I began my morning not wanting to awake for school as it looked like a winter wonderland, and I was so comfortable curling up in my soft velvet blanket. After sleeping through multiple alarms and light switches being flickered on and off, I arose at last with somewhat of a grumpy look on my still sleepy face. I ate a delicious breakfast that day which filled me more than I could imagine and rushed outside to catch the bus as I was running behind. I arrived at school with all the other hormonal teenagers that were just waiting for the day to be over when it had only just started. I walked into the double doors of the entrance seeing my best friend that I had spent almost all of my summer with before leaving for vacation. He secretly had a crush on me, and I knew of it but was so indecisive as there were so many things running in the back of my mind. He greeted me with the biggest smile and his eyes filled with the look of being love struck when he first saw me as I had gotten a new haircut. I also had noticed he had a new haircut and my heart had never raced so fast as I too was love struck on his beautiful green eyes. He offered to walk me to my class and had also brought a gift which was an energy drink because he knew I was not a morning person. I appreciated the kind gesture and gave him a hug for the day as I would not see him again until lunch. He hugged me back and gave a lustful look towards me as he walked away. Throughout the day he was all I could think about as he was so sweet and gave me the boy next door feeling in my heart. However, time was just an illusion to me as all I could do was wait and wait for our next interaction. The bell rang after third period which signaled it was lunch and I rushed to the door eagerly as I wanted to just go see him. I rounded the corner and there he was waiting for me asking what I wanted to do for lunch today which no one had ever done. I did not want him to know how nervous and love struck I was, so I decided to invite some of our mutual friends along for the ride. I went to sit in the front seat when he told me I should sit in the back right next to him so that we could talk. I agreed as I saw what he was trying to do but played it off in a relaxed way so that I would not show what I was truly feeling inside which was butterflies. We spent all of lunch talking which just made me want him more as I was lost in his hazel eyes that reminded me of a beautiful forest. At that time the logic side of my brain took control and reminded me that he was only my best friend and that I could never cross that line with him and risk losing what we had. I told myself I needed to stop and quickly walked away from him as he went to walk me to my next class. He looked at me confused and concerned but decided to walk in the other direction towards his class as he knew he would see me later. In order to control myself and feelings I had made the decision to create boundaries that way I would no longer have the urge to be with him. I walked into my next class that we had together and took an empty seat in the middle of the row because I knew all the other seats were taken which meant he could not sit next to me. He walked in and gave me a flirtatious look but soon changed his expression when he saw that he would not be able to sit next to me. I then nodded my head and gave a courtesy wave to him so that it would not be taken as anything other than me being friendly. He tried to talk to me throughout class, but I ignored him because I did not know what else to do. After class he pulled me aside and asked if he had done anything wrong since I seemed to have changed with him. I kept it short and told him that things were fine but that I had to go as I was going to be late to my next class. He tried to gently grab my arm as I walked away but I brushed him off and he let go as he stood there looking sad. I wanted to turn back but I chose not to and continued on my way to my next class as I knew I would not see him again until the end of the day. Throughout my last two classes all I could think about was the look on his face when I walked away so coldly from him, and it did not feel good to me. I was wrestling with myself on what I should do knowing the truth about how I felt towards him. I decided to just stop thinking about him and let it go as I knew he knew me and that I would never hurt him considering he is my best friend. In turn I still could not stop thinking about everything and decided I would talk to him at the end of the day. The last period came around and I felt so tired and conflicted about myself and my best friend. In turn before I could really turn down a deep rabbit hole of thinking the bell ran and snapped me out of it. It was time to go home, and I decided to find Myles before I left so I could clear everything up with him. I turned the corner and saw him talking and laughing with another girl which was my cue to turn back around and pretend like I had not seen it. In my mind I kept replaying the scene of seeing him with that girl and it broke my heart as tears ran down my face. I arrived home and saw some texts from Myles, but I ignored him because my mind was telling me he had moved on. I realized in that moment it was my fault considering I pushed him away because I was scared of what would happen if I chose to pursue a relationship with him.

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