CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
*~~~**~~~*
Kovey Walber
*~~~**~~~*
28th of Decepter, 935 PC
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Morale was low. And for good reason. Belvedere now had lotus magic inside her thanks to a dissolvable arrowhead, Elgar’s arm had been mangled by a lotus blast, and Velvetine had emptied her soul in a fit of rage. A high price to pay to stop the Lotus ambush in its tracks, but one Kovey was glad she’d paid. To top things off, Elgar’s connection had never arrived, forcing them to relocate as far north as their exhaustion would allow them.
One full day was given to sulking in their sorrows inside a cave that sat behind a frozen waterfall before they continued north. It had been the runt that found the icy shelter. He’d indirectly complimented himself on the accomplishment all evening, stating it may have been the most useful thing he’d ever done and that it made him feel like a hero. Couldn’t wait to tell Therrin about how beautiful the frozen stream of water was.
Kovey spent much of his time in the cave as Belvedere’s nurse, bound by a mixture of love and guilt. He’d barely found time to bandage his own injury but the charred black handprint on his right forearm was a constant reminder of what he’d done to the oafish Lotus.
Now, they were ten miles further north, half a foot deeper in snow, and without shelter. But there were no signs of Lotus and that would hopefully help in restoring some belief in the possibility that they might actually make it to Iron Helm before they all froze to death.
“Thank you, Kove,” Belvedere said, taking the cup of water he’d retrieved for her. She was propped up against a tree with her leg wrapped in bloody bandages that she’d insisted she wrap herself. Her white hair was muddy and her clothes were muddier. Yet somehow, she was still as good natured as ever.
He sat down beside her. “Do you feel anything else yet?” She’d felt a surge of energy when she’d been hit – like her blood was eager to escape her body. After the initial pain of an arrow lodging itself in her thigh, of course. But that feeling had simmered, leaving all of them with a heavy sense of dread as they waited for the inevitable. Except Elgar. He’d been drifting in and out of consciousness due to the excruciating pain of having his arm nearly torn off. If Kovey was in as much pain as Elgar appeared to be in he’d likely have said his goodbyes and walked into the river but Elgar was a different animal. The kind that would gnaw its own foot off if it meant survival. Which is essentially what he’d tried to do the day before. Took a knife to the mangled arm, biting down on a stick and growling all the while until he’d given up and cursed Corbin for no other reason than he was the closest one to him.
“I don’t feel any different.” Belvedere stared at him over the rim of the cup. She put a hand on his thigh when he bit his lip at the thought of what was to come. “It’ll be fine, Kove.”
He heard her, but his mind had shifted focus, all he could think of now was her hand. Should he put his on hers? To comfort her. To feel her before the magic filled her fingertips. Before they pulsated with every heartbeat. He didn’t move. He never did. He wondered why he ever considered the possibility. “We need to find you some help.”
“Too bad Therrin isn’t here,” Corbin said. “He could save her.”
“Well, he ain’t. We got stuck with you so there ain’t no help for her,” Velvetine said from her own tree across the way. “Just like there’s no help for you and me, Walber. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty barrels of the finest ale in all the land. The ones ya stare at wishing there was more.” She let out a cackle packed full of sarcasm and self-pity.
“Would you all shut your cunt mouths,” Elgar said. His blonde hair was just as muddy as Belvedere’s. So were the rest of his clothes. Not surprising since he’d rolled around on the ground in agony after he’d been hit with the blast.
“What the fuck are you so upset about, Sampson?” Velvetine said. “So you wipe your ass with the other hand now. At least you have your magic.”
“Aye! Cause everyone has an arm that looks like it came out of Walber’s ass and was put on backward.” Elgar made himself look like Velvetine. Except for the arm. It changed appearance but the bones were still shattered. It hung there awkwardly like a pendulum waiting to swing in a breeze of irony. Almost made Kovey grateful he was only empty and not maimed. “What d’ya think, Bel? Do I look like your sister?! Would it fool ya if I flopped it toward ya so you could fill me up with pills?”
“Watch it!” Velvetine said. “Wasn’t me that got Walber fucked up on Rain and didn’t see the Lotus coming!”
Belvedere frowned at Kovey. He hadn’t told her he’d used Rain right before the ambush. He knew he couldn’t have stopped the Lotus from shooting her if he hadn’t been messed up but it sure felt similar to all the times he’d let her down when he was using pills with Velvetine back in Locke. Her eyes softened like they did back then too. She pulled her hand from his thigh and looked down.
“I just needed to relax,” he said quietly, hoping only Belvedere could hear him. “I won’t do it again.” Her hand stayed laced on her lap. All he could think about was how it should be his fingers laced within hers. More than a sliver of resentment tucked itself in right beside the jealousy he already felt toward Elgar. Fucking Elgar pressuring me into taking pills. How dare he cost me her love.
Elgar changed back. “No. You didn’t fool him this time but you did that plenty of times in the past, didn’t ya?! Helped him waste all his fucking magic and now you ridicule him for it!” It was true. And if they didn’t need Velvetine’s magic to fight the Lotus Kovey wouldn’t care at all that she was empty.
Velvetine slashed her hand across her chest expecting Elgar to rip apart in a bloody mess. She looked at her hand in disbelief when all he did was grin as her misfortune. She slapped her thigh and stood. “Get your things, Bel. We’re leaving.”
“No,” Belvedere said. “We won’t make it out there alone. Not now.” The slight grimace said she knew she shouldn’t have capped off her statement.
An awkward tension hovered over the forest.
“Give them to me!” Velvetine said.
“No.”
“All of them. Right now.”
“No.
“Give me the fucking pills!” Velvetine’s face contorted into something horrible as she screamed. Eyes closed, mouth gaping wide.
Kovey stood, fearing Velvetine far less now, even with the wild screaming. “Velvetine.” He stepped toward her, hands out. She stepped toward him too. One hand up, thinking she could still rip him apart. Or so he thought. It slapped him in the face instead.
“Out of my way, Walber.”
“Velvetine, stop. You can’t leave. They’re still out there,” he said, rubbing his cheek.
“The fuck if I can’t. Hand them over, Bel. Or get up and come with me. I’ll slit your throat for you before you dry out.”
A shower of pills rained down on Kovey’s head and shoulders. Blue ones, red ones, yellow ones, all disappearing into the snow around his feet.
“You cunt!” Velvetine dove to the ground, scratching and clawing everywhere.
Kovey yanked on her arm. “Get up, Vel.” She jerked away. Scraped her hand through the snow. Shoved it into the pocket of her tattered jacket.
“Let her go,” Belvedere said. “She’s pathetic.” Years of pent up frustration came out in those last two words. Apparently not all of it though because she continued. “She’s nothing but a pathetic addict. That’s all she’ll ever be. Not a daughter. Not a mother. Not even a sister!”
Velvetine stood up, happy enough with how many pills she’d found. “Give it a few days. You’ll be just as much an addict as I am. Least I’ll have what I need.” She turned to Elgar. “Fuck you and your brother.” And with that, she walked away.
*~~~**~~~*
“You killed a man,” Corbin whispered.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Kovey didn’t answer, just kept his head down and stalked quietly through the trees. He’d decided with Velvetine gone and the others incapacitated in one way or another, he ought to see if the runt had any other skills similar to his impeccable horseback riding that might be useful to know about. Corbin had jumped at the opportunity to go hunting with Kovey. He’d closed his book instantly and let that lopsided smile warm Kovey’s heart.
“I’ve seen lots of people die, you know. Dying people showed up at our door all the time with dad being a healer-n-all. But I’ve never seen anyone be killed like that.”
They came to a stop near a few trees standing close enough together they’d be able to hear each other’s teeth chatter if they had them. A fallen tree stretched from one hillside to another on either side of them, drawing a dark line across the yellow backdrop provided by the setting sun. Kovey took a seat on the roots of one the nearby trees and stared at the runt. Though his expression wasn’t nearly as menacing as his mood might have wanted him to.
“Corbin.”
The runt glanced all over the forest. A wall of extra trees appeared on both hillsides then disappeared when Kovey understood what had happened. “What is it, Kovey?”
“I’d like it if you didn’t talk about what I did to that Lotus.”
“Oh.” Corbin tilted his head. “Hard to think about? Therrin couldn’t get out of bed for a week the first time he wasn’t able to save one of the patients dad let him work on.”
“It’s like that,” Kovey said, reaching into his pocket. The droplet of Rain he’d found in the grass rolled around in his palm. The time he’d had with the first two Raindrops had been quite pleasant until he woke up in a panic.
“What’s that?” Corbin asked, then sniffled and wiped his runny nose on his sleeve.
Kovey stared at the pill, thinking about what Elgar had said. One pill didn’t sound like it does much. Probably wouldn’t knock me out. “Doesn’t matter.” He twisted and threw it as far as he could.
Corbin pointed at something moving across the thick tree bridging the hills. A squirrel. “There, Kovey, there!”
“Shoot it!”
Corbin jumped up, lifting his bow and reaching over his shoulder. His hand was empty when he brought it back. They glanced at one another. “I forgot the arrows.”
*~~~**~~~*
He didn’t want to do it. How could he? But Elgar insisted. Convinced him there was no choice. So, he picked up Corbin’s sword with his sweat-drenched hands and lifted it high over his head. His arms trembled. It would be easier if he could close his eyes but who knows where the blade would go if he did that.
“Do it, Kove,” Belvedere whispered. “Do it quickly.”
Thump! The blade cut through the bone and wedged into the bark of the log. Elgar’s ruined forearm hit the snow quietly. Kovey’s eyes locked on the sleeping shapeshifter, praying the preposterous amount of Rain Elgar had taken to dull the pain of having his arm cut off had managed to keep him in a deep sleep. His eyes twitched but that was it. Thank The Creator.
“The bandages,” Belvedere said, already trying to clean the bloody stump in order to apply the medicine she’d had in her bag. Kovey didn’t have medicine in his bag. All he had in his bag was some dried meat and extra clothes. The difference between a man who thinks of himself and a woman who thinks of everyone.
He tossed the sword toward the other end of the log where it hit with a thud and quivered until it fell in the snow. The bandages were just at his feet but he’d set his gaze on the wound. Terrible mistake. Belvedere had told him not to look at the wound but he wouldn’t be him if he listened to good advice. There was blood everywhere, dripping down the side of the log, puddling in the snow, all over Belvedere’s hands and cloak. He was surprised Elgar had any blood left in him.
Suddenly, she was at his feet, grabbing the bandages. He stepped back. Out of the way. Get out of the way. She can do this without you. I don’t know anything about bandages anyway. What can I do? The answer to that question was becoming more painfully obvious with each horrible event that found them. Even the Lotus he’d killed was a facade. Belvedere putting those barriers in front of him as he’d run had made him feel invincible, had given him the courage to keep charging that son of a bitch. But he would have died if not for her magic and the Lotus being a pitiful fighter. Hardly an impressive feat when the cards were stacked in his favor so heavily.
“Come here!” she said. He didn’t move. “Kovey! I need you!”
The desperation in her voice pulled his foot closer to her. That wasn’t so hard. He even managed a second step. And a third. Then he was on his knees, looking the wound in its eyes and standing his ground.
“Hold the bandages.”
That didn’t sound possible yet he did it without much thought. Before he knew it she was done. He was done. No one had ever climbed such a small mountain and felt so good about it.
He fell onto his ass and looked at the bandaged arm. Then his blood hands. Then Belvedere. He wanted to tell her how incredible she was, that she was an angel. A hero. Instead, he said, “Good job.”
She wiped her bloody hands on the ground. “You too.” What he’d done with Elgar by the river, what he hadn’t told her, it was still an invisible wall standing between them. It was growing shorter with time, but he was anything but patient.
“I feel horrible about what happened,” he said.
No answer.
He peaked over the wall again. “If I could trade places with you I would.” He tried to scoff cutely. “Might even be nice to have some magic in me again.”
No answer.
He decided to let her come to him when she was ready, choosing instead to simply enjoy being close to her as he looked at the forest around them. The branches, the ones way up high, were swaying angrily. A storm was brewing. They’d be walking in snow up to their knees the next day if the wind was to be believed.
Finally, Belvedere said, “I like you better without magic.”
This time it was he who left the space between them quiet and empty. How much does she like me?
“I do too.” He’d found a remarkably interesting stain on his pants to stare at but he could see her body moving as she nodded her head from the corner of his eye.
“Don’t get me wrong, you were good for a laugh back then. But I always knew this Kovey Walber was hiding somewhere underneath all the different masks you wore.”
“Had I been able to see those masks when I looked in the mirror back then I’d still be a piece of shit.”
“Don’t say that.”
He waved her compassion away. “It’s true. I’d change my looks over and over again while I stared at myself in the mirror. But I knew exactly who I was. What I’d become. Couldn’t fool myself. Not even once.” He turned to her. “You were the-” Elgar made a groggy noise. Then another.
“Oh, no. He’s waking up. The pills,” she said. “Give him the pills when he wakes up.”
Red Fox was much heavier than Rain. Much worse for the body. Made you forget entire chunks of your life. Temporarily if you could get off of it. Not such an easy task, unless of course you’d also been stripped of your magic and were suffering from much worse withdrawal. There were some silver linings to Kovey’s well drying up.
Elgar’s eyes flickered. Opened. Closed. Opened again. Then shot wide open as the pain took over. “Fuckin’! Fuck! Ah!” He squirmed and spasmed, yanking on the restraint tied to his good wrist. His only wrist.
Kovey grabbed Elgar’s face, squishing those handsome cheeks together into something fish-like. “Red Fox! For the pain! Remember!” Elgar nodded his head hard, opened his mouth. The last thing Kovey ever expected to do on this journey was feed another man pills by hand. Even cutting off an arm seemed more likely. But, here he was, doing whatever it took to give them all a chance. Three red pills – sneaky survivors of Velvetine’s frantic search – placed haphazardly on Elgar’s tongue. He started chewing.
“Is he alright?!” Corbin yelled from behind them. He’d been sitting on the wrong side of the trees to watch the show, trying to read. No one answered him.
Belvedere twisted and turned, looking for something. “Where’s the water?” A must for Red Fox to go down. Sticky little bastards once they were chewed, filled your mouth with the thickest molasses you’ve ever eaten.
Belvedere shoved a waterskin between their faces. Kovey didn’t move.
“Water, idiot!” Elgar motioned toward his helpless arms.
Kovey snatched the skin and poured the water so clumsily most of it ended up on Elgar’s chest.
Elgar cursed Kovey, Belvedere, his brother, the Lotus Queen, The Creator, and anyone else he could think of, until he finally dozed off again. If they were lucky, he’d wake up but three pills of Red Fox was what an apothecary would call a good way to end up at the gates of the road home.
Kovey sat down on the ground beside Belvedere. “What do we do when he wakes up?” She didn’t answer. He looked at her. She was staring at something on her lap. Then he saw it too. One. Two. Three fingernails’ worth of purple. Then four. A fifth coming. Her hand was trembling. Both hands.
“No,” she said. “No. Not yet.”
“What’s wrong?” Corbin asked from across the campsite. No one answered him.
Kovey looked Belvedere square in her eyes. “It’s going to be alright. You hear me? You hear me, Bel?” She shook her head. Dazed. “I swear. You’re going to be alright!” Her lotus magic in her fingertips thumped in his hands. Its way of begging to be used.
They stared at one another. Tears ran down her face. His too by the feel of it. Lords knows he was devastated enough for it.
“Kill me.”
“No.”
“Kill me!” And for the first time ever, Belvedere Ambrose looked hideously ugly to me. Not because she was dying, not because she was becoming a Lotus, not because she had dirt and blood smudged all over her face. It was because this wasn’t the strong woman he knew. This wasn’t the woman who could be a ray of sunshine in the middle of a thunderstorm. This woman was weak and scared, covered in ugly fear.
All he could think to do was throw himself at her, wrapping her up in his arms and burying his face in her neck so this horrible image of her wouldn’t burn itself into his memory. “It’ll be alright, Bel. I promise.”
“Please kill me.”