Once upon a time, there was a man from peru. This man is me, as i am quite embarrassed about this whole story, i will use a fake name. Call me Nommer!

Well as stories often go, let me start at the beginning.

First and foremost i am tall. REALLY tall, about 8'2 actually. Normally someone of my stature would join sports, but i am also lazy. REALLY lazy, to the point where i will go out of my way to extreme lengths to be lazy, even wasting more energy in the effort to be lazy then it would take to not be lazy. for example i would walk to the other side of the building just to use the elevator when the stairs are right in front of me, but i digress.

Well, on one such occasion i was feeling awful because i ended up being chased by a huge dog when taking a shortcut. That is not to say that i was surprised by the dog, as i saw in the dog in the area i was walking to. as for why i did so, my need to be lazy outweighed my sense of danger. Well, when i got home i went straight to bed.

The layout of my house is quite nice, it's a studio apartment so everything i might need is in two rooms, the main room and a bathroom. I tried to find a place with the bathroom inside the main room, but could not find anything. anyways, as i said, i went straight to bed which was 2 steps from the door, and left my shoes by the door as i normally do, after all if i tracked my shoes inside, i might dirty the carpet and have to clean it.

Well while i was asleep, i had a strange dream. In this dream i got really hungry, but the fridge was 4 whole steps away. It was foreboding to say the least, but then i noticed my shoes sitting just 2 steps away. Don't ask why i found my shoes appetizing, as i said, this was a dream. anyways i unhinged my jaw like a snake, and ate my shoes in two bites. I did so for what i presume was out of desire not to chew it, but oddly the first bite snapped my shoe in two as if being cut by something really sharp. Well, it might not be that odd considering it was a dream.

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Well i woke up, and found i was almost late for work, i work as a telemarketer, i chose this job as most people hand up on me as i start talking resulting in less work for me, i work hourly as it is so no need to worry about low income. anyways, i started out of my house and could not for the life of me find my shoes. This is a small area kept extremely clean out of fear of cleaning, so they would most definitely stand out.

Well i recalled my dream, and interestingly enough i was full. This was when i noticed, I ATE THEM!

I was in immense despair, as i would need to buy new shoes, it was a long drawn out process and i am required to wear them for work. Last time, my boss was rather angry at me for not wearing them.

Well, regardless i went to work anyways, told my boss that my shoes went missing and i would buy new ones after work. He was surprisingly understanding as his shoes were stolen as well last night.... as well as every other employee at work. Seriously? How hungry must i have been to have walked to every co-worker's house and eat their shoes? Well, i doubt it was me, no way you could catch me walking that far in the first place, strange coincidence though.