Pain began playing its beat in my head, cranking it up to max to make sure I woke up. Tingles in my muscles had my arms clenching and unclenching beyond my control. Pops went off in my mouth like a bag of popcorn, nerves bursting with activity when they did. Cracks and creaks were released with any and all of my attempts to shimmy and move against the tingles. On top of that, I had a thirst...not the right word. Desire? That might be better, whatever it was, it was demanding I appease it. How though? For now it is just going to have to wait.

I know I had a few drinks last night but, this is no hangover. If it was, I was beyond fucked up last night.

To my surprise, there was no music or TV playing in the background, instead the ruffling of fabrics in the wind and morning conversations between neighbors outside was all that I could hear. I didn’t expect anyone else to be up (even after a night of heavy drinking I’m usually the first one up), so I’m not surprised if no one is up yet. However, the lack of any ambient noises from people forgetting to turn off some electronics is quite surprising. My body didn’t want to listen to my orders to move out of bed or wipe the sleep from my eyes. I managed to force my eyelids to lift, the light was bright. Too bright. I couldn’t make out much but, what I could make out was some sheet that looked like it was from a burlap potato sack on the ceiling above me.

That’s not right.

Maybe I’m just dreaming?

The weird sensations going on all over my body were clear reminders that I in fact was not dreaming. My heart and breathing was becoming faster at the realization that something may be wrong.

Am I tripping?

Was I drugged?

I forced my eyes open again, once more allowing my sight to be seared by the light. My arms decided to listen to my impulse to sit up. The light was dim-HOLY FUCK! I AM IN A TENT! I AM IN TENT!? Burlap linen was draped over two massive wooden poles, the walls of the tent fell over increments of well spaced lesser poles. I found myself in some dingy cot in the far corner of the tent, one of many in a row. Opposite of me was another row of cots matching my own.

This is somehow familiar. It reminds me of some sort of tent at a renaissance fair but, I’ve never been to one, let alone actually gone camping in a tent. Yet, this still all feels familiar to me, I can’t quite put it into words yet but, my gut is telling me this is normal to me. My mind on the other hand is telling me otherwise…

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I didn’t notice it at first but there is someone in the cot next to me. However, I can’t see who it is because there is a thick sheet drawn over top of them.

I moved my arm forward to wake up my cot neighbor, maybe they know what the fuck is going on. Instead of nudging them awake, I fell onto the grass below. My arms didn’t listen, as they were still busy processing what the hell is going on.

What the hell is going on?

Here I am, lying on grass in some random fucking tent with no recollection of how I got here. Did I join the circus? Doubtful. Wait, where are my clothes? I don’t have to see to know that I only have underwear on right now, and I can tell they aren’t mine. Who’s ever underwear I have, it doesn’t feel like underwear. If anything, it feels like someone wrapped a long piece of cloth around my dick and ass. At least it's comfortable.

Once more, I dared myself to open my eyes to see if I was hallucinating the sensation of underwear.

HOLY FUCK!

Looking down, before I even saw that I was correct in my assumption of what my underwear was composed of, I saw my body...I’M FUCKING RIPPED! WAIT...THIS ISN’T MY BODY!

I have always been active, and played sports ever since I could walk. I even managed to play lacrosse and hockey in college but, not once could I ever say I was ripped. I liked to say I had an athletic dad bod. I had muscles, and people could see I worked out but, they could also see that I liked to enjoy myself.

The body...my body, is absolutely shredded. Not only that but, it seems that my legs are a little longer. Wait where’s my hair? Being Italian, I’m quite hairy...all over my body. Yet, besides a light amount on my arms and legs, there is no abundance of hair anywhere on my body.

A subtle breeze pulls my fascination away from my new body. The scent has a heavy metallic taint to it, similar to rust, with a hint of nature sprinkled in there. A feeling of knowing once again makes itself present in my gut. What is that? My gut grumbles, demanding my mind recognize the scent. I don’t know what it is! My gut grumbles once more, this time it was strong enough to send a quiver through my body to my head. Stop it! I don’t recognize it!

Despite the squabbling between my mind and guy, the concoction brings the hairs on the back of my neck to rise.

While my senses did nothing to help me identify where I was, I was able to deduce one certainty.

I’m not in Kansas anymore...