Life was boring. School sucked, people sucked, my family sucked, everything sucked. It was a life of misery and boredom - I would do anything to be transported to another world.

Then, I saw it. A magical device responsible for the reincarnation of thousands of lives. A marvel of humanity with no rival when it comes to new beginnings, Truck-kun.

Running to the centre of the road, I stretched my arms in a challenging manner - nothing could take this from me.

"Truck-kun," I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, "I'm ready for you."

Seconds passed; Truck-kun should've hit me by now. What's going on?

Opening my eyes, I watched helplessly as Truck-kun turned left. Utter defeat.

I collapsed onto the ground; everything was perfect, how could it go so wrong? I guess being isekai'd was an impractical dream, devoid of realism. A dream of fiction.

No! I will not lose hope. When you fail, try, try again… I think that's how the saying goes anyway.

Continuing my journey to school, I refused to give in. There had to be another chance; there had to be. I need to succeed; I am determined to achieve; I am sick of English.

Then, before my very eyes, Truck-kun returned. It was different from the last one; must've gotten reincarnated.

An alternative approach was necessary, and I had just the plan. I waited until Truck-kun got close, until the very last second and jumped.

I felt an impact as I crashed against the side of Truck-kun. Bouncing off, I stumbled backwards onto the pavement. Failure.

I guess Truck-kun isn't for me. What other options are there for being isekai'd. There was one where the main character blinked.

This was the story of a man named Jacob. He had short black hair and an appetite for adventure. He was bored with his life and wanted something to change.

That's when he saw it. A man dressed in the same school uniform, sat in the middle of the pavement blinking furiously. Faster than any man had ever blinked before; the Olympic blinker - a stupid person.

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"What are you doing?" He asked, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

"Blinking," I replied.

"Yes, I can see that. Why?" He asked, rolling his eyes.

"Trying to get isekai'd."

"No one gets isekai'd just from-"

"Re;Zero."

"Fuck off," he shouted, looking away in agitation.

"It's not working," I mused aloud.

"No shi-"

"I know!" I shouted, getting up and sprinting towards a nearby alleyway. It was a long shot but it was worth a try.

Jacob followed behind me as I came across exactly what I was looking for. A burly man was crouched in the alleyway, his back facing the pair of us. He was covered in tattoos, including his bald head, and looked like the personification of steroids. Perfect.

I ran forward and attempted to kick him in the behind. Missing spectacularly, I tripped and crashed into him. The two of us ended up in a pile on the floor similar in style to the aftermath of twister.

I watched, in abstract horror, as the man turned around softly. He offered me his left hand as his right was occupied with providing ground for a ladybug.

"Are you okay?" He asked like a mother comforting her child.

"I'm fine," I replied snarkily, getting up without taking his hand, "I'll be going; don't want to be late for school."

I turned and walked angrily out the alleyway. The man turned to my friend worriedly, "Is he okay; did I do something wrong?"

"No, he's just angry you didn't stab him."

"Wha-"

Before he could finish Jacob had already sprinted away to catch up with me.

"Adam, will you stop trying to kill yourself, there's a lot more to live for than the chance of being isekai'd," he explained but I wasn't listening; there was something much scarier at play here.

What could possibly be scarier than the personification of steroids having the personality of a grandma, you ask? Well, I'll answer with a question. What underlying forces could possibly prevent four attempts at being isekai'd, three of which involve death?

Suddenly, I started sprinting. Jacob shouted after me but I didn't stop; I was much faster than him. There was no way he could catch up - in a one-hundred-metre race I beat him by five seconds.

Running as fast as my legs could carry me, I ran towards a bridge. It was huge, the largest bridge of the city; but that didn't stop me.

With one push I leapt off the edge and started plummeting. Not even a second passed and I had stopped falling. Looking up, I found myself held up by Jacob - tears pouring out his eyes.

"Stop! Please! I don't want you to die; you're all I have left," he cried, pulling me back up to the bridge, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Plot armour - the death of all isekai dreams.