CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
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Alana Hurd
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25th of Decepter, 935 PC
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Alana had spent three days in the rig after her noble decision to kill two old women instead of one. Considering she figured Rouille would kill her for her disobedience, the rig was a small win in her book. The major loss was that Kit had been sent off to his new assignment that same night. He hadn’t even had a chance to come say goodbye to her. She’d cried for hours after Io had told her. Not a pitiful cry though. Just a good, solid night of getting all the anger out. Strange how things can weigh so heavy on the heart but feel so light when you’re holding them in your fists. Yes, a new person had emerged from below deck. One that still vomited daily but now it didn’t bother her quite so much. Instead of spending her time worrying about dying, she intended to focus on getting things done. Starting with getting off this fucking ship and finding a way to survive. If she managed that, she was going after Kit.
“Hand me that quiver, would ya?” Darrius said, thick hand extended politely. They were sitting side by side on buckets near the ship’s railing. There were a few others out and about but most everyone was below deck, staying out of the cold. Darrius wasn’t Kit, but he wasn’t a horrible replacement either. They’d found a good enough groove for their friendship to slide along in. She’d even managed to stop staring at his mangled ear.
The way she leaned over and snagged the leather quiver with conviction caught her own eye. There had been plenty of times like this before when she got fired up about something and started dreaming dreams that would never become anything more. This time felt different though, like that version of herself had been beaten out of her while she’d be in the rig and whatever had risen from the floor was a doer not a dreamer.
“Thank ya, ma’am.” Darrius was helping her fasten dissolvable tips to her arrows – a devious invention by one of the Lotus Queen’s alchemists. They were made of something called Rubach and filled with lotus magic. Hard as a rock until they were exposed to blood. If you had good enough aim you could put one in a Purist and not kill them, but instead slowly turn them into a Lotus. There were all kinds of stories about desperate Purists turning themselves in to get their hands on lotus magic. Foolish. No way it ever ended well for any of them. Sad thing was, she knew she would try it too if she was in their boat.
She paused for a moment and looked at the storm clouds way off in the distance. She smacked Darrius’ knee with the back of her hand and pointed at the dark strip that stretched across the sky for miles and miles. It lit up bright every so often. No streaks though, which disappointed her. When she had spent all her time on the ground streaks of lightning terrified her but up here, with them going away from her, they were an incredible sight to see.
“Someone’s having a bad day,” Darrius said. “My granddaddy always said that when he saw dark clouds.” He smiled at something from his past. “He’d put his arms up over his head like he was hiding under a cloak and hop around like a dunce whenever he saw a storm coming. Said his granddaddy used to do it too. Doubt I’ll do it. He always looked like a foolish court jester. Made me laugh though.”
“Sounds like a good guy.”
“He was. A purist killed him in his sleep. Broke into his house and snapped every bone in his body. Least that’s what my momma told me. I didn’t have the heart to go in and look at him like that.”
“Is that why you’re here?”
“Nah. That happened when I was a boy. I’ve forgiven whoever did it by now. Nobody would want to spend time with me if I was walking around with a grudge that old on my shoulder? Things that old usually end up stinkin’ something horrible. I joined because my momma’s got no money.” Him and hundreds of others like him, all risking their lives to feed mouths that should have had plenty to eat anyway while the Lotus Queen sat in her floating castle safe and sound. “I'll tell you though. The recruiter said it’d be a whole lot more exciting than this. Made it sound like we’d be fighting every other day. I haven’t thrown this junk at anything but those damn clay targets that dip, duck, and dodge better than deer.” Darrius was on a similar level as Alana when it came to aiming his lotus magic. Although, no one could be quite as bad as her. That would change though. She’d make sure of it.
“Well, you’ll get your chance tomorrow,” she said. She and the big guy had both been chosen to go on a mission that had popped up overnight. Rouille was always taking on extra work. Or more like risking other people’s lives. She was sure it was written somewhere that to be a Lotus officer it couldn't bother you to send men and women off to their deaths. You’d never sleep if you had any semblance of a conscience.
“Aye. Looking forward to it.” he said.
“Me too.” And she was, but for a very different reason than him. The second she had the chance, she was off, deep into the trees where no one could find her. It wouldn’t be hard to get lost during an ambush on Purists. She didn’t care what anyone else said, an hour’s worth of hoping you weren’t ripped apart or boiled to death was enough to make you think about yourself and yourself only, not watch where everyone else was. All she had to do was wait for the screaming to start and she was gone.
Darrius dropped an arrow into the quiver he’d propped up between them. The more she looked at him, the more she wanted him to come with her. Men would think twice before walking up to that ugly mug.
She tugged on the point of her own arrow to make sure it was on tight then dropped it in the quiver. “Aye. The recruiters will tell ya anything to get ya hooked on the white stuff. Especially a big man like you. You’re everything they’re looking for in a soldier.” She leaned closer. “Liars though. All of ‘em.”
He leaned toward her too. “Here’s a secret for you. I can’t fight worth a damn. Pa always told me I had to be nice because I was bigger than the other children. By the time I was old enough to make my own choices I didn’t want to hurt nobody.”
Hardly a secret. She had sparred with him that morning and Alana had gotten two touches – cut the man’s leg off at the knee and stabbed him right in the heart. But, she was a woman with a cause now. A happy-go-lucky dunce like Darrius was no match for her.
“Oh really? See, I confused you for Io this morning.” Darrius narrowed his eyes like she was the idiot before putting it all together. She reached into her pocket and took out a lotus capsule. She frowned, missing Kit’s lectures on too much lotus and not enough food. She crunched down on the good stuff and said, “If you can’t fight and you don’t wanna hurt anyone, why are you excited for tomorrow?”
He held the arrow he was working on up to the dim sunlight and examined it like an expert. “Because” –he dropped the arrow into the quiver– “the best way to get better at something is to do it when you don’t have the choice to fail.” She nodded, thinking Darrius might not be so dumb after all. “Welp, that’s all of ‘em, my lady.” He turned on his bucket to face her. One of his cheeks went up real high when he looked at her black eye. “Gotta say… I wouldn’t want to fight very hard for a man that gave me one of those.”
“Eh,” she whispered. Rouille had smacked her all around Aunt Bethunia’s room. He did it some more each day in the rig too. Sometimes multiple times a day. Got to the point where she didn’t even think he was mad at her anymore, just needed to let off some steam. It seeped out of one pipe and right into another though. He’d be getting it blown back in his face eventually. “Stick around here long enough and you’ll get one too.” She meant it as a lie, a way to pull him into her scheme but then she realized she was Rouille’s whipping girl, no one else. With her gone, it might just come true. Darrius stood, blocking the sun almost entirely. “Hey Darrius.”
Stolen story; please report.
“What is it, Alana…” He smiled, more at himself than at her. She’d noticed he liked doing that, calling someone by their name when they used his.
She wanted to keep pressing him, slowly tricking him into joining her, but the innocence all over his face was too much to taint. She couldn’t pull him away from making the money his mum needed. “Be careful tomorrow. Purists are dangerous.”
“Thanks. You too. Now come on, I wanna eat before we play cards.”
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Growing up in the middle of Resk, Alana never saw the ocean, but her mother told her several times that nothing could make you feel smaller than standing at the side of a ship and looking at the miles and miles of endless water in every direction. However, her mother had never been on a Cloudcruiser. She’d never stood so close to the stars your fingertips could graze them if you tried hard enough. She’d never looked at the world from above, seen hundreds of rooftops at once, never seen the watery arteries and dirty veins of the world. She’d never seen the whole Emerald Forest from above. Nothing could make someone feel smaller than looking at the majesty of the world through the eyes of the woman who’d created it.
Unfortunately, there were no stars to collect tonight. Only pitch black sky everywhere except the blanket of puffy dark clouds that had wandered toward them since she’d seen them last. The moon was trying its best to hide behind some of them but hadn’t quite gotten all the way hidden. It reminded her of her cat, Bibs, when he’d wiggle under her dresser in fear but leave his rear end hanging out.
She knocked gently on the cabin door and glanced around. Most Lotus found the main deck unsettling at night, leaving only a few wanderers anywhere to be seen. Rouille had apparently pawned off the responsibilities of flying through the night onto Commander Caylen. Again. Who in turn had brought a chair up to the helm and was resting her eyes. Like always. At least, Alana hoped she was just resting them. I guess it’s not that bad, not much to hit up here. Just have to stay above the mountains and avoid storms. They didn’t even need crow’s nests. Not when the only other people in the sky were their comrades and they could see for miles and miles from anywhere on the ship.
The apothecary narrowed his eyes as soon as he opened the door. He was even less handsome up close with his leathery skin and beady eyes. “Hurd. More stomach pain?”
“Not quite.” She held her forehead like she’d done about a thousand times in the last month or so. Only difference was, there was no pain this time. Not after the capsule she’d snuck a few minutes before. Still, her practice made her act convincing. “Something different this time.”
He grabbed her shoulder and pulled her into his quarters. “Come on. Let’s have a look.”
She lifted herself onto the examination table and let the corners of her eyes sag pitifully. Her mouth hung open and for some reason, breathing through it seemed more pathetic. She rubbed her temple and jaw as realistically as she could while he walked to his desk.
His cabin was laid out exactly like Lieutenant Pallani’s except his bed was on the right side of the room instead of the left and he had a rotting examination table while the lieutenant had a table that was typically covered by maps and documents when they weren’t playing cards.
“Are you still only taking your doses every other day?” he asked while tapping some paper on the desk to straighten them up before putting them in a drawer that locked. There was a spark of curiosity but she moved on quickly. She was there for one reason and one reason only.
“Yes, sir.” She wasn’t sure why she called him sir, he wasn’t an officer, but she was nervous. She’d never stolen anything before. Well, nothing important. Nothing that would get her executed if she was caught. Was this stealing though? Or just tricking someone? She preferred the latter.
“And have you seen any improvement?”
“I thought I was,” she said. “But now I feel a different kind of pain.” She paused, trying to think of all the symptoms of drying out that she’d asked other Lotus about that day. “I… I feel like my stomach is fine. It’s my head now. I get lightheaded all throughout the day and I’m tired. Very tired.”
“Do you have your strength?” Weak. They said you start to feel weak.
“No, sir.” She left it at that. Lords, she’d always thought she could weave a lie better than this. Still, he was concerned. She had, after all, done the real work of convincing him by actually getting sick weeks before.
He moved toward an armoire on the other side of the cabin, pulling a keychain from his waist. “It sounds like your body might have sorted things out in there.” He unlocked and opened the doors to the impressive piece of furniture. There were at least ten identical brown boxes on the shelves, each marked with a purple lotus on the front.
“I’m hoping so, sir, but I feel worse than ever.”
The sight of the box had gotten her heart pumping faster than it had in weeks. Her hands began to sweat. At that moment she realized exactly how pathetic she was. This man slept beside enough lotus magic to change an entire realm into false mages and had never taken a single capsule. Not a chance in the three hells she’d even be alive if that keyring hung on her belt.
He grabbed the only open box and came back toward her. “It is very common for a Lotus to feel lightheaded and weak when they’re drying out. Usually a horrible sign. But for you…” He smiled so genuinely her shoulders slouched a bit further beneath the weight of her guilt. The box he sat on the table beside her was the same size as the thigh it lay beside. Pouches upon pouches full of lotus capsules were piled atop one another inside it. Hundreds, if not thousands of capsules waiting to make all her troubles go away. He took a pouch in his slender fingers and undid the cords slowly. So unbelievably slowly. She sucked her tongue back into her mouth. She wasn’t sure when it had gotten out but it had been playing with her bottom lip. “Here.” He handed her a single capsule. One measly capsule. Not ten like she wanted or fifty like she’d hoped for. One capsule. Not even enough to get rid of her fake symptoms.
She took it though, and looked at him innocently. “Should I… now?” He nodded. She tried not to rush, but it was never easy with Kit not around to glare at her. Crunch. And just like that, she was in heaven. She looked up, breathing as calmly as she could. Lords, did she love the stuff. She’d seen plenty of Lotus take their doses and none of them ever seemed to enjoy it like she did. They just didn’t understand, didn’t know what it was like to be pulled from the brink of death time and time again. How could she not fall in love with her hero?
“That should help your head, but have a second to help you sleep.” She’d heard him correctly, right? A second dance with her knight in shining armor.
“Really? I… I don’t want to overdo it. I’m just starting to feel better.” A dangerous game trying to sound responsible. At least when it meant missing out on another hit of euphoria.
“Ah. Two won’t kill you since you’ve been depriving yourself lately. Just try to stick to one a day starting tomorrow.” He looked at her like a father would look at his daughter when he was giving her the speech about responsible choices and the men who tried to convince you to do otherwise. “Alright?” He was clearly aware that if a soldier tried hard enough they could get their hands on one or two extra capsules each day. She’d gotten quite good at it herself. But that wasn’t enough. She needed more. And now.
She nodded obediently, cursing him out in her head. I need one of those pouches. “Sir.” She put her hand on the box he’d started to lift. Their eyes met. “Could I… take one of those pouches with me. Just in case. So I don’t have to wake you. I promise to be responsible with them. Just like you.”
“Oh, no, no. It’s fine. I don’t sleep well,” he said. “You can come by anytime.” He tried to walk away again but she curled her fingers around the wall of the box.
“Are you sure? Just one. I could…” She put her hand on top of his. “I could make it worth your effort.” She said it before she truly realized she’d just offered him sex for a pouch of pills. She was so disgusted with herself she could practically feel the buckets of slop being dumped on her head. Still, she didn’t take back the offer. If I’m going to last long enough to find a healer I need capsules.
“There’s no need to do anything for me. It’d hardly take any effort at all. It’s the risks involved, that’s all. I’d hate to think I was the reason you…” Strange for a man of medicine to be so uncomfortable with the idea of death. “Like I said, you may visit any time, day or night.” She wasn’t sure if Sathariss was giving her a way to keep her dignity or if he was truly clueless.
She lowered herself from the table and put her hands on his waist, letting them slide to his belt slowly. She tilted her head up just enough to look him in the eye, trying to ignore the leathery skin that made him so hideous. “I’d do anything for one of those pouches.” She started to undo his belt.
“Oh,” he said quietly.