“Can I wear my clothes now, since it’s starting to get cold”
“Yeah Sure. I've had enough of a man's body for one day”
“Don't make it sound lewd”
I picked up my clothes and started wearing them
“About the tests, I had a lot more stuff prepared for you but after that whole ordeal I'm quite exhausted, so I'll just settle for some simple questions”
Finally a normal interview
I sat on the sofa and was waiting for my questions. Kisaragi-san took a notebook and pencil from her bag and kept it on her lap. Looks like she's going to evaluate me. I'm kinda feeling like I'm in a job interview now. She crossed her legs and took the pencil in her hand and said
”I'll be asking questions related to anime, games, manga etc to see if your otaku knowledge is adequate. It's a quick fire round so answer without thinking”
“Sure”
“I'll start then”
She picked up the notebook and started writing
“Who is the author of ‘Flat Chested Godzilla’?”
“Naomi Otsuma”
“What is the name of the opening song in ‘Magic Girl Rikka-chan’?”
“I want to drink strawberry milkshakes with panties on the side”
“What is the cheat code to go into the brothel in ‘Mordour of Darkness’?”
“L,L,R,R,triangle,circle,up,down,square,x”
“Which character did Adult Video actress ‘Ayame Mio’ voice?”
“Arashi from ‘I am paedophile’”
“What is the most distinguishable feature of ‘Kanabe Sayuri’ from the anime ‘My Dick is Too Big So I Told My Little Sister To Cut A Little Off, But She Cut The Whole Thing’?”
“Her left boob is bigger than the right”
After asking 15 more questions she said
“That's enough of that. Your otaku knowledge is quite deep indeed. You pass the test”
Don't underestimate my otaku prowess. My knowledge has no limit, even though all the questions she asked were related to weird anime, manga etc that normal people would never read or watch
“Then for the final test I'll ask your personal information and preferences to get to know you better. If you give answers that aren't sufficient you'll be denied admission to the club”
Denied after all that? Failure is not an option for me and it seems to be easy since she's just asking my details and favourites. I should get through this with no problems
“I'll asks six questions, you should answer them all without lying or hiding anything”
“Got it”
“Then for the first question. What is your favourite food?”
“Ramen”
That was easy. If all the questions are like this I should be done in no time
“The second question. How big is your dick?”
That went from zero to a million in one second
“What the hell!? How is that related to club? I'm interviewing for a club not a porn video right?”
“Just answer the question. It's an extremely important factor that will decide whether you can join or not”
Important factor My Ass!
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Your just a Lewd women interested in my junk. What is the correct answer to that question anyway? If it's too small you won't let me in? This is discrimination to all the people with small dicks. Apologise to all the people who are suffering from low esteem issues due to their size. Apologies I say!
I took a book from my bag, tore a piece of paper, wrote the answer on it and slid it across the table towards her. She picked it up and read it. She then folded the paper and put in her bag for some reason and stared at my crotch and said
“I see your hiding a beast in their”
“Enough of the damn comments and move on to the next question”
“Third question. Are you still a virgin?”
Of course it has to be another retarded question. What's up with this girl? Has she got nothing else going through her head?
“Don't ask that question to someone who hasn't even had a girlfriend yet”
“I'll take that as a yes…..Phhft!
This girl!! She just let out a laugh didn't she!? What wrong with being a virgin!? It just means my body is untainted and pure. I'm saving it for the one I truly love dammit. Don't underestimate us virgins out there; we have more numbers then you non-virgins. We can overthrow a country if we wanted too and build a virgin empire. VIRGINS ASSEMBLE!!!
*Avengers theme song running in my head*
“Fourth question. What genres do you fap off too?”
I'm not even going to bother thinking about it and just going to answer
“Anything that doesn't have Netorare, Cheating or Children in it. People who watch that shit can just go die”
“Even furries?”
“Yeah. I'm a man with a wide range of fetishes. I don't limit myself when it comes to sexual tendencies”
“I see. You’re quite the pervert, aren't you”
Look who's talking
“Fourth question. Boobs or Butts which do you prefer?”
“Are you really a highschool girl because you’re asking questions a hormone driven middle schooler would ask”
“Shut up and answer the question”
Since she asked for it might as well give a proper answer
“I don't prefer any”
“Don't try to dodge the question. If you don't answer the question properly I-”
“I'm not dodging the question. I'm going with the third option”
She looked puzzled
“The third option? What is it?”
“The third option which many men care about, more than boobs and butts that is…”
Dramatic pause with a serious expression
“Juicy Thighs”
“Thighs? These things on my legs? I can kinda understand why men would be attracted to boobs or butts but why in the world would they desire thighs? Their just big lumps of unwanted fat. They give girls extra weight and make them look fat. Their utterly useless in my eyes. If I could I would want to reduce the size of mine”
*In a low voice*
“Lumps of fat? Extra weight? Makes girls look fat? Utterly useless? Reduce the size?”
I was massively triggered about what she said so I started reciting the stuff she said to calm myself
“Furyo-san? What are you whispering, it's creepy. Don't tell me you’re angry because of what I said. I'm not going to apologise since nothing I said is wrong. Their just useless pieces of meat”
I broke
I jumped of the sofa which caused it to wobble. Kisaragi-san was surprised by the sudden movement and moved backwards. I then shouted
“Just what the hell did you say about a girl’s treasure!”
“Huh?”
“How dare you say that those soft bouncy pillows are extra weight!How can you call that voluptuous tender meat extra fat?!Every man's dream is to sleep on those beautiful thighs and get squished in the face by them! If I had to choose a way to die, it would definitely be suffocation to death by thighs. They are one of god’s greatest treasures to mankind and you called them useless. Add in black knee socks to the mix and it's just pure heaven. The small gap between the curve caused by the pressure of the knee sock on the thigh and the skirt is ‘Gods Territory’ where shall never step foot on. Wearing knee socks on your thighs is like putting a blanket over warm butter. I don't know why a thigh religion doesn't exist. If they do create one I'll be the first one to join. Wait why should I wait, when I can create it on my own. From today onwards the thigh religion is born! Long live thighs! Thighs Save Lives!”
After letting it all out of my system I was gasping for air. Kisaragi-san looked dumbfounded at what she heard and was still in that same taken aback position
“So, do you have any problem with my answer?”
She didn't respond
“Hello earth to Kisaragi-san, are you there?”
“Oh yeah sorry”
She was back and composed herself
“I'll accept what you said. I still don't know why you like thighs so much but I did learn that I should never talk bad about a man's fetish, no matter what it is”
“I'm glad you understand”
To think my speech affected her that much, I sometimes amaze myself
”And the final question. With this it will be all over”
The moment I've been waiting for has finally come. I'll take anything that comes my way. Now bring it!
“Do you have anyone you like?”
She was looking at the notebook instead of me when she said that
That was the question? I thought it would more perverted than the rest but it's surprisingly a girly question. I thought about it carefully and came to an answer
“Yes I do”
She dropped the pencil and notebook which she was holding and looked at me as if she saw a ghost
“What?”
She must have thought, a scary looking guy like me who looks like he eats babies for breakfast can never fall in love. But jokes on you, I'm in love
“I'm in love with Neo from ‘Heaven's Blade’, Kuroneko from ‘Twilight star’, Athena from “Heavens Chariot” and-”
“Hold up. Love in the sense, characters from anime?”
“Yeah what else”
She gave a sigh of relief and relaxed herself on the sofa
“You got me going there a bit. So it was only 2D characters, I thought you were talking about real people“
“You got a problem with that?! What's wrong in falling in love with 2D characters? Love has no dimension. Nobody decides who they love, it just happens. The girl you hated the most can look adorable or the guy you thought looked ugly can look like the most handsome guy in the world when you’re in love with them. It's the same thing for 2D characters you know they aren't real but you can't help but fall in love with them. If you truly love them, nobody can deny your love”
“Stop Stop Stop! I never said anything about denying your love. Even I know how it feels to love a person I will never meet. I just wanted to know if you like anyone in real life”
“Oh sorry about that. I was having a little argument with people on a forum a few days back about loving 2D girls and some idiots were saying my love towards them was false. So we were having a long heated fight which I won in the end and it just came back when you mentioned it. About that question I don't have anyone I like right now”
But what does she mean by loving a person she can never meet? Does she also have a crush on a anime character?
“Good answer. With this the test is over”
She threw the notebook she was writing my evaluations on like it didn't matter
“Aren't you going to check my evaluations?”
“What evaluations?”
“The one on the notebook you were writing on during the test”
“But that's not an evaluation”
“Then what is it?”
“See for yourself”
I picked the notebook up and looked at the page she was writing on
What was on it was a scribbling you would find in a grade schoolers notebook. Actually it was worse than that. It looked like something that came out of hell. Honestly it scared me
“Quite the masterpiece isn't it. Even I was impressed when I saw it. My talents even scare me”
“Can I ask what this is? And why you were drawing it? ”
“You don't know what it is? You need to go check your eyes. It's you of course! I was drawing it to keep myself busy. Even if it's a rough sketch, it's one of my best works”
The one who needs her eyes and brain checked is you. I've been told I look like a demon by others but this drawing of hers can easily scare away a demon and she dares to tell this abomination is me. This is the biggest insult she's given me today
It seems like she's actually proud of it, looking at way she's boasting. I'll just keep silent about her artistic talents for now. I don't want to burst her bubble
“Oh yeah! It is me. I can see the resemblance, like the hair and eyes here”
“Told you right”