Kepler:

Towards the end of the next day, the slaver emperor was digesting the most recent news.

He had spent the entire day interrogating the three slaves who had chosen to stay behind on the Island.

They confirm everything that I already know. And they confirm how truly depraved these four Misfits are.

They gave max stats to all females, but only some males!

And they gave out the stats freely!

And the Misfit girls are exactly as strong as the boys! What madness is that?

And didn't one of my reports indicate that the four Misfits had a shared status page? What on the Ringworld is that about?

And, of course, there are their vows - all at 100% strength.

How am I going to deal with all of this?

My absolute orders are compelling me to face this problem and do something!

He put his head on his desk, closed his eyes, and tried to think.

After a while, he remembered something. Not bothering to summon his slave clerks, he jumped up and started rummaging through the filing cabinets.

"Ah, here it is! A report about some of the stories overheard concerning the Misfits."

The Emperor would occasionally send out a high-ranking slave to capture vermin deep inside non-slaver countries and bring these newly collared slaves back to be interrogated. And one of them had the fascinating story that - just maybe - the two Misfits, Drayden and Cassy, had carved out a tunnel in the side of the Ringworld wall.

That's right; I initially ignored this since it was impossible. The Voice won't allow it. But, given all of the other fantastical feats these Misfits have achieved, maybe it is true.

How can I use this?

A dim outline of a plan formed in his mind.

Is this even possible?

Voice of the World: If the Misfits can be given the ability to tunnel into the Wall, then I demand that ability, too!

There was no reply.

As if it would be that easy.

OK, what if I assume that it was a temporarily granted ability?

What if I assume I vow to fight Eleanor one-on-one, with only a limited number of fighters on either side and the vow is 100%?

And assume that the Voice only grants high-strength vows for situations that involve direct fights if the odds are roughly half on both sides.

What if I try to argue that, as part of the 100% strength vow, it is fair that I gain a once-off temporary ability to tunnel into the Wall, just like the Misfits had?

This is one Voice damned lot of assumptions.

He spent some time composing his vow.

Wait, how do I make the vow and ask for the Wall-digging ability without the vermin knowing about the ability?

OK, two vows.

Do I want to do this? There is a 50% chance that I die...

Oh, shit this, I'm really, really tired of being Emperor.

OK, first vow.

I, the Slave Emperor Kelper, want to make a private 100% vow: I will fight Queen Eleanor and her fighters in an even-number-on-both-sides contest IF I get the temporary Wall-digging ability for my team and if the location of the fight is in the Wall internal room, halfway up the stairs that are nearest to Manifestoria.

He held his breath as he waited, and then he got his reply.

Ding! Your vow is confirmed with the conditions as requested. However, since only two of the Misfits ever used the Wall-digging ability, only two of your slaves can. Before starting the fight, you must designate which two.

Holy Voice, it was a success - my first vow.

This could make my life enjoyable, for once.

But it only applies if I make the second vow.

And I have to word it so I don't have to act until that vermin Eleanor makes her vow.

OK, here goes.

Eleanor:

Eleanor had sent searchers to go through every book and report in the castle's library and filing cabinets and to bring back every scrap of knowledge about the slave empire. These same searchers had then spent most of the day frantically combing the information and distilling down the information into a series of reports. The treasurer headed this project and was the one to combine the reports into a single final report. He had to use both hands to carry it; it had some heft to it.

Of course, while all this was happening, Eleanor had been very busy with meetings with all sorts of people. Eventually, she was able to meet with Lena late in the afternoon.

"Well, I've managed to finish arrangements for the free slaves; the treasurer is already allocating jobs for some of them."

"That's good. Have some cookies; you missed lunch, you know," said Lena, practically forcing a cookie into Eleanor's mouth.

Munch, munch, gulp.

"And Aragon and Jane have started training the Misfits, and they have already started to allocate max stats to some of the guards. Oh, and also, they maxed the stats of the Crysteth Prime Minister. I'm impressed at how fast he managed to get here, and he came with extra information about the slave system."

"Ha! He just wanted to be maxed out!" said Lena.

"Whatever. He's here and will stay the week until the more distant advisors and leaders start arriving."

"My, the mighty Queen Eleanor, as she commands, so shall they scurry to obey and to come to her," said Lena.

Eleanor rolled her eyes.

"Ultimately, it is all in their best interests and their people's best interests. Hmm, I believe at least half of them do have their people's interest at heart."

"And they shall run away like rats from a fire once the slaver emperor starts moving, while we will be left here," said Lena.

"You have been talking to Jane, haven't you?"

"Sure have."

After a while, Eleanor gathered with her core friends and had a social chat before dinner. The treasurer was also present, mostly because he had handed Eleanor the stack of paper that was the reports. Once upon a time, she would have found it taxing to her strength to hold it, but now, with maxed-out stats? It was as light as a feather. She put it down on the table.

Something else was taxing her:

This is embarrassing. Do I invite him to the meal or politely thank him for his time and hope he gets the hint and gracefully exits?

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

And then, without warning:

Ding! The Slave Emperor has made a 100% vow to Queen Eleanor:

If you agree, I will meet you in the Wall internal room at midday in precisely six weeks. We will each bring an equal number of fighters, the number to be determined by you. I will approach from the top and will arrive precisely at midday. You approach from the bottom and may come beforehand. We will fight until one side wins and the other loses. Both parties may make whatever preparations they see fit as long as the agreed maximum number of fighters is not exceeded. After the fight, both parties are free from further obligations under this vow. You may take two weeks to reply. If you do not, I will proceed as I see fit.

This message has been sent to Eleanor and everyone in her court, plus every Manifestorian guard and every sufficiently influential noble and politician within 1000 kilometres of Manifestoria's side of the slaver nation.

Eleanor screamed.

"What the fuck hell is this!"

Kelper:

The vow worked! Now, I have to wait to see what the vermin chooses to do.

Actually... Didn't this work a bit too well? It was all so effortless and fast.

Have I been set up?

But how? The Voice is supposed to be fair and impartial. It never takes sides.

Actually, it does take sides sometimes; that's what the heroes are all about.

Think, think.

If the Voice wants to kill me, the slaver emperor, and disrupt our plans, then why would it set up a fight with a fifty-fifty chance of winning or losing?

Ah, I get it. Because usually, they don't stand a chance. At least not in the foreseeable future.

But it doesn't matter. If I lose, the gold collar goes to my carefully selected successor, so it doesn't matter one way or another.

If I win, I have a bit of excitement in my life.

Or, I lose and die, and the next slaver emperor will have to take a respite before getting up on all the arrangements. So Eleanor gets some extra time. Then he crushes Manifestoria, and the Slaver empire will continue.

It's OK either way.

Fuck!

I forgot: the Misfit's vows are about destroying slavery!

They have nothing in them about killing me!

But, but, wait, there isn't any real problem, is there?

Actually, there is one way that the slave system can be destroyed...

But it is only applicable in very limited circumstances, and considering all slaves have Absolute Orders against it, then, then...

Yeah, there's no need to worry.

But, just to be sure, I will take some extra precautions.

"This is going to be exciting!"

Eleanor:

Up until now, Eleanor had managed to cope reasonably well with the whole murdering a king thing, then becoming a queen, and then fighting off a vicious slave invasion.

This tipped her over the edge.

She bolted upright from her chair, sending it crashing against the wall. She put her hands on her head and rocked to and fro, screaming and muttering.

"What am I going to do now?"

"I've got the personal attention of the slaver emperor, what the fuck do I do now?"

"The whole slaver nation is coming at me, shit!"

At this point, someone wrapped their arms around her from behind.

Oh, it's Lena.

Eleanor stopped moving, closed her eyes, and did some deep breathing. Lena held her around the waist and pressed her head against Eleanor's.

Now, count to ten, ...

A few more deep breaths, that's right.

Lena loves me, so it will be alright.

Right?

She opened her eyes and found everybody else was looking at her. Except Lena's, of course, since she was behind Eleanor.

She gave a sickly smile.

"Sorry, everyone, just a little temper tantrum, never mind me. Ha ha."

"OK, we will all sit down and have a nice discussion about this nice little invitation from our very own local slaver emperor."

"I'm sure I will be starting the serious discussions tomorrow, especially considering that the other very important leaders will be starting to arrive then."

"But now, if Lena can let go of me..."

"Oh, and also, thanks, my dear."

Eleanor and Lean, holding hands, sat down in their usual chairs.

She looked around.

Everyone looks shocked. Are they shocked at me losing control or the Emperor's vow? It must be the vow; that's the important thing. Definitely!

"Perhaps, if anybody has any comments, I'll just listen for now."

Drayden:

Oh wow, Eleanor was so cute then. And Lena was also, hugging Eleanor like that.

No! Bad Misfit! Keep your mind on the crucial topic, the Emperor's vow.

Bronsen:

Bronsen had the exact same thoughts going through his head.

The Misfits:

"Well, I'm sure the more experienced of you have also noticed, but isn't this vow suspiciously specific? He sets the exact time and the place and then lets you set the number of fighters. And then what about him saying he will arrive on time, but you can come as early as you like and set up preparations? I realise that vows that set up two parties in competition have to allow even odds for both sides, but does that mean the Emperor is happy with a 50% chance of failing?" said Drayden.

In the ensuing silence, Drayden saw Eleanor look at the treasurer.

"Ah, yes. I believe that you will find, ah, here."

The treasurer reached out, slid the report towards himself, rapidly rifled through the stack of papers, and extracted some.

"This is speculation about how the gold collar succession from the old Emperor to the new Emperor works. And it appears that most emperors get tired of life and, basically, arrange their deaths. That appears to be the only way an emperor can get out of being an emperor."

"Pretty brutal, but then I suppose the whole slaver system is brutal. So, you are suggesting that he is tired of life and is arranging this whole duel to the death thing as an elaborate way of committing suicide?"

"That appears to be a reasonable assumption, considering our known information. Furthermore, it should be noted that the current Emperor has been in his position for thirty-one years. So he is a prime candidate for succumbing to ennui and boredom."

"Oh, OK."

"Wait a moment! This vow is all about fighting a duel between Eleanor, the queen, and what's his name, the Emperor," said Cassy.

"Ah, his name is Kelper," said the treasurer.

"Between Eleanor and Kelper. A duel to the death, or until all of us are enslaved. And you say he is content with a 50% chance of dying. I think he's acting like a typical bully but never mind. But the point is, the vow we Misfits have made is nothing about him dying. It's all about ending slavery for good. Now, surely he is not comfortable about that," said Cassy.

"This is certainly a valid point. Many of the individual reports discuss the system of Absolute and Standing orders that every slave is subject to. I believe that Esther and Evereena can confirm this. One of the first Absolute orders is never to do anything to endanger the slaver institution. Thus, it can only be assumed that he does not believe the slave system is in danger in any way due to this duel," said the Treasurer.

"That's pretty arrogant of the little shit," said Cassy.

Drayden disputed this statement.

"Personally, I'll say that he is a very big shit."

"Whatever. Anyway, he certainly has something up his sleeve. Why do you have to take up this 'kind' offer, anyway?" said Cassy.

"Because the emperor's next option is to cover Manifestoria wall to wall with a million slaves," said Aragon.

"Fuck. So, I suppose this ridiculous duel is the best bet to at least delay the inevitable," said Cassy.

"I believe there is a slight chance of achieving our objective. One report here hints at a few things about the Emperor's succession; nothing is definite, but there are hints. I believe that it is best if discussion of that topic is reserved for a more restricted audience. Since secrecy may be of the utmost importance." said the treasurer.

Four teenagers shared glances. Then they shrugged their shoulders.

"That's fine," said Bronsen.

Jane:

I wonder what the big secret is.

But I have just had an idea. Which should also be kept a big secret.

That freed slave who looks just like Eleanor; maybe she can fake being Eleanor during the fight?

Of course, it's going to suck for, ah, Frannie was her name? Since we will be using her as a sacrificial pawn.

But, if the news I heard about her death pact vow with her friend is accurate, then maybe she won't mind.

I'll bring this up with Eleanor privately.

Misfits:

The discussion continued throughout the meal and didn't end until Lena realised that her children had fallen asleep in their chairs.

And the treasurer stayed on for the meal, even if he did look out of place. But, then again, he did have a lot of important information at his fingertips.

Afterwards, the Misfits gathered in their meeting room. They were a little frazzled around the edges.

"I guess the date is set. Six weeks, win or lose, we die," said Bronsen.

"Gee, aren't you a bundle of joy tonight," said Alice.

"He sure is. But, at least we got to see Eleanor and Lena cuddling together," said Drayden.

"Ooooh yeah! They looked nice," said Bronsen, "Unfortunately, no sexiness was involved. Since System-san won’t let us see that. They merely looked nice,"

"Oh, bloody hell, these boys and their obsession with Girl Love!" said Cassy, looking at Alice.

Alice nodded her head. She then grabbed Bronsen.

"This works for you?" she said, looking at Cassy.

"Sure, back to our first lover. Might as well," said Cassy.

Kelper:

The following day, the Emperor checked his status. He realised that he didn't have the Wall tunnelling ability quite yet. He had to pay 500 points for it.

"Oh damn."

He knew what this entailed. And it wasn't going to be pleasant.

He got a servant to bring him five new slave collars. He then ordered everyone out. He carefully closed the door so no one could see or hear him. He laid the collars out on the stone floor and materialised his sword.

Not destroying a slave collar might be an absolute order, but absolute orders came in a hierarchy. And the supreme absolute order was not to endanger the slaver institution in any way.

He held a conversation with himself. He felt like he was intervening between his top two absolute orders as if they each had a will of their own.

Yes, I know I shouldn't destroy a collar. But by destroying a collar, I gain points that will help me not die. Preventing the Emperor from dying is a part of not endangering the slaver institution. And thus has a higher priority. And therefore, I should be allowed to destroy this collar.

After several rounds of this, he could finally use his sword to strike the collar with considerable force. Which did not disintegrate. So he had to do it again and again. Finally:

Ding! 100 points awarded.

Oh, bloody hell. I have to do that four more times.

Eventually, he acquired the 500 points, which he promptly used to purchase the Wall-digging ability. He was also soaked with sweat and had a headache.

Just as well I said six weeks. And now I have to get all the fighters that go with me to also destroy enough slave collars to max out their strengths.

Fortunately, I maxed out my stats long ago using this same method.

He decided to spend some time recovering and to start maxing out the fighters tomorrow.