I honestly haven’t thought about my family that much since I first awoke in the Abyss.
I haven’t wanted to.
Doing so would require thinking about what happened that day.
The day I, and presumably the rest of my family, died.
And… That’s all been pushed to one corner of my mind, emotions and memories pushed down into the depths, away from my waking mind, buried so they won’t rise to hurt me.
Yet it started to bubble to the surface, when Arezza asked me a question.
“Do you remember how you died, Marina?” She asked.
The red sky.
The smell of spilt blood.
The broken bodies.
The screams.
The coldness that crept in as death took me.
“Vaguely.”
“Hmm…” She ponders, her gaze remaining fixed on the Crystalfall.
“What makes you ask?”
“I don’t entirely believe the story I tell myself about why I ended up here.” She answers, after a long pause. “Or rather, I don’t really remember how I fell down here in the first place.”
“Have you tried thinking about the last thing you clearly remember, before you woke up in the Abyss with a broken wing?”
“I was riding in a simple carriage with my two elder sisters, heading northeast. Just the three of us, exploring the world like we always did. Maybe I fell asleep at one point…”
“What about the bet you made? Actually trying to fly across the Abyss?”
“Everything after that carriage ride… I can’t tell what event came before the others. It’s all a jumbled mess, but… it can’t be a lie, can it?” She chuckles. I’m sure it was supposed to be a light-hearted chuckle; instead, it came out as a laugh of disbelief at her own expense. “I’ve told that story in the presence of two soulseers, and neither have called me out on it. Isn’t seeing through lies what they’re good at?”
“... I’m not sure they’re as good as seeing through the lies we tell ourselves.”
“Really?” Arezza turns to look at me; her green eyes wide, yet lacking their usual gem-like lustre.
“That’s… just my guess.”
“Ah…” She looks down at the clear water surrounding her feet. “Sorry, I’m… asking you a lot of strange things. Things I normally wouldn’t ask people…”
“Well, you are standing in the sacred, forbidden waters of your people.”
“I suppose I am, aren’t I? The bitter, forlorn sorrow of a mother who lost her child… the lifeline that allows people to grow and children to laugh in a place so terrible as the Abyss.”
“It’s a bit heavy-handed, as far as metaphors go. Sorrowful waters finding joy at the end of its journey.”
“That’s one way of looking at it.” Arezza laughs; genuinely, this time. “You can’t stay sad forever… and what better cure for sadness, than joy?”
I walk up to the edge of the pool, watching Anisphia’s Sorrow gracefully falling before us, kicking up a cool, clear mist that gives a welcome reprieve from unpleasant, heavy air that hangs above the rest of the Abyss.
“Still… I can’t recall any major rivers that flow into the Abyss, nor do I know where Anisphia’s Sorrow flows into as it heads east. We can’t get any answers ourselves when we’re stuck down here, either.” We both crane our necks up, trying to look past the low-hanging clouds to see the origin of the Crystalfall, to no avail. It just falls from above; presumably, somewhere on the cliff is what logic would dictate, but logic’s rule is not absolute in the Abyss.
“Perhaps the mouth of the waterfall is underground, and it opens somewhere up on the cliffs where we can’t see.”
“Perhaps, indeed.” Arezza nods. “Of course, there is one way we could find out.”
She turns to me with a smile, spreading her resplendent white-and-blue wings out from her waist, adorned with jewellery of every precious metal imaginable. White and blue. White and…
“Marina?” She blinks, as I take a few steps to the side so she’s standing between myself and the waterfall.
“Your wings, Arza. The clear white of the mist where it meets the ground, and the deep blue of the water against the black cliffs… they match the Crystalfall perfectly.”
“They do?” She glances down at her wings, then up at the Crystalfall, comparing the two as she carefully lifts her broken wing.
“Perfectly.” I smile. “The beauty of the Crystalfall matches the beauty of your wings. White and blue, the colours of your royal household.
“Marina…” Her porcelain-white cheeks fill with a pink, rosy hue, before she clutches them in her hands in embarrassment. “My… you can’t go showering me with compliments like that! I can only take such elegant and thoughtful words as a blossoming courtship…”
“One compliment is hardly a shower.” I furrow my brow a little, to which she gives me a playful grin.
Now that I think of it, Azorii are an all-female race. Don’t they need males of other races to reproduce? Or do they have their own internal work-around I’m not aware of? Is she being serious? Did I just accidentally flirt with a princess and the princess accepted it? Am I going to get in trouble for this?
“Ahem!” Arezza clears her throat. “While I graciously accept that compliment, what I was going to say is that we do have a way to find out what’s really up there. There’s no-one else around, so I thought it’d be a good time to start teaching you how to fly, Marina.”
“There’s no-one around because it’s nearly dinner, Arza, and people will likely come looking for us.”
“That’ll happen when it’ll happen! First, let’s get a good look at those wings of yours!”
“Alright, just… not directly in front of the Crystalfall. They don’t go well with moisture.”
“They don’t?” Arezza frowns, inquisitively tilting her head.
I move back a few feet away from the pool, giving my shoulders a slight flex as my wings emerge from beneath my cloak. They can tolerate some rain, but a humid environment just makes moisture build up with them and makes them harder to move. If they get soaked, then… it's going to be a long time before I can get them dry again.
“It’s fine if we do it here, right?”
“Well, I thought that if you fell, the water would hurt less than the rocks, but if you believe this works best for you!” She smiles.
Right. There isn’t much mud around the base of the Crystalfall; it’s mostly bare, smooth rocks. Which will hurt a lot if I completely lose my balance and fall.
“You’ll catch me if I fall, right?”
“If you think about falling, you’re going to fall. Now, spread those wings as wide as they go.” She steps out of the water, moving around behind me to get a better look at my wings.
“... But you’re the one that brought up falling in the first place.”
Arezza doesn’t seem to mind my comment as she stands behind me, tracing her fingers from the tip of my wing down to their base, between my shoulder blades, sending a chill down my spine that under any other circumstances would have been unpleasant, but, when it’s Arezza… well. She didn’t seem to react much when I first touched her wings, so maybe mine are just uniquely sensitive. On top of them being uniquely feathered. And uniquely sword-carrying. You probably are one-of-a-kind, wings.
“Certainly big and strong enough to get you off the ground. Located in the thoracic region, with corresponding pectoral muscles around the chest…” She comments to herself, reaching under my wings to feel right beneath my chest-
“H-Hey!!” I yelp, jerking forwards as my wings awkwardly flap, agreeing with my brain that a line had been crossed in regards to where Arezza’s been touching me.
“What? Haven’t you noticed your new pair of muscles?” Arezza asks, apparently oblivious to why I reacted that way.
“What do you mean, my “new pair of muscles”?! You were just groping my… chest?”
As I clutch myself in defence, I feel a sudden, strange tension along the lower edge of my ribs, like there’s a muscle I’ve never noticed… before…
What? Wings, can you-
“What the hell?!” As my wings give another light flap in response, I feel this alien muscle tense and relax just like how any regular muscle would, but… How did I not notice this before? Trying to look down my shirt, I can’t see any noticeable difference on my chest, but I can definitely feel it. I know the wings are the obvious addition, but have I completely missed the whole new set of corresponding muscles to go with them? Is there anything else I’ve missed?
“You won’t be able to clearly see them unless you’re exceptionally athletic, Marina.” Arezza giggles, watching me fret over myself.
“This isn’t funny to me, Arza! I thought I’d come to terms with this changed body and these new limbs, only to have now just discovered there’s even more fundamental changes to me!”
“From my knowledge, none of the Damned normally have wings, so they wouldn’t have the muscles required to move wings. Our bodies don’t move on their own, they all have muscles connected to one another to move. Why would wings be any different from your arms or legs?” She explains, which… makes sense. It also tells me that in my previous life, medical knowledge that was considered fringe in the Sovranan Republic must be the average and accepted level of knowledge for an Azorii princess.
“So… Do you have the same muscles too, even though your wings are lower on your back?”
“All Azorii have muscles that connect to their back to help move their wings, but they develop differently based on where the wings are. My wings are at waist level in the lumbar region, so my strongest flight muscles are in my waist and hips.”
“Would I also have flight muscles in my waist and hips…?” I ask, staring down at my body. Just as I was getting used to it, it feels alien all over again.
“Potentially. You might not, too, since you’re not an Azorii. Of course, I can always check for you~” She grins, taking a step forward.
“I thought we were here for flight training, not for you to feel me up out in the open.”
“I offer my help out of the kindness of my heart to teach you how to better understand your body, and you accuse me of such things…? It seems I misjudged you, Marina…” She frowns, sighing wistfully to really try and lay on the guilt.
“Well… do these flight muscles in other parts of my body matter as much as what’s in my chest?”
“They don’t, but it would be interesting to find out if you have them or not.” She bounces back from her feigned sorrow to her usual self. “Another place, another time. Let’s begin with this; what flight experience have you had so far?”
“I can jump fairly high with the help of my wings, and stay in the air for… a little bit, and land on my feet most of the time.”
“Then you have the first and last steps finished already! Now we just have to get you to stay in the air for longer than a little bit~” Arezza nods happily.
“So all that’s left is the hard part.”
“What’s your main struggle in staying airborne?”
“Balance.”
“Hmm… Maybe I should check if you have extra muscles in your lower torso after all. The increased core strength is one of the primary methods of maintaining balance, beside having a tail…” She thinks aloud, taking a sideways glance at my hips.
“I… Hmm.” I look down at myself, carefully feeling along my hips for any new muscles I’m yet to familiarise myself with. “I don’t feel any different down here…”
A slight chill running down my spine is the only warning I get that Arezza has deftly moved around behind me, resting her chin on my shoulder as she reaches under my wings and takes my hands in her own, guiding them up just above my hips.
“No, silly. They’d be up here~” She giggles, right in my ear.
“I’m clearly interrupting something, so I’ll make sure Anton leaves something aside for the two of you when you finish.” The Chief sighs, standing in front of us with an unimpressed look on her face.
“Ah-” Arezza blinks, jolting slightly in surprise.
“Chief?!” I jerk, my wings spreading out in shock.
“Oh! You do have muscles down here, Marina!” Arezza exclaims, as I feel something strange tense under my skin against my hands.
“As I said, clearly interrupting something…” The Chief shrugs disapprovingly, turning back towards Haven.
“Ch-Chief! She was just… supposed to be teaching me how to fly!”
“Is that why she’s holding you so close around your waist?” The Chief stops, tossing a glance over her shoulder.
“I was checking for her flight muscles! Rather helpfully, it seems her body’s developed the same muscles an Azorii has!” Arezza explains, moving her hands up to my ribs. “The largest ones are under her chest, supporting her thoracic-located wings!”
“... Oh.” The Chief relaxes, walking back up to us. “I read something about the flight muscles of the Azorii. I suppose it makes sense Marina would have something similar, even though her wings are so unlike that of the other winged races of Perga.”
“Hers aren’t as developed as an Azorii, nor does she have a tail, but this will help a lot in teaching her how to fly properly.” Arezza nods, feeling my hips again. This has gone beyond any connotation of groping, I’m now just an anatomy subject. A 3D diagram for explaining the body to a classroom of students.
“Are we going to get back to teaching, or is the anatomy lesson not over yet?”
“Alright, alright~” Arezza finally lets me go, stepping back. “We should join the others for dinner, but first, show me what you can do, Marina. Stay in the air as long as you can.”
I walk a few steps away from Arezza and the Chief so I don’t fall on top of them, standing with my legs apart and wings spread. We’re not jumping off of or onto anything, we’re just going up, staying up for as long as we can, then landing on our feet. We’ve done it before, wings. Let’s not embarrass ourselves here, okay-
With a mighty flap, my wings thrust us into the air, above the heads of the two onlookers in one great leap, and for the briefest moment, there I stay, perfectly suspended in the air.
I describe it as the “briefest moment” because a fraction of a second later, my upper body jerks forward as my wings flap again, throwing off my balance as I hang like there’s a rope around my chest, before coming crashing back down, landing hard on my hands and knees.
“Ow…”
The Chief just sighs quietly, helping me back to my feet as my wings awkwardly flitter.
“Hmm…” Arezza ponders, furrowing her brow. “There’s certainly a disconnect between your wings and the rest of your body.”
“I’m aware of that. They don’t know how to fly any more than I do.” I grunt, brushing the loose pebbles off my knees and hands.
“Actually… I think they know more than you think they do, Marina. You just need to trust them.” Arezza nods, having found her answer.
“I trust them. I just don’t…” I trail off, noticing the look the Chief is giving me. The look of “You’re not telling the truth, Marina.”
“Okay, I don’t fully trust them. They’re a lot better at behaving themselves now, but trusting them to not dump me on the ground like they just did is a different matter- Ow!”
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My left wing flaps right in my face in annoyance. Yeah, that’s why I can’t trust you with- Ow!! Stop it! Don’t both of you start misbehaving!
“Should we help her…?” Arezza asks the Chief concernedly, as they both watch me lose a fight against the highly opinionated limbs attached to my back.
“She can handle them. They don’t stay angry for long.” The Chief comments, watching me with crossed arms as she’s seen this happen many times before.
“I would appreciate some help…” I sigh, getting back on my feet after my wings calm down, slinking low by my sides. “How exactly do I trust my wings about this, Arza?”
“Focus on keeping your balance, Marina. Your wings will focus on flying. It’s actually harder to stay in one spot when flying, so if you can learn this, then moving while flying will be easier. Try not to move your legs. You can hold your arms out to help keep balance. If you’re going too far forward, lean back, if you’re going too far back, lean forward!” She answers, helpfully gesturing with her body to show me what to do.
Focus on keeping my balance. Alright.
Let’s try it this way, wings. Don’t go yet, I’ll explain. You just flap. Get us up above the Chief and Arza’s heads, but no higher, and try to keep us there. I’ll focus on keeping us upright. You trust me to keep us steady, I trust you to keep us airborne. Alright?
A flap of agreement. Right. Three. Two…
“One!”
In an instant, gravity loses its pull over me as I soar into the air. I focus entirely on keeping my balance; legs still, arms out, tensing my core muscles and making constant adjustments as I lean one way or the other. I reach the zenith, and just as I begin to fall back to the ground, another flap of my wings pushes me back up, again and again in a constant fight against the pull of the earth.
A fight we’re winning.
I’ve been off the ground for five seconds.
I’m flying.
“She’s flying!!” Arezza excitedly calls, as the Chief can’t help but smile at my effort.
“I’m flyinnng-urggh.”
My wings suddenly cease as my body goes numb, and I come crashing back down to the rocks. One last flap expended what little strength they had left, breaking my fall just enough so I was able to land on my hands and knees, only to sprawl out on the ground in a heap.
“Marina! You were doing fine, and then… what happened?” The Chief rushes to my aid, trying to help me sit back up to little success.
“Strength… gone… can’t move… body…”
“Ahh… flying takes a lot of strength, and a lot of practice. Your flight muscles need to be trained if you want to fly for longer than a few seconds at a time…” Arezza joins the Chief, the two of them managing to help me back onto my feet, shaky and weak as I am.
“Have to… train…?”
“Every day, Marina. I can teach you some exercises.” Arezza smiles.
“That can come later. For now, she should get some food in her.” The Chief says, as the three of us start to head back towards the tavern, my arms limply draped across both their shoulders.
Step by step, we make it back up the road back into the village. All my limbs feel like jelly, and for the first time, I can feel all my flight muscles, both the ones in my chest and the ones around my waist and hips. I can feel them all burning like how your calves burn after running a mile uphill, but somehow even worse. I was off the ground for five seconds and I’ve never felt so physically exhausted in my life. Gods knows how long it’ll take me to fly out of the Abyss, six hundred tals up.
Most of Haven had packed into the tavern by now, as the dinner service was in full swing. For some reason, Rann was sitting on the bench outside the tavern, idly chewing on half a pastry topped with some kind of glazing as I staggered inside between the Chief and Arza.
“Your Majesty!” Griffin jumps to his feet, rushing over to us. “What… happened to her?” He asks, satisfied in knowing that his Queen is safe, as he gives me a confused look as I manage to step over and sit down on the nearest bench inside the Tavern.
“First day of flying practice.” Arza smiles, lightly patting me on the shoulder. I nearly hit my face on the table before the Chief catches me and pulls me back upright.
Where am I… ah. I’m seated amongst the expedition team. I’m more or less an official member of them, even if I’m… am I an official member? I can’t remember… member… re… ehehe…
I lazily slump over against the wall beside me. It’s a very warm and soft wall, but it’s a nice wall. Nice enough for me to rest my eyes for a bit…
“Erm…” The wall shifts somehow, and for some reason, Rob’s voice comes from it.
Oh. Looking up, it is Rob.
“O-Oh, I… thought I was against the wall…” I awkwardly say. Thankfully, some control over my body returned long enough for me to sit upright as much as I can, with my wings still sprawled out behind me reaching down to the ground.
“The hells did you do, Feathers? Fly to the other side of the Abyss n’ back?” Johnny asks, before taking another bite of his meal.
“You have no idea how exhausting flying is, Johnny…” I groan, rubbing my side along my ribs. “I’m hurting in places I didn’t know could hurt so bad…”
“Did you really fly, Marina?” Arshiya asks, sitting across the table from me as she shuffles closer.
“For about… five seconds, I think. I was more focused on keeping balanced than anything else.”
“I’m no flyin’ expert but that don’t sound half-bad, Feathers. Did ya land properly like I told you to?” Johnny says between mouthfuls. I show him my grazed palms in response. “Well. Coulda gone worse, that’s for sure.”
One of the barmaids places a bowl of hot bloodbeast stew in front of me, with a large wooden tankard filled with… something vaguely sweet-smelling. It’ll do. I haven’t felt so exhausted in ages…
“You don’t look that happy, for someone who just flew for the first time.” Arshak comments, seated beside his sister.
“I’m just tired. I’ll have my dinner then crawl into bed, if the Chief lets me…” I grumble, idly chewing on a bread roll.
“You’re more than just tired, Marina.” He frowns.
“And what would you know? I just said I’m tired. Get off my back about it.” I slammed my fist on the table to emphasise my point.
This end of the table goes quiet as they all just stare at me. What? I’m fucking exhausted. I already said that I was going to go straight to bed after this.
“U-um…” a tiny, trembling voice tries to speak up, almost imperceptible against the background noise of the tavern, but I know that voice.
“Eirene…”
Eirene was standing at the end of the table beside me, nervously clutching a glazed pastry in her hands as my anger got the better of me.
“Put your wings down already, Feathers. You’re scarin’ the poor girl.” Johnny says. My wings had arched up as my temper rose, finding new strength from my anger. Now that they’ve been called out, though, they nervously flitter and shrink back down, choosing to retreat into the safe confines of my cloak.
“I’m sorry, Eirene… and, everyone, just…” I don’t have any excuse. I got angry over someone just asking how I was.
“Marina.” Tiff appears behind me, gently placing her hand on my shoulder. “Come around to my place after dinner. We should talk.”
“I-Is Marina in trouble, Miss Tiffany? She just looks upset, I’m not upset about her being angry…” Eirene panics, but bravely comes to my defence.
“Of course she isn’t, Eirene. She just needs someone to talk to. Besides, Rann’s already in time-out for us.” Tiff smiles, patting Eirene on the head.
“That’s why he was out the front…” I guess he did take the fall for Tiff and the kids.
“You should eat this quickly…” Eirene carefully places the pastry beside my plate, looking towards the kitchen. “Before Mr. Anton sees. He doesn’t know we got you something as well.”
“Wait, that’s why Rann was sitting outside? He covered for you so you could steal food from the kitchen?” Arshak blinks, putting two and two together.
“You can’t steal what’s intended to be yours, Arshak. We simply took ours a little early~” Tiff smiles innocently.
“No wonder the Chief said you’re a bad influence on the kids…” He grumbles, frowning at Tiff.
“She does not! Besides, I helped raise you and Arshiya, didn’t I? And you’ve grown to be so responsible and sensible for someone your age.” Tiff pouts, before patting herself on the back for the good job she did in raising Arshak to be a responsible, sensible young man.
“What do you mean “my age”? I’m an adult!” Arshak retorts.
“You got hair on your chest yet, kid?” Johnny interjects.
“N-no! And don’t call me kid!” Arshak covers his chest, offended.
“Then I’ll keep callin’ you kid ‘til ya grow some chest hair, kid.” Johnny grins smugly.
“Miss Tiffany, will I be an adult when I grow hair on my chest…?” Eirene asks innocently, tugging on Tiff’s dress.
“No, sweetie. Girls don’t grow hair on their chest. That’s something Arshiya should have known by now.” Tiff smiles at Eirene, before raising an inquisitive eyebrow at Arshiya, who’s busy staring down her own shirt.
“I have chest hair. That means I’m an adult.” Arshiya proclaims, nodding confidently once she had finished examining herself.
“You do NOT! There’s no way you’d grow that before me!” Arshak turns back to his sister in shock, drawing laughter from all of us at this end of the table.
The rest of the meal was jovial and light after the heavy mood had been lifted. I didn’t have much of an appetite before, but the few meagre bites I’d taken beforehand turned out to be not nearly enough to sate my hunger. Flying is exhausting, and it takes a lot of energy. I may have to ask for larger portions if I’m going to take up a flight-training regime.
Tiff asked to see me after dinner for a talk, though.
So here I am. Waiting on the ground floor in one of her chairs as she puts Rabbit and Mole to bed. Arezza and Griffin are currently at the Chief’s place (likely obsessing over books, Arezza was ecstatic to see how many the Chief had), so her house was quiet for the time being, as I watched the dim, crackling light of the lit fireplace.
“Hahh…” Tiff sighs, walking down the stairs. “Children these days have so much energy… I can barely keep up with them.”
“Surely you’re too young to be having such trouble, Tiff?”
“Well, maybe it’s Rabbit in particular. She has so much boundless energy and curiosity, and it’s simply impossible to say no to those big, innocent eyes…” She smiles, sitting down across from me and taking a long sip from her cup of mulled pomegranate wine.
“Her earnest wonder at everything around her is something I can’t help but envy, given where we now live.”
“Were we not stuck down here, the Abyss wouldn’t be so bad. Imagine all the food we could grow if we could clear part of the forest and irrigate it from the Crystalfall…” She muses, pondering what could be.
“We’d have to deal with the wildlife first.”
“That’s the easy part. All we’d have to do is put the word out to adventurers, and they’ll come from miles around to deal with the wildlife for us! We could then make money back by offering them board and hot meals from the tavern. It’s wins all around~” She smiles proudly for coming up with such a sound idea.
“I’m not sure the Chief would be fond of the idea of turning Haven into a tourist destination for rowdy adventurers… it could definitely work, though.”
“Think about it! A place impossible to get into or out of, suddenly opened up to the world! Who wouldn’t want to come see it for themselves?”
“It’d require a lot of us to stay in Haven to keep it running, though. I can’t imagine everyone would want to stay, if the option to leave to the wider world was available.”
“Would you leave Haven if given the chance, Marina?”
“I…”
Would I? Well…
“Maybe not right away. Maybe not on my own. But… at some point, probably. If there’s a chance I could find anyone from my family…”
“Even if you had to go to the very ends of the Underlands?” She tilts her head to the side a little
“Wouldn’t you go that far for the people you love?”
“The people I love are right here. The only family I had was my father, and well… he’s the reason I’m here.” She laughs half-heartedly, but her sullen downward glance gives away the pain that memory brings.
“... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up.”
“I’m the one that asked you to talk in the first place, Marina.” She sighs, relaxing and looking up at me with a smile. “We’re supposed to be talking about your problems, not mine.”
“Well, mine are definitely… related to the thoughts of my family.”
“Did something happen between you and Arza while you were down by the Crystalfall? Besides you flying and getting exhausted from flying.” She asks.
“She asked me if I remembered how I died. Because… she doesn’t clearly remember how she ended up in the Abyss, despite what she told us.”
“She doesn’t… I see.” Tiff nods, thinking about it. “She’s told this story to Mia, but she didn’t raise any issue with it…”
“Would she be able to notice a lie if the person telling it truly wishes to believe it?”
“She’d notice the uncertainty normally, but I imagine someone raised as a princess would be taught to appear confident in what they say. How much does she remember to be true, if any at all?”
“The carriage ride with her sisters. Everything after that, until she woke up under the care of the Wolf Pups, is hazy and unclear.”
“Hmm…” She ponders, before laughing to herself.
“What?”
“You have a way of making people open up to you, don’t you, Marina?”
“I do? I mean, it’s not intentional, but…”
“You’re gentle, kind, and forgiving, given all you’ve been through. You’re earnest, and good at gaining people’s trust.” She smiles warmly.
“If you say so…” I’m likely blushing, after having so many compliments heaped on me.
“But, it wasn’t what Arza said that made you upset. It was the memories coming back, wasn’t it?” Her tone becomes both calm and serious. It’s been a while since I’ve heard her speak that way.
The memories. They’re…
“They’re not clear, aren’t they?” She answers for me.
“I mean, it should be. I swear it is. I was laying in a ditch, and…”
And?
And what?
What came before that?
I was home, with my family. My extended family, to be specific. I don’t talk about them much, but my home was more a small group of houses around the workshops where the famous Retali instruments were made. If you wanted to find the Retalis, you could find most of them in one place. Some of my uncles travelled a lot as salesmen, but they all came back home to the Retali estate. It was the day after my birthday, and the mood was high. And then… I was in a ditch.
I was home, things were normal. Then I was dying in a ditch.
What happened in between?
I was with my family. When were we attacked? Why were we attacked? Why did… I thought I knew everything that happened. Why can’t I think about it now? Like I know I’ve been trying to repress the memory of my entire family being slaughtered and my house burning and my sister being raped and my mother being disembowled and my father fighting back and getting decapitated for it, and trying to hide but I couldn’t and then they found me and then-
“Marina.”
Tiff’s voice, and her hands placed firmly on my shoulders bring me back to reality. My cheeks are wet. I’m shaking uncontrollably.
“It’s hard, I know.” Tiff pulls me into a gentle, warm hug. “It’s harder still that we often can’t remember what happened in our last moments.”
“My family… I can’t remember, I don’t want to remember…”
“Shhhh…” She consoles me, gently stroking my hair as I can only clutch her dress and sob helplessly.
I was as helpless to save them as I was myself. My whole family was gathered for my birthday the day before. My entire family could have died that day. The Retali family, wiped out in an afternoon. Gone.
Some gone to heaven, maybe. Or to oblivion.
All I know is that I’ve gone to hell.
“Marina…?” A small, young voice says, as I feel a light tug on my shirt.
I sat up a little, wiping my tears to see a very concerned Rabbit looking up at me, holding Mole’s hand beside her. I blink, to clearly see the tears streaming down Mole’s cheeks.
“Rabbit? Mole…? Why’re you crying…?”
“It’s hard not to.” Mole answers, trying to ignore the lump in his throat. “I get affected by other people’s emotions a lot.”
“Oh, you two…” Tiff wraps her arm around Mole and Rabbit to pull them into the hug, giving us all a good squeeze. “Mia was like that when she was younger, too. If someone was angry, she’d get angry. If someone was crying, she’d cry. If someone was laughing, she’d try very hard not to laugh. Her cheeks would swell, she’d wince as tears began to well up, before she couldn’t take it any more and burst out laughing. She’d try to stop, and constantly yell “It’s not funny! I just can’t help it!” in between her laughs, which would only make others laugh more, so she’d laugh more as well. We’d all be in stitches by the end of it~”
As Tiff was telling the story of how the Chief was when she was younger, she was unaware that the Chief, Arezza, and Griffin had quietly entered Tiff’s home. Tiff’s chair faces away from the door, and she was blissfully unaware that the Chief was now standing right behind her, as Tiff continues with embarrassing stories from the Chief’s youth.
Rabbit, Mole, and I were aware, of course. I’d even locked eyes with the Chief for a moment, not that Tiff noticed. It was only a matter of time…
“There was one time. She was eavesdropping on a council meeting behind a closed door, as she wanted to know what was really going on in Haven. Someone told a joke and made the others laugh, and from her hiding spot, Mia burst out laughing and gave herself away instantly!” Tiff continues, giggling to herself. “She was so embarrassed when the door was opened and she couldn’t stop laughing…”
“For the record, I wasn’t eavesdropping. I was simply waiting to be called in and happened to overhear something.” The Chief speaks up, correcting Tiff’s narrative.
Tiff lets out a shocked yelp as she nearly jumps out of her skin. “M-Mia?! How long have you been here?! Arza and Griffin are back too?”
“The Chief happened to overhear you just before we entered, and told us to enter quietly and see how long it’d take you to notice.” Arezza giggles.
“So… you three saw them enter and said nothing?” Tiff asks us.
“I thought you knew they walked in…?” Rabbit frowns, innocently tilting her head to one side.
“I was the only one left out, hmmm…” Tiff crosses her arms and pouts as we all giggle a little at her expense. She gives Rabbit and Mole a sideways glance with a cocked eyebrow. “Didn’t I put you two to bed just a moment ago?”
“You did! And now, we’re going back to bed!” Rabbit smiles, running over to the bottom of the stairs. “Come, Mole! We must rest up for tomorrow’s adventure!”
Rabbit leads Mole back up the stairs to their room as Griffin follows up behind them at Arezza’s behest.
“Are you feeling better now, Marina?” The Chief asks.
“I am, now, just… maybe I underestimated how traumatic dying really is because I’d mostly just avoided thinking about it…”
“I did remind Arza why we don’t ask about such things. It’s rarely a pleasant memory, and it doesn’t really matter how we ended up here. We’re here, and we just have to live with it.” She sighs, shooting a disapproving look at Arezza.
“In a way, it’s reassuring that my experience of ending up down here with everyone else isn’t all that different…” Arezza chuckles sheepishly.
“You talked to the Chief about how you can’t really remember what happened between the carriage ride and waking up at the bottom of the Abyss?”
“I did, yes. I have a lot of questions about it, honestly… none of which I can really answer, given our current situation.” She sighs through her smile. I feel the slight frustration she feels. Maybe we could find answers to all these questions, but we can’t, as long as we’re trapped in the cavernous confines of the Abyss.
“Anyway, it is getting late, so we should all best get some sleep. Tomorrow will be another busy day.” The Chief says, as I stand.
“You didn’t come here just to pick me up, did you?” I grin teasingly.
“No, I came here because I was escorting Arza and Griffin. You just happen to be here, so you can join me on my return trip.” She corrects, despite the fact that an escort is entirely needless within the safety of Haven.
“If you say so, Mia.”
“We’re in the presence of others. You shall refer to me by my proper title.” She gives me a half-hearted glare before we leave to head back to her residence.
This is the new life, or maybe the afterlife we find ourselves in. What back home, or… back “above” considers to be hell. There’s plenty of hellish things about it, certainly; the red-and-brown colour palette, the open burning pits, the giant predators, not to mention the streams of blood, let alone the blood rain. Also the fact that the majority of the native residents have horns, just as the old stories told. There’s even daemons, though not everyone is a daemon. Even us Damned can become daemons.
Yeah, it’s hell. I’ve been separated from all my family and may never see any of them again. But I’ve found a new family. Mia, Tiff, Rann and Vann, Anton, Johnny, the twins, the other members of the expedition team, Eirene, Max, Han, and Kazuma, and now Arza, Rabbit, Mole, and Crow. The people of Haven, and the children of the Wolf Pups.
Hell isn’t so bad if you don’t have to go through it alone.