is related to killing. A lot of killing. Because of this, I can now see the unseen. Like the trajectory of an arrow, or the magic in the air, or fairies.’ She shuddered as she mentioned fairies. ‘Anyhow, that is how I can tell you are not well.’

Amethyst didn’t smile, she felt like Brynn had honestly opened herself to her.

‘I suppose then it’s no use trying to hide it from you. This journey is an insecure one for me. It makes me feel useless. It makes me feel like I need to prove my worth because… because otherwise I won’t be needed.’

Brynn stirred at her voice cracking.

‘I felt that way too.’ Said Bart suddenly. Amethyst’ heart sank. Brynn didn’t seem very surprised. In fact, she smirked at her, because she knew all this time! ‘I doubt you two remember, but I wasn’t the sharpest tool. You know, because I wasn’t very useful. That’s what King implied anyway, when he sent me into the labyrinth. And after being here so many times in this scary, difficult, awful place, I feel better than before, somehow. Not much, really, but better. Here I can do something.’

Brynn scoffed.

‘I don’t really understand this whole insecurity about usefulness. I mean, I know I'm pretty cool and in a different headspace to all this adventuring business, but still, I don’t really get it. You almost seem afraid to be useless. Really afraid.’

The two rats stared at her wide eyed and shouted in unison.

‘King nearly killed you!!’

The archer spooked.

‘What?’

‘He picked you up with shadows! Just for speaking out of line! It was terrifying.’

‘Oh, I guess I was too pissed to feel scared at the time. I just kept thinking how I’d shove my own claw up his butthole and rip out his intestines, hahahaha. What, you think King will kill you if you lose value?’

She was giggling as she said it, but she could see in their eyes that they were deeply scared by what she had brought into the world with words, something they both didn’t dare to whisper.

‘Listen, I…’ She spoke, ‘I haven’t put my all into this. If Anite turned out to be dead, then I could also live with it. To me, this is just a job, something to enjoy. Anyway, I’ll take some more time to train you properly. If that is what you want.’

Amethyst didn’t believe she would be a good warrior, but it would have to do. So, she nodded. She looked into Brynn’s eyes and found pity there, which fortified the hurt she felt. She played her cards right and knew that the archer would let it go. She didn’t tell her about her dreams, but neither had Brynn. She looked forward to a long day of walking and potentially training in the way of the warrior. She hoped it would be painful and excruciating, so she could sleep like a rock.

‘So, I dreamed of the Blessing World last night. It was mindboggling. For weeks, months even, I looked over this little village. I could tell where the nicest napping places were and where to get the tastiest beer. I even had friends there and a lovely girl that looked at me with the warmest eyes. And then BAM. Back in the cave. Goodbye comfort. How can I keep living such a comfortable life in my dreams if I have to come back here after all those weeks? Every time I think ‘nooo, not this time. This time I won’t have to go back. This has to be real life.’ But every time I wake up to a bed of moss and a breakfast of weeks old, dried lizard meat, and I wonder why the blessing is showing me these dreams, why dream of these people if they don’t exist. Man, that feels good to say. You know Brynn, you remind me of my dream friend Gerald, tough as nails, but puppies and ponies on the inside… Guys? What’s going on, why are you looking at me like that?’

This man, Amethyst thought, one day he’ll make my heart burst.