Chapter 30

The king’s diary

10335 30th of the Month of Treg

I’m so proud, I’ve finished my apprenticeships. Tomorrow will be the day I am crowned the King, the current one will retire and send me into the village to rule, and salvage and construct our fellow Felines to-be, and to be our further King on his way a few score of years later as well.

As previously mentioned, I’ve completed years of study and practice in manners and relations. Another block of study in battle, and another in political dealings, inside and outside of the village.

I would say I’m as good as the current king, just without real practice and knowledge in the art of ruling.

The least I can say is that I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

10336 5th of the Month of Gane

Boy, was that a celebration!

I’ve been crowned!

The party was massive. My hands are sore from the uncountable handshakes, in addition to the waving and dancing.

I’ve just barely had time to sit down for a moment to write, even now there’s someone come to personally congratulate me in my private quarters.

The previous King had his time of fun and games, he’s retiring and will be living in the village with his own stewards and Queen until he passes on.

My wife has been looking as beautiful as ever, she loves me and I love her, the way it should be, even as we had to get married before my crowning. It was due time. We had been pushed into it between all of my studies. I could hardly perceive any time to fit a wedding into my schedule. Still no regrets, as we feel the same about almost everything, truly.

Have to go, meeting the next person at my door. Congratulating me most likely.

10336 15th of the month of Gane

Now that all the congratulatory services are over I’ve taken to keep production of vitals, like food, water and clothes, at their normal pace and set off for more peace related conferences with our neighboring Xenos, starting with the Equine. I haven’t gone yet, but considering the continuous good relations with the Equine for the last five generations, we should continue to be in good terms. I recall it had something to do with the Huntress having touched base with them all those years ago. They must still remember it. She’s always a fierce one she is. No doubt the famous relations-happy Huntress Dyna from way back then.

10336 16th of the Month of Gane

The meeting with the Equines went as expected, they saw me before I was coming, though their invariable tribal habits, they welcomed me and promised to continue to be on good terms, trade as usual, agreements in place, etc., etc.

when I got back home I was bombarded with current news and needs. Silly me, forgetting to take care of home business before leaving on a trivial relations trip. The board — though I’ve been part of the board for a year or two and had many dealing with them in my last few years of apprenticeship, told me what I had missed while on my trip and warned me not to neglect duties again. Oh well. They’re under the impression that despite I’m the king they’re older than me and thus must keep me in line. Not to worry, they’ll go soon enough and I’ll be the elder of the board members.

10337 12th of the Month of Treg

A year has gone by and my daily tasks are getting boring, meeting with the board, going around, checking the farms and village vendors, meetings with upset citizens. I wouldn’t say I’ve had enough, it’s just the day to day grind, over and over. Almost like there’s no purpose left. Though after one year I wouldn’t think I’ve gotten this way, but things are so uneventful. At least there’s the yearly reunion, when we all get together, I announce the coming year and acknowledge the last.

Besides that, I wouldn’t mind working in the farms, getting to know some neighbors.

Maybe that wouldn’t be a bad idea, “The King works the farms, knows his village as if a villager.” Sounds good for publicity, though there’s isn’t much around here like there is in the city, so I’ve heard. But I’m sure I’d have fun, maybe something to announce in the reunion.

10337 23rd of the Month of Gane

The reunion has come and gone once again, though I had fun, there’s seems to be so much repetitiveness, like all the other years I’ve been there. It was a success in my eyes.

The village loved the new idea of I going out to work with them, I’m sure I’ll have my hands busy, someone needs to look after the rest of the village while I’m off for a day or two out of each week.

On the other hand, my boredom has ceased and I’m looking forward to it. I already see it as something I can use to see what needs fixing or patching up, if the villagers are thriving or not.

10337 18th of the Month of Darmen

After much trying and getting used to people, I’ve successfully worked with a vendor for a day and a half!

It wasn’t too hard work, I definitely helped his income, I think a lot of Felines liked being sold clothes from the King. There was a line out of the shop! We had to close shop early as he ran out of items to sell! Then we worked until night restocking the inventory of what he had left and helping the girls in the back sewing arms and legs of the clothes together.

No major trouble there. I just hope the others don’t get jealous of the customers we had.

10337 2nd of the Month of Gerrend

I’ve helped another few vendors, a nice couple selling lunch and dinner, they came prepared with extra meat and veggies. Then at the end of the day we washed pots and pans for two hours and precooked meals for the next day.

The board missed me for that fast day, apparently. I got reamed with the problems of the farms, nothing too serious though it should have been handled the day I was gone.

I’ll be off to help in the farms soon enough.

10337 7th of the Month of Yayel

I’ve finally made it to the farm, I had to take two days off because of the travel, they aren’t too close you know. But we woke up early, milked the cows, tried their fresh milk, had a large breakfast, butchered a boar and a cow to send off to the city, helping to get the wagon back on its way then tended to the garden, or fields I should say, they had acres of grassy fields of grains and herbs. This particular farm specialized in herbs and I got to take home a nice bunch for my chef.

Again, the board has missed me, yet we go on and things come and go, nothing so bad that can’t be handled soon enough.

10347 14th of the Month of Yeden

It’s been an enjoyable year, lots of action and I think I’ve cured my boredom permanently, feeling ready to stay on my throne for a while longer, govern the people as I should. I know how they work and they know me, I’ve become more personal with nearly every Feline in the village. Despite the many children and few unemployed.

Duties as a King call, and though I’ve already lessened my endeavors in helping the village quite intimately, down to once a month, I need to get onto some relations work. It seems like the Murids have lost their temper again, calling out the Felines as the source of all their troubles.

I’m planning a trip to the city. It will probably be a heated meeting, me keeping cool and rebuking every false accusation, disclaiming the ones that might have been a Feline’s cause and discarding their worries as their own. I’ll get the full briefing on the way there, finding out exactly what they’re so displeased about. Nonetheless, the board will carry my responsibilities in the mean time and I’ll come back to a safe and happy village.

10347 16th of the Month of Yeden

Boy were those Murids fierce. They were city rats, already gone from their atavistic line and now haunting the cities. I shouldn’t have been in on this case, but I think I handled it pretty well.

They had very tough argument, saying that the Feline village has been sending more and more Felines into the city, despite our self made wealth and continuity as a village, many do like to head off for the city and try their luck, I have nothing against it. The village has only so many houses and so much space to expand into, there’s hardly a house being built, mainly just repairs and rebuilds of houses too old to be refurbished. The Murids had thought it was our fault, not having a stable village to keep the Felines at home, and as the Murids go, they get very at ease in the presence of Felines and especially more coming their way.

I shut him up immediately with the known fact that any species will procreate faster in an area that’s safe and productive. A real home that comforts one and the family.

Of course he came back with, “The number of Felines here have keep the Murids from feeling safe and at homecoming and more agitated.” Of course he has a responsibility for the same that I do, just on a smaller scale, being Murid.

There were further accusations concerning the well being of the Felines, not keeping an organized group of Felines in the city, like Murids, and instead Felines roaming around where they shouldn’t be, all alone or in small knit groups. The Murids are all together, forming large groups who answer all to him, Jenres, the Murid overlord in Xenobia city.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Though it all went well and there seemed to be nothing to clean up, no laws were passed by myself nor himself, the meeting seemed oddly, and extremely, unimportant, bringing up topics which needn’t be explained.

The flight home was quite interesting, I had fallen asleep on the plane and found myself waking up in a cold sweat, odd as I didn’t find the meeting all that disturbing or stressful.

And again I got home with the board launching me with another few days of reports that “shouldn’t have happened,” “should’ve been handled before,” and “can’t wait much longer.” Don’t worry, I’ve gotten onto them and the most serious, and longest, should be handled by the end of the week.

I’d love to write more but, as excuses are excuses, I have work to do, I’m just too tired some night, and the Maiden of Truth, the historian, records it all anyways.

10347 13th of the Month of Yeden

I know it’s late, I’m tired and I have work to do. Some things can’t go unmentioned and are better written down to get them of one’s chest, as they say.

It’s early in the morning, and I managed to light a candle to not disturb my wife.

The dream I’ve just woken up from, then back into of and, after having woken up for the third time into reality has left me in a state of disparity. The single voice which has grown and haunted me over the last week has shown it’s face. Chrome plated shining armor, unknown species or race. The face has claimed me as it’s own, but left himself unnamed. I’m under his command as he says, and though I must carry out my duties, I will do as he says.

There were no threats, no punishments, nothing, just a command to follow orders.

If someone finds my untimely death, I hope they’ll read this and gain a clue. Though it might be too late already.

10347 17th of the Month of Heel

I’ve managed to survive this long. I’ve told my wife, the doctor, they’ve found nothing wrong. My wife just thinks it’s all the stress, consoling me when I’m in need.

But life goes on and my duties are ahead of me, pulling me forwards until I catch up, if I can do so now. Already the village has felt it, “the King isn’t alright,” makes them suffer the same as I, but little do they know the pain I go through.

I hear the commands and I have to comply. I get so tired and achey if I try to do what’s right. Sometimes I find myself unable to even resist, the words slip out as if I’m watching the conversation, yet I’m the one talking, but I’m not talking.

Which brings us to today, we’ll it started yesterday and I’ve only woken up today and flown back, now home, having accomplished a mission I had no cognizance of.

I woke up, sitting in a meeting of all the heads of the city Xenos, another mean looking Feline sitting next to me. I woke up just as I was saying, “I take your offer,” and we stood all stood up and marched out silently out of the room, while three stayed, Jenres, the Murid, a Canine and another that might have been a Reptilian.

I hadn’t even a chance to ask what that was all about, what did I just agree too, part of me kept silent to not look like a fool. But whatever that meant I have no idea, I hope I don’t have to find out, but I need to, but I don’t want to, maybe in my sleep I’ll wake up again, terribly, cutting my own throat metaphorically, or maybe not, I hate living with this, I almost wish to die, unless someone can find a cure.

See I’m rambling, I can’t even make up my mind. It’s the only thing I can do to write, keep myself busy with something not so harmful. I should probably sleep, my wife has been sleeping for the last two hours, one of which I was pacing over the deal I’ve unknowingly made, the rest of the hour has been writing this, slowly, achingly, sore.

10347 18th of the Month of Heel

Achingly sore, blank periods throughout the day. I wish it would end.

10347 19th of the Month of Heel

Not too bad today, I had a few assignments to clear up for the villagers, one about the trading of good with the Murids, long trips to the city, as they don’t fly, coming back with negligible money and few items, trading with the Murids is cancelled. Another one had included the farmers: crops cannot exceed the limits, taxes raised due to necessity of fuel for the King’s jet. I use it so often, often finding myself on a trip when the last thing I remember I was just heading for the toilet.

10347 20th of the Month of Heel

I don’t know what happened there’s seems to be quite some chaos as I realized I was shouting at the board to raise more taxes and keep the villagers within the city limits. For what? I can’t tell you. But there seemed to be the fearful intentions of the righteousness of the King behind it and they did what I said.

10347 21st of the Month of Heel

I feel awful. I don’t know if I even ate yesterday. Nobody makes eye contact with me. My wife is cold, bitter, yet I sometimes catch her glimpsing at me wondering if it will be alright soon. Wondering what’s changed.

10347 22nd of the Month of Heel

I’ve stayed in bed all day, I can hardly walk, I’m shaking.

10347 29th of the Month of Heel

I don’t know what’s worse, the feeling of being overridden in my own head or the override itself, or just trying to go on living.

Today I had been walking the streets, people running away in fear. Shop owners stopping to stare at me, waiting to see if I’ll come over and shut their shop down. I’d never do such a thing, yet I believe I had at some point, I don’t really remember. Someone who didn’t pay their taxes? Looking at me the wrong way? Questioning my authority?

This has to stop.

10347 30th of the Month of Heel

I’ve found out what that bargain was all about a few months ago. I got a call, a very ominous voice asked me if I kept my end of the deal, “what deal,” I asked, then for minutes later, I was threatened, the village threatened, I was told they’ll launch missiles right now. I was crying. I told them I had no idea what they were talking about. What deal? Finally he came out with it. He wanted the money. One hundred thousand. I didn’t know what for so I asked. Another couple of minutes of shouting and crying. They told me they had saved my head, left me with a load of weapons at the base in Xenobia, where? Don’t ask me. I didn’t ask for weapons, though they thought I needed it.

I hope I’m not starting a revolution. Not with my village. I shouldn’t say that. It will happen, chaos, destruction, me being used to do someone’s, or something’s evil biddings.

I can’t do anything to stop it.

10347 1st of the Month of Treg

I tried, I’ve thought it over for a good part of the day. Im going to say my farewells and live alone with my wife, and let them all know I’ve been such a bad King, I’ve tried to make it through.

10347 2nd of the Month of Treg

I’ve held a knife, straight at my throat today. It was tempting something that had to be done to stop the madness. Would you stop yourself this way if that was all you could do? Everything has been a mistake, nothing was real, I tried to do a good job and it all came out backwards, evil, they hate me.

The knife was lost and I found myself again, sitting in my plane, taking the cargo of weapons from the garage in Xenobia city. Guard’s questions, I couldn’t answer straight. I couldn’t look them in the eyes.

10347 4th of the Month of Treg

Once again I’ve tried, twice three time to leave this village, this planet, join the Gods, if they’ll still accept me. They wouldn’t, not after this. Each time I’ve found I couldn’t. No matter how hard I pushed, I tried, I hit walls, I pull out my hair, torture myself, I can’t do it.

Last night I found myself in another house, next to a Feline sleeping, smelling of sex, the feeling, I cried and cried, I ran home in the early morning, guards saw me and asked, I ran, they looked at me suspiciously. My wife was still awake, pacing the bedroom floor, I couldn’t answer her. I cried, she cried. Another day in bed, everything aches, and a fading numb feeling that won’t go away.

10347 5th of the Month of Treg

Another trip to the city, though I only remember coming back, I felt slightly better, exhilarated, nothing could stop me, I got home and danced. They thought I had changed for the better.

I’m trying to sleep but I can’t, for hours I’ve been staring at the wall thinking of all the crazy things in the world, hoping they’ll all turn out right in the end.

10347 6th of the Month of Treg

I slept through to the evening, I was shaking craving something, even if you thought my last month was dreadful, today was worse, to say the least. Tremors, death, shouting, it was me this time. I was shouting at my wife, telling her to go die, shut up, vulgar terms not meant for a diary.

She found a bottle of pills in my robes. They harsh kind. She blamed me for it. For everything. That’s why this village has been going sour, though she also used words not meant for paper.

I tried to kick her out, demanded the pills back and hit her until she did. She couldn’t fight back, not the King, her husband. She tried, but failed, I’m weak and shaking, but she can’t hit me. I’m stable of mind enough to know what I need.

I cried some more and took another pill to ride the waves of enjoyment for the next night, sleeping when the sun came up.

10348 2nd of the Month of Gane

We had our yearly festival again this year.

It was great, I assume. I barely remember it at all, though it was yesterday. I know the new Huntress was there, I don’t recall her name, but she must have been warmly welcomed. I spit at her, to try to be even as great as her predecessors. She will never be.

Though my wife has mood swings now, she tries to comfort me, then watching to make sure I won’t kill her. No doubt some helpless advice of the Maiden of Truth. I can see the mask she puts on, trying to comfort me, though she hates me and the destiny I’ve brought to the village. It’s all a play to all of us, nobody lives the way they want, no one can succeed in a planet like this. So corrupt.

10348 10th of the Month of Gane

I’ve thought about writing but I’ve said all I’ve wanted to whoever may want to read my sad story, it was all bad, thinking anyone would want to read this. Save someone’s life when they’re already dead. I laughed at myself thinking I’d be a wonderfully well known and well loved king. They will all die, just like me, rotting in their graves, like the rest of us, demented souls.

No more writing. It’s going in the fire.

I have my pills to comfort me. I can’t die, not until death is ready for me.

There. All better now. The dreams are pleasant.

10349 25th of the Month of Sheb

I don’t know why I’ve kept this. I see I’ve even written that I’ll throw it in the fire.

It feels like yesterday, but a long day and night in between.

I’ve loved so long, or at least tried to. They all hate me, I’m surprised nobody took me out already.

I’m thin as a rail, shaking, angry, but I have my pills.

The queen, my wife is on my side, tells me to eat up, drink up and enjoy their suffering, as long as we’re together she’s happy, they’ll all rot, rotting since the day they were born.

I have a handful of personal guards still loyal to me, they now and worship me as a God. They do as I say. They’re the only ones trustworthy enough to take me to the city.

The voice in my head never stopped. I can’t stop it. I tell me what to do, and if I try to stop it… the pain, the agony. It lasted for days on end.

10348 18th of the Month of Farse

I’m ruined, I’ve been kicked out.

The last thing I remember is eating lunch, the usual glares from the villagers, my staff keeping them at bay while I try to enjoy my lunch. Just trying, nothing’s really been enjoyable. Then, I wake up to the Huntress claiming me to be an outlaw against my own village, I believe her, I had no choice but to run, find out what’s right and wrong, what I’ve done again. Out of all the commotion of the people testifying against me, my wife took my hand and threw me into the room and comforted me. Told me everything will be alright.

The pain was too much. Much more than ever before. He was angry I could tell. I popped some more of those pills to make it feel better, take myself out of what’s now reality and into the dream land, they’re much nicer, though not nearly as nice as real life, still.

I thought maybe we’d be able to make a break for it and run to the ship and get away but she told me the Huntress has sabotaged that as well.

She told me I’ve now been caught in the act of sending slaves, Feline slaves to the Murids. I only wish I caught myself in the act, yet one more reason to end my life, I’ve already tried and failed many times.

I had gotten another phone call, personally to my room, Jenres was asking if we were on the way. I had to answer up personally, not my “other” self. I said, “It isn’t coming today, difficulties.” And I hung up immediately. I only hope now they don’t send a ship to counter what ever the hell is going on in my own great hall. I know they have weapons we would never dream of, it’s scary, but comforting, knowing it might all end soon.

Oh Ares and Xeres, please forgive me. If you can hear me, or if you ever read this, It’s not me, I really didn’t do it. The strange blackouts, finding myself in places I’ve never been, in situations I seemed to have just walked into unknowingly, not even knowing I was walking. The whole thing with the Huntress, it wasn’t me, I hardly met her, I only heard of the treacherous things I’ve done. Please believe me. It was the nightmares telling me what to do, if not, dire and painful — very painful consequences. I knew something was wrong, I haven’t seen you in years, Xeres. It wasn’t my fault. It only started after…