It was pitch black outside as Iona tossed and turned, sleep eluding her for a third miserable night in a row. At least there were no cold sweats tonight. Huffing aloud, Iona ripped the silky gray sheets off her, and begrudgingly slipped out of bed. Her exhaustion had evolved into frustration, and she needed to walk off everything that was clouding her mind. Tomorrow was the anniversary of Elia’s passing. She was usually alone in a tent in some town miles and miles away, with several days’ supply of dark liquor to get her through that night and those leading up to it. She wished she was far away from the palace right now, memories of her friend scattered throughout the rooms, the halls, the courtyards.

Iona ambled through the halls from the sleeping wing towards the kitchen, dimly lit lanterns guiding the way. The sprawling palace was mostly silent at night. Security patrols stalked through the halls, but they were even more reticent than herself. The bakers wouldn’t be up to start on breakfast for another few hours.

Iona crept up to the kitchen entryway and as she turned to face the enormous pantry, she was startled to find a fellow restless night owl. Iona let out a murmur of annoyance and Leo turned to face the woman who had snuck into the kitchen behind him.

“Well look who’s up!” he said, way too loud for the middle of the night. Iona rolled her eyes, and pinched the bridge of her nose. She was too tired and grumpy to talk to anyone right now. With a small breath in and out, an attempt to shake off the crankiness, her gaze slid over Leo- his billowy tunic was mostly unbuttoned, revealing his chiseled, stubbly chest. His hair was a mess, like he, too, had been tossing and turning in bed mere minutes prior to their encounter. Her eyes snagged on the tiny wrinkles bundled at the sides of his eyes and the darkened bags underneath them. They were even worse than hers.

She met his stare, and Iona was reminded of Elia and the hundreds of sleepovers they had as children here. The girls would be up all hours of the night after long days of courtier training for Elia and combat training for Iona, excitedly discussing their plans for the future- Elia, a queen consort or high lady after marrying a prince or a lord in some far away land, and Iona, working as her main advisor and emissary. One night, the girls were chattering on about how long they each could survive out in the North Forest on their own, when they heard someone pattering down the hall.

Elia’s ears perked up at the noise, “I’ll be right back,” she told Iona, as she popped up from the floor and hurried to the door. Nosy as always, Iona got up to follow her after a few seconds. She peeked out the bedroom door and saw Elia and Leo in the hallway; Leo looked weary, almost as he did now, and he’d clearly been crying, his eyes streaked red and puffy. Elia pulled her brother into a hug after exchanging some whispers. She said goodnight and the siblings went their separate ways. Iona hustled back over to sit down before Elia caught her eavesdropping.

“What was that about?” Iona inquired.

“It was Leo,” Elia explained as she walked through the door, dropping back to the rug and folding in her legs, “He has trouble sleeping sometimes when he’s feeling anxious. Caught him this time before he made it to the kitchen though; he always ends up eating something the bakers were counting on using for breakfast when this happens,” she said with a chuckle.

“What could he possibly have to be anxious about? Getting his ass handed to him at training?” Iona snarked.

“Iona, be nice!”

“I’m nicer to him than he is to me! You know, he told our entire team behind my back that I have a glass eye,” Iona groused. “They’ve been looking at me strange for two weeks. Then I took a head kick from Espo in training yesterday, and he dropped to the canvas looking for it thinking it popped out!” Elia burst out laughing, rolling onto her back, golden hair splayed over the ground. “It’s not funny!” Iona insisted, shaking her friend, though she was holding back a slight giggle, too. “He’s always trying to undermine me.”

Elia looked over at Iona, smiling. “It’s a little funny.” Iona returned the smile, paired with a roll of her eyes.

Elia pushed up onto her elbows. “He has a lot of weight on his shoulders, ya know,” she responded. In a quieted voice, as if Leo could somehow hear her down the hall, Elia continued, “I think my parents ignore him. My mom is absent most of the time, and my dad spends all of his time focused on Heston. I can tell it really hurts Leo’s feelings. He’s always trying to prove himself only to be overlooked.”

“You don’t have to coddle him, Elia, he’s not a little kid. As much as he acts like one,” Iona scoffed.

“I’m not coddling him, I’m making sure he’s okay. He’s my brother, and I’m the only one who ever checks on him, even though I’m certain that Heston and my mother both know that he could use some support,” Elia responded, with the soft tone that always made Iona feel a little guilty for being the harsh one. “Sometimes it’s nice to know that someone else in this family is capable of emotion.” She looked at Iona, and gently scolded her, “You could stand to be a little more like Leo in that way.”

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Iona had brushed off that comment in the moment, but now, it was just her and Leo in this kitchen, both struggling with the same lingering sadness. Maybe Elia was onto something. Maybe she could show some…compassion. Iona’s gaze settled on the plate sitting behind Leo on the butcher block filled with fluffy chunks of bread and a huge spoonful of jam and butter- surely something the bakers planned on serving tomorrow.

“Iona, are you sleepwalking?” Leo said as he pushed off his elbow on the bench, standing up straight, “You’re just kind of standing there.”

“Sorry,” Iona responded, realizing she’d been staring at Leo in silence for too long. “Just, have a lot on my mind, I guess.” She cleared her throat to ask, “Are you, um, doing okay?” She tried to fill the words with more sincerity than she’d ever spoken to him before.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I just always have trouble sleeping when I’m feeling…anxious, I suppose. Elia’s anniversary is coming up…obviously, you know that. I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t. It’s just…I hate this time of year,” he replied. His words swelled with the same melancholy that filled Iona’s thoughts. Iona wondered if Leo felt alone in the mourning of his sister over the years, as she had.

“I hate it, too. I miss her.” She added, “And I’m sorry about your father, too. I know I haven’t said anything about it, but, you know it’s…hard for me. But I know what it’s like to lose a parent. I’m sorry you’re being faced with it like this.”

Leo seemed surprised by the sympathy she was trying to offer. “At least we’ll get to say goodbye.” They sat for a moment in the heaviness, a feeling close to kinship passing between them.

“Have you spoken with Heston about it all?”

Leo rolled his eyes, “I’m sure you know the answer to that. Tried and failed. He’s even worse at talking about this kind of thing than you are.” Iona looked off, embarrassed. He was right, she had never been a person of comfort for others, but the reminder stung.

Leo sucked in a breath between his teeth, “Sorry, that was…unnecessary.” Iona waved him off, not wanting Leo to see that she was upset by it. “What about you? How is it being back?”

“Fine,” she answered. She hadn’t meant to talk about herself at all, and frankly, preferred not to.

“Just fine?” Leo said, clearly not believing her.

Iona bit her bottom lip, and shrugged her shoulders, “Yep.”

Leo’s deep voice dropped to just above a whisper, “You don’t have to lie.” Iona avoided his gaze, but she could tell there was pity in his amber eyes. Or maybe it was kindness, but both felt the same to her. “Why haven’t you been back to the palace in so long?”

Perhaps she was too tired to push back on the question, or her mind was simply done fighting it, because before she knew it, Iona answered with honesty, “Because I was too busy. I was fixing the mess I caused.”

“Caused? Last time I checked, Iona, you don’t practice black magic. Unless there’s a lot you’ve been hiding.” Leo crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back on the counter behind him.

“Okay maybe not caused, but I let it all happen. It was my responsibility as High Command to prevent the damage the Ladrons did to our kingdom. My responsibility to protect everyone, and I couldn’t even protect the one person I loved the most, let alone all those villagers and soldiers, and…and now? Hostiles are still out there. I can’t find them no matter what I try. I’ve failed.” Iona couldn’t stop the tears building in her eyes, the wave of hurt she’d released crashing onto her. She picked at the skin at the side of her nails until they were close to bleeding. Leo walked over and wrapped his strong hands over her shoulders on each side, looking down at her with the compassion she couldn’t muster herself.

“Iona, that is quite possibly the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard,” he said, one side of his lips tugging up into a half smile.

She craned her head back to look at him, her face crossed at the comment, “Excuse me?”

Leo chuckled and dropped his hands a bit, now cradling her arms. “I mean that it’s absurd to think that of yourself. I’ve never met anyone so determined to paint resounding successes as shortcomings. You did everything you could before and during the War, and now even after, you’re giving everything you’ve got. You led hundreds of soldiers to victory, and saved thousands of lives. Only you would consider that a failure. You shouldn’t. You should be proud of yourself. The rest of us are.”

Iona didn’t know how to react to such generous words of support. Especially once she realized exactly how close Leo was standing to her. His warm breath smelled of the sweet jam he’d been eating when she arrived at the kitchen. Leo must have realized it, too, and coughed a bit, releasing her arms and stepping back. “When did you get to be all caring and supportive?” she asked.

“I’m a sensitive guy,” he smirked, “I’m not an asshole.”

“Mmmm, you’re still an asshole,” Iona teased.

Leo laughed, “I’m not a heartless asshole.” He punched her lightly on the shoulder, “Like you are.” Iona laughed, too. The room took on a quiet awkwardness while she considered what to say next. Leo beat her to it.

“Why don’t you get some sleep, and uh, we should take tomorrow off from training. We’ll need our rest.” He took a step to her right, turning to slide by her and through the entryway. Without a thought, Iona reached out as Leo made his way past her and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. His eyebrows rose a bit, wrinkling his forehead. He turned, looking first at her hand, then up at Iona.

She turned her head to the side, “Thank you.”

“Thank you, too. Goodnight, Iona,” he answered. With that, he breezed out of the room, and Iona made herself a mug of hot mint tea. Within a few minutes of crawling back into bed, she was overtaken with the drowsiness that had been escaping her. Her tea went cold as she drifted off to sleep.