CHAPTER 1: A FUNERAL (Editted)

The gloomy grey of the smoke from the burning incense sticks covered the funeral hall like a thick thundercloud. Within the thickness of the thundercloud made of incense smoke, grieving cries were the rumbling of thunder and salty drops of tears were the boiling rain.

That female to male ratio, FY unconsciously craned his head around and surveyed the endless waves of people before him, absolutely dumbfounded, Brother, you really…

The funeral hall was tightly packed with endless rows of grieving people. Blinking his eyes, FY could see that the amount of female to male ratio in the attendance was a stark difference, which spoke of his best friend’s character, a known womanizer. Though FY has been to another womanizer’s funeral in the past, an acquaintance of his, FY almost mistook it for a male-only funeral, if only the phrase “male-only funeral” actually made sense to people. A person, who lives his life chasing after many women, had no woman crying for him in death, that is the fate of a womanizer, FY has once thought.

The anguished black was the predominant color among the sea of people in attendance. However, that was not all there for FY to see. There was the combination of a black blazer and a white shirt with black skirt composed the uniform of Yersin Junior College. There was also the white of traditional Vietnamese ao dai, vests, one-piece with jacket and more, so many that it was shocking for FY.

Brother, they are like… high school girls. You are insane. FY could only shake his head. There were a dozen of girls that looked like they belonged to the same university presently in stylish black attires, sobbing and crying within each other’s arms.

“How could this happen to him? He is such a nice person,”

FY listened to the girls and sank into deep thought.

Nice? Fearless is anything but nice. A nice person would not date multiple women at the same time. A nice person is anyone but Fearless. A nice person would not do something of such insanity as Fearless. A nice person would not sleep with someone’s mother for the sake of vengeance. A nice person is anyone but Fearless.

FY understood that it was just a matter of perspective but in his mind, his best friend was not a nice person. Fearless is a great friend and a loyal friend but he was not a nice person. He’s an asshole. He’s a willful and free spirit. He does not care what people think of him. He does not care about the consequences. He’s selfish and disagreeable most of the time, and for an incredibly smart person, he lives like an absolute moron more than often. Fearless is a complete stupid asshole.

FY earnestly bent his back every time a person paid respect to Fearless in the place of his Fearless’ family according to the old tradition. Each funeral attendee would bow thrice and lit one incense stick to paying their respect to the deceased and FY would return their bows with the exact amount.

Fearless’ father was not present. He was hospitalized since yesterday noon when he received the grave news of his son’s death. He was the only blood-related family member that Fearless has left. FY has visited old man yesterday but the unfortunate man was in a coma since as if refusing to accept the hideous truth.

FY did not know how the old man would live the rest of his days, alone without his wife and his son. FY silently swore an oath to himself that he would take care of the old man in the place of his best friend.

There was that famous actress stood among the attendances, covering half of her tearful face with a dark hankie, her shoulders quivered uncontrollably. Behind her stood that familiar ESPORT newscaster whose face awash with tears, her red swollen eyes affixed to the coffin. There were the many ex-girlfriends and many currents ongoing and off-going girlfriends of Fearless standing among the attendances, FY did not think they would attend this funeral, but they did, with no exception, their eyes swollen red and filled with tears. Among the weeping crowd, FY saw the city widow club with their entire membership in the attendance, crying grievously.

“Phúc, Phúc, Phúc,”

Now I think about it. That was your real name. Of course, you didn’t use your nickname when courting with them. I have been calling you by your nickname that I almost forgot your real name.

Not all the mourners were lovers of Fearless. His friends, his bunch of strange cultists, and fans were also among the attendees, even more, heartbroken than Fearless’ lovers were. They sobbed harder and cried harder. They brought bottles of brandy and spirits with them to the funeral hall and laid them at the side of the transparent coffin. Knowing Fearless’ alcoholism issues, perhaps they were worried about Fearless would have no booze to accompany him in the land of the dead. Some brought large posters of Fearless covered in wreaths with them and laid them at the side of his coffin.

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FY stared into the portrait of his best friend that was placed behind the wispy smoke of lit incense sticks, the space packed with mourners.

Fearless’ corpse peacefully laid inside a reinforced glass coffin, his hands clutching at his chest and a familiar serviceable smile spreading on his lips. Even in death, he was still smiling. That smile on the other side of the coffin, pale as wax and cold as ice, an unanimated smile, a rigid smile, but it did little to diminish the princely beauty of Fearless. Once, that smile was an incarnation of passion, a host of a million suns. Once, it was an icon, a small waving flag braving amidst the darkest storms. It was the same smile when they were losing badly at that year Final. Once, it brought joys and hope, but no longer.

Fearless had a princely face, a chiseled jawline on a feline face, a sight to be sighing over. His sharp wolf-like eyes, dark as a moonless night, yet bright and brimmed with energy, forever closed and never opened ever again. Laying next to Fearless, adornments of many colors from the white of roses and lilies, the scarlet of carnations, the vibrant red of tulips and poppies, the pink and purple of gladioli, all soaked in salty hot dews of the grievers arranged to accompany Fearless to the land of beyond. The usual sight of Fearless’ light tanned skin, now, has turned pallid white, contrasting with the vibrant colors from adornments. Such sight brought an unknown pain to FY’s heart.

FY suddenly remembered that one time he asked Fearless, “Why not become an actor, or a model and instead of a pro-gamer?” Fearless just laughed and questioned FY if he had a chance at hitting the reset button for his life, would he still become a pro-gamer?

“Of course,” FY replied, “Yes”.

Fearless just chuckled, casually shrugging his shoulders, “That’s also my answer.”

Everyone in present was mourning and weeping for Fearless’ premature death. Misery, Fantasy, and Merleon, too could not hold back their tears, sobbed quietly as they stood next to FY. They stood in a line, handling the incense sticks to the mourners. Misery sobbed the hardest, his face was a mess of snots and tears. Fantasy constantly used the sleeves of his white funeral cloth to dry his tears. Merleon, a giant stoic man that he was, stood a shoulder above everyone was quivering weakly as he lightened the incense sticks and delivered them to mourners.

Their best friend just died, of course, they would cry. However, not FY, he was still in the state of shock, not really understand or accept the fact. Not yet, FY knew that. He really did not believe it. Yesterday morning, the two of them was planning for a fishing trip at the weekend.  And now, one of them laid in a coffin while the other attended to his funeral. Who on Earth would actually die on April Fool?  You goddamn moron! FY could not help but curse inwardly. It didn’t seem real to FY. He thought the disagreeable bastard would suddenly rise from his transparent coffin with a bang and tell everyone that this was all but a prank in any second.

“You damn moron!”

A sharp voice in the crowd interrupted FY’s thought. Startled, he reflexively turned at the source. It was from Alice. She was Fearless’ on again and off again lover for as long as FY could remember. Their relationship could only be described as truly complicated and rocky for the last eight years.

Her long, dark hair was tied into a ponytail. She wore a mourning black vest over white shirt, standing in front of Fearless’ mourning post. “I have told you that this day would come. I have told you to quit it. This is Karma. You deserve it for being too much of a playboy. You deserve this for flirting with death,” Alice shouted and tightly clenched her fists as her entire body started to quiver in a swell of rage and contempt. Her large jaded eyes emitted a reddened aura of fury as she stared at Fearless’ smiling portrait, but not for long. The eyes of contempt and fury soon surrendered to the waterworks.

“You damn moron,” Alice broke down in incensed tears, howling as her friends who stood next to her wrapped their arms around her into a tight hug. FY’s wife ran over to comfort Alice.

Incense’s smoke, FY thought as his eyes began to boil. Until now, his eyes were completely parched like desert sand. His sight began to blur and the snot was coming out. Incense’s smoke, FY inwardly told himself. He had to wipe his face with the sleeves of his funeral vest. However, that did nothing to stop the waterworks. He blamed it on the incense and the smoke. His vision blurred out on Fearless’ smiling portrait.

Fearless, you are such an asshole. Do you know that?

FY fought to hold back his tears for the length of the funeral no matter how futile his effort may appear. He did not know why he would bother trying when nobody did.

FY did not know when he lost his own spine, probably after the number of mourners hit triple digits, but he did not care. FY did not remember how many time has he bent his back since the ceremony started but he was determined to keep doing it until the end. His wife and brothers asked to switch place with him, but FY refused to listen. He told them to keep doing their jobs and he would do his until the ceremony was over. He was the closest to Fearless, closer than they ever were. This was his job, his responsibility. He was not going to give it to anyone else.

Being unreasonable and selfish is supposed to be your role, not mine…

FY cursed himself for acting like that. His wife, Misery, Fantasy, Merleon, and Alice was just as much a family member of Fearless as him. Yet, FY could not let them filling his role. His nails sank into the inner side of his palms for the whole time, refusing to let go. But, FY felt no pain. He could not feel the pain.

It was raining heavily outside, still. It has been raining nonstop since yesterday when FY received the grave news. It was as if heaven wept for the tragic death of Fearless. It rained still. The rain outside of the funeral hall was cold but the rain inside was hot.

Goodbye brother, I will miss you a lot.

Choking on the saltiness of his own tears, FY bid farewell to his best friend as his world became misty in a boiling white steam.

Goodbye, Fearless, goodbye.