The glass pod rocketed towards the planet’s surface and John screamed like an agoraphobe at an open-air festival.
Plummeting to the ground from over 100,000 miles away felt a lot like the kamikaze slide his dad had tricked him into riding when he was a child.
“Don’t worry, it’s a nice, gentle waterslide,” he’d said.
A few minutes later a young John’s swimming trunks needed to be surgically removed from his rectum and he wasn’t best pleased about it.
Free falling in a glass tube from orbit felt a little bit like that, mixed with the sensation of his cheeks being about to be ripped from his face.
It got worse when his pod entered the atmosphere a few moments later and caught on fire.
Fortunately, that was the end of John’s frightful freefalling experience as he saw a flash of all-encompassing violet light and suddenly found his pod stuck into the ground.
After a few seconds of heart palpitations and trying to alleviate the horrendous dry mouth he was experiencing, the glass pod shattered around him and he felt the arid, inescapable heat of the Australian outback all around him.
He was surrounded by red desert sands, clumpy patches of grass and the occasional tree. He may as well have been on mars which, judging by recent events, was a distinct possibility for future rounds.
Burning rays beamed down on him from above uninterrupted by the cloudless blue sky that seemed to be an endless ocean above his head.
Then he heard squealing.
So much for my serene new home, he thought to himself as he looked around for the source of the noise.
Turning around he saw a large dust trail reaching up towards the sky. Worryingly, it was getting closer and the squealing sound was getting louder.
New Quest:
First Contact
Objective:
Survive the encounter.
“Well that’s just great,” John said, raising his hand to his brow in a vain attempt to prevent the sun’s glare from impeding his vision.
The racing dust cloud was almost upon him and in the near distance he could just about make out the source.
What appeared to be a mechanised kangaroo on tank treads was chasing a small animal across the outback.
“I must be seeing things,” John murmured to himself as the pair moved closer. “Nope, that’s definitely a kangaroo-mech… Mecharoo? It doesn’t matter.”
“Help!” A desperate and high-pitched voice cried out between familiar squeals.
It seemed to be coming from the small animal. As he watched the chase, John was impressed that the… whatever it was, could run fast enough to keep away from Mecharoo. The quadruped was just so tiny, it seemed implausible to John that a creature of such small stature could outrun an adversary of that size.
The Mecharoo must have been at least ten feet tall from his best guess and it formed an intimidating frame. A kangaroo’s body attached to tank treads and with… were those boxing gloves for hands?
As John calmly pondered the situation before him, the small animal reached him in a panic.
“John?” It asked.
“Truffle?” He replied.
“It is you!” The teacup pig squealed with delight as it padded the ground excitedly. “When I saw you in the pod I wasn’t sure if it was real. Is Miss Anne with you? I must find her; she’ll be so happy to know I came back. I was such a good boy. Then again if she realises I’m smart enough to find my way home then she might try that awful toilet training again. Maybe I should-”
“Listen,” John interrupted hurriedly, “I’m really glad you’re alive and everything but now isn’t the time for a catch up. That kangaroo is almost here and… wait, you can talk?”
“I’ve always been able to talk!” Truffle squealed proudly as he continued to pad at the red desert sand, “our late-night conversations in front of the apartment are some of my fondest memories.”
“Late night conversations?” John asked, struggling to recall a time when he’d ever had a conversation with the pig, “do you mean when you need to go poop in the night?” The pig looked up, opening his mouth about to reply when John suddenly interrupted, “Run!” He shouted, just as Mecharoo reached them and a red boxing glove shot from its wrist like something out of Inspector Gadget.
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
The glove practically exploded away from the mechanical beast with a small, rocket-like flame propelling it towards them.
John scooped up Truffle with one hand and dived to the side, narrowly avoiding the glove which blasted into the ground where they’d been standing.
With a deafening bang, the glove exploded on impact sending shrapnel and red dust everywhere. John coughed as he pushed himself up from the ground with a single arm and turned back towards the mech.
Firing the projectile boxing glove hadn’t slowed it down in the slightest and it was about half a second away from flattening him and Truffle like roadkill.
Without a second thought, John began sprinting away from the Mecharoo as fast as he could. He pumped his legs faster than he thought was possible and, ignoring the burning sensation in his muscles, headed towards a random tree.
There was no real reason for the selection, it was just the only local landmark in the wasteland of the post-system Australian outback and he needed a target.
“What the hell was that!” Truffle squealed as he shuffled and struggled under John’s arm to look behind them.
“An exploding boxing glove,” John puffed as he ran, “have you not seen one before?”
“No!” Truffle replied incredulously, “why, have you?”
“Only in cartoons,” John said through laboured breathing, “It probably says A.C.M.E on it.”
Though he didn’t have time to stop and look, John could tell that Mecharoo was gaining ground on him. The sound of heavy tank treads flattening the sand and sediment was getting louder along with the mechanical clanging sound coming from the mecha-beast.
He was almost at his targeted destination but his legs were seizing up already and his heart was beating way too fast. That would have been fine if the tree was actually the goal, but John had no idea what he planned to do once he reached it.
There was nothing around for as far as the eye could see. They were in the outback for god’s sake. There were no towns, no cars, no people or weapons, and they were being chased by a giant kangaroo death machine for some reason.
The only thing he knew for sure was that in this situation, running was not the final solution. He would run out of steam way before Mecharoo would. He needed a way to fight back.
That was when he saw something shinny sticking out of a knot in the tree. It was only a hunch, but it was all he had, so he raced firmly towards the shining object and hoped it would be useful.
“John,” Truffled squealed, “I really hope you have a plan because I don’t think I’ll be able to carry you if your legs give out.”
Ignoring his companion he focused solely on reaching the tree and whatever was hidden within it. Pumping his legs with all of his strength he made a mad dash towards the shimmering object.
As he got closer he could just about make out a rectangular shape, the corner of it was stuck into the tree. Was it a piece of metal? He wasn’t quite sure, but something about the way it shone called to him.
It was as if the little rectangle was veiled in an ethereal glow that shimmered like a desert haze. He just hoped it wasn’t some kind of mirage or they’d be done for.
He reached the tree with his free hand, held out in front of him, and snatched the metal object from the tree trunk. It was easily removed and he continued running past the tree with his prize clutched tightly in his calloused fingers.
Unable to look at his new loot without risking tripping over himself, John moved to tuck it into the blue bodysuit he was wearing.
He undid the zipper and attempted to slide the piece of metal inside so that he could pump his spare arm and run faster. He’d need to put more distance between himself and Mecharoo if he wanted to actually examine the metal object and hopefully find a use for it.
Logically, he didn’t even know why he’d picked it up. It was a piece of metal, what use could that possibly be to him in this current situation? However, something about it called out to him on a deeper level than his conscious mind understood.
But it was about to.
As John slipped the metal rectangle into his bodysuit he felt a pleasant burning sensation coming from his solar plexus. It was kind of like indigestion but instead of stomach pain, there was a lovely warming feeling.
Card acquired:
Frontier Justice
This card is perfect for putting down outlaws and looking good doing it.
As the words flashed through his mind and the robotic voice rang out, John smiled from ear to ear.
This was exactly what he needed.
Though he didn’t really know what the card was, he instinctively knew how to use it.
Spinning on his heels as he came to a sudden halt, he dropped Truffle and raised his arms out in front of himself. Two jet black revolvers manifested in his hands.
The pistols had shimmering, golden runes which ran up the length of the barrels. They were written in a language that was wholly alien to John, but that didn’t matter.
Rasing his new weapons, he targeted the centre mass of the charging Mecharoo and began squeezing the triggers alternately.
Ear splitting cracks rang out across the outback as bullets ripped through the fleshy parts of the mechanised kangaroo.
Blood burst from its back as rounds ripped through flesh, tearing up organs, smashing bone and causing general mayhem inside Mecharoo’s body.
Yet the beast still charged.
John fired round after round as the tank tracks continued racing towards him. A bead of sweat dripped from his forehead as he shifted his aim upwards.
If this doesn’t work we’re dead, he thought, taking a deep breath.
He fired a final shot which ripped through the beast’s forehead as brain matter exploded out of the back of its skull.
John attempted to make it a double tap just in case, but as he squeezed the trigger again all he heard was the click of the hammer.
“Shit, out of ammo,” he complained as the dead beast rolled to a stop in front of him.
Wait, how do I reload this thing? He thought looking at his new weapons. The runes had stopped glowing. The cylinders didn’t seem to be hollow and there was no place to insert new rounds. Perhaps the runes controlled the ammunition? It didn’t matter right now; he could figure it out later.
He tipped his head back and let out a maniacal laugh. He’d survived. He’d killed his first monster and it… it felt pretty damn good.
Adrenaline pumped through his veins; his heart raced with excitement. Was this what it felt like to fight for one’s life? If so, he should have entered an alien death game years ago. It was exhilarating.
Then he heard the beeping.
“John,” Truffle said, looking up from the corpse of the Mecharoo with blood on his chin and guilty expression on his face. “I got hungry and you know how I always eat when I’m nervous right? Well, I bit into this thing and there was some metal and now it’s flashing red and making a weird noise.”
John raised a single eyebrow at the pig. There was so much to unpack there, but the beeping was strange and it seemed to be getting faster.
“Oh no,” he said as realisation dawned on him.
He reached forward to grab Truffle and span on his heels as quickly as he could. The beeping had reached a fevered pitch, momentarily it would be beeping so fast that it was just a continuous noise and that would mean-
BOOM.