Life is interesting because each one of us sees things with eyes that have a different perspective because of our point of view. This is what is wrong with our society because our perception of what is the truth is shaped by what we do, what we experience in life, those we associate with, and from those who are involved in our circle of life. Each one has a different point of view.

Unless you have developed a form of individuality you most likely have a lot of friends or acquaintances who claim they know you better than you know yourself. If you do, then you may have a problem because it implies that you are a shallow person and have no depth. I was like that at one time, but I learned the hard way I had to change.

Don’t feel bad that you’ve been trained to act, think, and behave a certain way ever since you started kindergarten school. Conformity to the group as a whole is a must. Sharing everything you have, becomes normal. Show any signs of individuality and it must be cut off in the bud and stunted before it's allowed to grow. Indoctrination was started even before you have learned to think. You are taught what to believe, how to believe and why you should believe it.

Show independence and soon your parents are contacted and dragged in for an after-hours discussion about your unacceptable behavior, your inability to keep attention to what's going on in front of you. It might only be the fact that your hyperactive, or that what's been taught is so juvenile in your mind that your board stiff. It strongly suggested that they get medical help. i.e., drugs to calm you down.

I know, I was one of those kids. For ten months of the year, I was kept doped up. From the moment school was out for summer to the first week back I was drug-free. As soon as the teachers saw me that first week of school my parents were ordered to put me back on the drugs or remove me permanently.

You see the powers that ruled believed I needed the drugs to be socially normal. In grade six, someone finally got the idea to have my I Q tested before they put me back on the drugs. When my parents discovered how high it was, they sued the school board, their medical professionals, and the teachers for their incompetence.

That was also the last day I spent in school owned and ran by the state. My parents learned the hard way to no longer believe that drugs were the answer to everything or that those with superior education knew everything. I was sent to a private school where I excelled. Thanks to their suite the state agreed to cover all the costs of my education until I had graduated from the university of my choice.

By the time most were graduating high school, I had graduated from university and was employed in computer sciences. The problem was I was not experienced with normal life. I was and could be considered a geek in every sense of the word.

It was my parent's brilliant idea that I go to a youth camp and work for a summer or two during the last two years of my education. I learned the hard way about relations with females, but it brought a needed balance to my life. I had to learn to relate to others outside of my family who were the same age.

As a result, I found myself working full time like all who didn’t take further education after high school and learned quite quickly how to relate to both sexes in a normal way. My parents felt I had become a well-rounded person.

Most don’t understand that who and what we are, is based on what environment our parents raised us in. Did we have sisters or brothers, where we exposed to different cultures or races, were we raised as Hindus, Christians, or some other faith. What kind of society where we raised in, has to be asked?

All of us are allowed to look at facts, and reality differently. Because of our different experiences in life, we are allowed to arrive at different points of view about the outcome at a situation we are looking at. It doesn’t make one’s truth any better than everybody else’s.

Part of our learning is what we experience in life in relation to those we are surrounded by. Yet the underlining facts are common to us all. We tend to be continually influenced as adults by what our friends are into more than anything else.

The progressive can look at the drug addicts on the street and say we should provide clean needles to support them in their addiction while ignoring the fact that crimes are usually committed to keep the addict in their supply.

They will provide them with safe places to shoot up in and teach them how to do it safely. Progressive’s feel, by keeping them high, it will lessen the burden they are on society in general, and they will gladly proclaim how many needles they have supplied to accomplish that. Yet they will do nothing to ensure that the product their shooting up is of good quality.

The conservative will say, that to solve the problem we have to get them off the street, into a program and get them rehabilitated and drug-free before releasing them back into society. They will point out quite effectively that encouraging drug use is not good for anybody.

That is true, but when did ever doing the right thing get a political party the people’s vote? Both are right yet both are wrong. They both forget that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink.

Both sides fail to see that you truly cannot help someone until they reach the point that they admit to themselves that they need help. Oh, they will take whatever they are offered and go on doing what they want because they don’t give a damn about anything or anybody.

Both are speaking their truth, even drug addicts. But what is the truth? One dictionary defines truth as “the quality of state of being true.’ That same dictionary defines true as “in accordance with fact or reality.” The dictionary fails to add ‘according to how we see it.’

What is not allowed in our society is your truth and my truth. We witness that in everyday society. Don’t accept the truths of some could put your life and liberty in danger. The truth is in accord with facts and people talking about their own truth using emotions and feeling more often than not are completely different. As a result, what is presented to society in general by the mass media is not presenting or promoting the facts. It’s doing nothing but promoting their version of their reality.

To them, their truth or reality may have nothing to do with the real truth, or the real facts. It’s just a mass of brilliant bullshit designed to promote their feelings. Perhaps they're promoting their own truth with a built-in bias.

What’s really sad, is that most of our society are suckers enough to believe them. They are the shallow ones that are nothing but the blind sheep being led in whatever direction the mass media leads them. They have been taught from childhood to accept what anybody says as being truthful. They are no more individual than the drones in the Star Wars movies.

It’s with this truth that we are preached too by their interpretation of the facts that may or may not have anything to do with what is true. May God have mercy on your soul if you refuse to believe them, because their followers won’t.

No wonder as a society we are screwed up because there is no truth, and nothing is true. Each one of us individually has to decide what our truth is whether right or wrong. After all the news, Facebook, and Twitter don’t misrepresent the facts, do they? The answer to that depends on who you ask.

It’s with this interpretation of our common reality that I author this story. I hope you got your thinking cap on otherwise you will be lost because the truth and what is true will confuse your mind.

******

Three years ago

I was on a business trip heading back on to the interstate after having stopped to refill my gas tank. As I pulled onto the on-ramp, I saw two females hitchhiking with nice-looking luggage. I stopped to offer them a ride. I knew there had to be a reason why they were hitching so overdressed that you knew they were hiding something or were scared stiff.

By the way they were dressed I knew automatically they were trying to disguise what they looked like. It gave me the impression that this was the last thing they had ever planned on doing. After throwing their baggage into the trunk we climbed into the car.

I was headed to Penn State because I had been invited to give a speech based on how I had changed my life. By turning the lemons, I had created because of life into lemonade. It was still a five-hour drive, so I had a lot of time to spend in conversation if the two ladies were inclined. I got the impression, that they were trying to get to where they were going because their money had run low. Like all young people, I assumed they had been lacking in self-control and had overspent.

“How far are you going,” I asked as they climbed into the car.

“We’re headed to Pittsburgh,” One of the two ladies said.

‘Cool,” I said, “because I have to pass through it on my way to Penn State.”

“Why are you headed there,” The other girl asked?

“I’ve been invited to be a guest speaker,” I replied, “but I’m not expecting a good response when I get there.”

“Why,” the curious one asked?

“Simply, I’m going to discussing accountability to a group who is being taught to accept none,” I said.

“Why would you say that” the first one asked?

“Because Penn State has the rep of being one of the top twenty liberal Universities in the country. Most teachers there are liberal and will preach their gospel that most of the problems we face as a society are always someone else’s fault.”

It was at the moment the curious one removed the hoodie off of her head and removed what she was using to disguise her looks. I was stunned at just how beautiful she looked in my rearview mirror. What surprised me even more, was that she had caught my eye, because I had stopped looking a long time ago. For the first time in a long time, my heart fluttered with the anticipation of a possible love interest.

“My name’s Carmen do you mind if I join you on the front passenger seat before we take off,” The curious one said.

“Be my guest,” I replied.

As soon as the switch was made, we were off.

“So, what's your name?” Carmen asked as she continued to remove layers of clothing.

“My name does not matter, never has,” I replied. “If it does by the end of the drive, you will be able to find out what it is on their campus. When you see a flyer with my image it will identify me under my writing name, and that is how most know me.”

I watched as Carmen signed into her cellphone going to the universities web page for upcoming events.

“So, Mr. Nobody what will your discourse be about,” Carmen asked?

“Self-discipline and learning to be able to say no to yourself,” I said with a laugh.

“To do that you have to be able to hold yourself accountable,” Carmen said with a smile.

“You caught on to it,” I said.

“No, more like I walked into it,” Carmen said with a chuckle. “But it’s not always as simple as that.”

“Thus, you get to the meat of my discourse,” I said. “So, what’s your major and what year are you in?”

“I didn’t say that we were in university,” Carmen said.

“True, but your logic did,” I said with a smile.

“Working on my thesis on Psychological behavior, So I’m heading into my last year,” Carmen said.

“Interesting, because you will be working with people who are trying to deal with the problems,” I said. “I am trying to show them how to prevent in the first place.”

Carmen laughed, and said, “God your good I walked into it again. Are you always this sharp and thoughtful?”

“No,” I said. “Wish I had of been. It’s something I had to learn the hard way.”

“I see you’re not married,” Carmen said, “there is no ring and no giveaway signs that you removed one.”

“Came close once,” I said, “and that scared me straight, not going to allow that to happen again.”

“Who was he,” Carmen replied?

I laughed and said, “Nice come back I guess I walked into that. I’ll have to watch my phrasing a bit closer while were chatting. He, was a she just a bit older than you are.”

“What happened? May I ask,” she said.”

“I lost the girl and my best friend on the same night,” I said. “Let’s leave it at that.”

It turns out I was right; the girls had overspent, and money was tight. It had been confounded by them being robbed. By the time that I dropped them off at their doors, I had found out that they were sisters just over a year apart.

*******

The auditorium was filled when I got introduced by the host. Sitting in the front row where Carmen and her sister Corinth. I thought I must have gotten their curiosity up during our long conversation.

The Host introduced me as Mr. Nobody. I could see the questioning eyes coming from the crowd.

“They call me Mr. Nobody,” I said into the mike. “If you saw me on the street dressed in blue jeans you all would walk right by me without giving me a single thought. That’s how unimportant I am. If anyone disagrees, please stand up.”

I looked over the crowd to see if there would be one that would stand up. I was hoping one would stand up. Carmen and her sister did. Their conduct forced me to change my approach.

“I said two out of all in attendance,” I said. “Unfortunately, these two ladies are disqualified because we met yesterday and started developing a friendship. In our budding relationship, these two ladies and I in our banter with each other found ourselves walking into it. We both said something in such a way that it could be taken in a completely different way.”

There were a few chuckles in the crowd as I went on. “Congratulations ladies you got me.”

Everybody got a chuckle out of that and started to relax. That is what I had wanted to happen because it made them more willing to listen.

“Now we can begin the journey,” I said as I began telling them the story that had brought me here.

In the two hour discourse, they learned about me growing up in a dysfunctional family life where both parents were more concerned about chasing the opposite sex than their actual marriage. The only wrong for either one of them was if someone outside the family caught them.

I took them through the time where my father found out that three out of his six children were not biologically his. Bringing out the problems it caused along with how it had divided the family further apart.

They learned about my falling in love with a woman who I discovered two days before our wedding was just like my mother. I had walked into my best friend's place to discover my soon to be wife and him doing the horizontal dance.

I couldn’t help but notice that both Carmen and Corinth had tears in their eyes. It was eye-opening for most to learn that in looking for someone to become our partner in life that we tend to look for the qualities that we know so well.

“There I was, at the point when my life had hit rock bottom,” I added. “I had just lost my girlfriend, my best friend, and most of those who we all associated with. I was employed in a job that I hated, and my brothers and sisters were scattered across the country.”

“I was at the lowest part of my life, “I said. “In a lot of emotional pain caused by the truth of others, who felt so little about what they did, that I was considering ending my life. At that time, I thought it was the answer to everything.”

It always amazed me at how quiet the auditorium becomes when I reach this point. Suicide is something that is not talked about by the general society. It's treated like it’s a dirty secret meant to be kept behind closed doors.

“I was holding the gun to my head and was beginning to do my count down from ten to pull the trigger,” I said. “When my sub-conscience spoke up, it asked me why you are giving them what they want.”

I heard a few gasps. I wasn’t surprised. No one considers that in committing suicide you’re doing just that.

“It was then that I realized that my suicide would be freeing them from any quilt that they may have felt. They would be able to justify what they did by claiming I couldn’t handle real life. It freed them from having any accountability for their conduct.”

“Out of sight, out of mind,” I added. “With me dead, they would be free from being reminded what their conduct had done to me.”

I could tell by the complete look of shock on a lot of the faces in the crowd the point I was making was hitting home. The host and I watched as one person stood up in the crowd and started clapping. It took less than a minute for the rest to follow suit.

To most, the understanding that committing suicide was a way of giving others an easy way out tended to make it less plausible because in part they had driven you to it. The moment you were in the ground their guilt and sorrow disappeared.

“Suicide may have been the answer, but not in my circumstance,” I said. “The reason did not justify it. I wasn’t dying from an incurable disease, nor was I unable to cope with physical body pain caused by health problems and the loss of quality of life long gone. My decision had not been made with facts and logic. It was my emotions that had made my mental thoughts so dangerous. When those two sides of our mind are working together our emotions causes our mental side to lose its logic. Believe it when your emotions are driving you it can lead you to places mentally that you would never normally go to.”

“When you realize that you’re continuing to get on with life, will cause them more pain and hurt because of their quilt, you begin to heal,” I said. “It is at that moment your life begins to change because you have. Little did I realize that at the moment that the thought just registered in my mind, would take my life in a whole new direction. Within weeks others were saying I had changed. In truth it had because I learned that one must always separate emotions from making decisions that can affect you wellbeing.”

“Those who put me in that situation are still paying the price,” I said. “They did not get married; they didn’t have any lasting relationships and over time their lives have gone downhill. I learned; I too was at fault. After all, I had allowed myself to be trapped into it because I could have walked away if I had listened to my inner thoughts.”

“Michael Jackson said in a song, if you want to change the world take a look in the mirror and change yourself,” I said. “That is the only truth that should matter to each one of us because the only world you can change is the one you create for yourself!”

It always amazed me to see the look on people’s faces when I bring out that point. Most never see that where they are in life, what they are doing and who they're doing it with was their choice. When faced with multiple problems they fail to see that what they have created can be undone.

“There are going to be times throughout your life when the problems you face or are dealing with will take you to the place where I was once,” I said. “Doctors have told me that most humans will consider it because, they have complicated their lives with so much that it overwhelms with-- too much burden.”

“The best advice I can give you is to just stop. Think and find a way to uncomplicate it. Simplify your life by putting what’s not important in your life behind you as quickly as possible.” I added, “The more you do, the farther from that edge you get. You will find that the changes that come will amaze you. I know it did me. I can honestly say that I am not the same person I was back then. I learned to follow Michael Jackson’s advice, I changed everything in my life and in doing so it changed my world.”

“In doing so you will learn a lesson that will carry you the rest of life,” I said. “To be true to yourself first in all you do. It’s up to each one of us individually to decide what kind of world we want to be surrounded with. Learn to disassociate yourself from those things that will pull you down into a spiral you might not get out of.”

The crowd stood up and gave me a long-standing ovation before I concluded with, “Whenever I feel that I am losing my logic I think about the creator of the world who created all life. From the littlest insects to us humans he created male and female so that all species could recreate life. Yet because of the mental and the emotional we now have multi different types of sexes none of which were created by the creator.”

The host took the mike and said, “It’s hard for anyone to come and give a discourse on something that most of us feel that we would never consider. Yet our guest speaker explained how we get to that point better than anyone. Each one of us can take on too much and not realize what it is doing to us psychologically. He learned the hard way to slow down and take the time to enjoy life. The best advice I can give you is you have to find your balance and stick to it.”

When we walked off the stage Carmen and her sister Corinth were waiting for me.

“Is your name Mr. Nobody,” Corinth asked?

“Believe me,” I said, “It’s my public name. In everyday life, I’m Adin Hahn.”

“Good because now that we have got new debit cards, we are taking you out for something to eat,” Carmen said. “For saving us from God knows what.”

We went to a neighborhood restaurant just off-campus. As soon as we arrived, I took off my tie and stuck in the inside pocket on my jacket before taking it off.

Carmen I learned was twenty-two, Corinth was just about to turn twenty-one. I admitted I was twenty-six. We got into a big discussion about relationships and what we look for when we are considering dating. I left them feeling better about myself than I had for a long time. They, although not knowing it, had reaffirmed my belief that I could relate to the opposite sex. By the end of the evening, we agree to stay in touch, and we did but over time it faded out.

******

Present Day

I had just finished working for the day on the part of my old farmhouse I was remodeling. I had inherited it from my grandfather and had been working on it for years. The lower floor was completely done. I was now focusing my attention on the back of the second floor, the last area needing to be redone. When the doors and trim were put in, I would be finished.

I was deciding what to make for supper when I got called by Pamela Mayo. She had a huge problem. An old friend from her university days had just moved into the area and was coming for dinner. Herbert her husband, a friend of mine thought that I should join them so he would have someone to talk to since their evening would be spent primarily with them catching up with things.

I could just see Herb dealing with two females talking about the good old days, eventually climbing the walls, especially after their kids went to bed. So, I asked what time she would like me to be there. She said seven. After a quick shower and a shave to clean myself up, I headed out, wearing a clean pair of blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a denim shirt long-sleeved left open.

On the way over, because it was a nice spring day, I stopped and picked up a large couple bottles of red wine and some spring flowers for the host. Pamela loved flowers and Herb didn’t see the value in spending his hard-earned money on them.

Herb greeted me at the door and warned me about Pamela’s visiting girlfriend.

“Not only is she a looker Adin but she sharp and intelligent,” he said. “She’s single so let me warn you that if she finds you interesting, she might start flirting with you.”

I laughed and said, “I’ve been immune from that for years. I have been a confirmed bachelor for too long, not going to change now. We both know that I’m just to set in my ways.”

“When are you going to let go of what my sister and the idiot did,” Herb asked? “You’d make a great father. My kids think you’re the greatest uncle. We both know that so let your guard down and start living.”

“I forgave them years ago because I learned that I had fallen for someone like my mother,” I said. “So since then, I have been painfully aware of my weakness for women just like her. I protect myself from getting involved with their type and so far, it’s worked very well.”

“Adin,” Herb said. “I love you like a brother, but you have to convince yourself that not all women are like your mother and my sister. Pamela’s lady friend is the first woman since I have met the wife that had me looking again before I snapped out of it.”

I laughed, and said, “Pam would cut your balls off if she ever thought you were interested in another woman.”

“Oh, I know it,” he replied. “I’ve been happily married to an eight, but her girlfriend is a ten.”

Just then Pamela and her girlfriend walked in, taking me completely by surprise because it was Carmen. We looked at each other in total shock. Pamela watched as we both ended up with big grins on our faces. I saw Pam relax immediately because she could see our mutual attraction.

Carmen was five foot seven, a natural blonde whose long straight hair hung down below her shoulder blades. She had an hourglass figure. A nice full set of breasts with curves that complimented her personality and it showed. Her sparkling hazel blue eyes shone as she looked at me. I got the feeling that Pamela was enjoying this because she got a huge dumb assed smile on her face. She was dressed in a dress that suited her personality to a tee.

I was still a lean mean machine as my friends said. I was five foot ten with a thirty-two-inch waist. At my age, I could still crawl through an old milk box if a house had one that was a standard size. My diet was such that I did not gain much. I ate healthily more on the protein side instead of carbs and it suited me well.

My brownish red hair was starting to show signs of thinning out but for most part, it would still be a good head of hair, with blue eyes. Most of my friends felt I needed to be fattened up.

I handed Pamela the flowers and said, “These flowers are for you. Where do you want me to set the wine bottles?”

“Give them to Herb he’ll look after them,” Pamela said. “Adin this is my friend Carmen, and like you, she’s not married. The question is how do you two know each other?”

“I gave a speech on her campus a few years back and we met,” I explained. “Nice to see you again Carmen how’s Corinth?”

“She’s doing good, has graduated and gotten herself married,” Carmen explained.

Herb and Pamela left the room together. That allowed us to break the ice and by the time they got back with a glass of wine for us, we were talking like we did the first time we had met. Pamela got a kick out of the fact that we seemed to have picked up where we had left off. She noted that we seemed to be quite comfortable sitting beside each other on the couch.

Herb couldn’t help noticing our attraction for each other and quipped sarcastically, “So much for immunity.”

During the evening Carmen brought out the point that she had finally picked up one of my self-help books on self-improvement and had actually found it quite stimulating. Pamela asked what books, so Carmen told her.

“Adin, I didn’t know that you were Mister Nobody and I have read two of your self-help books,” Pam said. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because Adin has always been a private man,” Carmen said. “It took me and my sister two days to find out what his real name was. The question I have always wondered is if Adin had always been like this?”

“No,” said Herb, “My sister caused him to lose the ability to trust. Since then, he has no longer jumped in but stands at the edges as the reliant one, as if watching over everyone to protect them. Hopeful if you’re around long enough he might open up.”

I guess Carmen got a look of puzzlement on her face because of what Herb had said.

“Let me put that a bit better,” Herb said. “He grew up and became a man quite different from before. He went through a period where he was reinventing himself by letting go of certain values that seemed no longer valid. He no longer went along to get along. He backed away from a lot of causal friendship and focused more on himself. Life had forced a hard lesson on him and as a result, he became a changed man.”

“I decided to let go of those things that were not making me a better person,” I explained. “Like friends who were only friends because I like to party and be the center of attention.”

Thus, Herb had to explain the story of his sister and me all over again. As he when through the highlights of the story Carmen sat beside me holding my hand in friendship. She got attentive when Herb disclosed how far I had allowed myself to be taken down because of them.

“You were telling the truth when you gave that speech,” Carmen whispered in my ear. “My sister and I had often wondered.”

When Herb was done Carmen asked, “Adin are your parents still together?”

“No, they’re not,” I said. “It took them a long time to realize, as a couple, that they were destructive to each other. Each one brought the worst about the other out. Once they got divorced, they both became better persons and now live a good moral exclusive lives with their new spouses. As far as I know, they have been faithful to their new partners in their new relationships. They are better friends now than they ever were as a married couple.”

“What about you,” Carmen asked? “Are you actively looking for a new relationship?”

Everybody looked at me. I knew Pam and Herb had been wondering the same thing for years. I knew that I had to answer that question very carefully.

“Between writing, speeches, and remodeling the farmhouse,” I said. “I’ve led a busy life. Dating by choice has not been a priority. To be honest, Carmen the last time I went to a restaurant with the opposite sex was with your sister and you.”

Carmen looked at me with eyes that showed their surprise then said “Were going to have to change that. Starting next Friday, because some of the staff at the hospital are having a welcoming party for me, and you’re going to be my date.”

“You think,” I said with a small laugh.

“I know, you are still just as interested in me,” she responded, “as I am in you.”

“So, what’s your story,” I asked?

“Believe it or not,” Carmen said. “I’ve dated a few but nothing serious. My problem was the fact that most of the men came across as being kind of full of themselves. I just realized seeing you again that they were the opposite of you and more like my father.”

“Sounds like me and my relationship in general with females,” I said. “So, have you accepted the fact that you're more like your father than your mother?”

Carmen burst out laughing. Herb and Pam looked puzzled because they couldn’t see what was humorous about the question.

“I walked right into that didn’t I,” Carmen said while still giggling. “Pam, you got to understand that when Adin and I met those first few hours were spent with the two of us walking into something that could be taken the wrong way. Both of us saw the humor of it and It’s so refreshing to see that for us it’s still the same way.”

It took all of us by surprise when Carmen leaned over and kissed me on the cheek before saying, “When I listened to his discourse, I did not realize until later how much of what he said hit home. Over the next few weeks, both my sister and I found who we associated with changed as we developed new understandings about ourselves. You were right because it changed our whole outlook on life and what we wanted out of it.”

******

I met her at Bythia’s on Bythia at seven pm that Friday night. She was watching for me to come in. I had dressed casually in black dress pants, a blue shirt, and my sports jacket. One of her co-workers noticed me right away and asked, “Who is that good looking man.”

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

“He’s one of the reasons I accepted the position at the hospital,” Carmen said. “Adin is a personal friend and I want to find out if there could be anything more between us.”

Carmen stood up so I could see her. She looked stunning in the dress she was wearing. I guess my face showed it because she got a huge smile on her face. I walked over to her to discover she had saved me a seat. After sitting down beside her introductions were done.

I ordered a drink because we were waiting for a few more of her new coworkers to join us. I got asked what I did for a living and responded with the explanation that I wrote self-help books for the do it yourself folks. Carmen got a kick out of that because it told the simple truth without explaining anything.

Carmen told them the story of her and her sister being on a break and getting robbed and having to hitchhike home because of a lack of funds. She explained that they both had put multiple outfits on in an attempt to disguise themselves.

“It was Adin who offered us a ride,” Carmen said. “We have been friends ever since.”

When the table filled up, we gave our orders. Carmen ordered Sheppard’s pie I got the Irish Lamb stew with cheddar biscuits. By the time the dinner was done we saw the band setting up. I asked Carmen if she wanted to stay for a few dances and of course, she did. We ended up staying until the last song was played. I walked to her car before heading off home.

I was busy sanding down a door Saturday morning when Herb and his daughter pulled in. I told little Linda Sue that there were popsicles in the fridge freezer that she should go get herself one. At six years old she squealed in delight and ran off to get herself one.

“Adin, you old dog you,” Herb said. “You haven’t lost your touch. Pamela is already talking about your wedding date.”

“Herb, we haven’t even had our first date yet,” I said. “Why has Pam decided that Carmen is my one?”

“Don’t know,” he said. “I woke up late last night to discover Pam talking to Carmen on the phone. I got the impression that all Pam was doing was answering questions. It appears that you have somehow got Carmen very interested.”

“Sounds like Pam is more excited about the possibility of us being us,” I said. “Then either Carmen or I am.”

Herb laughed and when his daughter came out, they headed out. Herb was smiling as he said, “Be sure to let me know how it feels to be chased.”

I had just finished staining the door for the last bedroom I was remodeling when I saw her drive-in. As she climbed out of the car, I saw she had brought a picnic basket. I have to admit she looked good and wholesome in blue jeans, but I knew the ins and outs about marketing a product. So, I had my guard up.

“What time did you get up,” Carmen said as she walked towards me?

“About six,” I said. “I thought I should get my stiffness out before the sun rose high into the sky. After all, I still have a lot of work to get done.”

“Do you ever stop moving,” Carmen asked? “Because you always seem to be moving even when you are sitting.”

“I was hyperactive as a child and I guess I still am,” I replied. “In adult life, it served me well as I see myself being very productive in my life so far.”

“Close up your stain can and wash your hands,” Carmen said, “I’m willing to bet you haven’t even eaten yet today.”

I had to laugh without showing it because to do so would let her know that she was right.

I followed her into my kitchen. Carmen seemed to be impressed the kitchen had been fully modernized and made up to date. It had a bar counter and an island. She seemed impressed with the pull out deep drawers for the pots and pans.

“Does you wood cookstove work,” Carmen asked as she checked it out.

“Not at this time it don’t,” I responded. “It needs to be filled up with wood and started on fire before it could.”

“Smartass,” she said with a smile. “Where do you keep the wood?”

“Outside the back door stacked against the wall under the roof of the porch,” I explained. “I also have a huge generator for when the electricity goes out. Why?”

“My grandmother and I used to cook on hers all the time,” Carmen stated. “During bad winter storms, it was a lifesaver. My grandfather kept the whole house warm with it when the power was out. It’s nice to find a man who still finds value in the old ways.”

“Ah then step out onto the porch,” I said as I opened the door.

As soon as she stepped outside, she saw it and said, “Does the old hand water pump still work.”

“I use it weekly when I water the outside flowers and plants,” I said, “and have the water tested for purity twice a year.”

For some reason, Carmen got a tear in her eye. I just assumed that what she had seen in my house was bringing a lot of good memories back into her mind.

With the kitchen fully explored Carmen unpacked the picnic lunch and I have to admit I was impressed. She had made egg salad sandwiches with onions, herbs, salt, and pepper. Along with some homemade potato chips. She had two small glasses and a bottle of wine.

It’s a good thing she had made lots because I had overeaten. I told her it had been a long time since I had tasted food as good as that. After cleaning up I took her for a two-cent tour of my house. She was surprised by how warm and inviting it was.

On the main floor was the kitchen, formal dining room with table chairs and a complete set of Royal Dalton with service for twelve. The living room with the fireplace and chimney which now had an insert placed in it. A mud/laundry room and a half bath. Finally tucked under the stairs heading upstairs was my small office for working in.

Carmen asked about the china set and I told her that it had been my grandmother's. I pointed out that I had never used it but did clean the whole set at least twice a year.

I had remodeled the second floor to make the master bedroom larger with its master bath and two walk-in closets. The three remaining bedrooms shared the other bathroom. Each of them had larger than normal closets. But what surprised her the most was the linen closet I had built in which hid a mini washer and dryer inside of it.

The whole house had been drywalled and painted twice. The only thing I was working on was redoing the doors and the trim.

“You remodeled this old home to be one that should be filled with love,” Carmen said. “My grandfather always said that when you're finished making the changes you want in your home that you should ask God in prayer for his blessing on it. He would always ask for the home to become a haven from the problems in the world.”

“Your grandfather sounds like a wise man,” I responded. “If it wasn’t for the memories, I had of this place growing up it would have cost less to tear down and rebuild then to remodel it for sure.”

“Why was it passed on to you,” Carmen asked?

“My brother has a different father,” I explained. “My grandfather wanted this land passed on to someone related by blood because it’s been in our family for ten generations. My brother and four sisters got cash from his estate, and I got the farm.”

“I think your grandfather would be very proud of what you did with the place,” Carmen said. “I know because mine would have.”

Carmen saw how her words touched me and said, “My grandfather had his moments when he got sentimental too. It’s nice to be with a man who’s not afraid to show it.”

I took her out into the back yard to show her the patio as I had laid it out, with the gas barbeque and flat grill. The picnic table and lounge chairs spread around. She loved that it a high roof built over it with a few skylights to allow the sun to come through it and a huge fire pit.

We spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing before deciding to go out to Red Lobster for supper. Carmen noted that she was able to get me to relax. Over dinner, she asked what my plans were for Sunday. I explained that besides going to the non-denominational church for service in the morning nothing. When she found out the service started at ten-thirty in the morning, she told me to pick her up at ten.

******

The pastor and his wife were surprised when I arrived with Carmen on my arm. Both of us carrying our different bibles. The Pastor noted mine was the same one he used regularly. I had been attending regularly by myself, so he thought that we were in a serious relationship. Since I had introduced her to him, he welcomed her warmly and introduced her to the congregation as my girlfriend.

We ended up going out for lunch with him and his wife after the service. It was an interesting lunch as they tried to discover things about us, as being us. One of the things Carmen disclosed was when she had seen my kitchen, she felt like she had come home.

When questioned by the pastor's wife Carmen explained that the old wood cookstove gave a sense of security that she had felt when she spent a lot of time with her grandparents with her sister. It was a haven that they had gone to when their parents were having difficulty which we were all left with the impression was a lot.

The Pastor suggested the idea that he wanted me to become his assistant and fill in for him when the need came up. Carmen looked at me and smiled and said, “Adin would be a natural at it. I think it’s a great idea.”

“If you were to do a sermon what would be the subject of your first sermon,” The pastor asked?

“Spirituality,” I replied. “Using the parents of the prophet Samuel, as an illustration, to work around.”

“Why, and how,” The pastor's wife asked?

“Samuel was kept at home until he was weaned,” I said. “During that time water was scare. He most likely was well towards six or seven before he was cut off. Each year at the time of atonement his mother would bring him clothing that would be designed a bit big for further growth. At first, he would be uncomfortable, having difficulty because the clothing was too big and would have to gown into it.”

“What’s that got to do with spirituality,” Carmen asked?

“Our spirituality, if it is growing, should feel at times like Samuel did when he got his new clothes,” I said. “If not then, we have stopped growing and are in danger of losing it.”

All three of them looked at me in amazement. The pastor said, “Two weeks from today you’re going to do the sermon I will open and close the service.”

I balked but Carmen was all for it, and I soon gave in and agreed to do it. The pastor brought up the point that it took a wise man to accept the counsel of a good woman. Carmen was bursting in pride.

After lunch, Carmen and I took a walk in downtown Cape Girardeau along the floodwall of the Mississippi. She sure got a kick out of the murals painted on the walls. It was about five when I dropped her off at her apartment.

We touched base with each other during her workweek. I picked up a couple of tickets to a concert at South Missouri University of classical music. Carmen found it enjoyable when we went Thursday night.

*******

We were leaving the church after I had given my first sermon, Carmen's face was glowing because of the comments and praise we had received. The sermon had been received that well. Herb, Pamela, and their three kids had been in attendance. The pastor got asked often when the next time was going to be when I was going to be used to fill in.

“Herb and Pamela,” Carmen said. “Be at Adin’s at six for dinner with your kids. I’m going to cook us all dinner.”

That came as a complete surprise to me. So, an hour later saw us unloading the groceries we had picked up for the dinner.

If you ever want to get someone on a very personal nature, cook a full meal with them from scratch. Carmen decided on what the meal would consist of, but I made sure that I got my two cents in. She had decided on a nice roast of beef, mash potatoes, corn on the cob, gravy, Yorkshire pudding, and a tossed salad.

Once she had the roast in, she started to get ready to strip the corn. I told her no, that I would cook them on the barbeque so leave them on. That gave her the idea that I should grill the peppers she had bought for the salad.

When I got the chance, I poured us both a glass of wine. It allowed us to get to know a bit more about each other. We both knew that we were drawing closer but neither one of us wanted to admit it.

Herb, Pamela, and their three brats showed up right on time. Pamela came in with her face glowing in surprise to see the good china was set out. Herb gave Carmen a nice bunch of flowers. I had to get a vase out so she could put them in water.

I was out at the barbeque cooking her peppers before I put the corn on. Heb joined me and said, “For someone immune, I think you maybe need to go in for a booster shot.”

“No, I’m fine,” I said. “Carmen and I are still at the friend stage.”

“Nah that not true, she’s already cooking a big meal for you and your guests,” Herb said. “Everybody at Church said Carmen looked like a very proud wife this morning.”

I just gave Herb a dirty look which got him going on more. When we went back in with the grilled peppers the ladies were working together. I saw Carmen slid the Yorkshire pudding into the oven. Bent over she looked divine. Herb caught me looking and laughed. He had a big grin on his face.

Red-faced and embarrassed I went back out to grill the corn. Herb joined me and said, “The way it looks to me my friend it's not if but when.”

“Herb, I wasn’t looking,” I said. “It was the last thing on my mind.”

“That how it happened to me,” Herb responded. “Pam and I met when neither one of us was looking. It took time for me to understand that was the very reason it was right. From that point, it took me six months to ask her. To this day she proves every day just how much better she has made my life.”

“Thanks,” I said. “You’ve given me food for thought.”

“Just remember Adin you’re not like either your mother or father,” he added. “You’ve proven that by how you have changed your approach in life. You found yourself a balance but it's empty, perhaps with Carmen you can find that certain kind of balance that makes your life complete.”

When the corn appeared to be done, we lifted them off the barbeque. Using hand towels, we stripped them before taking them into the house. The ladies were already putting the food on the table. The spread looked amazing. We all overate. The Yorkshire puddings were something completely new to Herb and Pamela and their kids. Carmen had to explain how to make them to her. Everybody thought the earthly flavor in the corn gave it a whole new texture.

The kids got a kick because I got them to peel the banana’s so I could caramelize them in brown sugar. Once we had done that and placed them on the plate, I added a scoop of vanilla ice cream, some strawberries, and whipped cream. I admit it was a bit over the top, but the kids loved it. So did the ladies. Both complained that because of it they gained two pounds.

After they left, we cleaned up the kitchen together. Then we were going to watch a movie on HBO when she got paged. One of her patients was on the bridge crossing the Mississippi preparing to jump. So off we went. I watched her trying to talk to the young lady through a bull horn for half an hour. The lady was not responding well, and I thought drastic action was required.

A few minutes later everyone saw me sitting down beside the lady in question. The fire department had allowed me to use their extended latter to climb up to talk to her one to one. She didn’t want to talk so I told her not to, but I asked her to listen to what I had to say.

I did a short version of how close I had come to take my own life and why. I explained how the ones who had pushed me to the edge own guilt had eventually taken them down. More importantly by the time I was done she had learned how she could overcome.

When she started to edge towards the ladder everybody started to relax. They were pleased to see her climb down the latter before me. As soon as she got off the truck, they took her into the ambulance to transfer back to the hospital.

Carmen, when I got down off of the fire truck, had tears in her eyes. She rushed into my arms and kissed me for the first time. She felt weightless against me. I hadn’t felt that in a long time.

“You talked her down,” Carmen said as I drove towards her apartment. “She is so headstrong that no one was able to reach her. We had her on a watch. I’m surprised the hospital let her out.

“No, not really,” I said. “I got her to not only to hear me but to listen. She realized that she was hearing someone who had been where she was mentally. It allowed me to build trust. It was by me telling her my story that got her to see that she had a way out that did not need her taking her own life.”

“What do you think would be the best way for me to help her going forward,” Carmen asked?

“Focus on her problems one at a time,” I said, “and not her state of mind. Help her resolve them one at a time. She sees her problems like a forest of trees, and she is lost in the middle of them. Tackle it by taking out one tree at a time and soon the forest in front of her won’t be so big.”

We spent the next few hours making it out at her place before I decided to go home for a cold shower.

Carmen and I did not talk to each other all week. She was busy dealing with the patient that had been prematurely released. When I heard from her Friday night, I received word that the patient was off the danger list and had been making great progress.

Little did we realized that our relationship with each other had changed. Carmen and I were drawn to each other more emotionally than before. Herb and Pamela when seeing us afterward knew that it was just a matter of time before we would take the next step.

********

It was three months to the day that Carmen and I had our first test concerning our growing relationship. Her sister flew in on a Thursday afternoon bringing with her all her problems. It seems her expectations about marriage, kids, and commitments were not turning out the way she had it all planned.

For me, it was an eye-opener because it forced me to look at what my fears were. I was afraid of being in the same situation that Corinth was. Her expectations about her life were not turning out as she thought they should.

I had to ask myself if she and her husband had sat down and discussed their future plans about marriage, love, and children before they had discussed marriage. Had they been united in their goals and approach or not?

Corinth wanted children now, her husband wanted to wait until they were a bit more secure in their situation. It did not help that she was late in her friend's visit, so she had the fear that she was already knocked up. As a result, she was an emotional basket case. In her eyes, her big sister was supposed to have all the answers.

Corinth’s husband flew out Saturday to try to work it out with her which caused Carmen to show up unexpectedly that night. She was in a dither about them because neither of them would listen to her. We got into an argument about it. It was getting to the point that if we did not approach it differently, we were going to end up saying things that we would regret later.

“Can you walk in another person’s shoes,” I asked Carmen? “Feel their emotions as they are experiencing them. Understand their mentality as they see it at that moment?”

“Of course not, but we can guide them,” Carmen said. “Their problem is that they’re not seeing it as I would.”

“That’s because they are too emotional,” I said. “Both have ranked each other up so much emotionally that their speaking without communicating with each other. They need to walk away calm down then come back calm and be honest with each other about their fears and hopes.”

Carmen paused in thought for a few before saying, “It’s their anger that’s driving them. Why couldn’t I see it?”

“Because you're emotionally involved,” I said. “Maybe not by choice, but because of your relationship with both. Has Corinth told Tom that she might be pregnant?”

I guess that one statement spoke volumes because Carmen picked up her cellphone and texted her sister saying, tell him you think you might be carrying your first.

“They have to learn to be honest about everything,” Carmen said. “So, do we, don’t we?”

“We have been so far,” I said. “Except for admitting to ourselves that we have fallen in love with each other.”

With that one remark, the dam broke. If I thought our kisses were passionate before I was proved wrong. There is nothing better than kisses shared with tears of joy. I learned she had felt that way for weeks but was afraid to tell me because of my previous walk in life.

After we got settled down, I told Carmen that she had to get her sister and her husband to come for Sunday service. I would use the pulpit to try to get a message across to them. While Carmen was returning to her apartment, I called her sister Corinth and asked her a question. While she was answering she was squealing with delight. Using contacts, I was able to get a Jeweler friend to open up his safe after hours.

It seems that little gesture on my part got Corinth and Tom talking because, by the time Carmen got back to her apartment, they had resolved their problem. My actions had reminded the couple what was important in their relationship, each other. The rest could be worked out if they wanted to. Thankfully, they did.

The Pastor did a quick review of my quickly thrown together rewrite of my sermon. I had him review it in his office just before the service was to start. He handed it back to me with a smile.

“Your view on the subject matter was enlightening but correct,” The pastor said. “It’s going to be huge because it puts the teaching of headship in a whole new light. In reviewing it I tried to find arguments against the logic behind it. I could not. Even I was surprised by it. Your simplification of it all removes all the complexities we as humans have put on it. Well, done! A lot of men will be eating crow because to them it will be a revelation that they have never understood before.”

“It came out a need to deliver a message for a loved one,” I said. “When I started writing it the words just flowed.”

“Love, the unknown quality to everybody,” he said. “Because what love is, is different to everybody.”

I was the one that was surprised the most because the pastor said when he opened the service after prayer. “I am very pleased to be able to invite our newest appointed pastor Adin Hahn to the pulpit.”

The congregation stood up and clapped showing their approval. Corinth and her husband were supporting Carmen because it had overwhelmed her. I would learn later the reason why.

I started the service by reminding them all that the bible was written for one reason and one reason alone. It was the only road map that showed us the way into God’s kingdom. I could tell that most had never thought of the bible in the manner.

I brought out the point that it was inspired to teach, for reproving, resolving, and setting things straight. The apostle Paul in explaining the teaching of Christ had said it was for all things spiritual.

The problem is that we as humans fail to fully comprehend that simple truth. For the most part, we see God as spiritual but relate to Jesus as a mere mortal man.

Jesus and God are spiritual and as a result, the bible in all its teaching should be viewed with that in mind. We, humans, fail both God and Jesus daily because we refuse to look at their teachings in that way.

It was a pure joy to witness the change of expressions on a lot of the older sisters' faces when I brought out that headship from the bible was for a spiritual basis only. A lot of the men's faces showed their out and out rejection of what I was explaining. I needed to take them back to the beginning.

I explained that when God took a rib from Adam to create a woman who would be call Eve, he said the two would become one. That one rib was needed to make the two one whole. God designed women from the man. Symbolically without a woman, a man was not complete. Then I hit them with a truth bomb that none could see coming. It would forever be embedded in their minds.

In God’s eyes, both are equal because there is no male or female in the spiritual world. On earth, in God’s eyes, we are all equal. He will judge our sins on judgment day with equality weighing them all in the same way.

Another way of looking at the relationship between a man and a woman is that each was needed to complement the other. Because each has attitudes and concepts that make their partner a better person in the long run.

I could tell by the expressions on the congregations' faces that I was changing their perception of what they believed. It was clear that few of them had thought about life, death, and judgment in that way.

I explained that God created headship to give structure to the spiritual part of your family not the physical. Men and Women were meant to be each other’s Alpha and Omega. Proof of that could be found in the religious structure of those of the old Hebrew faith.

Just like in the old days it was the husband's responsibility to make attornment for the family's sins by bringing the sacrifice to the priest for the offering. It is his responsibility to ensure all his family makes it into God’s Kingdom. Similarly, it’s the responsibility of the Christian husband to fulfill that obligation today.

In your relationship with your spouse or your partner in life, remember that every time you do something in spite or to hurt, you are in fact, hurting yourself also. What you do to the other that is not done with the quality of love, God will use what we call as karma to pay you back whether you realize it or not.

I could not help noticing the glowing faces looking up at me. Corinth, Tom, and Carmen’s faces shone out among the crowd. Just as my service was coming to an end, I left the pulpit and walked down the aisle towards Carmen.

When I got to her, she got out and stepped out because I asked her to. With the cordless mike still on my face, I got down on one knee and proposed to her in front of them all.

She answered me by saying, “I can’t believe it, I’m going to be a pastors wife!”

With that said she stuck out her finger and I slid on the ring. Of course, we had to kiss as the whole congregation displayed their huge expression of their joy. It took a while before we could get the congregation to settle down so we could close with prayer.

Herb and Pamela stood in line as everyone had to congratulate us. They wanted to make sure that Carmen and I would join them for Sunday dinner. They invited Corinth and Tom too. We all agreed to come. Herb had the biggest shit faced grin I had ever seen in my life.

We had just got in the car when Corinth said, “Promise me, Sis, that you will allow me to be there when you break the news to our parents that you’re going to be a Pastors wife.”

Carmen laughed, and said, “Adin my mother’s father was a Protestant Minister all his days. My mother turned against formalized religion and did not believe in its structure. As a result, our parents had a rocky relationship for years and we spent a lot of time with our grandparents.”

“In a way, you're saying your life has completed its circle and come back to what it always was supposed to be,” I said. “It took me a lot of years because I never knew anything about God or his ways growing up.”

“Grandma is going to love the way I was proposed to,” Carmen said. “It took me totally by surprise. I still can’t figure out how you got my ring size.”

The four of us went to Appleby’s for lunch. Corinth explained while we ate that it had been my call last night that got them to realize what was important in their relationship.

“Sis, Both Adin and I have come to realize that we needed balance is our lives long ago,” Carmen said. “From this day forward, we will be working full time on making sure our life has a certain kind of balance.”

“With all the problems going on in our society, “Corinth said. “That’s almost impossible to do.”

“The problems of the world are the worlds,” I said. “In general, they will be left in the world when we enter our home at the end of the day. Carmen and I will not allow them to affect our relationship with each other going forward.”

“You're saying that the quality of your home life,” Tom said. “Is what matters most why do you feel that way?”

“The world is full of stress, pain, greed and all things that can eat at you in a personal way,” I said. “We can’t change it, but we can change how it affects us by making our home our sanctuary from the things in the world by filling it with love.”

“We can do that by planting an imaginary tree in our minds,” Carmen explained. “To hang the problems, we face in the world daily before we enter the house and pick them up when we leave the house the next day.”

“I love that idea,” Corinth said. “But it will take a lot of effort on both your parts to accomplish it. I think Tom and I are going to have to think about working on that concept in our lives going forward. How did you come up with that idea?”

“It’s in Adin’s book,” Carmen said. “The one I bought after meeting him. It’s what gave me the balance I needed to get this far.”

We got to Herb and Pamela’s about five o’clock to find they had a whole crowd there to celebrate our engagement. Even Herb’s parents were there. Carmen met my parents and their new spouses for the first time.

*******

Meeting Carmen’s Grandma was an experience that both of us will never forget. We had flown back to where her parents and grandparents lived. After renting a car we had gone over to see her in the house that she had lived in all their married life. It was a home that was filled with memories of life and love.

Carmen first introduced me as her intended. Her grandmother did not seem to be impressed with me. She had lived a long rich life and not much surprised her. It was not until Carmen told her that I had proposed at the end of a sermon that her eyes lit up with excitement and joy.

“Are you serious Carmen,” She asked?

“Yes, she is,” I said. “I had just been appointed a Pastor that morning and I was giving a sermon on what headship meant in the eyes of God. At the end of the sermon while still wearing the mike I went down the aisle to her seat and proposed. Let me tell you your granddaughter was not expecting it at all.”

A huge smile came across her face as she said, “Carmen on the left side lower drawer in your grandfather’s desk is his favorite bible. Can you bring it to me.”

Carmen did as she asked. It was wrapped in a protected cloth. I could see it was an early eighteenth-century leather-bound edition still in mint condition. Based on its thickness I knew it was a multi-use bible designed and written for research and deep study.

“Carmen when you get married it’s your husband’s. Jake always used it when he wanted to find further depth about scripture when he was preparing his sermons. I always found the old proper English hard to understand.”

Carmen handed me the bible and I automatically went into it too look for a certain scripture. Most modern bibles had changed that scripture which effectively changed its meaning. I knew the bible was a good one because the scripture was in its original form. The hand-stitched binding was still tight its leather as soft as a baby’s bum. Its former owner had appreciated its value and treated it accordingly.

The bible had the original Hebrew, the Greek, and the English type. Each scripture was compared with each other. I guess I got consumed by it because Carmen had to bring back to our current reality. I wrapped the bible back up in its protective cloth and set it on my lap.

Her Grandma said, “My Jake was just like your young man Carmen. He got spell bonded by that bible too. He said it changed his view on a lot of things that he taught because of what that bible was able to show. Has your mom met him yet?”

“No were staying at Corinth’s and Tom’s, they will meet him during a family dinner this evening,” Carmen explained. “We came here first as soon as we got off the plane. Grandma, we will be living in his home. It has an old wood cookstove and a hand water pump just outside the kitchen, so I want you to send me all those recipes, so I got them.”

“Adin you’re going to be spoiled rotten,” Grandma said. “Jake to his dying day said some of the best meals he ever had was made on a wood stove. One of his favorite chores was filling it.”

We visited with her until we noticed she was needing an afternoon rest, then after Carmen tucked her in, we departed.

“Grandma told me she was not only very happy for us but also very proud,” Carmen said. “That I was going to be a pastors’ wife. She told me that in our walk of life we would be receiving a lot of blessings unexpectedly.”

“That is most likely true, but we are also going to be faced with a lot of hate by those who see us as a punching bag to promote their political agenda,” I said. “It’s acceptable in society these days to attack Christians because of what we believe.”

Carmen got quiet for a few. I guess she was pondering over my last comment, then she said, “It’s not like when grandma and grandpa were young. The truth is right in front of everyone, but they refuse to see it.”

“There are many who are blind,” I said. “For the simple reason, they have been taught for years not to see. The easiest way to hide the truth is to publicly call it a lie. Politicians get elected by doing that all the time.”

“Do you know what your implying,” Carmen asked?

“Individually the truth still matters,” I said. “Collectively in society, it doesn’t mean shit. That’s what years of dogmatic teaching have done. It used to be when we were young because we saw it through innocent eyes. But with innocent lost if we look at it honestly that is the real truth.”

“How can you say that” Carmen asked.

“When I was young under the direction of the school authorities my parents kept me drugged so I could fit in with what was considered social norms. I can still remember feeling like a prisoner in my own body. It was my grandfather who suggested that I have my IQ tested.”

“When they discovered how intelligent I was they understood that my behavior problems were caused because of my ongoing boredom. I was pulled from the public system and taken off of the drugs. I excelled as a result. They sued the school board and its system and won,” I said. “Throughout history, there are many stories of individuals like me who did not fit into the collective’s view of what is normal. In general, the collective would drive them out.”

“Society has blurred right and wrong so that there is no longer a clear meaning to what is and what is not acceptable, “Carmen said. “That makes it more important that our home will be a haven from the problems of the world.”

“You will never hear me disagree with you on that,” I said as we pulled into Corinth’s and Tom’s driveway.

After greetings were done, Corinth noted that we seemed closer and more secure in our relationship since the last time she had seen us. I thought that honest communication between the two of us had created that.

To say my meeting of her parents went smoothly would be spreading it a bit. Towards me, Carmen’s parents appeared to be standoffish. It would be after they had said goodnight for the evening that I would learn why. They had no sooner left when the mood changed.

“Mom is still in total shock,” Corinth said in laughter. “She cannot get over the fact that my sister is marrying her dad. Tom get out the rye we are going to have a toast to my future brother in law.”

As Tom poured us all a drink Carmen explained. “What our mother sees as a burden was her father’s approach to life in general. He was more reserved and protective, so she thought he had no excitement for life. She wanted what was in the world and he protected them from it. Mom could not see that her friends wanted what she had because it was so different from what they knew. She felt trapped and wanted their freedom which she didn’t have.”

“Thanks to our parent's relationship with each other,” Corinth explained. “We were exposed to both lifestyles most of our childhood. With our grandparents, we had boundaries, rules, and an order to live by with our parents we had none.”

“We saw what we had with our grandparents as having security and structure. Their home was a place where we were loved, and respected while being encouraged to become the best we could be. Our parents came across in the long run as not giving a damn,” Corinth said. “They pretty much left us to grow on our own.

“Mom’s problem with you Adin is that she sees you as having the same morals, principle’s and standards that she has run away from all her life because they are old fashioned and outdated,” Carmen said. “I find them perfect because they make me feel so complete.”

We stayed with Corinth and Tom for the rest of the weekend. We left for home Sunday night. On the plane ride home, Carmen slept with her head on my shoulder. I spent the flight being stared at because I was studying my newest bible.

*******

It was a beautiful summer Saturday afternoon in August that saw Herb standing beside me with the two ushers watching for the maid of honor and the bridal party to walk down the aisle. What had originally been started as a small affair thanks to the family it had gotten big.

I guess for my side of the family it was I have to see it to believe it sort of thing because they were all here in mass. All five of my siblings and their spouses along with their children. Both my parent’s with their partners. If you looked at the five of my parent's children together you would question if we were related.

Finally, the march started. The mother of the bride started walking down the aisle. Herb whispered in my ear that the wicked witch must have taken a few pills because she seemed to be smiling. I had to hold in a chuckle with that. Carmen’s grandmother saw our wedding as a validation of her walk in life.

That got me to relax because I started to smile. We could see the ladies in waiting, begin to come forward. My youngest sister and Corinth looked stunning in their matching burgundy dresses. Pamela the maid of honor was next, and her matching dress suited her well.

Herb said that she looked stunning then we saw Carmen walking with her dad. He looked like his chest was about to burst. Carmen’s face was glowing with anticipation. I did not start to breathe until she was standing beside me as I was a nervous wreck.

Why is the biggest event in one's life always the shortest? It took less than ten minutes for the actual ceremony to be complete. The Pastor who married us had been the one that announced my appointment. He took great delight in dragging it out by giving us a few minutes of wise counsel before starting us on our vows.

As soon as the service was over, we walked hand and hand down the aisle and stood outside the church doors. That way we were there to greet our guests as they came out the door. I got worried when I didn’t see the pastor come out. So, after the crowd thinned, I slipped back in to find him in his office in duress. Calling for the first responders I waited for their arrival with his wife.

Carmen and I thought he might have had a mild heart attack. We would later learn he died on the operating table while he had open-heart surgery.

Carmen and I spent our honeymoon on a ten-day tour of the Alaska coast on a cruise ship. When we returned to Seattle, we spent a couple of days in that city before heading home. We arrived home late Friday afternoon.

Saturday morning the head Deacon showed up at our home to talk to both of us. We learned then about our friend's death and burial. He was at our place to see if I would be willing to assume the position of head pastor effective immediately. Carmen told him before I had the chance to accept that of course, I would.

I was busy working on my first sermon as head pastor when I heard the phone ring. I let Carmen answer it. After a few minutes, she came into my small office.

“Pat and Herb have already heard that you’re our new pastor,” Carmen said. “I told them you were already working on tomorrow's sermon. They were wondering if they brought over supper would you have time to eat?”

“Sure, and time to visit,” I said, “because I going to be dwelling on Pastor Steven’s favorite Chapter in the bible because he always saw it as a celebration of life.

“Which chapter is that” Carmen asked.

“One that shows the walk of man,” I said, “because it shows the balance of life, do you know which one that is? Let me give you a hint. It was used for a hit single back in the sixties.”

“Ecclesiastes chapter three because it deals with a time for all things,” Carmen said with a smile.

“Your right but did you know that it also shows what we will experience through our life,” I said? “To teach us what is and what is not important from birth to death so that there will be a balance to our days.”

Carmen looked at me in complete amazement as if she had been given a vision. She smiled and said, “God was showing us a way to have a certain kind of balance. If your sermon is taken seriously, you will be releasing a lot of burdens from people’s minds.”

“No, Pastor’ Stevens will be,” I said. “it’s his final blessing to those he loved.”

When I took the pulpit to begin my sermon, I started by saying I was only sharing Pastor Stevens's final thoughts to the congregation. During the discourse, there were a lot of emotions shown as I presented in a way that celebrated his life journey.

My closing was short and straight forward. I said, “Pastor Steven’s was a great fan of Michael Jackson and took these words from one of his songs to heart. If you want to change the world, take a look at the mirror, and change yourself. He used that teaching to inspire himself to make himself one of the best spiritual teachers most of us will ever know to help us to reach for the goal of walking side by side with him in his father’s kingdom.”

After closing with prayer, I stepped down off the pulpit Pastor Stevens’s widow hugged me tight and said, “he said you would be a better pastor than he ever was. That inspired sermon proved him right.”

Carmen heard those words and got tears in her eyes. As we walked towards our car later Carmen said, “She will remember that sermon the rest of her life as one of her fondest memories.”

“So, will most of the congregation,” I said. “For the very reason, his walk was in line with the biblical chapter we discussed.”

We had been married for about six months when Carmen’s Grandmother’s doctor insisted that she move into assisted living. Like all elderly people she was no longer looking after herself like she should. Carmen’s mother was having difficulty because her mother was having none of that.

We had just learned the Carmen was carrying our first and we were trying to figure out how it was going to work in with both our busy schedules.

“Carmen the reason her doctor wants her to move into assisted living is not because of her physical health it's because of her physiological heath,” I said.

“Adin that’s stupid, my grandmother is still sharp as a piercing whistle,” She responded. “What your saying does not make sense.”

“Do you eat better when you're surrounded by others,” I asked. “Or when you’re by yourself?”

Carmen thought about it for a moment then came over and gave me a great big kiss before asking, “How do we resolve this?”

“You're going to fly back,” I said. “To convince her to move down here and live with us. That way she will have the older sisters in the church, her family, and some of the prestige she lost when her husband passed away.”

“Carmen’s eyes got big as if it were something she had never thought of. She said, “That’s a great idea but how do I get her to agree to do that?”

“Tell her you're going to need her help in learning how to be a great mother,” I said. “If that doesn’t work nothing will.”

Carmen flew out that night. Her grandmother accepted right away after saying, “If your mother had suggested that I would not have gone a step of the way.”

It took about a month to get all the coordination done. Grandmother became Nana to us and fit right in. The older sisters accepted her as one of their own. Sunday dinners in the winter had to be cooked on the wood cookstove. Nana was right the best meals were created on that old stove with the recipes that were older than dirt. Carmen was surprised how much healthier her grandmother got having a purpose in her life again.

When Caylean came into the world weighing five pounds eight ounces Carmen’s grandmother was thrilled to death. As long as she was healthy no one would babysit her except her. Nana would get teared up at times when she saw me using her husband's bible to prepare my next sermon.

Our congregation was growing, we were now doing a local radio show of our Sunday service. Carmen’s practice was growing. Life was good. Caylean was three years old when her younger brother came into the world weighing six pounds.

Nana lost it when Carmen broke the news that we had named him Jacob Adin. Jacob had been Jake's proper name. Our two kids were in their teens when Nana passed away at the age of ninety-three. She had lived a blessed life and would be missed.

When cleaning out her room we found a handwritten note. It read.

Jesus said he would provide us with a comforter. I could never see that it would be provided to me in a loving granddaughter and her husband. I thought I had lost all the love in my life until the two of you brought me home. Keep building your love because it is a perfect bond of union. Love always Nana.

Finished