Tapper yelped and tumbled from his perch at the base of the legs display, and from his prone landing a lone raider filled his vision. A massive figure with blue-tinted skin pulled taut over rippling muscle, another super soldier in Zero's army perfectly positioned to crush Tapper underneath his heel. Only difference, this raider looked concerned over Tapper's plight for some reason. His jaw twisted into a frown, further exaggerating his already pronounced underbite, and when he bent down Tapper flinched away on reflex.

"It's okay, little guy, I'm not going to hurt you." Despite having a voice like gravel from careless bioengineering, this man kept his tone quiet and gentle. He froze in mid-crouch, patiently waiting for Tapper to realize that he had extended an open hand instead of a closed fist.

When Tapper did eventually take the offered hand, the man lifted and set him right-side up as if Tapper wasn't made of solid metal. The frown turned up into a small smile and he said, "There, that's better. Now what are you doing out here?" The man did a double take on the museum display that Tapper was climbing and the connection clicked in his mind. "You were trying to repair yourself, weren't you?"

Instant panic. Self-modification is one of the most egregious ways that a robot can violate its terms of service, if this man had any connection to any corporation then they would be fully authorized to seize and dismantle Tapper. Yet there was a gleam of excitement in the man's eye instead of horror, and Tapper's social algorithms were all returning a positive outcome if he just told the truth with 93% probability.

"That is correct, my name is Tapper and I apologize for the intrusion. I thought this museum was abandoned and I am in need of repair. Since this locale is not abandoned, I would be more than happy to purchase a leg unit from you."

The man scratched at the scruff of short hair on top of his head in thought. The thought deepened with the addition of a tongue poking out the corner of his mouth, completing the look of a kid despite the rippling muscles. "I don't think that museums really sell their displays like that, but hold on." Then he cupped one hand to his mouth and turned up to the ceiling to shout, "Hey Key, come on down here for a minute. We got a live one!"

A panel slid open somewhere and a large box fell into view, dropping from the ceiling via a thin and multijointed metal arm. The box was made of an odd beige plastic on all sides except for one glass surface, and with a faint whine the monitor lit up to show a jumble of random text characters. Tapper tried and failed to read what it said, until the characters started to blink on and off and Tapper realized that the letters were drawing shapes and pictures instead of spelling words. It was a face, or at least the very basic facsimile of one.

Clearing his throat to get everyone's attention, the man placed one hand behind his back and swept the other one towards the retro computer monitor. "This is ASCII, the curator of the museum. Oh, and I'm Steffo, by the way." Steffo offered his hand again and Tapper took it without hesitation, noting how gentle his grip was despite Steffo's meaty digits completely engulfing Tapper's slender metal hand. "Tapper here was wondering if he could buy a set of legs from your display on Robotics Through the Ages, since he's, ah, short a pair."

The screen turned towards Tapper and the displayed characters shifted into a wide smile. "Greetings, Tapper! My apologies for not meeting you at the door, but it seems you bypassed the entrance gate." The speakers held within the monitor box were old and tinny, so Tapper was only 38% certain that he detected an undertone of sarcasm to the otherwise joyful voice. "Not to worry, admission is always free and we can start the tour right now!"

Steffo cleared his throat again. "Uh, Key? Can we give the bot a leg up or not?"

ASCII turned back to Steffo and their tinny voice took on a bit more strain. "I heard your question loud and clear, but I am choosing to act like I did not. Because if I did hear that a robot was attempting to repair itself without authorization, then under the Safeguards Against Robotic Uprising Act of 2107 I would be required to turn that robot into the authorities."

Steffo winced and said, "Yeah right, I remember you telling me about the SARU Act. But I'm sure that Tapper's people authorized the repair, right? And since they're Zero's people, I can authorize the —"

"Zero is not my proprietor." Both Steffo and ASCII turned in surprise, and Tapper realized he had said that. Nearly shouted it. His feelings subroutine took command of his speakers and completely bypassed his conscious control, but the concept of Tapper working for Zero was so insulting that he couldn't stop himself. The only control Tapper forced was to return his speakers to an appropriate speaking volume before he continued, "But my proprietor is here, and in danger, and I cannot adequately protect them in my current state."

Steffo's oversized jaw flapped silently a few times before any words managed to catch up. "You, uh, you're saying that you and your proprietor aren't part of the crew?"

Tapper's social algorithms watched Steffo's face run through a series of microexpressions: surprise, betrayal, loss of camaraderie, wistfulness. Conclusion, Steffo is a member of the raiders, but that association carried negative connotations.

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

Tapper's volume dropped another degree and he said, "I am sorry, but that is correct. We hail from Fableton, and to protect my proprietors and customers I must ensure that Zero cannot carry out his planned attack. And as part of the SARU Act I promise that I am not going to knowingly harm anyone, I only wish to divert them."

Admitting everything like this to a raider was not a logical decision, but in the moment it felt right. And Steffo didn't try to raise the alarm, or yell or lash out, he just smacked his dry lips in thought. When he did speak, it came out cracked and hoarse and mostly just to himself. "So he's finally lost it. ASCII, give the robot some legs. Now I'm asking you as your friend."

That did the trick, though Tapper couldn't tell what the trick was. ASCII's textual face turned to a look of concern and they said, "I will need a moment to deliberate. But... I can at least shut down a few systems to free up processing power." Steffo nodded in thanks, and the computer monitor vanished back up into the ceiling.

As a bartender Tapper was programmed to work off context clues without being privy to all sides of a conversation, but that didn't mean he had to let the awkward silence linger. "Pardon me Mister Steffo, but is everything alright?"

"Oh yeah, don't worry about Key. They've been looking after the museum all on their own since it got buried, and they've had a lot of practice working around those regulations to keep the place functional. I've got faith they'll help you out, they just gotta figure out how to justify it first." Steffo clapped his hands to mark the end of that conversation and the warm grin returned to his face. "Nothing we can do to speed that up, so in the meantime how about a little tour? Nice change of pace for me to give the speech instead of Key, for once." Tapper nodded, more out of politeness to not rush ASCII, and Steffo hoisted him up with all the effort and delicacy of carrying a newborn.

The museum, as Steffo described it, attempted to showcase the big moments in scientific advancement as a 200-year anniversary to the "beginnings of technology." Not just for computers and robots, but also vehicles, medicine, agriculture, civil engineering, and other advancements of the era. This included the aesthetics of the time, but unlike the hodgepodge of eras in the rest of the mall there was at least a sense of intentional design to the museum. The floorplan followed a flow that started with the first Moon landing and circled around to end with the signing of the Lunar Accords, and according to Steffo there was enough archival footage in the holo viewer of the time between those events that a proper tour would take days to complete.

Tapper mostly just listened to Steffo talk. This museum was his passion, and the care with which he spoke of the exhibits painted a picture so clear that he could almost believe that Steffo had lived through those times. Tapper estimated that ASCII would speak with the same fervor, and if the curator was as old as the museum then it possibly did have actual firsthand knowledge.

Which raised further questions on how ASCII could survive for so long without their programming degrading; all computers needed firmware updates, so maybe Steffo knew why ASCII wasn't an incoherent mess of glitches and error messages. He'd wait for an appropriate time to broach the subject, but instead Tapper's caretaking subroutines took priority when he noticed Steffo's mood take a soured edge. Something was wrong, and the bartender focused on reading Steffo to find out what.

The two had crossed into a section for genetic engineering, starting with advancements in agriculture and the possibilities for new supercrops to feed the growing population. Interestingly, the display did not mention the ultimate winner: corn, engineered with traits from bamboo and kudzu vine for structure and speed. Steffo had his own opinions on how the runaway crop beat out better options for feeding people, and how that applied to bioengineering humans.

Steffo's voice grew darker when he spoke of unlocking the genetic code, and how the following years of humanity saw an explosion in affordable genetic manipulation. Humanity attempted everything from basic cosmetic changes in their hair and eye color to experimentations on surviving extreme environments, and within two generations nearly a quarter of the world's population had some form of genetic manipulation. The museum's boasting tone felt unintentionally quaint with modern context, since according to Bowson analytics only 10% of humanity remained as "genetically pure." Including only invisible manipulation or minor cosmetic changes, like Struzick's mutated horn growth, doubled the number.

The display also showed its age by lacking any mention of hybrid humans, instead only speculating on how genetic alterations might self-select into categories. Tapper wondered if ASCII would allow updating the information, if only to confirm that their speculations were correct. Approximately one-third of humanity now broadly counted as a hybrid of either dogs, cats, rodents, or reptiles with smaller genetic niches, though Tapper had no context if the grouping was intentional or incidental.

Tapper also noticed that Steffo didn't say a single word on the display regarding engineered super soldiers. This is where the tour guide's mood reached its nadir, a clear sore spot where Tapper assumed most people would take pride in their enhanced abilities. But his thought process on optimal angles to broach the subject was interrupted by a screech of crunching metal from the entrance. Steffo went rigid, his grip on Tapper tightened, and his skin paled. Tapper managed to speak one syllable before Steffo clamped a hand over his entire faceplate, and although that wouldn't actually impede Tapper from talking, he understood the message.

In a flurry of motion Steffo dropped Tapper behind a barricade in the warfare exhibit and crammed a helmet over his head, then leaned in until his breath fogged Tapper's optical sensors. "Don't move. Stay absolutely still and do not make a single sound, I am begging you." Steffo's voice was a harsh whisper that shook with panic, and instead of answering Tapper focused on suppressing his emotional subroutines to avoid any possible outburst.

Between the helmet and the barricade, Tapper couldn't see more than a horizontal slit, in which he watched Steffo spin about in a panic before giving up the attempt to find his own hiding place. There was a thud that Tapper felt as much as he heard, followed by another and more in pace, and Steffo matched each thud by taking a step backwards. Steffo traversed the entire panoramic view before a shadow fell over half of Tapper's sight line, freezing Steffo in place.