THIS WAS PROOFREAD BY EL-S

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Hello everyone. My name is Jack and I'm a, well, god. Yeah, at least, I think I am. Anyway, I have been alive since the start of time. I’ve been toyin- I mean teaching the humans. It's been pretty fun overall and currently, I’m in New York City.

New York City used to be called New Amsterdam. However, the stupid Dutch sold it to the Americans. But hey! Not my problem. So much potential profit, *sob sob*. Such a waste.

I’ve been in New York City for the last three years. New York City has been decent, except, for the people calling me jackass and idiot. Did you know that humans are so rude to me? I mean, I may have crashed my bike into that Lamborghini. I didn’t do it on purpose though. In case you’re wondering, I blame the bike. Sorry bike, it’s true.

You’ve heard enough about me now. Currently, as I've said, I'm in New York City. While I was walking through the city, I had gotten bored, so I went to a restaurant.

“Excuse me, would you be able to bring me a nicely made steak and a Cola?” It was the lady serving customers that I asked. On the menu the steak was apparently a nice juicy steak with seasoning.

“Absolutely, Sir. With you in a second.”

As I lay my knife with a little pressure on the steak, the knife went nicely through the steak. I then proceeded to pick up the piece of steak with my fork and put it in my mouth. The taste was quite excellent as the meat flavor softly dispersed into my mouth. It was satisfying like a mother's cooking.

Oh, right. The restaurant I was currently in was a high classed place to eat. Now you may wondering, ‘Jack, how could you afford it?”

Well, since I am a god, I naturally have the power create as much money as I like. However, I didn’t use my power to create money because I have lived for so long. In fact, I literally created the majority of the powerhouse companies security and the like.

I am the richest man alive, but no one even knows. I laugh a little but as I realise that such a strange thing is still not known. By now, I had finished my plate and drank my Cola. Everything tasted refreshing, I could eat as much as I like because I’m a god, but that would look weird. Imagine seeing someone eat two whole steak meals, if I eat two of course I will then want to eat a few more to savor the flavors. Laughing again, I remember that I could also just recreate the food inside of my stomach(A/N: Think of Neptune from Spongebob, if you’re unsure.) but that would not look normal at all.

The other people at the tables mostly wore rich clothes, in contrast to me, I was dressed like a homeless man. A homeless man eating in a 5 star dining place must look incredibly funny, I laugh again thinking about it.

I had finished my meal ages ago but I still hadn't paid. It didn’t matter though, I’m a god. Why would a good need to pay for something? Standing up, because I had finished my meal, I head towards the toilet. Arriving I walk into a stall, locking it as I do so. Making myself invisible, I proceed to leave the stall, stealthily of course.

In the actual restaurant again, I see a man on a date and thought about something humorous. Moving over towards him, I stand next to the woman beside the man, obviously his date. I move behind her and do the best thing I could think of doing.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

I grope the woman’s ass, full force might I add. She turned around to see the man but it didn’t go as I had planned. She smiled and I was like ‘fuck, it didn’t work.’ Why didn't it work? Wait... I know what went wrong, I grabbed the booty of a horny woman. She came closer to the man and threw her left arm over his right shoulder.The “loving” couple then proceeded to walk towards their table, I had another idea. Following them to their table, I waited for them to sit down. At this point, I pulled the tablecloth off the table. As I had predicted, the women had went closer to the man and touched his crotch lightly. Everyone looked their direction, a god truly was all knowing. It was just what I had hoped for the people. Everyone was shocked, the waiters and waitresses were shocked. The women hadn’t even pulled her hand away because she was trying to figure out why everyone was shocked. Because of this, she had forgotten she was doing something naughty, finally, she realised what they were looking at.

She slowly looked down and realised she still had her hand lightly on his crotch.

"This is not what it looks like!" She quickly called out. I, not knowing when to stop, went to the back and created some voices come from random parts of the restaurant.

“It’s disgusting that they were doing this at a restaurant”

“Getting your sexy on in a restaurant, so outrageous…”

“Oh now, this is something I would pay for!”

Still not stopping, I used some of my powers to loosen the belt that he was wearing. His pants fell to the ground, I still had a big grin on my face. It’s always fun to see people embarrassed. I then noticed that the manager had called the police. Whoops.

As he was talking to the police I undid my invisibility when I was sitting in my seat. Finally, I had gotten to the last part of my play, “We deserve a refund!” was all that was needed to start the fire. As expected everyone agreed to my words. Everyone received a refund in cash coupons. I got the money from the steak plus a coupon for one free meal. Finally, It was time to leave.

I had walked home to my mansion. As I up to the front door, the head butler greeted me,

"Hello Master Jack." He began, “Lovely to see you again.” He said all this in a overly polite manner. I had picked him up when he was still an orphan, abandoned on the streets. Thankful to me, he had become incredibly loyal. We had even traveled the world together, a few times. He was also one of the few people that knew I was a god.

"Hello Andree." Andree took my jacket,

“Why are you wearing such filthy clothes?” He started, “You’re a god! You should be wearing clothes of the finest material!”

“It’s okay.” Was all I needed to say and he dropped the topic. Naturally, because I’m a god, I can change my clothes at will. Changing my clothes to that of a rich person.

“Andree, prepare a bath please.”. Nodding, he then waited for my other commands,

“Would you also be able to prepare my bed and have a cup of tea?” he nodded and went inside.

Entering the mansion, 40 maids and servants said in unison,

“"We welcome the master!"” They even bowed to me at the same time. I nodded to them and went to where the bath was, taking my bath while drinking my tea. Andree was still preparing my bed. As he finished I went to my bed and laid down.

‘I wonder what will happen tomorrow’ closing my eyes I fell to sleep.