The brats are forcing me to find them again. Why is this a requirement to get paid? It makes no damn sense. If anything, the only thing I need to be doing is preventing them from sticking forks in plug sockets or attempting to backflip off cabinets. Instead, I’m stuck demoralising myself for a bunch of kids. ‘Get a part-time job’ they said; ‘Babysitting is easy’ they said; ‘these textbooks are mandatory’ they said. I hate this universe.

“Will you stop strangling me?” I said to the little brat hanging off my neck, about two years old. I had found him first, hiding behind a light stand. I know, stupid.

He squeezed harder.

I sighed and tried to ignore the lack of oxygen entering my system.

Walking into the kitchen, I looked around. I noticed a supply cupboard on the left, a prime hiding spot for brats.

I opened the closet and found another brat. She had blonde hair in twin pigtails, a red bow for the left and a black bow for the right. Her left eye was blue and the other was red. Not naturally, of course, she had a red contact. She had a pillow in front of her - as if that would hide her.

“Kelly, I see you,” I stated the obvious.

She ignored me.

“I’m not here!” Kelly screamed as I moved the pillow.

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My shoulders felt light as a dive bomb brat attacked Kelly, causing her to writhe. Serves her right for being difficult.

“Get off me, Brad!” Kelly wailed. Who names their kid Brad?

The brat clawed at Kelly, causing her to squirm. She kicked about as Brad crawled all over her. She tried to get up and they both tumbled over, landing in a heap in front of me.

“Everything’s gone red! I’m dying!” Kelly screamed. I moved Brad’s hand off her left eye, “Oh.”

Moving on, I headed to the living room. I could see brown hair poking up the top of the couch. I stopped as the brat climbed up me and returned to his spot hanging off my neck before I walked over to the couch.

“We see you,” Kelly shouted. Less work for me.

“Aww, I thought that hiding spot was perfect,” said a girl with long brown hair with twin braids down the side.

“Come on, Anna-” I began.

“It’s Maya!” She corrected.

“What’s the difference?” I asked. The brats are identical.

“Right here!” Maya pointed to her right cheek.

“There’s nothing there,” I stated.

“I know, that’s what makes me Maya,” She explained. I mean, come on. Obviously. It’s all so clear to me now.

Maya walked ahead, led me upstairs and in one of the bedrooms. There was a large toy box that she walked up to and opened. I don’t even need to play anymore.

“Found you, Anna!” Maya shouted.

“That’s unfair! You can’t show them where I hid,” Anna complained. Ah, there’s a mole on Anna’s right cheek. That makes sense.

“Brad was found first, he’s it!” Kelly shouted as she sprinted out of the room.

“But I don’t want to,” Brad complained as I was dragged out the room by Anna. Time to do it all again, what a pain.