Aurora stood shakily, waiting to be greeted by her mother.
The queen looked down at her from atop an icy throne, gaze cold and calculated.
The princess shivered, remembering what Orion had told her in an attempt to explain what occurred during her mental absence:
“People saw that you weren’t yourself. Everyone close knew that something had happened, but now I see that it was your subconscious taking over your body,” he shook his head guiltily and Aurora fought the urge to console him.
“Didn’t you say my subconscious skipped to 10 years later?” all this talk of souls and time skips had her confused. This wasn’t a part of any lessons she took- or at least none that she remembered taking.
Orion tilted his head, nodding, “The consciousness and subconscious are opposites of sorts. The consciousness is your personality or your active mind. Your subconscious is a part of your brain that takes over when you don’t need or don’t want to be present,” when he saw the muddled look on the princess’ face, he added, “Have you heard of dissociation?”
This time, Aurora nodded. She had read a few psychology books and learned some official terms like that.
Orion nodded, smiling encouragingly, “Disassociation is when your conscious mind goes to dream world and your subconscious takes over. Your subconscious can be very capable all on its own. You can answer questions and have trivial conversations, yet there is no deeper part of your mind that truly thinks,” he paused, making sure Aurora was still on board, “This…” he paused, “This is sort of what you were like… The only difference is that you weren’t in dreamland, your mind skipped directly to this morning. That’s why you have no memories from the past 10 years.”
Aurora tried not to think about it as she almost pleaded, “Got it. Continue.”
“When everyone saw how you were, I thought it might’ve been my fault since I bumped into you, so I stuck by your side, hoping to explain everything when you came back. But after weeks passed, I figured that you might’ve been affected by something else,” he stopped for a moment, “Actually, the reason I was in the gardens that day was because my father had just told me that the two of us were arranged to be married and I was trying to process it all. Your mother told you a month or so later. I think she hoped that the sudden news would break you out of the trance, but, well… you didn’t object,” his cheeks were red with shame and this time the princess rested a hand on his shoulder. Orion cleared his throat, glancing at Aurora before continuing, “We announced the official engagement on your 18th birthday and were married a few months later. When our son was born, a bit of light returned to your eyes. Everyone could tell you loved the boy dearly,” Orion sadly shook his head, “Then we found out that Killian’s body could not handle the heat of our environment. He has your mother’s blood, but instead of being blessed to create the cold he needs, he’s cursed with no apparent gift except the need for a hyperborean climate.” His voice broke at the end and Aurora marveled for a moment at how she had gotten so lucky while she was away. He seemed to truly care for their son.
But she quickly shook the thought away.
When he looked to her for instruction, Aurora nodded for him- for her… husband to continue.
“Well,” he studied his hands which rested in his lap, “Your mother did not take this curse very well. People wondered why she suddenly broke, but I watched the way she always looked at you, searching for any remaining light. I knew she had struggled for years over the loss of her only child,” His green eyes swirled with sorrow, “I think she couldn’t bare the thought of losing another.”
This time, Aurora was the one fighting back tears. She had only known this place for an hour or so, but the thought of her mother living alone for so long… the princess could hardly bear the thought. It had always just been her and her mother. Even though the queen and princess had regular disputes, they still loved each other. Aurora couldn’t imagine pushing on without her wise guidance or soft comments. Their lives were so intertwined, they clung to each other like vines.
“I wasn’t sure if my gut feeling was right, though,” he paused guiltily, “I never told her that you may have borrowed my gift.”
Aurora blanched, “So she thinks…”
Orion nodded, “She thinks you somehow had a psychotic break from all the pressure. She believes that she’s the reason you disappeared from your own mind. So, when she saw that your son might not survive… she…” Orion paused again, glancing at Aurora, “She lost it,” Aurora’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and she was startled when he grabbed her hand in his, speaking slowly but resolutely, “Ror, the queen- Your mother… froze the entire kingdom.”
Aurora’s mind went blank again, “... what?”
Now, as she stood in front of her own mother, Aurora barely recognized the woman.
Her mother had aged well, white hair swept to one side, smooth skin barely cracked with age. Even her dress must be the envy of many wives. She was beautiful.
And yet… those eyes.
As the queen looked down at her daughter, Aurora could barely see the woman who had raised her. Her expression had no hint of that familiar warmth that she could always see even when the queen was furious. There was no peaceful air like a cool breeze. It was just… ice- freezing and hardened like stone. It almost seemed she had wrapped it around her heart in an attempt to conserve it.
Orion was right, the queen really had… changed.
Aurora fought off the word ‘broken’ as it bounced around in her mind.
The queen stood so suddenly, that Aurora unconsciously took a startled step back. Her mother’s eyes then moved to Orion and the guards behind her.
Not a single sound had been made since they entered the throne room together, but her mother easily sliced through the tense air with two words, “Leave us.” Even her tone was unrecognizable to Aurora. It dripped with authority and intimidation. It was unloving and… cold.
Footsteps were heard, and Orion hesitated only a moment to squeeze Aurora’s hand before he, too exited the throne room.
Aurora gnawed on her lip and brought her hands in front of her to wring her fingers, trying to find an ounce of the warmth Orion had graciously given her.
Her fingers then slid over the cold ring on her left hand, distracting her. The princess looked down at the ring, successfully forgetting her situation for an instant as she studied the beautiful gem set in gold.
She straightened again when she heard a gasp from her mother.
Aurora snapped her attention back to the queen who stood silently with her hand over her mouth.
The princess finally dared to speak, “Mother…?” The question echoed off the walls of the throne room before the queen seemed to break out of her trance and was running toward Aurora in an almost… unladylike way- the likes of which Aurora thought she’d never have the pleasure of seeing. She watched, frozen with wide eyes as her mother’s face contorted into an expression of disbelief, confusion, and… joy?
“Darling-” the queen cried out.
And then Aurora was being tackled with the most indecorous hug she had ever received.
“Mother, wha-” she cried out in muffled surprise.
“You’ve returned…” the queen gasped out a sob, “As soon as you came in I saw… oh, mercy.”
Aurora hesitantly returned her mother’s hug, internally panicking. She hadn’t received physical affection like this since her father died. Her mother was a rather apathetic woman who offered the occasional comment of endearment or care. She never displayed this kind of behavior- even when the two were alone.
The queen’s grip tightened and Aurora was unconsciously pulling away slightly, overwhelmed by her mother's sudden mawkishness.
What was going on?
“Mother-” she tried again.
Her mother just shushed her though. And they stood in silence for a few more minutes until the queen finally pulled away slightly, looking at her daughter within arms reach.
“Darling, you’re back,” she said with a watery smile.
Aurora returned a shaky nod with a half-hearted smile, “Yes, Mother. I’m back.”
The queen’s eyebrows suddenly furrowed, “I’m so sorry Aurora. I should have thought of your feelings more. The day the light in your eyes vanished… I never thought-”
This time, Aurora was the one shushing, “It’s ok, Mother. I never meant to leave,” she looked away, wondering if she could explain. If she should explain. But she shook the thought away, “What matters is that I’m back now,” she decided.
Her mother looked into Aurora’s eyes, “And I promise I’ll never let it happen again,” the queen’s hands tightened almost painfully on Aurora’s shoulders, “Now, family comes first.”
Those words were all that her young self ever wanted to hear. The princess should’ve been comforted by them… but something about the look in her mother’s eyes gave her an unconscious shiver. She wasn’t sure why everything felt so amiss.
Aurora replied with a nod, unsure of what else she could say.
Then the queen was swiftly leading her outside of the throne room, “Come, I’d like to show you what the kingdom has become. I feel now you’ll be able to appreciate it as much as I do.”
Aurora nodded nervously, unsure of why her mother assumed she had no cognizance from the past 10 years. Should she explain? Would it ease or worsen her mother’s guilt?
When she made eye contact with Orion, though, she was almost immediately comforted. Strange. Must be her subconscious telling her that he was safe.
Curious how her subconscious did not feel the same way about her mother now.
The 3 of them strolled around the castle trailed by a few guards. Aurora noted how they had new gear to keep them warm under their armor. She also noted that her mother now walked around with armed protection in the safety of her own castle.
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The princess’s own clothing had been modified with wool and thermo-regulating cloth and Aurora marveled at how well everyone in the castle had adapted to the new climate.
Aurora avoided asking about the cold climate, though. She had no desire to consider the repercussions or discuss politics just yet.
The castle was frigid throughout the entire structure. Aurora recognized most areas, but nearly everything had been transformed into a place that was uninviting and restless. By the time they reached the library, however, she finally mustered enough grit to shakily ask, “Can I see my son?”
The queen paused mid-step before she replied, “Of course. I’m sure Killian is awake by now… He’ll want to see his mother,” she continued down a side hallway, “Try to act… normal. I don’t want him getting overwhelmed when he sees that his mother has a soul again.”
Aurora flinched back at the wording her mother used. Surely she didn’t mean it to sound so cruel. But she nodded in understanding, eyes downcast as she fought off feelings of shame and remorse.
What had Orion said? Her son was now 5. Aurora couldn’t believe that she had no recollection of his birth. Not to mention, Killian had probably grown up knowing little to no motherly affection. She did not have to question others to know that she had been… absent in ways of affection for the past 10 years.
10 years.
It all still felt like a dream- like she was watching the life of another. Aurora wasn’t sure when the crushing weight of reality would finally kick in, but she was certainly dreading it.
Would she be able to handle it?
“Here we are,” her mother’s emotionless voice broke the princess out of her trance.
They were in front of a hefty metal door. Aurora swore she could feel the air snaking out from inside the room, somehow even colder than the already freezing hallway.
She was terrified to meet her child.
So, for now, she would pretend she really was dreaming.
The door opened inward and the princess was hit with a wave of frigid air. She hardly noticed, though, when her eyes landed on the little lump squirming under the sheets of the bed.
She was drawn forward as if by a magnetic force, slowly moving toward what she knew was her son. She could feel that it was her child.
“K-” her nerves caused her voice to catch, “Killian?”
A little ball of dark curly hair poked from out of the blankets, and Aurora’s breath hitched as the head turned and big, green eyes focused right on her.
Then her heart clenched further when a wide smile broke out on the little boy’s face as he cried out, “Momma!” before shuffling around in the blankets until he was untangled and could leap off of the bed.
Aurora stood, frozen, as the boy ran up to her, wrapping his arms around a clump of her skirts.
The princess was in a trance, unsure of what to do. Her hands hovered over the little boy’s head, feeling both terrified and captivated. He was so small.
Her eyes began to water at the thought of this little boy treasuring an emotionless mother his entire life. She knew better than most what having a detached parent could do and Aurora had sworn as a younger girl that she’d never be like her mother.
Yet… here she was, filled with remorse and sorrow. He must’ve faced so many disappointments because of her. The fault lay solely on her shoulders. She could not push the blame onto another like she often tried to do in her youth.
The princess wasn’t sure why, but she suddenly understood lessons she’d never learned. Her heartache intensified as her mind grasped the significance of her mistakes. Maybe her brain matured normally with her body. Or maybe she was just dreaming of a difficult world and fearing adulthood and the morals she’d be forced to learn.
The little boy pulled away after only a few seconds, noticing that there were others in the room.
“Papa!” Killian ran to Orion and giggled uncontrollably as his father scooped him up into the air and showered his face with kisses.
Aurora found herself smiling tearily at the sight. Her heart clenched again.
At least he had a wonderful father.
The little boy then noticed his grandmother and Aurora was mystified at the sight of warmth that spread across her mother’s face as the queen reached down to tame some of his unruly curls.
Since when was the queen fond of children? The friends Aurora had as a child were always regularly scorned and openly abhorred by the queen. She supposed family was an exception, but it was almost erratic how only two extreme sides of her mother showed.
It made Aurora uneasy.
“Grammie…” the boy pouted for a moment, “What took you so long?” the queen’s eyes shifted to Aurora, causing Killian’s gaze to follow.
Then he paused, big eyes growing wider as he looked at his mother.
The princess then realized that there were tears streaming down her face.
So much for not overwhelming him…
The boy stared, his face showing both wonder and concern, “Momma…?”
Aurora pushed down a sob at the worry etched onto his face. She fought the instinct to run and hide, instead deciding to crouch down slowly. She extended both arms in a welcoming gesture and her heart broke more at the puzzled look on his face.
Had she really never even hugged him?
She sniffled, swallowing, “It's ok… I’m ok…”
Orion gently urged Killian forward and the little boy stumbled, eyes still locked on his mother.
Aurora finally worked up the courage to plead, “Can you- come here…?”
Killian took a few more steps and practically fell into his mother’s arms, still seeming disoriented and concerned.
Aurora wrapped her arms around her son tightly, burying her face into his hair.
She felt his tiny hands slowly reach up and grip the front of her dress, and she fought another sob at how unsure he was about her affection.
The princess found herself whispering out apologies into Killian’s hair for the years she’d missed. Her grip was firm but not strong enough to hurt him as she cradled the small boy, still kneeling and rather undignified. She never wanted to let the little boy go- as if a hug could make up for years without a loving mother.
She tried to keep her cries quiet, the boy was probably terrified enough as it was, but they bubbled up in her chest as her emotions overflowed into more tears.
He remained completely still and silent during the embrace, so Aurora was a bit startled when she heard a muffled, “Momma…”
The princess pulled away slightly and looked down at her son.
His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were unfocused as he muttered out a weak, “...hot…”
Before Aurora could ask him to repeat himself, the queen was shoving her away from Killian. The older woman looked distressed as she pulled the boy to herself, “Killian,” she said in a desperate tone, voice cracking slightly.
Then her powers were flooding the room.
Aurora felt her eyelashes freeze and she had to squint against the sudden cold as she watched her mother cradle Killian as if he was her own, washing his body in ice until his cheeks returned to a normal color.
There was silence for a moment while the queen slowly carried the boy back to his bed and gently placed him down, once again smoothing his hair back, tenderness displayed in her movements.
After a few moments, the queen’s icy gaze turned and she snapped, “Out. Now.” Aurora, who still sat stunned on the floor, knew that her mother was talking to the whole room, but the queen's eyes never left hers.
Her tone was biting enough that the princess scrambled out of the room immediately, along with everyone else. Although, she couldn’t help but cast one last longing glance at her son.
Her husband followed, hand resting reassuringly on her back, as Aurora tried to process what had just happened.
The question finally escaped her throat in a weak, “What…?” but Orion seemed to understand as he stepped away, leaning against a wall with a sigh.
“Killian… cannot handle heat at all. Even the body heat of his own mother,” he looked at the ground sadly, “As soon as you gave birth and the chord was cut, his gift showed itself. We’re lucky your mother was nearby. Otherwise…” he took a deep breath, trying a different approach, “Ror, our son is… sick. And cannot live without your mother's powers. I think it’s one reason she’s so protective of him,” he sighed, “I understand that you don’t have any memories from the last 10 years and I know it was an accident, but your mother… she might not accept excuses. You have to tell her exactly what happened.”
Aurora shook her head slowly, trying to fight out of her stupor, “If I tell my mother that I borrowed your gift…” she paused, thinking of the terrifying look in the queen’s eyes, “I think she might blame you,” her eyes fixed on her husband sadly, terrified of the reaction the queen might have.
Orion ran a hand through his dark hair, “What will you tell her then?”
The princess gnawed on her lip, “I’ll tell her…” she found her eyes wandering as if the walls could provide an answer, “I’ll tell her…”
The only solution she could think of- the only thing her mother might actually believe…
Aurora’s heart sank as she finally verbalized the thought that she knew had plagued her mother for a decade, “That it was her fault.”
Orion stood still, strangely silent.
She felt sick to her stomach, “I’ll tell her that I couldn’t take all the pressure she put on me. I’ll say that I needed to retreat so far within myself that I wouldn’t feel any of the things she said or recognize the ways she hurt me,” Aurora shuttered, already hating herself for the idea, “I’ll make her think that I was mentally absent for 10 years because of the strain she put on me,” the princess was shocked by how natural the words felt and she realized, “It’s almost true.”
Orion looked at her with a mournful expression, watching her face as she verbalized something she’d never been able to say out loud before.
“If-” he hesitated, “If you think it’s the only thing that will work…” but he looked regretful even as the words came out of his mouth.
Aurora nodded, trying to find some of that familiar anger she always felt whenever her mother belittled her or tossed her feelings aside. She knew those emotions were real.
This was the only way to protect both herself and Orion from reprehension. She didn’t dare to think what the wrath of her mother would entail.
But should the blame be put on anyone?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her son’s door opening.
The queen stepped out, avoiding her gaze as she quietly closed the door.
Aurora opened her mouth to apologize, but her voice caught in her throat as the queen grabbed her arm in a grip that made the princess wince. Then she was almost literally dragging her daughter away from the door.
Aurora stifled a gasp of pain, knowing she partially deserved the harsh treatment. She was sure she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if something had happened to her son.
Her mother dragged them far away from the room where Killian was resting, but Aurora barely noticed her surroundings as she focused on matching the queen’s pace. They walked for a minute or two before the queen pulled her into a dark room and slammed the door behind them.
The princess was disheartened when she saw that Orion didn't follow them inside.
She knew that the queen wanted him out of this conversation.
Aurora could barely see her mother's face with the sliver of light that peaked through the curtains. She wished she could read her expression better.
The room smelled like dust
The silence dragged on for a few moments before the princess felt the need to break it, "Mother, I-"
"What were you thinking?" the queen snapped. Aurora could feel her harsh glare.
"It was an accident-" she tried weakly.
"Did I not tell you to be careful? What made you think that spontaneously smothering your son was a good idea?" Aurora hated that the queen was keeping her volume down. Part of her wished that she would just yell and get it over with, "I allowed it for much longer than I should've,” the princess heard the guilt in her voice but felt no pity when her mother continued, “but I figured that you might have some maternal instincts left in that hollow shell of yours. Apparently, I was wrong."
Aurora was stunned, unsure of how to respond. The air was colder than it had been and she wondered if her mother unconsciously turned her gift on.
The queen broke the silence, sounding disdainful, "You're lucky that you are my daughter. I'd kill a servant for less," Aurora stood in silent shock, suddenly glad she couldn't fully see her mother's face as the queen asked, "Give me one reason I should allow you to see Killian again after that feat."
The princess found her eyes instinctively training on the ground in shame. She bit her lip and gripped the side of her dress in a white-knuckled hold, trying desperately to keep herself from crying.
And she felt like a kid again- scolded by her uncaring mother and feeling like she’d do anything to escape. Aurora reminded herself what she needed to tell the queen. She steeled her nerves and halted any remaining guilt with the bubbling anger in her chest.
But then there was a cold hand gently stroking her face, "My daughter…" the queen spoke, as if in a trance, like she had forgotten Aurora was there, "Don't worry, Killian will be fine," her tone was suddenly so gentle that the princess stood frozen in confusion, "Just make sure I am always near and try not to forget yourself again."
Then the queen was opening the door and walking away, leaving her stunned daughter to bask in the abrupt light streaming through the doorway.
...