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Memory 15: Our New Understanding

The image of my mother’s pale face haunts me when I close my eyes. I lie in the barbed net, not wanting to do anything. I don’t know how many hours pass before someone appears to fetch me.

Teacher slices the net and catches me in his tentacles. “Looks like it was a close call.”

I say nothing. It takes all my strength just to hold back my tears.

Teacher gestures to my father’s body.

Father is smiling. Even dead…he’s cheering me on.

“Take me away from this place. I don’t…ever want to return.”

Teacher gently takes hold of my hand. “You need the heads, remember.”

I look up at him and my tears flow.

Teacher cradles me by turning his tendrils into a hammock. “Please stop. You’re going to make me sad too.” Tears leak from his body and wet my clothing. “Tell you what. I’ll cut off the heads for you. It can be our little secret?”

“I killed them!” I yell, causing teacher to drop me. “It’s my burden to bear.” I grip father’s knife and freeze up.

I was supposed to clean the innocent blood from this blade by washing it with the blood of the wicked. Now…I can hardly touch it. It feels cursed.

“It happened the moment you came home, didn’t it?” Teacher looks at me with a sorrowful aura.

“No…we had a meal together. We could have had seven days together. Why didn’t they just stay with me for one last week?”

“I doubt they could bear it without breaking down. The fact that they were able to have one last meal. That’s a testament to their love.”

“What does it matter now? Nothing matters.”

Teacher squeezes my cheeks. “When I’m grumpy, eating helps! I’ll go make breakfast!”

“I don’t want to eat.” I clench my teeth and move the blade up and down.

The sound of father’s flesh being cut shakes me to my core.

Teacher spits out a blanket and wraps it over me. “It helps me when things get scary.”

I stop cutting for a moment and turn to him. “So even after your transformation…you still get scared?”

“I didn’t rest a moment last night. Was so concerned for you all. The Assailant’s have become family to me.”

“Don’t…” I turn back to father and see the blood dripping down from the hole in his neck. “Don’t mention family.”

Teacher nods.

I keep cutting till Father’s head leaves his body.

He’s really gone.

Teacher brings me back into awareness by handing me a black bag.

I pick up Father’s head and hold his forehead to mine.

“I’ve never seen such a happy corpse.” Teacher pats me with father’s hand.

I plop the head into the bag and clench the knife tightly.

“What was the secret you gave BunBun that first Truth Day?”

“The secret is supposed to be between only the giver and the receiver.”

“I can only heal by helping someone. If I can’t help you…right now. I might end up…” I look at the knife in my hand “doing something I can’t take back.”

I embrace teacher tightly.

“I was once in love.”

“Did the guild find out? Did they punish her?”

Teacher picks me up and brings me to the door to my room. “They never found out. I just…when I became like this…a RiftRipper. She no longer loved me. We grew apart and she quit the guild. I lost my will to be an assassin but they found a place for me. I’m the one chosen to teach the most special of children.”

“You mean StarBorne?”

Teacher nods.

“But if we failed, you’d be killed.”

“Inspires one to truly be the best teacher they can be, doesn’t it?” Teacher chuckles. “Now, let’s move things along, shall we?”

Just putting my hand on the doorknob fills me with dread.

Teacher pets me until my breathing returns to normal. “Thank you for bringing joy into her life.” His tendril coils around my arm and we open the door together. He moves to Mother’s body and gently touches her face. “She’s grown even more beautiful.”

“I should have been the one...” I look down and gag on my misery.

Teacher grabs my head and gently shakes it. “You’re their legacy. She lives on within you now.” He puts a tendril to my chest. “I can feel her.”

I look at the body…her body. “Then that’s just a husk?”

Stolen novel; please report.

Teacher makes me nod.

“Okay.” I grip my knife and approach her body. “I’m going to pass. Just a few cuts.” I put the knife to her throat and stop.

“How did you do it? How did you keep on going after killing them?”

Teacher grabs his head and shivers. “I don’t remember.”

I force a smile as I press the blade into her neck. It stops at her bone.

My body starts shivering.

“I can’t do this. She’s my momma. I love her. I can’t hurt her.”

Teacher holds me close. “I don’t remember my exam. But I do remember how I lived afterwards. Give into the madness. It’s the only way to stay sane.”

I start laughing. I laugh louder as I cut deeper. The blood sprays on my face.

It feels warm. Yes. It’s mother’s love.

My mind goes blank.

Teacher pulls me away.

My mother’s body is covered in scars.

“What did you do to her?” I slash at teacher with Father’s knife.

“Weech, you did that.” Teacher puts the head in the bag and hands it to me. “I’ll come back when you’ve calmed down a bit.”

I grab onto him. “Please. Take me out of this hell.”

“Not yet.” Teacher holds up the angel doll, the one that mother used to hide her wound from my sight. “Do you know what this is?”

“It’s my favorite plushie. When I was really young, I used to imagine her talking to me.”

“This plushie is a mission assignment. Your mother was tasked to accompany me on a special mission: to protect an angel. The mother angel had us look after her daughter. This doll was the payment we received from the child as thanks for protecting her.”

I hold the doll to my face. “So assassins don’t just kill?”

Teacher nods. He carves a portal and pulls me in.

I’m dropped off at the lunch room. A few students from different classes were sitting but even fewer were eating.

I can’t eat either.

I spot BladEagle and follow him out of the lunch room.

“So, you’re the first one in our class to pass,” I say, coming from behind him.

BladEagle keeps walking.

I rush ahead of him and turn around. I catch a peek at his eyes.

They were hollow, like Mother’s angel doll.

Did he do it too? Is he a monster like me?

“What do you want?” He turns his gaze from me. “I’m not going to help you cheat to pass the exam. Not like you need it.”

He used to look down on me for being lazy and unfocused. But the past year I really applied myself so he sort of respected me, which made him hate me even more. Either way I could tell he needed a hug right now.

I approached him and embrace him with my long-sleeves.

“Let go of me.” His voice was dead.

I used to think about killing him all the time. Made me nervous. Now it’s kinda of exciting.

Time to wake him up!

Rather than release him, I decided to engage my wrist dagger and stab him in the back.

He grabbed his own knife but lost his grip when I twisted the blade in his back.

Oh wow! I must have hit the nerves near his spine. I’ve really come a long way! Go me!

He steels himself. “If you’re going to kill me…go ahead.”

I have to know the truth. If he went through this…then so did BunBun.

“I’m not going to kill you as long as you explain things, okay?” I made my voice extra calming to dull the pain of his bleeding back. “You wanted to be the next president of the school. Where did all that charisma go?”

“You can’t threaten me.” He takes out a dagger and grips it hard.

I stab another dagger on the other side of his back, keeping things symmetrical of course.

Balance. Balance. Balance.

His grip tightens around the blade, cutting his hand, but he doesn’t drop it. The sharp slab of metal presses against his own throat. “My life is my bargaining chip. Not yours. Did they send you to test me? Haven’t I done enough?” His hand was shaky as his ambition wavered.

“I’m just curious. And you know the rules…”

“You can only ask questions about tests when you threaten someone. But you stabbed me, twice!” he yells and glares at me.

“Just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead.” I smile.

A walking corpse, what a paradox!

“You’re such a freak.” He laughs nervously.

I joined in, accidently cutting in deeper.

“I want to die, so killing me isn’t exactly a threat.” His voice darkens like the powdery LunarMoth in the sunlight.

“But you’re too brave to kill yourself.”

“Fine! I’ll tell you what you want but then you…have to kill me!”

“Wow. Why are you being so nice to me now? I’ve wanted to kill you for so long. It’s so funny. Now that you want me to kill you, I don’t want to.” I begin to pull the blades out.

He backs into them but stops once the pain is too much. “You had better not wuss out!”

“Okay, I’ll kill you but I’m going to drag it out okay? I want to get past all this bad karma between us by making you suffer till I feel guilty.”

Make him bleed.

“You really are an odd one.” He drops his blade. “Mother and I…we were lovers.”

“Why not father too?” I ask with a grin.

“I’m serious. She never loved father. She was assigned to him. Everything in this damn place is a set up. We’re all actors playing with deadly props.”

He’s lying, right?

I clap by chattering my teeth since my hands are full. “You should be a poet.”

“Shut it! Ugh! You’re so annoying. Ow!”

“Sorry. My hands get shaky when I’m bored.” I chuckle a bit. “If what your saying is true, then you’ve been cheating on WarWolf for…five years?”

“Shut up! You don’t understand anything. WarWolf was fun, but I never really loved her.”

He took her from me but never loved her.

Liar! Make him pay!

“So she dumped you and that’s why you’re so pathetic now. Or did your mother dump you?”

“Mother and I made love, almost every night father was off on a mission. But last night…they must have found out. I think they tortured her. Her wrists were cut and her eyes were full of fear. She told me that she only pretended to love me. She said so many terrible things. That I’m unlovable.”

Hmm. Maybe she was just telling him the truth. He is a rather prickly pear, only he’s sour on the inside too.

“You…killed her…didn’t you?” I ask softly.

He nods. “I just wanted her to stop saying awful things. And afterwards…father he told me…I passed the exam. Nothing makes sense anymore.”

Why did he only have to kill one? I have to suppress the urge to kill until his guts are spilt.

“That’s all you know?” I ask.

He nods and cries.

I suppose it will remain a mystery for now. I best be extra vigilant.

I pull the blades out and hug him.

“Hey, you’re supposed to kill me now! What are you doing?”

“Empty threats are just as effective as real ones.” I pat his head.

“You lied to me! You tricked me!” he yells, trying to escape the warm fuzzies of my hug.

“Assassins are masters of deception. Maybe you’re just not cut out for this, after all.” I chuckle.

“I hate you!” he yells, slamming his leg into me.

“Nope. You hate yourself. If you can just project that hate on your targets, you’ll certainly make a passable assassin.” I pinch his cheeks.

“Let go of me! Why are you so strong?” he asks in tears.

I have to be strong for them.

Yes. Strength.

“You’ve just become weak, that’s all.”

He suddenly grabs my hand and plunges the dagger its holding into his chest. “You’ll be killed for treason. I’ll see you very soon.”

Hmm. Now I kinda want to kill him again. Oh, but that’s what he’s trying to make me do.

I see a shadow coming down the dark hallway.

I stab the blade deep in his heart to kill him quick and put his hands on the weapon. I then push him off and let out a terrified scream. “He’s dead!” I hold myself in tears.

That was so easy. Every kill from now on will be a breeze.

Death is like a breath. Gone and forgotten.

VirtueVice looks at me. “You found him like this?”

I peek out, nod and then hide my face again.

Crisis averted. I’m no good when put under pressure. I just go berserk and start stabbing things.

The class supervisor’s body bends around me.

The room distorts around me.

“You’re lying.” An eye peeks out from beneath his hood and gazes into me.