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The Quest for High School Mathletic Glory
Chapter 53: The Red Army quiz bowl team, fact or fiction?

Chapter 53: The Red Army quiz bowl team, fact or fiction?

At the end of the last practice of the team before Halloween, Imélie has an announcement to make regarding what has tormented them for the past weeks; even though their victory at ACF Fall secured the future of the program, they still have lingering memories of the ultimatum issued to the team weeks before the tournament, but only explicitly referred to as such the night before said tournament.

"Before we begin the session, I apologize for the delay, and I believe this is long overdue. There was no ultimatum issued to us. Please apologize for any inconvenience this fake ultimatum may have caused you" Imélie opens the practice session.

"Oh no, we will NOT accept apologies on your part regarding this fake ultimatum!" Xavier shouts in objection.

"Me neither!" Nolan objects as well.

"I will make you play the Red Army quiz bowl team if you refuse to apologize for the fake ultimatum!" Imélie starts shouting in turn, in response to the objections of the other players.

"The Red Army... even if they actually did quiz bowl, whether we can win against them will depend on what specialties their team comprise" Derek explains to them.

"What do you mean, Derek?" Xavier asks him.

"If their literature player is not a linguist, or if their fine arts player is not, like, an ex-member of the Choir... we stand a much better chance. History and RPMSS is their domain. The Red Army isn't exactly known for its scholarship" Derek then answers his teammate.

"We don't even know if the Red Army actually has a quiz bowl team!" Alyssa objects to Derek's analysis of the Red Army's quiz bowl team.

"Plus, if it was anything like the 1970s' Red Army sports teams, they wouldn't draw their players from the Red Army proper!" Imélie comments about how the Russians would go around building the Red Army as a quiz bowl team. "They would want the Red Army team to get strong enough to be able to take on the best college teams in the world before they can compete on the international stage. That is why a game against the Red Army would be a punishment for you guys at this stage!"

"Derek was assuming the Red Army quiz bowl team membership was reserved to active-duty Russian military personnel" Xavier comments about how military specialties translated to quiz bowl.

"If that was the case, playing against the Red Army would then be much like playing against our own service academies, but they never had any quiz bowl presence!" Alyssa then rebuts her players' claims regarding today's Red Army quiz bowl if it actually exists.

"However, the big difference is that even then it would be like playing an all-star team made of players from all over the entire military education system!" Derek adds to what Alyssa said about what would change depending on whether civilian players were allowed on the Red Army quiz bowl team.

If today's Red Army quiz bowl team, provided it exists, was run like the 1970s Red Army sports teams, then they would draw players from universities such as Moscow State or St. Petersburg State, and not service academies! Russian service academies are, as far as we publicly know about their education, very one-dimensional academically and civilian schools are much better at "good quiz bowl" subjects, at least as far as Russia is concerned, Derek muses before Nolan seems to relent.

"Fine, I will accept your apology but on two conditions: you will not have us play the Red Army and you will attend the same Halloween costume party we are, wearing this costume I just bought for you!" Nolan then hands the costume to her.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

"And I accept on one condition: don't drink alcohol, because I know you're all underage. But thanks for the costume"

Nolan then proceeds to hand her a costume bought from the theater department's Halloween sale of used costumes, which, oddly enough, looks like the Preobrazhensky dress uniform ca. 2022 (i.e. the Russian honor guard uniform) albeit without the twin-headed eagle crest of the real uniform. Even with our victory at ACF Fall, by and large, quiz bowl flies under the student body's radar. So, for the Halloween party, I can pretend to be the coach of the Red Army quiz bowl team and all I need to do then is to ask for vodka when prompted about drinking, but otherwise stick to talking about some North American tour against collegiate quiz bowl teams, the Red Army quiz bowl roster, and how Tulane fits in it. Imélie starts formulating a plan for her participation in the party as she makes her way to the women's bathroom to try it on. Which is where she realizes the Russian honor guard costume given by Nolan, presumably used for the Nutcracker last Christmas, is a little wide to her, but not exceedingly so. When the Halloween party gets underway, there are dozens of people wearing all sorts of costumes, with pumpkin and mint pies, and the whole team feels like actors on a horror movie set.

"Welcome to this haunted house party! Please, help yourself to candy, pumpkin and mint pies! Alcoholic beverages are subject to ID checks" the host, disguised as a zombie, announces in front of the guests.

"What brings you here?" a guest asks Imélie, not suspecting anything.

"I'm the Red Army quiz bowl coach, I am touring various high schools and colleges all over North America to learn the best practices of quiz bowl coaching, moderation, question design and gameplay" Imélie answers her, under the cover of the Halloween party.

Better than claiming that Tulane is the opening of some Red Army college quiz bowl grand tour; if the Red Army actually made a grand tour, Quizbowl Resource Center would have an announcement either calling for bids to host games or post the schedule and results, the latter would be posted in the Russian equivalent of QBRC as well, Imélie ponders while she is asked about the roster of the Red Army quiz bowl team as some sort of cruel joke that the attendees go along based on the costumes.

"While the names and ranks of the players are classified until such time that the Kremlin sees fit to publicly announce the roster, their specialties are not. Our literature player is a linguist, our fine arts player is a former chorister, our science player is a NBC specialist and our history and RPMSS player is a Marine. Right now there is only one four-player team"

If playing the Red Army quiz bowl team actually was like playing quiz bowl vs our own service academies, or even pooling all of their quiz bowl talent pools together into one team, then even my old high school can beat the Red Army in a quiz bowl game! Or South Lafourche even, Derek muses while imagining how a quiz bowl game between a strictly military Red Army squad and either Permian or South Lafourche would play out, and also knowing that, in the post-Soviet era, the Red Army is strictly about elite sports, and the Russian army is no longer referred to as the Red Army. As the ghost bursts out of a dry ice fog...Long story short, the Red Army quiz bowl team is nothing like Imélie made it out to be. She probably imagined the Red Army quiz bowl team to be strong enough to win against the ACF Nationals Division I champion, or the ICT Division I winner! So why would she threaten us into playing them then?

At the end of the party, however, the team is a little shaken by the horror-themed display of the party, and so is Imélie, but for a different reason; she was made to feel like, in the minds of the greater student body, the Red Army has suddenly increased in prominence as a quiz bowl rival of the Green Wave. Oh one could daydream of a quiz bowl game between the Green Wave and the Red Army, either in New Orleans or in Moscow.

"For the rest of the season, until either the Red Army comes up in a practice or tournament question or in your courses, we are not allowed to even mention it between ourselves at team functions! This time around, we'll need to sleep in the car, and I will be playing this time around" Imélie warns her players.

Except maybe, in the event the Red Army quiz bowl team is real, we somehow play them in a tournament. For the Red Army to play us at ACF Winter or Regionals they would need to be placed in an online overflow site and so would we, and the Red Army will almost certainly NOT be Division 2 at the Nationals. If real, the Red Army MUST be considered a college team no matter what! Imélie cogitates on what ACF tournament participation would imply for potential Green Wave-Red Army games.