CUTTING A DEAL

It is some time later that Ned finds himself sitting at the table, being lectured by a perturbed Anika. “You have to ask for things. You have to ask for a lot of things. They will not trust you if they can’t get a handle on you. So stop dragging your feet and help me out.”

“But the first thing that you told me to ask for is just … wrong. It’s not right to demand a person.”

“Okay. I understand. But that’s my ticket out of here. And it may be the only way I can break free and be with the children, even if I do have to wait ten or fifteen years.”

“Well…”

“Don’t you think I’d make a good wife?”

“Uh…”

“Ned, are you trying to make me cry again?!?”

“Uh…” He tries to keep a straight face but fails. “Bwahahahahaha…!” He laughs uproariously. Anika looks at him like he’s crazy for a few seconds and then starts to laugh with him.

They laugh for awhile and then get the giggles and then she punches him in the gut. “Okay, good joke,” she says while he wheezes in pain “Back to the topic at hand. You are going to demand my hand in marriage and I am going to be a good wife for you and together we are going to raise our children with love. Is that clear.”

“Yes, ma’am!” he cries.

“All right then.” she says. “Now lets work out the rest of the package.”

THE EMPEROR: FINAL DECISION

The Emperor’s chief advisor drops the paper on the table and sits back. “He’s asking for a lot.”

With a sigh, the Emperor responds, “No, he’s not. A lot of these are his ideas and most of them are related to properly raising a child. Training and education that will allow him to educate the children properly as they grow. He seems quite wise in that regard. No. He’s not asking a lot. It’s my daughter who is coaching him who is asking a lot.”

“She wants to give herself to this man?”

“She wants to escape.”

“Can we allow it, Sire? To have an heir to the throne running around without oversight. And children of the line, as well.”

“I will allow it. As long as they go back to this man’s world and promise never to return without a summons. There will be many others with better claims to the throne. Right now, we need Anika to help us put down this revolution. It will turn into outright war soon and she is too talented as a general to allow her to sit at home with children. We will trade her these ten years against the rest of her life.”

“Very well, Sire. And the rest of these demands?”

“Send it back to him and tell Anika to whittle it down. Whatever she comes back with will be acceptable. She’s already got it planned out, I’m sure.”

###

Anika burst into the room, picked Ned up off the couch and gave him a big hug.

“We did it! They’ve accepted!”

“Oh, thank God! I was getting worried. Can you put me down now? I’m getting altitude sickness.”

She dropped him back onto the couch like a sack of potatoes. “You’re pretty skinny. Maybe you should start working out? My future husband needs to be strong.”

“My future wife needs to be more accepting of her future husband’s weaknesses. After all, he’s learned to live with hers….”

“Weaknesses? What weaknesses? You told me I was perfect!”

“Nuh-uh, not me. That must have been one of your other future husbands.”

They bantered on while Merilee quietly stood next to the wall, waiting to be of service. She definitely never rolled her eyes. No, not even once.

THE STORK MAKES A DELIVERY OR TWO

Ned moved into his new home a week later. It was big, but not too big. It had a large yard with plenty of gardens surrounded by a high wall. Having only one piece of luggage (a copy of Princess Nekosama, Limited Edition, Volume 4) it took him almost no time to unpack.

The next day he returned to Earth. It was part of his contract. One visit of one week’s duration every year.

On this occasion, he took the time to make sure his house was still standing and to tell the appropriate people a few lies and that he would be mostly out of town for the next few years.

No one commented on his injuries. Neither did anyone ask about the two stern looking guards, one man and one woman, who followed him everywhere. The guards spoke to no one - they didn’t have the language.

A little bit of shopping and return.

The babies were born a week later. Healthy and happy. One boy, one girl. Identical twins. They spent one night with their mother. Then were delivered to Ned.

They were named Liesel and Lionel. Anika had wanted to name the girl Nekosama but Ned had managed to sneak a clause into his contract forbidding it. She was mad but he was sure that, given ten years, she would get over it.

Little Princes and Princesses come equipped with wet nurses, nannies, and a full selection of other servants. Even those babies which don’t officially exist.

Ned took out the special ink he had brought back from his trip to Earth and got busy with the Princess Nekosama manga. He then entrusted it to Merilee after receiving her promise that it would be delivered promptly.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

Ned’s new life began; now revolving around the two infants which had been entrusted to his care. Anika squared her shoulders and resumed her duties as a general and a princess.

INTERLUDE: AN ITEM FINALLY DELIVERED

It comes just as she is leaving her office for the last time. She slides the envelope into a pocket and forgets about it as she joins her guards for the trip to the front. Things are a bit awkward for awhile, as most of her people are new.

It’s a long day of travel and a longer evening of planning and coordination. She’s exhausted by the time she can grab a few hours of sleep.

As she undresses, she feels the package in her pocket. Taking it out, she gets curious and tears open the rough paper wrapper.

Inside is a book. Wrapped in plastic and written backward. Princess Nekosama, her missing manga. Tearing up, she clutches it close to her chest for a moment.

A slip of paper is poking out from just inside the back cover. *Start reading here*, it says. With a frown, she opens it. Inside - pressed into a blank page - are two tiny footprints. Under the one on the left is written the name *Lionel*. Under the one on the right is written the name *Liesel*. Under that is written, *We love you, Mommy!*

She cries, then. Tears of sadness and joy, mixed together. It is some time before, with a self-admonishment to, ‘stop leaking’, she lays her head down on the pillow and goes to sleep, clutching the book close to her heart.

INTERLUDE: NED: SELF-HEALING

Ned has been learning magic for three years. Healing magic under the tutelage of Dr. Sandia. The same doctor who had taken care of him after his rescue. He has become very good at it. Passing all of his tests with flying colors. Dr. Sandia has even said that he could stand with the Empire’s best, if he weren’t locked away as a (fake) political hostage.

So today is his final exam. Not one administered by Dr. Sandia. One administered by himself, for himself. The ultimate test as he can conceive of it.

His one and only accomplice is Merilee. During the first two years of life with the babies, Ned had begun to suspect that Merilee was more than she seemed. Over time, he determined that she was not just a maid, nor even a bodyguard disguised as a maid. She is, in fact, a Princess Knight.

Princess Knights are dedicated to serving and protecting the female members of the Imperial Family. Merilee is personally dedicated to serving Princess Anika and she had been set the task of taking care of Ned. While there were several Knights dedicated to the twins, Merilee was dedicated to keeping Ned out of trouble. A difficult task, although not thankless.

At first, Ned had been a bit miffed that Anika thought he was in need of a caretaker. After awhile, though, he was forced to concede the point. Mainly after presented with an itemized list of gaffes and blunders prepared by Merilee herself based on the time they had already spent together.

So he accepted her role in his life. Then he tricked her into being his accomplice on several occasions. Today’s activity being one of them.

Ned’s goal is to heal his knee. At least to the point of 80% functionality. To accomplish this, he first needs to break his kneecap. In two places. That, however, is not the actual test. The test would be to heal a wound on Merilee in the time between when he broke his knee the second time and when he healed the breaks.

This requires a bit of ingenuity and planning. Right now, Ned is strapping his left leg into a contraption that looks like a vise. Merilee is hovering around in a dither.

With his knee immobilized in the vice, Ned pulls a rope to lift a weight up above it. Holding the weight in place, Ned flips a metal spike to a specific point over his knee.

“Leather,” he says to Merilee. She steps up to him and inserts a piece of leather between his teeth.

Without a moment of hesitation, Ned releases the weight to hit the spike, initiating a clean break in the exact spot he had planned. His jaws clamp down on the leather at the same time as he emits a muffled scream.

With trembling hands, he pulls the rope to reset the weight. Once it is hanging high, he pulls a lever with his left hand and the vice-like contraption twists his leg to the right, eliciting another scream from Ned.

With deft hands, Merilee steps up and flips away the first spike. She then flips over a second spike and lines it up with a mark Ned had made on his knee previously. Stepping back, she checks to make sure the leather is still between Ned’s teeth and says, “Ready.”

Ned drops the weight again to make the second required break in his knee. He barely has the energy to scream this time.

Moving quickly, Merilee removes the weight and the spike while Ned spits out the leather. Then stepping up beside him, she draws a knife from a sheath and smoothly draws it across her forearm. Blood pours out as she brings it to Ned’s left hand.

Sweat pouring off of his forehead, Ned grits his teeth in determination and works the spell. Merilee pulls her arm back and declares, “Healed.”

Now helping Ned to sit up, she guides Ned’s hands to his knee. Gasping for breath furiously, Ned massages the broken pieces of his kneecap into position. Then begins casting a healing spell on himself.

This spell takes much longer. When it is done, Ned gives a little smile and passes out in Merilee’s arms.

###

Dr. Sandia had been learning cuss words from Ned. You could say it had become a bit of a hobby with her. Currently she can proudly claim to be profane in fourteen different languages.

She is using all of them on Ned now. As well as lifting him up off the bed by the lapels of his pajamas and shaking him like a rag doll. “Dammit, Ned! Why would you do such a thing?!?”

“It was a test, Dr.”

“What the hell kind of a test involves self-mutilation? You could have asked me and we could have fixed your knee with a proper medical team.”

“But it was the test you told me about. The one that proves you are a true healer.”

Dr. Sandia froze for a moment, her mouth hanging open. “What do you mean?”

“You said that the true test of a healer is if he can heal those around him while he himself is severely injured.”

"…”

“So that’s what I did. I needed to break my knee to fix it anyway. I just used that opportunity to take this final test. And I passed, didn’t I Merilee?”

Merilee nods her head, looking down at the floor so as not to meet the Dr.'s eye.

“See? I passed. You can praise me now! Do I get a certificate?”

RRRRRRRRRRRR! “You idiotic dolt! Don’t you have any damn common sense? And Merilee! Don’t think I’m gonna let you off the hook. Your job is to have common sense FOR this moron. ….”

Dr. Sandia went on and on with her lecture. Possibly setting a new Empire-wide record as it lasted for almost three days (not counting tea breaks and catnaps).

In the end, Ned had to make his own certificate but he proudly displayed it on the wall. Of his closet, where it would only be seen by people who wouldn’t start shouting at him about it.

NED: DAILY ROUTINE

It has been almost four years since Ned became a father. Life has settled into a routine. Ned’s schedule is evenly split between spending time with Liesel and Lionel and learning.

He eats every meal with the children. They have their own little garden which he helps them care for every day. They run and laugh and play games in the yard. Ned reads to them and teaches them to read, as well.

The only thing missing is other children, but they don’t know that. They have yet to ask why they are the only children living here.

They do have a cat. A white female with black mittens and black whiskers. Her name is Princess Nekosama. Of course.