Chapter 3: Wenn du lange in einen Abgrund blickst

After all that debacle, I returned to my dorm room.

Thinking back, I listened to Aoi's story attentively, every word, every vowel, none escaped my ears. As I have predicted, her high school debut was a very stressful period and so she would retreat to this nearly always empty room to rewind.

Digging through all the paintings, old and new had become her new hobby. What are they but windows into people minds. Their hopes, their dreams, their passions and most of all their emotions. Every brushes a feeling every strokes a word.

Seeing all these fragments had helped Aoi to not be lonely, to push her into going forward.

One day, when she returned to the drawing room after a particular stressful day. The girl found a drawer normally locked was left ajar. What caught my attention the most was that the lock was broken, drenched in a decaying stench.

Inside it was a painting carefully wrapped. It was of a man whose handsomeness was out of this world, unreal even. That description alone was enough for me.

It was a moment straight out of a fairy tale. Soon Aoi started to be able to hear his voice. She didn't panic, however, seeing that it was the smoothest of tone.

So there were the two of them, a girl with worries and a man trapped in the dark for so long. He listened to Aoi, her problems her stories. It was sunshine and rainbow until the magic in his words faded and she realised the implication of what was going on. A talking voice that could lure you into a trance with sweetness of the devil.

It was around this time that Aoi became interested in me and after learning of my Paranormal Activity club (unofficial) just as she needed it the most. It seemed like fate was guiding us together (that was her words).

Now here I am in my room with a painting of such a magnificent man. Before when I was in a spiral of despair, he was almost angelic.

Now that I am thinking back rationally. This is actually rather creepy, having this in my room. I tried to change my clothes first but it was just too awkward to bear. Guess we will have to talk first then.

"Can you hear me, Dorian-san"

"Yes"

He answered back and just like how Aoi described it, now that the magic is gone his voice feels like a honey trap. But he still brought her back from the dead so I will trust him for now. Still, there is no problem in keeping one's guard up.

"Is it possible for you to come out, like before?"

"I am afraid not, all the power I had accumulated over the years was spent to save Aoi. Now projecting my thought is all I could do"

I see, that explain a question of mine. While the drawing room is usually left empty the hallway is still used occasionally. Then how come no one had ever heard Aoi talking to the painting?

What he said just now mean that telepathy is used instead. It is so natural that me and Aoi as well must have felt like we are talking. Now that I am aware of it of the difference it is clear that my mouth is actually not moving at all.

Talking with your mind is certainly a surreal experience.

"Wait, you can accumulate power? For what?"

"Yes, there are power, energy everywhere, every nook and cranny. Around every person, every living being. If I concentrate, I can siphon it slowly over time. In fact, I had amassed quite an amount"

My mind is racking itself trying to think about this energy, particle, atom? Physics, however, is never my strong point and telepathically communicating with a painting isn't something very scientific anyway.

"For your second question, I have wondered that very thing myself. My conclusion is everything"

"What does that mean?"

"It means I can do anything, with this enough power I can affect the physical world in any way possible. I can bend anything to my will. Don't worry, I have no where enough to do anything significant"

"Significant? You revived Aoi, bringing back someone from the dead is not 'significant'?"

"Revive? No, I only prevent her actual dead by reversing the influence of another"

When he said 'another', did he mean the rot. Come to think of it, it was hand mark that was around Aoi's neck. I still need to know more, it seems like my ability will be needed.

Remember to the tiniest detail possible, the site of her death.

Just thinking back nearly makes me want to fall down again. But I need to concentrate, must not left any detail out no matter how painful.

Let starts around the body first, I still can't bear to look at her lifeless corpse. The ground has various marks around her feet, no doubts caused by her struggling. It wasn't a quick encounter then. Aoi was some painting tools, wanted to practice perhaps? They were sprinkled on the left side of the room and so was a fallen over stand.

She must have been facing away from the door but then turned around before being attacked. The assailant was strong and pushed her all the way to the end of the room.

The girl's face was slightly discoloured and the mark suggested strangulation. There were also that expression and the puddle under her. Aoi was absolutely terrified and helpless as her life was violently ripped away like that.

Now for the most important detail, the hand mark itself. Suddenly a revolting taste fills my mouth almost instantly. Soon everything around me seems to be distorted and perverted into something rotting. Even the white noise one has become so accustomed with is now some sort of twisted melody. And then it is all over as the image faded from my mind.

Just remembering it brought back reaction of such intensity, sometime I really curse this eidetic memory of mine. But still, I haven't even truly focused on it probably yet, not enough to make out any detail. Up until now, we have never truly encountered the rot but only its residues. Their repulsiveness is nowhere near the real deal.

Outside it is already dark, how long was that even? It seems like I missed dinner but at this rate I really don't have the stomach for it.

"Are you still here, Dorian-san?"

There are still things that I need to ask.

"Yes I am. But first are you alright? I don't what you did but it was excruciating"

Huh, for who?

"I will be, my mind is in a shamble though so I need your answer before all of this goes away. Are you really the Dorian Grey?"

"I see, so you are familiar with it, The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde"

Only vaguely as I have never read the actual book. I stumbled upon a copy as a little boy but it was in another language. Interested, I asked mother what is it about. Now thinking back, it is rather surprising that mother would tell me something like that.

The story chronicled the life of Dorian Grey, the subject of a portrait by one Basil Hallward who is infatuated with the young man beauty. The main character is then exposed and enthralled by the life and worldview of the Victorian era England aristocrat. That beauty and sensual indulgent are the only aspects worth fulfilling.

Fearful that one day his look would face, Dorian wishes that the painting would age instead of him and it is granted. And so, the young man pursues a life of debauchery while the painting would decay instead of him. This has him dipping into everything amoral and pushed countless people into misery and early graves in his pursuit of new experiences. He even kills the painter Basil when he discovers the state of his now hideous masterpiece.

When Dorian Grey finally decides to go along the path of reformation he finds the painting is now even uglier. The man realises that he only pursues self-sacrifice as a part of his quest for new experiences. He tries to kill the last of his conscience, the painting with the knife used to murder Basil.

The piece ends with the people alerted by a cry coming from a locked room. As they enter, what is there is a corpse of a withered and decrepit old man stabbed in the heart. He is only recognisable by the familiar rings, meanwhile on the wall is the picture of Dorian Grey in all of its restored beauty.

"To answer your question, I am nothing but a mere imitation. A product fuelled by fiction"

"I guessed as much. That would explain it, your overwhelming existent. The power you accumulated is constantly used to shift our perception, to see you as the unparalleled beauty that is Dorian Grey!"

That is what both me and Aoi feel, a figure so incandescent that it is not possible. Our resulting fears of this ensnaring look is in a sense correct. It is a way for our minds to warn us of the falsity.

"I… think you are correct. After all, I have always wondered the reason behind my existent, why was I created why do I have this power. So, it is to maintain this façade of beauty"

His once alluring voice now only sound dejected. I shouldn't have done that, being too hot-headed what I said was nothing but cruel. To imply that someone, a conscience whole reason of existing is a lie, that was the worst.

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"But you did more than that right, it was thanks to your power that Aoi was brought back to life"

Silence awaits me. The damage has been done and I only hope that this would alleviate the pain.

Isn't this also what I inflicted on Aoi as well. I was too caught up with my deduction that I tore down all her carefully conceived ruses without a moment to spare of the consequences. It worked out in my favour back then but now…

Nevertheless, I can't stop now, if I want to save Aoi I need to know all about this rot.

"You said before that saving Aoi was 'reversing influence', does that mean whatever assaulted her is the same as you?"

There is a moment of pregnant pause. Finally, I can hear his answer.

"I could sense it, another canvas, another painting but its location I am not sure of. That thing is definitely a painting like me but that where our similarities end"

"Then what is it, exactly?"

"Unlike me, the painting serves as a constraint, a vessel you might say. It is much more powerful, though, enough to form as a physical entity even. But perhaps our difference in power is because I am made from scratch while that thing was born of someone"

So that how it is, while I do have a theory maybe it is worth hearing Dorian perspective.

"Why do you think so?"

"The only way for it to affect the physical world is through its body which resemble a human I think. With that much power, that thing could just overwhelm and kill that girl with pure corrupting force. Instead, it chose to use bare hands which I don't think is by choice"

That should explain the hand mark. I ask Dorian a bit more but there is not much else for him to say. Although as a painting, he could still feel the rot's influence all around the school.

Now it is my turn, to return to that dreadful scene again. There is not much to go on at the moment and the only lead I can follow at the moment is that hand mark. Before taking a dive, however, a mint would be a good idea. After several initial encounters that caused some puking accidents (none were as spectacular as the first one though) I made sure to always have some mints on hand. Although lately I can hold myself back good enough without their help.

Taking a bite out of several pellets at once, a cool wave runs through my throat and nose enough to make one shivers slightly. Now I am ready.

Closing my eyes, the world around shifts rapidly into a perverse version of that very drawing room. What is going on, I haven't even focused on the rot yet. Why is this place already corrupted? Is this fear, my own fear?

That initial encounter had scarred me more deeply than I could have imagine. Now even the thought of facing the rot shakes me to the very core. Darn it, now it is my very own self standing in the way. Going down isn't an option though, there is no way to know when the rot could strike again. There is virtually nothing we could do to protect Aoi so the least I could do is stopping this as early as humanly possible.

Taking another deep breath, I try to stare straight at that defiled neck only to find Aoi standing in front of me, smiling like usual.

What is going one? Is this happening right now in my mind?

"Are you alright, Pre-si-dent~" Aoi said as she cutely titled her head to the side.

Wait, behind her I can still see the corpse lying there. Suddenly, she jumps in front me, her face pushes right at mine. Lack of personal space awareness as usual.

"Why are you looking at that thing, why focus your gaze on this cute me instead, tee hee~"

The moment she finishes her sentence, everything in my mind is flaring up as if to say 'run'. Her skin shrivelled and rotted. Aoi's sparkling brown eyes are slowly corrupted and fall out of their sockets. I can feel as if that two hollow holes continue to stare at me, defiling my very own soul.

I tried to scream but all that come out are disgusting gurgles. She pushes me down to the cold hard floor, nearly knocking me out cold. This is too realistic to be in my mind. All thoughts of escaping are knocked out by the concussion.

Sitting on top of me, Aoi's rotten lips contorted into a twisted smile, stretching all the way to her ears. And with a chilling laugh, she melted, her mired contents drip onto the defenceless me.

I find myself showered and washed away in a whirlpool of putrid flesh and is soon drown.

I can't think nor feel.

All my senses are now overloaded by the overwhelming rot.

…

Suddenly, I can feel something, warmth?

It soon envelopes my pathetic self. This is calming, this is peaceful.

I want to stay like this forever.

… No, this is not the time for something like this. There is no time to rest. Aoi still needs my help, I still need to crack this mystery. Not only for her sake but mine as well and Akihiko and most of all, my Yuuko.

This rot has tormented us long enough.

I try to rise up but is stopped by a soothing voice. It is someone I know very well, someone I hold dear but can't seem to make out who. It tells me to rest, at least for now at least.

Maybe… that… isn't… too bad…

And so, I sleep, one deeper than ever before.

…

When I am finally awake, what greet me is a familiar face indeed. It is Aoi looking at me with worrying eyes.

"Oh, President you are finally awake!"

She said with care, no doubt this person here is the genuine article. Seeing her now after witnessing such a harrowing scene once again fills me with emotions. At least this time I manage to keep a straight face, it is always easier second time around.

But this situation needs to be addressed.

"Aoi-san, why am I lying on your lap?"

I am pretty sure that she can carry me onto the bed with little problem.

"I wanted to try this out. Are my thighs not soft enough for you?"

"Eh… it's not like that. Well they are certainly firmer but I don't really hate that"

I just want to dig a hole somewhere and die in there. Aoi said that to throw me off just like usual but this reply is more self-destructive than anything.

"-er? So you had other lap pillows before, President?"

"My mother did pull this once. Actually, she also said something the lines of wanting to try this out again or something?"

And there were also a few other occasions though. Back before when my resistant against the rot wasn't this strong, investigating around school was simply hellish especially in the old school buildings. I would pass out sometimes even.

But Yuuko was always there when I woke up. It was always a lap pillow and she would tease me about it. Now I don't faint anymore but she would just ask me to lie down randomly anyway. One of our many traditions together I guess.

Yuuko would just sit there, patting her lap with such a childlike excitement that I could never refuse.

Oh well, that is enough reminiscing. Time to go back to work.

"Aoi-san, why are you here?"

"I was worried for you, that's all. When I arrived you were just lying there listless. Dorian then told me that apparently, you were doing something dangerous for my sake"

Aoi stops for a moment as her voice started to shaken toward the end there. Taking a slow and deep breath, she continues with heated determination.

"I don't know what is it you are doing but I know it is dangerous. President, if you are going that far then I also want to help in any way possible! This is my problem after all and those who don't work don't get to eat! Wait, is that how the saying goes?"

Aoi scratches her head, wondering whether that was the correct usage for that saying.

As much as I want to turn her down, there is nothing for me to argue back. It's not like I am an expert at this, in fact a few moments ago, it was getting too dangerous there. Next time there is definitely no coming back from that.

But what caused that phenomenon. Was it the rot assaulting me directly? No, or else it would use its physical form. Part of that was caused by my fear no doubt and the image of Aoi was merged with the corruption. But that was still more than this feeble mind of mine could ever conjure.

Perhaps, it was truly the rot responding but unconsciously. This entire school is, after all, blanketed with its festering influence.

Nevertheless, I am now confident in this next dive. With the real Aoi here, I can use her as base for recalling the rest. Let's hope that it would work.

For now, I explain that I can't tell her what is going on. She puffs up her cheeks in annoyance.

"But I will still need your help with this though"

"Hmpf, what do you need then?" Aoi accepted with her cheeks still all puffy.

"Just stay absolutely still"

I stare straight at her face intensively, carving all the details into my minds. Her sparkling eyes, her flustered cheeks, her soft lips, her everything. Now for the rest, especially her tender neck.

I can hear Aoi's voice but none of them register.

"President, what are you doing… Is this payback? President?"

That should be enough. I close my eyes and start the dive deep into this cesspool that is my memory.

I am now back in that cursed room which is now even more distorted and before. There are moulds and maggots galore. Completed with pieces of pulsing fetid flesh growing out of the walls. Actually, the entire place feels like convulsing, writhing torturously.

But at the very end lies Aoi lifeless body, untouched by the corruption that has swallowed this place. Compared to it, she is almost beautiful in a twisted sense.

Here she is, lying there with all of her dirty self laid bare, oh so eerily tempting.

Agh, the pain is almost unbearable as I bite my own tongue until it sheds blood. I was so close to being swallowed by the rotten influence.

Around the corpse's neck is still the mark but now with a repulsive air around it as if to hide its true nature. As I take a step forward however two slender arms wrap around my waist and a disgusting voice, beckoning me.

"Where do you think you are going, Pre-si-dent~"

Then there are more of them, arms wrapping all over, suffocating, choking the life out of me. Their touches are freezing like long dead carcasses. Squeezing the energy out of me chunks by chunks.

Memories flashes in front of my very own eyes, it is of my past.

There are mother and grandpa and grandma. All of my friends from junior high are also here. Oh, it was the time we all went to the festival. Ah, Kenta was so disappointed that none of the girls wore yukatas, actually no one there was wearing one. There was the time mother tried to make udon and failed, the result was a dubious mix but I actually liked it. Then there is also when class rep turned down my confession, lucky the boys were there to cheer me back up.

Ah, am I going to die, basked in all these memories of mine.

The rot seems to disagree though, nothing here can remain untouched. Soon the images are all messed up. The sceneries look more and more decrepit and everyone is decaying rapidly.

Wait, is that Akihiko? There are also Kumiko-sensei, Aoi and everyone else except one.

I can see her turning back a me, her hair flying in the wind. It's Yuuko in all of her splendour beauty. Our memories together flood my mind. I feel like a drowning man desperately gasping for just a bit of air.

But soon there are blemishes as the rot starts to spread within those very memories as well. It rapidly approaches my Yuuko and soon she is to be consumed…

NOOOOO! I screamed with all my might. I shall not let this cursed being defiles her image.

With new-found vigour fuelled by pure rage, I try to break apart from the overwhelming presences. Tearing myself from those arms only to find more to come with even greater intensity. Their touches tainted my skin their words drilled at my ears. They even reach into my mouth, filling it with a taste of pure rancid flesh.

But I keep on struggling, this will never corrupt me, NEVER!

My body is suddenly enveloped by warmth of an embrace. These cold lips of mine are suddenly set ablaze by a soft and gentle feeling as my mouth is filled with the sweetest taste of strawberry.

Drowning out the whispering with my own inner scream, blinded my eyes with Yuuko's image I charge and tear those binding arms apart.

I can see it clearly now, the hand mark, it belongs to an adult male.

Opening my eyes my vision is filled with Aoi as she backs away after smothering me with a rather passionate kiss. That was my very first. Pushing her away I instinctively clarify.

"I'm sorry but I have a gir…"

Before I could finish my hasty statement, I am cut off as Aoi places a finger on my lips "I know" she said softly with a hint of sadness in her eyes. They are not sparkling anymore…

She stands up and asks if I am alright, if I have accomplished whatever that I need. All I could do is to nod silently.

"See you again" Aoi said and with that she is gone so suddenly.

I hold out my hand to the air but what for? A token effort? It doesn't matter she is gone now.

What has caused that, from watching me? My painting? Or perhaps my vulnerability displayed here? I can't seem to figure out what caused Aoi to act as she did.

Ah, but who am I to try and figure out her feeling. I was the one who dragged her into the rot. I was the one who probed and violently tore down her shells. Was it worth it, did I enjoy it, stripping a girl down, laying her bare like that? You sick bastard.

I failed to notice her feeling. I am unworthy of deciphering Aoi.

I truly am the worst.

I can't even concentrate on her properly.

My mind is now filled with Yuuko, in a moment like this. After hurting someone else like that. Ah, I feel like dirtying my dear vice president just thinking about her, just by associating me with her.

I truly am the worst.

Rolling on my bed, I try to fall asleep still wearing the school uniform. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I will tell Akihiko what happened. I will say sorry to Aoi.

Ah, Yuuko, I want to see you.

Drifting to sleep with heavy conscience, little do I know about the horror that lay ahead, to stare into the abyss like that.