"Listen, just because I'm unable to physically move away, doesn't mean I can't point my spear at you and tell you to shut the fuck up." roughly stated a gross-sounding voice.

"You can't shut up progress! Some day humans and goblins will live in peace, and I'll be the one to start it!" retorted a higher-pitched gross-sounding voice.

These two goblins continued arguing on bright potential futures and very sharp potential presents, much to the chagrin of their third companion. They leaned haphazardly against the sharp wooden spikes of a cheval de frise on the crossroads leading from the main road to their village, in a manner their commander would find very unacceptable should he have cared enough to visit this post more than once a month.

As their behavior indicated, this was the position nobody wanted and nobody cared about, mostly due to its proximity to civilization. Everyone knew this spot was called the "graveyard shift" for more reasons than one, so the three standing there tried to make the best of it as much as they could. As it stands, only one was succeeding, and the other two were considering how much harder they were willing to lean into the spikes with every word out of her progressive mouth.

"Just can it, both of you, and take your turn." grumbled Rogo, their superior. He was the only named of the three due to the goblin naming convention, which was that you didn't get one unless you survived ten years. Their relative weakness and quantity made them prime targets for would-be adventurers looking to hone their combat skills.

"But I'm not the one-" he started, before getting a hefty glare. "... Fine," said the younger male, as he thought for another minute. Eventually he decided, "boots."

"Alright... clapped."

"Clapping boots?"

"Hey, boots can make noises other than slopping or stomping, now just go before we forget the first half."

"Across."

"The."

"Plains."

"While."

"Very."

"Angry."

"Doggies!"

That one received a short glare, before the younger continued, "Roared."

"Against."

"Ooh, good one... the."

"Really? Shove it on me, why don't ya... hmmm, how about wind?"

"Alright, where are we, then? This is the story of how twelve hundred mighty boots clapped across the plains while very angry doggies roared against the wind?"

If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

"Whoa, now that's one I'd like to read."

"Stupid, you can't read."

"Says who?"

"Alright, what's that sign say?"

"Easy, greatest goblin village of all time thataway."

"..... The sign is two words long."

"Oh really, smarty-pants, then what's it actually say?"

"You know I can't read either. None of us can."

"None but one."

"Oh, shut up."

And they did, the goblin lady with a smirk, and the other two with scowls.

The wind blew. The grass swayed. Clouds... shifted.

"This sucks."

"Oh give it a rest, both of you, and just learn-" started Rogo.

"Learn what?" the younger goblin asked as he turned to look at him, or rather, the arrow shaft which was now at the level Rogo's eyes were.

"Oh shit!", he complained, jumping away from the barrier, while the female goblin simply stared wide-eyed at the now doubly-impaled goblin captain. The arrow had pierced his skull, but the spikes behind him now held his body as he collapsed into them.

A new arrow joined the party, though this one a little less accurately. "Aaugh!", cried a newly wounded goblin as the arrow hit him in the thigh. He drew his sword, looking down the road at the approaching duo, one cloaked in a golden robe, the other advancing with blemished steel plate.

"Stop!" the robed one shouted, running up to the young goblin. The one we will now refer to as goblina continued staring at this, the sight too shocking to process. Eventually she realized what was most likely a caster was now advancing on her friend, arms outstretched, wielding some unknown arcane force.

So she did the only logical thing and tried to pull him off her friend before he could get to him.

Were she a little bit more worldly, she may have recognized a gold aura as being healing magic and let him do his thing. Instead, she presented new danger, giving the robed one's friend greater cause to invite a third arrow to the party. The young goblin collapsed to the ground. This normally would have infuriated Felix, had he not been distracted by the sudden scuffle.

"Get off me, I'm trying to help you!" shouted felix, as he attempted to disengage from the rage-fueled goblina.

"Murderer, how could you! We were supposed to become friends!"

"What in the world are you-, aah!" Felix tripped over a rock, inadvertently falling on the goblina, causing her to stumble.

Schlick.

A sickening noise assaulted her ears. A moment later, a sickening sight. A moment after that...

"AAAAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!" Sickening pain.

"Shit shit shit, I'm so sorry, I'm so-- I... I can't... why..." the horrified Felix stumbled over his words harder than he stumbled against the rock.

The pain didn't stop. A fire in her chest, as she looked down with increasingly blurry vision to look at the hole where her lungs had been. She felt a thousand needles as the wooden pole occupying said hole vacated its new home, then numbness as she dimly felt the world spin, and her back hit the ground. She kept gasping for air that wouldn't come.

"Why do you always have to shoot first and ask questions later??" Felix browbeat his companion. "Look what you caused!"

"Hey, I wasn't the one that impaled the thing."

"This isn't a thing, this is a creature! A living being! This wouldn't have happened if you had just shouted in greeting rather than assaulting innocent bystanders! We aren't even going near their village, we could have just walked right on by, but noo-"

Goblina stared at the strange human. A human who had compassion for her death, if his tears and emphatic gestures were any idication. Considering he wasn't speaking Goblin, and she didn't recognize Common quite yet, she could only imagine her dream for goblin-human peace would live on in this strange person. She couldn't speak for obvious reasons, so instead she uttered a silent prayer of forgiveness towards this obviously kind human, and to the Great Goblin Lord that her soul would empower this human she had mistaken for an enemy. Let my dream live on in him, and let all goblins and humans be at peace in the near future, by the power of this strange human's hand. Amen.

At that moment, her soul passed on to its now-rightful owner.