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Memory 14: Our First Kill

My parents wanted to congratulate me on making it to my final exam. To celebrate we all cooked together. There was a bit of tension at first. After all, the celebration should normally come after the exam, not before. They must know there’s a chance I won’t pass the test.

I wonder if the exam is the same for everyone or if its individualized. I can’t ask them about it, though. Or else I’d fail.

The pasta salad was complete and mom had me sit in her lap.

“Isn’t our PeachBerry too big for that?” Father smiles as he chuckles.

Mother kisses my cheek. “He’ll always be our little boy.”

“Mom, Dad. I want you to be careful, okay? I can’t say anything more than that.”

Father pinches my cheeks. “Thinking of us even now.”

Mother feeds me a forkful of the yummy veggie pasta. “Thanks for making time to visit us on every weekend. We know you’d much rather be training.”

I shake my head. “That’s not true. I explained it to VirtueVice. Being around you two renews me. You give me direction and courage.” I turn around and hug Mother. “Thanks so much for everything. I’m going to continue to make you proud.”

Mother kisses my forehead. “I’ve never been more proud of anyone.”

Father ruffles my hair. “You’re getting to that age. Don’t get your little bunny pregnant. Doing so could get you excommunicated.” He lowers his head. “Or worse.”

I smile to relieve him of his worry. “I’m not ready for that anyway. You two had me after you dropped out of school, right?”

Mother nuzzles me. “That’s right. To think was over thirty years ago.”

“Why did you wait so long to have kids?” I ask.

Father looks to mother solemnly.

Mother hugs me tightly. “How about I get us some dessert?” She sets a plate of agave coated ChocoBerries on the table between us.

Father pauses and then looks at me. “You’re our third child, Weechy Peachy.”

“I have siblings?” I ask with wide eyes. “Where are they?”

“I failed the other two. That’s why they’re no longer here.” He grabs my hand. “We won’t fail you.”

This explains the early celebration. They’re afraid of losing me.

I close my eyes. “You shouldn’t blame yourself. You taught my siblings everything you knew. You did your best. They…didn’t pass the final exam, did they?”

Mother pats my head. “You will pass. You’re more incredible than both your siblings combined.”

I get up from my chair and embrace Mom with all my love.

She starts weeping against my shoulder.

Father joins in the hug and cries on my other shoulder.

“Thank you both for everything.” I send them all my warmth.

When the tears stop, we take turns feeding each other the ChocoBerries.

When I finish, I look up at them with resolve. “Mom, Dad. I’m going to need you to stay in your bedroom tonight. I’m going to set some traps around the house.”

They give me one last kiss before I leave to make preparations.

I’m up till way past dark, making the preparations. When everything is done I sit down and write in my journal.

This is so familiar.

I write about how lovely tonight was, and how it’s the last night of peace before the assassin legend’s final exam.

My ears perk up.

A noise.

I close my eyes and listen to the footsteps.

They’re so quiet. The assassin must have overhead about the traps. Wait, could they have been watching me while I set them up?

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The door makes the slightest creak as it opens.

I have to remain absolutely calm.

I continue writing while counting the steps they make.

They’re here!

I don’t have to plan my attack. My fear takes over me as I whip around and thrust my pencil through my attacker’s chest.

I see myself through the attacker’s eyes for a split moment. I feel the pencil pierce my heart.

What is happening?

The clang of the attacker’s weapons dropping…brings me back into awareness.

The hooded figure tries to grab onto me but I slam my foot against theirs and they topple over.

You were unlucky to have me as your target. I bear no malice toward you. One day I may be given the same task.

“Peach Pie. I’m so proud of you.”

Chills run up my spine.

That voice.

The figure removes her mask. My mother’s warm smile greets me.

No. No. No. No.

I stand there. I’m gripping the pencil…the murder weapon with both hands.

“Don’t cry.” She looks at me with love. “Smile for me, sweetie pie.”

I force a smile as tears rush down my face. The quivering smile is twisted by my misery.

The whole room seems to bend as my awareness fades.

I wrap my tentacles around my past self in an embrace, but they simply pass through. “This is it. My first memory. Our first memory. And…our first kill.”

Mother looks down at the hole in her chest, her heart, and goes pale. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this.” She grabs my sheep angel plushie from the floor and holds it against the wound. “I’m not sure what to say. I…planned out everything but I…just don’t know what to say.”

My favorite plushie turns red.

Everything is turning red.

I embrace her in desperation. “It’s not too late. There’s an angel! Tempera can save you. You’re going to be okay.”

“If it’s the same exam as before, you need to present my head to pass.”

“Why is it you?” I hold her as tight as I can.

“Your father will explain. We decided…it’s best if I go first.”

First? Nothing makes sense.

“Mom. You’re going to make it through this. You have to see me graduate.”

She holds my hands and the tension in her face leaves. “I will see you graduate. I’ll be with you till the end of time.” Her hand wipes my eyes before going limp. “This misery you feel…is transformative. Promise me you’ll hold onto your life and become a good assassin.”

I hold her head to my chest and sob. “I’ll be the greatest assassin ever. Whoever decided this…I’ll kill them too.”

Mother looks up and smiles. “You already have.”

Her body went limp in my arms. No matter how much I shook her, she didn’t wake up.

I look around my room and see dark shadows crawling along the walls.

I have to get out of there.

My bedroom, the place I once felt was my sanctuary, was now a graveyard.

I rush out and slice my foot on the trip wire I set.

Pathetic. I’m pathetic.

I hear a chair in the kitchen screech across the floor.

The sound rattles my body.

Father sees me and glass shatters. Shards of the broken bottle cut his legs. “So, it’s done.”

“You let her…” My voice gave out as misery took hold of me.

“We decided it was best for her to go first.”

“First? What do you mean first?” I crawl across the floor toward him.

“Failure is punished. Even those who survive…we have to do this.” He picks up a large piece of broken glass and licks the alcohol off of it.

“She didn’t have to die.”

Father sobs in his hand. “Don’t say it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was quick, right?”

I shake my head. “Just long enough for her to say farewell.”

“I was supposed to stand by the door, to hear her final words to you, but I couldn’t do it.” Father covers his tear-stricken face with his hand. “I can’t take another step.”

I crawl toward him, taking an arrow to my leg when I trigger a trap I had set.

I deserve it. I deserve to suffer through every one of these.

“Teachers are killed when their class fails but that’s not so bad. We chose to be parents. It was the one thing the guild never let us have. We were both quitters and met the day we were assigned as parents. We were so happy when we got our children. BouncyBeetle and BayonetFly. A girl and a boy. Those children brought us together. They made us a family. We didn’t think about the exam, the exam we both had passed before. That didn’t stop it. The final exam came, I chose your mother’s life over my daughter’s…over my son’s. I killed them both.”

“Father, please stop crying.”

He takes a step forward, through the broken glass. “I expected the guild to end my life for what I did. I wanted them to make me pay. But they didn’t. They said that if those children died, then they weren’t worthy of being assassins.” He tears off his shirt, showing me his chest covered in scars. “They were worthy in my eyes.”

“Why kill them?”

Father wipes his eyes and looks at me. “If we keep killing our kids, then we get another fifteen years to live.”

This guild is pure evil. Everything is a lie.

Father looks at me with hollow eyes. “It was our job to love you. Misery is what fuels a RiftRipper. That’s what all this is for. It’s the cursed pillar of your transformation. The more you love us, the stronger you’ll be.” He rushes to me and picks me up in his arms, getting shot by the traps in the process. “You’re going to be the strongest RiftRipper the guild has ever seen.”

I hug him with all my love. “No, I’m not. You’ll have to kill me…because I’m not going to hurt you.”

I’m never going to hurt father.

“She went first because we felt it would be easier for you that way. If you don’t kill me, then what did she die for?” He starts shaking me. “What do I matter? I killed my own parents. I killed my children!”

“Then do it again!” I push him off.

“I can’t. I still hear them scream sometimes. Trapped inside me.” Father holds his chest tightly. “I…don’t want you to kill me. You have your mother, that’s enough.” He lifts up the moth dagger. “I’ll be free and hopefully my parents and kids will be free too.”

I try to stop him, but he triggers a net trap by throwing his wine glass at the trigger.

I’m feel the ground sink beneath me and am caught in my own metal net. I reach my hands through the net, slicing them up on the serrated edges.

“I don’t regret having you as my son. Neither did your mother. You’re the greatest blessing in our life. Don’t let this miserable day bury all our happy memories.”

I nod. “I won’t. Now please stop. I need you. If she’s gone, I need you more than ever.”

Father smiles at me through his tears. “We’ve played our part. I know it seems like the end, but this is really just the beginning of your story. We’re proud to have been a part of it.”

The knife cuts flesh. The sound of the blood spraying makes my mind go blank.

I look up at us. We look so helpless and lost. This memory…this wretched memory. It’s only the beginning.