Alone in a lavish hallway, I trudged slowly to my wrenched fate. I thought I had composed myself, but my buckled legs said otherwise. Why you ask am I so scared when I’m his actual daughter and not some imposter? My head would definitely roll in a heartbeat if I was, surely… Well, he was the most terrifying character in the story, now imagine meeting such a person in real life! My fear has intensified a hundredfold.

Before, I was only a five year old who didn't know what a terrifying man my father was. I didn't know he defeated fifty thousands rebelled forces with only five thousands men at eighteen, I didn't know that he killed—and will continue to kill thousands more without even batting an eye or that he’ll be the source of the impending madness in the future! While I’m at it, I despise him for making my most beloved character suffer so much! Yes, think of what he will do, think of how many will suffer because of him! I rather be fuelled with rage than fear when I confront the monster. Boy, I never knew anger can be so useful! My feet were lighter with each stride. Determination was empowering my confidence as I reached the grand dining hall. Its doors opened as a servant announced my presence. 

I dauntlessly approached the long table that held my beautiful mother at the very end who sat on the right. Then I froze. There, at the head of the table. He who was more frightening than I had imagined. His very image was like the God of Death. Black hair, black eyes dressed in a pitch-black attire with gold and red engravings of the Empire's royal crest to the right of his chest. By no means was he hideous. Now I understood why people blindly followed this man who is said to be loved by God. All the willpower I'd build up earlier crumbled to dust. Even though I hadn't even approached the table and was more than 15 meters away, could still feel his eyes on me like a predator observing its prey.

“What are you doing Noel?!” Mother stated in a pressing almost shrilling voice. Feelings of admiration came. How could she be so close to that man without being immobile? I still couldn't move. Wait, why does she look so distress? Also why was the maids and butlers all freaking out like that? I stare dumbfounded and realization struck like Pikachu's thunderbolt! 

I’m being rude in front of the Regis!!! My fear completely made me forget the etiquettes of this world! An automatic function that every nobles’ parents nailed into their child before they reached the age of two. Always arrive before the Regis, that when he has entered the room they’re to instantly greet him with a bow while keeping their eyes downcast until they are given permission to release the bow. Yet, the most important factor is that one should never, ever raise their sight enough to see the Regis’ eyes! That’s a BIG no, no!

I’m in DEEP SHIT! First meeting since my memories returned and off to the execution platform… Even if I’m his daughter, this person really isn't the lenient type. But I still have my reasons for wanting to live. It's not like I wasn't prepared to die, but I can’t die before I accomplish my goals! So like a subordinate apologizing to a mafia boss, I instantly bowed my head ninety degrees, back completely straight and arms rigid at my side. Then with a loud voice that I had practiced again and again in front of the mirror proclaimed, “ I-I Noel An-angela Zusetria, your humble subject g-greet the great and noble Regis X of the Zusetrian Holy E-empire!” Oh my lord Jesus! I am so royally screwed! Without worrying about how many times I bit my tongue, I should be more worried about my head getting separated from my body!

I was met with silence. Complete and utter silence. My head was thinking of possible scenarios of my imminent deaths, however the whirling of possible ways I met my ends never came. How I wish a tumbleweed could spawn in order to take their attention off of me. I feel like an exotic animal in a circus… Better yet, when can I lift my head? Mine you, a child’s head is pretty heavy! Especially with so much stuff in my hair! Wait! Am I supposed to stay this way as punishment before I meet my maker?! What cruelty! I’m only five years old, goddamnit! 

“Raise your head.” I didn't at first, too scared to look up.

“Noel!” Yup, that’s mother’s distress voice alright. This might be really bad. I sigh, time to face reality. I raise my head just enough to see half of the Regis’ face. Never again will I want to see those black eyes that seems to eat away at my soul.

“Sit and eat.” A smooth baritone commanded.

I was confused. Then I saw the Queen signalling me to get a move on and I marched to the table as elegantly as possible. Mind you, it wasn't in any form elegant judging from my mother eyeing me with reproach. 

Anyways… now is the challenging part. Am I supposed to sit beside Mother on the right or be on the left side of the table? I know that the left seat closest to the Regis is reserved for the Crown Prince, but with big brother’s situation...that’s impossible. Thus, making this all the more complex since the children has to sit on the left side of the Regis, but it would be an awkward space between the Regis and me and that basically me making a statement that he has another child! And did I mention that it's a BIG taboo to mention the Crown Prince anywhere in the palace, especially with these two specific people? No one dares to speak of brother’s existence, especially to the Regis if they want to live a long mundane life. I didn't even know I had a brother until my memories returned, which was later confirmed through the blazing gossips that the Regis has struck the Crown Prince… To sum it up, no one told Noel she has a brother until she heard it indirectly from the maids. Seriously, wow. How mess up is that?

Still, why me?! Since the start of Noel’s first official breakfast with the family… Not even one minute later I’m already suck in another dilemma! I don't have previous memories of the princess ever joining the Regis for breakfast seeing as she wasn't old enough to understand table matters and wasn't fully taught of the etiquettes when in the Regis’ presence. In addition, the Regis only has breakfast with the family once a month, meaning since I have concluded my training last month, it was required of me to join the table this month! But not one of the numerous lessons prepared me for this, since my lousy instructor was too scared to bring up the issue of the Crown Prince! 

Eyes are starting to question me! If I don't choose soon I will likely... Happy thoughts Noel. Happy thoughts! 

Alright, I'd decided. It’s only natural that I, being the daughter of the Queen, and a female no less should sit beside her! It’s not like I’m trying to stay as far away from the Regis as possible okay? As I was about to sit down, a voice that should never be ignored questioned, “What are you doing?”

I of course, like anyone else, flinch. Yet unlike the others who wouldn't dare look up, I did anyways, as if my previous experience wasn't frightening enough for my stupid mind to comprehend. Luckily, I corrected my sight before it could reach his eyes. My old world’s habit of looking in the other person’s eyes was a form of respect. It's now aiding my destruction flag instead! Older sister, the lessons you taught me has remain even after my death, why were you such a great teacher?!  

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Ah! Another rule just came slithering in. I should never let the Regis wait so I replied, “sitting down?” Stupid me! You’re five plus eighteen in your previous life, making you more than half his age and you can’t even muster a proper response!

“…”

My stupidity has brought the Regis to speechlessness! He must question if I’m really his kin. He might have both Mother and I killed, since she gave birth to such a defective daughter... I admit that I might be a failure, but Karma isn’t! I will defend that notion with my dying breath! Or so I hope... If I could get any words in before he swiftly decapitated me that is.  

“Sit here.”

I was about to asked where, but immediately clammed my mouth shut because for the love of god I don't want to embarrass myself further as I looked for any indication of where he wanted me to sit! Why was a simple breakfast so stressful?! At this rate I'll go bald...Thankfully, God answered my prayers as I saw his left hand on the table positioned itself close to the direction of the Crown Prince’s seat. Oh for crying out loud! Are you going to degrade big brother further even after you had that grand display of embarrassing him at your party last week?! 

If I were to sit in that spot, it would meant I consented with this dysfunctional family that I had no older brother. That there was no such thing as a Crown Prince. The Regis perfectly knew that I comprehended his implication as he dared offer me the seat! Not like I had much of a choice, since no one can disobey the Regis without ending up headless! Getting out of breakfast alive is a great incentive in addition to being pardoned for my earlier misconduct. Now if I didn’t, this time I really might meet a Death God. It’s true I will do anything to sustain my life until my goals are accomplished, but never will I admit that Karma doesn’t exist. Because he does! And such a wonderful person is my hero!

“Thank you for the invitation, Father. But I prefer to sit here.” When I’m really mad, my anger is cold, passionless and eerily. I sat back straight by my mother’s side. I can see clear shock from the servants at my disobedient, but I was too absorbed in my anger to care. 

As if adding fuel to a wildfire I remark, “Since we are on the topic of my preferences, I would also love to take up swordsmanship.” My words were phrased as if getting permission, but my tone said otherwise. It was a statement that even if he denied me of such activity, I would challenge his authority and practice in secret nonetheless.

If you thought their expressions were priceless before, now it's plain comedic. They're not even trying to keep a straight face. Though Father wasn't much fun as his face stayed stoic, unsurprisingly Mother's face was a raging Oni from the gates of hell.    

After all, in this country it is unfit for a noble lady to take up the sword or wield any combat skills. If she did, she will be viewed as barbaric, uneducated and undesirable. It would destroy any prospect of future suitors, she would be discriminated against, her life and status would basically shattered into fine dust particles. This is why there are little to no female knights and if a woman were to take any masculine occupations she would be stunned by the population. Now, if I, the only daughter of Regis X, said to be a graceful, delicate flower were to state this at the breakfast table in front of the most powerful man in the continent who is strict with customs—what do you think will become of me?

I immediately felt a sting on my left cheek. My mother had slapped me, hard. There were tears in her eyes. Ahhh, I know that look. It was a look filled with disappointment mixed with disbelieved and shame. In the book, Noel’s existence is bearable because she doesn't have Karma’s appearance. But to her mother, she was a failure nonetheless. Noel rarely interacted with the Queen, but on occasion they meet, her mother always gazed at her in disappointment, sometimes in resentment, because she—no, I was not a suitable heir. 

I’m used to those looks of contempt, of being unwanted, labelled as cursed since the day I was born. I can relate to Karma…maybe that’s why I can understand his pain all too well. But unlike him, I was fortunate to have someone like my older sister who nurture me with kindness and love, thus making me the person I am today. My older sister was my entire world. She was all I needed; my everything.

I stare straight at her with defiance in my eyes as I wiped the blood left by her nails, an action that seemed to wash the stinging pain that only a mother can produce. Well, certainly having a mother brought a mixture of emotions seeing as I never knew my mother in my previous life. I consider my ideal mother to be similar to my older sister or Isabel. But reality isn't that nice. Having an actual mother is worlds apart from ideals. Her slap, her disappointment, her resentment at my very existence makes the pain in my heart hurt to the point I felt I could cry tears of blood. Still I will not yield. I can’t. Not now. So don’t you think I’m that helpless little girl who needs saving or the princess who would always tries her utmost to meet your expectations.

Parents can be selfish, I learned that the hard way. They will try to impose their ideals on their children and if the child doesn't meet those expectations, they look at them in disappointment and in doing so, make them feel worthless to the point of encouraging them to break.

“Apologize to the Regis now!” Her desperation was clear in her voice. At this point I wasn't sure if she was protecting me or her position… I don't know anymore… It seems I will never understand…

“Enough.” The Queen froze in place and I as well. The dining hall became dreadfully silent as the servants were excused with a flick of the Regis’ right hand.

I could tell he was observing me like a lab rat. Curious, but only to an extent of amusement at seeing an insect trying to topple a lion.

“I will allow it, only if you can withstand a night of whipping.”

“Regis, for a princess to have scars—“ My mother was stopped with a simple glance in her direction. Even if she is the Queen, the most powerful woman in the realm she didn't dare meet his eyes. It was forbidden and only permissible only when the Regis, himself allows it.

“Do you consent, child?” It was clear that his tone was mocking. It was obvious that this was too much for a five year old girl. But I’m no ordinary five year old. I gave the Regis a triumphing grin as I stared straight into his eyes and proclaimed with more confidence than I’m actually feeling, “Do your worst.”     

And for a second there, the Regis stoic face almost appeared amused.