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A month had passed since John had arrived to Thellasia. A month since he had taken his first steps into the long journey of becoming a sorcerer. Yet, all this time, his only activity was meditating. At first John was bothered by this lack of action; he couldn’t wait to learn how to master the extraordinary skills he had seen Iris perform.
By now, he had put all those expectations behind him. He had realized just how difficult it was to master the act of breathing right, how arduous was to meditate properly and draw in the Qi of the natural world; if he could not master those ‘simple’ exercises, how was he to master the more powerful feats of magic? He had realized just how tortuous and long the journey to become a sorcerer was.
“Before we move forward,” Iris sternly said, “you must repeat the Four Silken Movements.”
The ‘Four Silken Movements’ were a series of exercises vital in cultivation. While with inner harmony the sorcerer could connect mentally with the Qi around them and with the right breathing exercises they could draw in their body the Qi of the natural world, with those movements the sorcerer could improve significantly the flow of Qi through the meridians, allowing them to actually use magic.
John began with the first movement, consisting of an upward movement of the hands. His loosely joined hands traveled up to the center of the body. John then moved onto the second movement. His hands were pressed in opposite directions, one up and one down. With a smooth motion, his hands switch positions. For the third movement, John stretched his neck to the left and then to the right, in an alternating fashion. John squatted in a low horse stance for the fourth movement; his feet were pointed forward, thighs parallel to the floor, with the buttocks pushed out, and the back arched up to keep the upper body from leaning forward. He placed his hands on his thighs, with the elbows facing out and twisting to glance backwards on each side.
“Good,” Iris remarked. “Now you should try to use the Qi inside you to unleash an energy wave.”
‘How am I supposed to do this?’ he thought to himself. He had seen how powerful this technique was back on Bremman, where Iris had used it more than once to knock out Helian troops. Now John would have to do the same, albeit on a metallic box placed before him. John felt as if the box had a life of its own, as if it was able to understand his nervousness and was mocking him; ‘you will never be able to knock me out’. John sighed and tried to clear his head of those thoughts. ‘It is a simple box. I can do this.’
“You need to concentrate,” Iris softly whispered. “Allow the Qi to surge inside you, feel its presence around you. Allow your mind to connect with it, to touch upon this energy. Become one with it. Let it flood you.”
John closed his eyes and breathed slowly. He concentrated on the target before him. He could feel the Qi inside him surging, he could sense its power. His breathing became ragged and fast. Cold sweat was flowing on his forehead and he was trembling. He experienced an emotional roll coaster, changing from fear to anger, experiencing all kinds of emotions.
John tried to wave his hand, as Iris had shown him. As his hand moved, he opened his eyes and smirked. “I am doin-“
His smile was gone; he went completely silent. The box hadn’t moved an inch, not a slight gust of energy had been generated. The whole exercise had been a complete and utter failure.
“Why can’t I do this?” John exasperatedly asked. “I did as you instructed me and yet I-“
“Do it again,” Iris replied. “Calm down, let go of your impatience and anger and try again.”
John repeated the exercise: he closed his eyes, breathed slowly, connected with the Qi of the natural world, concentrated on his target, waved his hand and… nothing! John wouldn’t give up. For a third time, he repeated the whole, long process… to no avail.
John sighed. “Nothing…” he almost whispered, feeling too defeated to even speak properly. His muscles relaxed and his heartbeat slowed; excitement and nervousness had given way to disappointment and acceptance of failure.
“Maybe you should try it again tomorrow,” Iris replied. She took John’s hand and held it firmly while looking at him in the eyes. “Look, becoming a sorcerer isn’t something that is easy. It is a long and hard journey in which you will experience many setbacks and failures. When I was an apprentice, I too experienced failure and disappointment; I still do. Failing is nothing to be ashamed of; giving up due to a failure instead of trying even harder is what you should be ashamed of.”
“I understand…” John nonchalantly replied. Truth be told, he wasn’t really convinced by Iris’ words. ‘Another useless platitude…’ he thought to himself. ‘The other apprentices are already so far ahead of me and yet I still struggle to do anything more than meditate… With this rate, I will be lucky if reach their current level in a year or so!’
John made his way out of the training hall without uttering a single more word. His walk was heavy and he was looking at the floor, consumed in his thoughts. ‘I am failure! Back in Bremman, I thought I was… special. I found out that I could use magic, that I had extraordinary abilities. Yet… now I cannot even catch up with the other apprentices. I failed to save my parents, I failed to stop the destruction of Arcadis and now I fail as a sorcerer...’
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John headed to the lunchroom. It was a rather modest establishment, where Alliance troopers and the few apprentices would eat and drink. It was administered by Keiles, an orc chef. He had joined the Alliance when Helian troopers closed down his shop on trumped up charges; he had angered a Helian officer, or at least that’s what John had heard.
John walked rather slowly. Various Alliance troopers raced past John in an effort to get their launch first. John, on the other hand, was too preoccupied with his failure to care about food. ‘If I cannot master the art of magic, how can I hope to avenge my parents? I have let them down once more. I am the reason why the Helians arrested them, I failed to save them from execution and now I am failing in my quest to avenge them…’
John finally made his way to the kitchen and nonchalantly grabbed one of the disks. It had two dishes on it: a cup of salad, consisting of tomatoes, arugula, parmesan and vinegar, and a main dish consisting of fried chicken and rice. John then headed to the table where the other apprentices were sitting. He forced a smile, as he sat down.
One of the things he missed from his village was spending time with friends. They would train together and have good laughs. Their banter was crude and they insulted each other often, but that was the way it was with them. He had managed to make new friends here, but he still never felt quite in place. Alexander and Constantine were always cheerful while Nicole was always helpful, overtly so. Only Sara seemed for some reason to dislike him. She would occasionally insult or taunt him.
“Look who is coming…” Sara said with a devious smile on her face. “Training not going well? That’s why you’ve got the long face?”
“I am just tired,” John nonchalantly replied, trying to ignore Sara and instead focusing on his meal.
“Sorry that this place isn’t to your liking. What were you expecting? Relaxing holidays?”
“Leave the guy alone,” Constantine intervened. “I don’t know why you dislike him so much…”
“Dislike him?” Sara chuckled. “Just some friendly banter…”
“Don’t let her get to you,” Nicole said.
John had already gone back to eating his meal. He was glad that Constantine and Nicole had stood up for him, but at this point he was so frustrated and tired with his repeated failures that he had no wish to say even a single word.
“Is there anything bothering you?” Alexander whispered to John as softly as he could, as Constantine, Nicole and Sara bickered. “I noticed you are not in an exactly stellar mood…”
“As I told Sara, it’s nothing. I am just tired.”
“If Elder Aerran has taught me anything, it is to observe well; whether it is objects or emotions.”
“I… it’s just that I am having trouble mastering the art of unleashing energy. I seem to make no breakthrough, no matter how hard I try.”
“You may want to talk with Elder Aerran. He can help you with whatever difficulties you may have.”
John was silent for a brief moment, pondering over Alexander’s suggestion. “I might just do that. Thanks.”
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John could smell the fragrance of incense sticks as he slowly walked inside the dimly lighted room. The elder was sitting cross-legged on a round purple mat. His face was almost glowing, in contrast to the room’s darkness, exuding a sense of calmness and confidence. John had only ever caught a few glimpses of the elder teacher during his time on the base. This was the first time he was truly meeting him, and he was overwhelmed by his presence. He could sense his extraordinary magic prowess as he approached him.
“Welcome,” Aerran calmly, almost nonchalantly, said. “I can feel that you are troubled.”
“I…”
Aerran got up from his mat and approached John. The young man was taken aback at first and took a few steps backward. The elder chuckled. “Am I so scary?”
“No… of course not!” John hurriedly tried to excuse himself, already feeling cold sweat on his forehead and his heart racing. “I… I just…”
“Relax, my boy. I am just an ordinary old man, not some kind of deity,” Aerran assured John as he placed his hand on the young man’s shoulder. Aerran’s bright blue eyes met with John’s eyes. Looking at those blue eyes, John felt a calmness and peace that he hadn’t felt since before his parents’ death.
John took a deep breath and began explaining himself to the elder. “I just cannot seem to use magic the same way others do. I don’t understand why I keep failing. I’ve been trying my best; I’ve meditated, cleared my mind, trained physically. Yet…I always fail. Maybe I am just not cut out to be a sorcerer... “
The elder smiled, his smile warm and welcoming. “You just answered your own question; you keep failing because you believe that you will fail.”
“But-“
“I know what you are going to say; ‘I earnestly want to succeed’. You may well do so. But deep down, you cannot shake down your instincts that tell you that you shall fail.”
“I am thinking that I will fail because I keep failing!” John protested. “It is a natural conclusion to come to.”
“You’ve got it all wrong. It’s the exact reverse: you fail because you do not believe you can succeed. You find the task ahead of you so daunting, that you’ve given up any hope of succeeding. If you yourself do not believe that you can do it, how can you expect to pull it off?”
“I…”
“You need to become confident of yourself once again. You need to believe that you will succeed. Unfortunately, I cannot guide you on how to do this. It is up to you. If you cannot make yourself believe in your own abilities, no one can.”
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“At last!” Xar exclaimed as he jumped out of his fighter-class starship and onto steel, firm ground. The water bays were crowded with people, most of them fellow military personnel who wanted to welcome back their comrades-in-arms. Cheering, chatting and laughter could be heard, but Xar remained oblivious to them.
The orc pilot was too tired to engage in socializing or accept adulatory congratulations. He simply wanted to go to his room and sleep for a few hours. He could still remember the sight of ships exploding. The screams of those dying, uttering their final words in their comlinks, echoed still in his mind. He could still feel the adrenaline that had surged in him as his squadron swooped in and decimated the Helian ships and troopers. He could still call to mind his heart racing as his squadron was being shot down one ship at the time by sudden enemy reinforcements. And he couldn’t forget the exhilaration he felt as he managed to turn back the tide and secure a victory for the Alliance.
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As he walked past the crowd, before him suddenly stood Commander Darren, greeting him with a wide smile on his face. “Nice work blowing up that Helian base on asteroid M-445!” Darren said. “It mustn’t have been easy. The defenses were quite strong and I’ve heard that the enemy resisted to the last man.”
“Thanks captain,” Xar nonchalantly replied.
“Is there anything wrong?” Darren asked. Xar seemed reluctant to reply. “Apologies if you find the question intrusive… I understand it could just be that you are tired after this operation but you do seem a bit off.”
“It’s nothing much, I am just tired…” the orc pilot replied, barely hiding his irritation. He wasn’t the type to discuss about his feelings, especially in public.
“Is that all?” Darren pressed on.
“Well… I used to be a lone wolf, working on my own, so taking part in a combat operation as part of group was bit… different.”
“And unnerving I suppose,” the commander smiled. “Don’t worry, I know the feeling. When you are alone, you can improvise, come up with your own ideas and strategies, not have to worry about anyone else but yourself. Being in a group gives you considerable backup but it does also limit very much your freedom of action.”
“Exactly!”
“So… can I count on you to work in a group? I mean, you did perform above all expectations in your mission, but can I-“
“No need to worry, sir!” Xar interrupted. “This is a job, not a restaurant where I can order whatever I like most. I’ve got a job to do and I will be doing it. I can most certainly work with a group since it is necessary.”
“Sure about that? I wouldn’t want this to affect your performance.”
“Well, as the operation showed, I am doing just fine. Plus… the salary I earn gives me all the motivation I need.”
“Good,” Darren said. “I need you to be at top performance because I have a mission for you. Quite an important one. I want to know if I can count on you. Can I?”
“I assume the reward for this mission will a-“
“Yes. You will earn as much as you would have earned in thirty normal missions. You are by far my best pilot and you’ve proven that you can lead a squadron in battle, but I want to be one hundred percent certain that I can count on you.”
“You can count on me,” Xar confidently replied. “Sure, I may prefer to work alone, but with the amount of cash you are offering I would even attack the Helian capital itself!”
“Good to hear that. Officer Yi shall inform you of the specifics of the mission,” Darren said. “He will be your aide for this mission. Meet him at 20:30, at Room Eleven.”
Xar was walking hurriedly through the corridors, rushing to his room. ‘I really need a few hours of good sleep!’ he exclaimed to himself as he hurried forward. He had only a few hours of free time left before having to go to the meeting with Officer Yi. All of the sudden, he heard a familiar voice. He turned around and saw John. He hadn’t talked much with the boy since he had brought him here, but they remained on rather friendly terms and he was pleased to see him.
“Xar, long time no see,” John said as he shook hands with the pilot. “I’ve heard of your success.”
“Good to see you again kid! And the success belongs to the entire team,” Xar replied. “Though I did do most of the job...” the orc chuckled. “What about you? You are still training to become a sorcerer?”
“Yes… though without much success,” John sighed. “I’ve learned much about meditating but I have not been able to make much actual use of magic.”
“Don’t let this put you down kid. You know, before I became such a good pilot, I too had to suffer failure.” Xar couldn’t help but laugh as he remembered one time he crushed his ship on a mountain. He barely managed to get out of the vessel before it exploded and had to survive a whole month on the snowy mountain with little supplies. It was quite an embarrassment…
“I guess you are right but still… Elder Aaren said it’s because, inside me, I don’t really believe I can succeed. But I’ve been doing my best and yet I still fail to make any progress.”
Xar sighed. “You know how I became a good pilot? I stopped whining like a little bitch and focused solely on training.”
“Ouch!” John laughed.
“No offense meant – I just like to tell things as they are to help you.”
“None taken… You are right. I need to stop whining and start training. Whining won’t do me any good.”
“Now, if you will excuse me, I really need to get a few hours of good sleep because I’ve got a meeting to attend do. See ya!”
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“I have to clear my mind!” John shouted, trying to persuade himself to put aside all doubt. “I can do this! I have confidence in my own skills!”
While meditation was the usual way for a sorcerer, whether master or apprentice, to clear their mind, John decided instead to go for physical exercise: back in Bremman, working out helped him clear his mind. He would do this when feeling the need to forget everything around him; especially so when he wanted to get rid of any feelings of doubt and insecurity.
John assumed a face-down prone position on the floor; he then raised himself using his arms, breathing as he pushed. He continued doing pushups for some time, gritting his teeth and sweating. John had a feeling that he was being watched by. He caught a glimpse of Iris looking at him. He could have greeted her but preferred instead to keep his focus on his training. ‘I need to ignore all distractions! I need to focus on the present. I need to cast away all feelings and doubts.’
After a few minutes, he stopped for a moment to catch a breath. He was sweating and his shirt was a mess. He took it off, revealing his abed, toned body, before going back to doing pushups. Iris couldn’t help but smile. John finally seemed able to put behind his doubts and focus on training. She could sense his inner resolve. ‘Maybe he is the apprentice I was hoping for…’
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John was sweating. His breath was labored and heavy and his heart was beating fast. He felt exhausted, yet he continued practicing, pushing himself both physically and mentally. After some minutes of physical exercise that had helped him clear his mind, he had been practicing for the past two hours or so his energy waves with renewed confidence and determination.
Roaring, he waved his hand and a light gust of wind was emanated. John smiled. It wasn’t exactly the strong energy wave he was looking for, but he had at least managed to make some use of magic at last.
“Nice!” a female voice was heard saying. “Did I say that aloud?” she whispered. John turned around and saw that it was Nicole. Nicole blushed and tried to blurt an explanation of why she was watching him. Nicole’s cheeks were pink like a spring rose, the blooming color so cute against her skin.
John couldn’t help but laugh. “No worries,” he replied. “You can watch me practice if you want.”
“I was… simply looking at you to make sure you… because…in dinner you looked frustrated and I thought something wrong had…”
John found her stammering both funny and cute. “It’s alright.”
“Phew!” She let out a sigh of relief. “You are making progress.”
“Not as fast as I would want but still…”
“You should really stop putting yourself down; you are doing yourself a disservice. Yes, you may not have mastered magic as fast as the others, but you did some pretty incredible stuff: escaping Bremman while being hunted by one of the greatest bounty hunters in the solar system was no small feat, especially since you had zero training. If you could do that, you can do this too.”
“Thanks,” John replied with a wide smile on his face. “I really appreciate what you are doing. You are like a sister I never had.”
John could see Nicole’s face momentarily turn sour before forcing herself to smile. He wondered if he had said something wrong. “I…”
“I am here for you,” Nicole was quick to assure him. “I will leave you to your training. Remember; never give up. Don’t let you talent go to waste.”
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A lean, gracious man with short, combed brown hair, blue eyes and a wide grin on his face greeted the orc pilot. “Welcome officer Xar. It is an honor to serve under your command; you are the top ace in this base, maybe in the whole Alliance.”
“You are being too flattering,” Xar rather nonchalantly replied; he never had much use for pleasantries and commendations. “I am just a slightly above average pilot. Now, let’s get to our mission.”
“Yes, sir,” Yi was quick to reply, seeing that his superior was in no mood for small-talk. He activated a small, rectangular hologram device situated on a round, metallic table in the middle of the room. A blue hologram showcasing a map of an asteroid field appeared. “The Alliance in the past few months has managed to establish a number of small bases on the asteroid field of the AKL-89 Region, which is situated b-“
“Between El Salvar and Mellillon,” Xar interrupted. “I know. I am no rookie pilot.”
“Of course,” Yi replied. “To return back to our subject, we have been able to remain undetected to the Helian government, as not many vessels pass through the asteroid field. We have intercepted transmissions that a Helian Capital-Class Cruiser is moving through AKL-89 to hunt for pirate vessels.”
“Pirates? In AKL-89?”
Yi smirked. “There are no pirates. It is just a smart ploy devised by me to lure a Helian Capital-Class Cruiser to AKL-89. I and the Alliance troops and ships in the area made sure to give that impression to lure the Helians into a trap. Materially, it may not be the most damaging of attacks, but it will damage greatly the prestige of the regime. It will also force them to pull away units from other sectors to cleanse the asteroid fields of our bases.”
“And thus leaving many other Helian targets undermanned…” Xar said.
“Indeed. While the Helians will be searching almost each asteroid individually for bases, we will have already pulled around 80% of our forces away-“
“And send them against weakened Helian targets?”
Yi nodded affirmatively. The other 20% or so will remain in the field to give the impression that we haven’t retreated. But for all this to come to fruition, we must give that Helian Cruiser hell!”
“Even if we do have the element of surprise, a squadron of fighters going against a cruiser is still going to be tough.”
“I know,” Yi replied with a wide grin on his face. “Thankfully for you, you will have the advantage of us jamming their sensors and targeting systems.”
“You’ve placed jamming disruptors in some of the asteroids I assume?”
“Indeed. As the cruiser passes past those asteroids, it will find itself jammed. Pirates do not have such high grade equipment, so it is quite unlikely they will have taken the necessary precautions.”
So… the success of the operation hinges on them being arrogant bastards.”
“Pretty much.”
Xar chuckled. “It’s a safe bet we will blow them up to pieces, then!”
With Yi nodding again, Xar turned around and was about to make his way out of the room when the officer called him to stop. "Is there anything else to this briefing?" Xar asked.
"No," Yi was quick to reply. "I was just thinking if you want to go to the lunchroom for a drink perhaps."
"I never say no to drinking."
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Yi and Xar were sitting on one of the lunchroom tables and drinking cold, black beer. It was a drink reserved for officers and decorated pilots, and the two of them were more than happy to enjoy that privilege.
“I am surprised you haven’t tried an escape attempt yet,” Yi said as he sipped his drink. Being in an informal conversation, he was visibly more relaxed and outspoken.
“Don’t think I haven’t thought about it,” Xar bluntly responded. “Problem is, with a single fighter you can’t really go far away. Not to say that with the Helians already after me, it probably isn’t a good idea to add the Alliance on the list of people I’ve pissed off.”
“Makes sense… Can you answer a question I have? Why someone with your set of skills hasn’t been recruited by one of the big corps or even the Helian government?”
“I’ve actually worked in the past for both private companies and the government,” Xar replied before pausing for a brief moment to drink his beverage. “Thing is, I ain’t big on following rules and regulations and I prefer being a lone wolf. So I began working for private individuals instead.”
“Until you joined the Alliance…”
“Yup. Would’ve preferred not to be here, but it’s better than getting gunned down by you guys. At least you pay well, so when I do find a chance to leave, I might actually get to retire.”
“Didn’t think of you as a guy looking forward to retirement...”
“I’ve seen more than my fair share of action. Once, it might have been exhilarating. Now? It’s just a job I’ve got to do for cash. Once I have the cash I need, I’m out. Now… answer a question of mine; why do you guys place so much trust in me? I am a random mercenary who showed up a month ago, and you already trust me with an important operation.”
“Truth is, we haven’t be doing that well. Why do you think we place all our bets on sorcerers saving our skins? In the past few years, we’ve been steadily losing more and more ships and soldiers. We are desperate for people like you – experienced, skilled and professional. Desperation means we can’t be choosers.”
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“I can do this,” John said, his voice firm and authoritative.
“Are you sure?” Iris asked again.
John nodded in agreement. Iris led him to the training room. Their walk was a silent one as John was fully concentrated on the upcoming challenge. This time, he was confident of himself. He no longer thought of the task as impossible; rather, he had a firm belief in his ability to overcome that challenge.
Upon enter the training room, John stood firm before the metallic box. He closed his eyes. He mentally detached himself from this world and cast away all thoughts and emotions. He was clear headed and in perfect peace with his surroundings. He could sense the energy of all things around him. Qi was everywhere in the room, even in the walls and the floor. It was a faint feeling only; he wasn’t so attuned yet that he could fully feel the energy before him. Yet even this ‘whisper’ was enough to awe him.
“I can do it,” he whispered, his words so soft that they could be barely heard.
He breathed, calmly and slowly, inhaling the air and exhaling it. He allowed himself to connect with the Qi surrounding him, opening himself to its energy. He had touched upon it before but this time it felt different; it felt more serene and yet at the same time far more powerful, surging inside him. His heart beat far faster than usual, he felt a sudden sense of energy. For a brief moment he felt overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions but he quickly managed to take control of his feelings. It was he who would control Qi, not the other way around.
He began, slowly but steadily, moving his hand. He was waving it at the box before him. As his hand slowly moved, he felt it becoming hotter and hotter. It was scolding hot: he felt as if he had touched an oven. Then… a sudden release! He no longer felt hot. He opened his eyes; the box was being pummeled by a powerful invincible energy wave, sending it flying across the room.
“Good,” Iris said with a proud smile of pure radiance. “I told you that you could make it.”
“This felt so good!” John said with a wide grin on his face.
“It is a pretty cool ability to master. But do remember, this is only the first step towards mastering the art of magic. This may seem powerful but it is only a miniscule fraction of what one can accomplish with the power of magic.”
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Xar had dashed out of him room and was rushing through the corridors. His heart was pounding fast as he was sprinting forward. Bam! He slammed on a human man, pushing him onto the ground with a thudding sound. He himself tripped and fell on the floor too, but quickly got up and rushed to help his victim.
He offered his hand to help him get up. “Hey, sorry I- John?”
John took the orc’s hand and managed to get up. He felt a terrible ache on his head but his injury was a minor one. “Hi,” he said. “No worries, but please don’t rush like this next time.”
“Sorry kid. I was running because I am a bit late for takeoff.”
“Another mission?”
“Yup. Going again in the front lines.”
“Wish I could be there. I would love to give some hell to those Helian scumbags,” John clenched his fists. “Anyway, I’ve finally performed that magical technique I was talking about.”
“Good kid,” the orc pilot replied. “Keep it up. Hopefully, by the time I’ve returned from this mission, you will have fully mastered that technique.” Xar paused for a brief moment. “Got to get going.”
“Good luck.”
“The Helians are the ones who will be needing luck.”