When I open my eyes, it is well past lights out. The sun has not risen yet, but I know I may have slightly overslept. I look down at my watch and it reads midnight, this means that I am about 2 hours late to our agreed meeting time. I hastily put my uniform back on and sneakily make my way to the north end of the peak. Maestro Lauren does not generally sleep on the peak like the rest of us, but it has happened more than once that she caught a few trainees hanging past lights out. When that does happen, we all suffer for it. As such, I would not hear the end of it if I get caught.

To be honest, if the Maestro wanted to find me, I would have no way to hide, but it doesn’t hurt to still be somewhat careful. Without waking anyone or making any sound, I traverse the dorms and head towards the only exit, which is the front one. Thankfully, upon setting foot outside, I do not see Maestro Lau-

‘Who….?’

Instead, I notice a figure performing strange movements near one of the mountain edges close to the girl’s dorms. I ponder who it could possibly be as I observe them. I doubt it would be the Maestro because dancing is unlikely to be one of her hobbies, especially in the dead of night as if to hide from prying eyes. If there is one thing I’ve learned about Maestro Lauren, it is that she will always unapologetically be herself. Hence, I deem that option incorrect. It is more likely for the figure to be a trainee, who, like me, has decided to come out after lights out for personal matters. From the stature of the figure and their silhouette, I assume that it is one of the girls, but I have no idea who exactly. As I stare longer, I realize that the strange movements are in reality a dance. An elegant, and graceful dance. I am captivated by it as I watch her more closely. Each leap she takes makes it seem as if she floats in the air and each twirl adds substance to the performance. With each passing moment witnessing her dance, I find it more difficult to avert my gaze.

Eventually, she abruptly stops. Then, she turns in my direction, and looks straight at me. Startled, I take a step back, unsure what to expect. However, she simply dashes off the peak at an incredible speed, never to be seen again.My curiosity is high but I cannot chase after her. Had I not been in the middle of something, I would have investigated the matter further. Unfortunately, I have more important things to do tonight.

‘That was… strange.’

Trying, but hardly succeeding to push this scene to the back of my mind, I attempt to pull myself together and remember why I have come out here in the first place.

‘Focus on Ivana man!’

I cross the expanse of the field with only the night as my cover in order to reach the location of our rendez-vous. It takes me no more than a minute or two to arrive at what I believe to be the north end of the peak. However, as I look around, Ivana is nowhere to be seen. It may be that the nocturnal environment is obstructing my eyesight, but considering my lack of punctuality, it may also be that Ivana has decided to leave after waiting for too long.

‘Did she actually leave…?’

A voice resonates through the night. “No, I’m right here”

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Startled, I turn around and jump back a little. Ivana walks out of the darkness, her elegant figure revealing itself to me as she basks in the dim moonlight. When she’s reached a suitable distance from me, I can finally see her clearly. She, too, is wearing the DaiKar uniform. Her ravenous hair sits in a tight bun over her head and she clutches her arm as she avoids my gaze.

“Listen, I obviously cannot do anything about the money right now, but during our next vacation I’ll-”

I interrupt her. “I lied sorry. The money was fine.”

Her eyes open wide and she wastes no time to turn around and step away as if she no longer has a reason to be here. I reach out my arm to her but she is already far enough so that I cannot grab her.

“Ivana, Wait!”

She ignores me, the distance between us grows larger. Her steps aren't exactly fast, but also not exactly slow.

My voice grows more agitated as I watch her leave. “Why won’t you talk to me!?”

She still does not care for my words. I am certain that she can hear me, yet, she is unwilling to answer. The truth is that I know why she refuses to talk to me, I am not dense. She feels guilty for leaving me behind, even a child would be able to grasp that. I’d have a difficult time facing someone I believe I’ve abandoned too, even if I do not think any of them abandoned me. Well, except maybe Sebastian, he seemed a bit too enthusiastic about leaving.

My voice grows even louder as I attempt to halt Ivana’s steps.

“It wasn’t your fault! What could you have done!? I understand how you feel, but I’m oka-”

“STOP IT!” She exclaims.

She has finally stopped in her tracks. Her body trembles as she clenches her fist, drops of blood nearly falling from them. She turns around and I notice tears clouding her vision. She bites her lip, puncturing the skin. Before finally replying, Ivana inhales deeply and her eyes meet mine for the first time in three weeks.

“... I know that you know why I don’t talk to you! Why I cannot look you in the eyes! I can hear your thoughts when they’re about me, remember? You’re right, it’s because I left you! That’s why! No matter what you say, I left you to die, like a coward!”

I sigh.

“What else could you have done, Ivana? If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here, and like I said, I’m fi-”

“That’s not the problem!”

Tears fall from her eyes. She stutters as she tries to convey what has been plaguing her mind till now.

“I-It's not that I didn’t stay, it’s that I couldn’t stay… You know, right after that person took you, Sebastian asked us to leave… Of course, Sylvia said she wouldn’t without an ounce of hesitation. Do you want to know what I said?”

I say nothing as I already know the answer.

A sorrowful laughter escapes her mouth. “I said that I ‘didn’t know’. I couldn’t give a straight answer! Those words echo in my head every single night! I can’t even sleep anymore! Well, maybe it’s my punishment… I mean, can you believe that? I couldn't even risk my life after you tried to sacrifice yours!”

She breathes in before continuing, her eyes are still fixed onto mine, she is determined to tell me everything tonight. Perhaps because she believes this will be our last conversation

The flow of her tears becomes stronger.

“Do you want to know what the best part is? When Sylvia sent me a message asking me to return to the forest to look for you, I never replied! I saw it, but I decided to hide in my room instead! You know why? Because I was scared! I was scared that that person would still be there, of that feeling of powerlessness, and most importantly, I was scared of not finding you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear it!”

She falls to her knees, the glint from her eyes fades as she stares at the ground. “...Do you understand now? I am a horrible person. People like you or Sylvia who can lay down their lives for others without a second thought… wouldn’t be able to understand how I feel…. Now, please… stop trying to talk to me. It’s for the best…”

I suspect that this is all she has been meaning to say for a while now, but couldn’t. I take a seat on the ground in front of her. I am no therapist, I cannot console her or heal the damage this experience has done to her mind. Instead, I decide to tell her a story.

“Since we’re sharing... Here’s something I’ve never told anyone before.”