After the Regis took his leave, my mother who I haven't seen since last week, spoke to me as if speaking to a stranger.
“You will beg for forgiveness. Then ask for a lighter punishment. I will assist your cause.”
She didn't wait for my reply or want to know the reasons for my actions as she stood, dismissing my existence and before exiting adds, “It is impossible for you.” Her tone was monotonous. She never glanced back so I couldn't see her expression.
Yet, her carefully chosen words hit harder than just stating that she loathed the idea of me acting against the norms. In doing so, I’m going against what my homeland stands for, especially with my position as royalty. This cannot be allowed. I realized this fact, making my mother’s words crippled my confidence as if she expected nothing of me from the beginning.
She is right. If one doesn't hold expectations, one can never feel disappointment. After all, I am placing her in a difficult position; as my mother, I was her responsibility which my actions reflects on her. I was walking on a tightrope and had gambled both our lives. I think any expectations she had of me vanished after what I pulled at breakfast today. Not like she has any left after my birth. Still, like a child seeking a mother’s affection, I, who previously had no recollections of my past life, tried my hardest to meet her expectations and in doing so hoped to garner her attention. Mother I will do better. I can do better! Please see me! I am…here…
But I’m no longer the same Noel, I don't regret my decision so I won’t ask for forgiveness at your retreating back. This time I won’t cry even if you leave me behind… You don’t see me anyways. You never have…
It’s painful isn't it? No one wants to see their failures. That’s why you try to avoid having to look at me, that’s why you’ll never lend a hand to Karma. That’s why you will never see us. Much less protect us...
I stood and with shaking legs and eyes that won’t let a single tear fall, walked determinedly back to my room. I’m still stupid and naive even when I got my memories back! I need to keep reminding myself that there is nothing to expect from parents like them. Why did I hope that living in this world might be different? Crush such childish expectations and don’t look back! Compared to these small matters, Karma has it worse!
Even to a powerless person like me, I too have something I desperately wished to protect. So even if it’s you mother, I won’t back down.
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It is said that Queen Eliza Rosaline Zusetria is dignified and graceful—a true beauty that all noble women inspirer to be. Yet even at her deathbed, she remains a mystery. The author didn't dive much into her character after her untimely death. The story never gave the readers her motives, thoughts or the circumstances surrounding her death. Readers can only formulate her character through other’s perceptions. From what I gathered, she is not the type to speak her mind, more the type to hold things in and consider her words carefully before speaking when necessary. Let’s not also forget that she avoids her daughter like the plague so even with Noel’s memories, there is little to go by. Unfortunately, what flashbacks readers do get of the first Queen is through Noel’s recollections of her childhood.
Through the few interactions between the princess and her mother, it became apparent that Eliza had a deep affect on Noel’s character. To the princess, her mother was unreachable. A distant and strict woman that everyone held in high regards. Noel resembles her mother in beauty to the point that men far and wide came to catch a glimpse of her. But I’d rather look plain instead! Having such notorious charm is a pain in the ass when it will bite me in the future!
Why can’t a heroine be plain looking? Better yet, maybe I’ll conceal this face and spread rumors of a terrible burn that caused my face to turn hideous so I’m able to wear a mask! That… might actually be a good idea.
Anyways, what I was getting at is that beauty isn't the only thing that defines a woman. Queen Eliza unlike the naive Noel, can govern the Empire in the Regis’ absence, which reveals her sharp and rational mind for politics. In addition to her magnitude of skills in anything feminine, she excels in fulfilling her duty as Queen so well that no one can complain about her being unfit for the current Regis.This of course, makes her a true woman of worth.
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This is not a coincidence that the Empire’s Queen seemed so perfect. My mother wasn't born or prophesized to be Queen either, and my parents didn't fall madly in love (like that isn’t obvious). “Aegis” is not a simple story like that.
In this world, there is a reason for everything. And in every world there is an aptitude test, including this one for the position of Queen. It’s exactly like selecting candidates that is fit for the role in an upscale corporation. The Empire starts screening potential candidates when the current Queen reaches thirty. The candidates are always young girls between the age of six to ten whose backgrounds meets The Council of Five's criteria.
Letter of invitations are send out to the family of these girls. If a family receive these letters it is viewed as a great honour, after all their daughter might be the next Queen and thus they might become apart of the royal family. This could only mean status, power, and wealth of unimaginable portions. Seeing their shining prospect, these families are given a year to train their daughters before sending them to the Holy Maiden Academy. The entire academy is build for the purpose of weeding out unsuitable queen candidates.
Although it’s kept secretive what type of training these girls go through, common knowledge says it was rigorous enough that some couldn't handle the pressure and faint in or after lessons. These girls were immediately send home with the Empire sending a generous donation to the disqualified families. In doing so, this decreases the amount of family’s complaints and insistence that their daughters be given a second chance. Basically hush money since some girls actually break from the pressure.
To further weed these hundreds of girls, they are given aptitude tests at the end of every month on the lessons they learned. From what I heard, the pass rates are extremely difficult. And I conjecture that these tests can range from table manners, music, history, the proper way of speech, debates on politics, health examination to pleasing men and knowing every single member of the nobility and their actual rank in the Empire.
They continue their general training until the next regis is announced. Then have half a year to prepare themselves on the preferences and personality of the new Regis. The final test were women picked from the top three best in the Academy. They were to spend a day with the newly appointed Regis.
On their day, each candidate places their whole twelve years of training on the line to be chosen. On the fourth day, the Regis picks his queen and the others are send back home. Those that are sent back can only hope that the current queen perishes or in some way defective to have a chance at being summoned back for another selection. But that has never happened in the Empire’s history. The instructors were all the best experts the Empire had to offer.
Well, this is the world I’m living in. Even here, competition is unreal. You wouldn’t think that this world would be so detail, with the main plot being a hero and his party journeying to defeat the Demon Lord, would you? But all my information can be summed up to knowing the events that led the protagonist to the Academy, while the rest is public knowledge crammed into my head by my instructor.
Being a princess is tough too you know? It’s not just living carefreely and having a 24/7 maid service, instead it’s having to start lessons at an early age so that later as a member of the royal family, I am able to conduct myself properly, etc. But in all seriousness, with the knowledge I have, organizations like the Academy would kill to have their secret stayed a secret. And with the events to come, I’ll probably be on their most wanted dead list.
But I’ll worry about that in the future since I have more pressing matters to attend…that's my ridiculous spartan schedule. Well, at least I’m now in an outfit which I can actually breathe in. That’s one good thing right? I don’t have to worry about suffocating to death.