“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!” I cried.
There was nothing graceful about the way I flailed, running back and forth behind the crazy pirate lady. Her cackling was unnerving, and between Erik’s hammer and the ship’s cannon fire, I couldn't focus.
For a moment, I was awestruck as we flew through the air, above the Queen Anne’s Revenge. But then that sickening feeling you get when you climb to the top of a rollercoaster kicked in and I leaned over the railing and upchucked.
“Ya gonna be okay lad?” Siobhan called out to me, barely a hint of concern to her voice. I waved my hand back at her as I continued to vomit and she just laughed at me. I was a little disappointed no one came over to rub my back or offer me a ginger ale.
Suddenly, the ship lurched sideways as we spun around. Cannons rolled from one side to the other, as the undead crew clung to them for their un-lives. Erik just about fell off the bow, but he was fast enough to throw himself backwards into the boat.
I screamed loudly as I gripped the rail and tried not to vomit on myself. We turned all the way around and then descended, quickly, back to the water. But this time, we were directly behind the enemy vessel. Every time the Queen Anne’s tried to outmaneuver, the Dutchman caught up to her. With a terrifying laugh that made my skin crawl, Siobhan drew her sword and thrusted it into the air.
“Alright ship, ya know what ta do!” She called out and the Dutchman let out a low growl, which sounded like the gates of Hell opening up. In reality, the front of the ship had cracked open like a giant shark maw and bit down, taking a chunk out of the side of the Queen Anne’s Revenge. Just enough to break apart some of the upper hull, but not enough to sink the damn thing.
What will we do with a drunken sailor?
What will we do with a drunken sailor?
What will we do with a drunken sailor?
Early in the morning
“Who in God’s name is singing?” I asked. I was not pleased with my answer.
Siobhan’s sword, raised above her head, was screaming sea shanties. I face palmed and shook my head. This trip couldn’t get any weirder, I thought to myself. And I was including this psychopath pirate coming into my room last night to jump my bones. Which, had been plenty weird.
“Way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, early in the mornin’!” Siobhan sang along. I could hear Ethan pipe up as well, and soon enough the crew joined in too.
“Dear God…” I muttered.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard a zombie sing, but it’s creepy as fuck.
Shave his belly with a rusty razor
Shave his belly with a rusty razor
Shave his belly with a rusty razor
Early in the morning
The Flying Dutchman took another chunk out of the back of the Queen Anne’s Revenge, just as a ballista bolt came flying into our mast. Ethan stared up at it, just a foot above his head, and instead of screaming in fear, he got excited and headed for our own ballista, swinging it around to return fire.
“Way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, way hay and up she rises, early in the morning!” He sang.
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Siobhan looked at me, mouthing the words, trying to encourage me to sing along on our epic pirate adventure. I was not amused and I shook my head dismissively.
She pouted, turning to bat her big eyelashes at me, all the while swinging the wheel around still maneuvering the ship. I was convinced this is how I was going to die.
Again.
“Sing with me lad!” She pleaded loudly.
“No thanks, I’m good.” I called back. I tried desperately to disappear into the shadows. Maybe I’d get lucky and a cannonball with take me overboard.
“You sang with me last night, real loud!” She said with an exaggerated wink. I panicked and looked around to see if anyone else was listening, but everyone was too distracted with the combat. I sighed heavily.
“If I…If I sing with you, will you leave me alone?” I begged.
“Maybe for a bit.” Siobhan said, giving me a wicked smile and blowing me a kiss. I found myself smirking, and immediately stopped myself.
Bad Dyson, I thought. You aren’t supposed to be enjoying this.
The woman was crazy. All these people were crazy. Erik is shooting lightning, and Orion is shooting sun beams. Siobhan’s sword is singing and I have Death’s Scythe. Nothing made sense. Everything was horrible.
But despite my best efforts, I couldn’t believe it.
Never had my life been so exciting. I was on an adventure, on a pirate ship, with new friends, and a zombie crew. I was having a blast, though, I'd never admit that out loud though. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.
“That's what we do with a drunken sailor, that's what we do with a drunken sailor, that's what we do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning!” I sang, bursting out into song, like it was something off of my own playlist. Siobhan smiled at me in surprise and I found myself smiling back at her.
But only cause smiles are contagious, it’s not like I actually liked her or anything…
That would be weird.
The Flying Dutchman moved to ram the Queen Anne’s Revenge again, but the enemy ship got a sudden burst and sped way ahead of us. Siobhan looked confused and tried to pursue, but we just couldn't keep up.
“Keep going, we’ll catch up to them eventually.” Erik yelled up to her. Siobhan nodded and yelled for full speed ahead.
Way hay and up she rises
Way hay and up she rises
Way hay and up she rises
Early in the morning
Her singing sword seemed content with its performance and went silent, returning to its sheath.
~*~
We passed through the Strait of Gibraltar, following behind the Queen Anne’s Revenge, travelling deep into the Tyrrhenian Sea. As we passed Sicily and into another much narrower strait it occured to me that this place was familiar from high school. I vaguely remembered a class in Ancient Civilizations were we read up on myths and their relation to the real world. My teacher, Mr. Anderson, had been a miserable old goat, but he was passionate about the mythology and folklore of ancient times. I recalled that we had spent a great deal of time on Greek Mythology. Up ahead I could see a small island cove and very closely next to it, a whirlpool began to form, the sea sinking away. I seemed to recall a situation like this from Homer's Odyssey. My heart sank as I remembered what Anders had told me about myths and legends being real.
“Err, is this the Strait of Messina?” I asked Siobhan.
"Aye. We've lost the enemy now, but I'll find 'er soon enough." She replied. She glanced at me briefly, but then turned her head sharply to regard me with wide eyes as the realization sets in.
“Bullocks.” She muttered. She quickly spun the wheel, and the ship lurched to the right.
I climbed down to the deck as fast as I could, screaming for Erik. He met me about halfway, concern painted across his face.
“You know that phrase, ‘between a rock and a hard place’?” I said breathlessly.
Erik frowned. “Yes, what about it?”
“Well you and Crazy up there are gonna have to make a choice that is gonna suck really hard.” I told him, panicked.
“Dyson, you aren’t making sense.” He glared at me, putting his hands on his hips.
“Scylla and Charybdis.” I said, flailing my arms in my best approximation of tentacles. Erik chuckled at me.
“Dyson, I understand that all this has been a bit much to take in, with the Artifacts and monsters and all. But not every monster in mythology actually exists. Some of them were slain, or relocated. Besides, I’m almost certain Scylla was rationalized as a rocky shoal.” He explained to me. But I shook my head.
The boat lurched to one side, and we all tumbled to the deck.
“Whirlpool on the starboard bow!” Siobhan called out. The crew scattered about, rushing to action to slow our speed.
“Uh, guys!” I heard Orion call out from the crow’s nest around the same time.
On the other side of the ship, huge serpentine heads reared up and bobbed just out of reach of the ship. They seemed to be attached to the torso of a huge naked woman. She hissed as we got closer. I looked at Erik and watched the blood run from his face as his smug face goes pale.
“So much for it not existing!" I shouted at him as I ran to get below deck.
Now I was certain I was going to die here.