Zalan wasn’t sure how long he had remained in the brooding, catatonic parts of his mind, but he knew for certain when he was lucid once more. Fran, Rep, Gorb, and Yelsa were looking him over with concern and compassion. He was sitting upright against a tree, cold sweat drying from the top of his head to the base of his neck. His eyes were dry. He took a waterskin offered to him by Yelsa and hydrated himself. He wasn’t hungry, thanks to the Satiator, but he felt cold all the way down to his innermost core. The water was warm after being heated by Rep and it revitalized him to the point of being able to speak again.
“Thank you,” he said, offering the water back, then looking at his companions. “Thank you,” he repeated, this time intending to thank them all for their help. “I don’t know what happened to me.”
“The amount of people that can withstand the Mind of Madness are few. Those who have survived a full-on blast are legendary. Even a tiny part of its power is unbearable. I am pleased you are beyond the worst of it,” Gorb said seriously.
He held out an arm to see if Zalan wanted help standing. Zalan took it and stretched his legs, only then realizing how sore they had become holding themselves in a tight ball for so long. He looked around apprehensively in the direction the Mind of Madness was drifting. It was out of sight at this time.
“What is that thing? Are Mind of Madnesses all over the place?” Zalan asked, as he continued to look around in various directions. He was shivering slightly despite the temperate air of the forest.
“As far as we know, there is only one in the world,” Yelsa replied. “It roams the land when it pleases, but always returns home to a lightless mine known as the Depths of Despair near the city of Nightfall.”
“It is one of the lesser Beasts of Slumber,” Rep added, a serious inflection in his voice.
“What’s a Beast of Slumber?” Zalan asked, already disturbed by the name alone.
“The worst creatures in the realm. The most powerful, destructive monsters that we know of. Pray you do not find yourself ever facing one,” Rep said gravely. “Fortunately, unlike the Mind of Madness, the Beasts of Slumber do not move unless provoked. They have not even been seen in the realm in years.”
“And the Mind of Madness just drifts around any time it isn’t home? So, it could be anywhere?” Zalan asked.
The four travelers nodded gravely.
“Very few have tried to attack it, as all it takes is a single gaze to render you unable to fight. Perhaps, unable to live,” Fran said.
“Can you walk? I think some movement would help you feel better,” Rep suggested.
“Sure, let’s make some more distance,” Zalan nodded, wanting to get as far away from this spot as possible.
They continued their journey to the castle and only after a few steps did Zalan realize how slow they were moving. He was setting the pace, and it was a gradual one. His steps were more methodical, as if every movement counted. He felt more grateful to be alive than he could ever remember. But his heart throbbed as though it was bruised, still bearing the pains of the Mind of Madness. His thoughts kept trying to drift to his mother. A flash of her radiant smile. The revitalizing feeling of a warm hug. Eating a meal made with love. And he would cast the thought away before he became forlorn. It wasn’t long after they reached a clearing not far from where they started and Rep suggested they make camp.
“Right now? But there’s…” Zalan trailed when he saw the sun was no longer overhead, but much further along its trajectory in the sky, ready to sink into the horizon in an hour or so. He blinked, not understanding. “How long was I out of it?” he asked, confused and concerned.
“A decent amount of time,” Fran offered. She didn’t smirk or offer an additional point of mockery and it made Zalan consider that “a decent amount of time” may have been hours.
They began setting up camp, though it only took them mere minutes to be ready for rest. There was no food that needed to be cooked. They sat around the large fire that Fran started, each person looking furtively at Zalan, then looking away. Eyes connected with him, but didn’t linger for more than an instant. He felt like he was being watched, but no one wanted to converse with him.
“What is it?” Zalan asked. “You all seem to be staring for some reason.”
“Okay, I will just ask,” Fran began, inching herself forward on the log she sat on.
“Fran, allow him to recover first,” Rep attempted, but Fran waved her hand at him unenthusiastically.
“If he does not want to answer, that is fine, but I know we all have the same question!” Fran said. Fran waited for any more protests from her fellow travelers, then pursued her curiosity. “What was it like to be struck by the floating creature?”
“What do you mean? It was awful,” Zalan replied, shivering.
“Certainly, there is no question that it was awful, but what was it like? What did you experience? What did you see?” Fran asked.
Zalan looked between the other travelers and saw the burning hunger in their eyes for answers. It wasn’t just that surviving a direct beam from the Mind of Madness was legendary, but they had never even met someone that had survived being struck with a sliver of its power. They were eager to know a first-hand account, no matter how awful it looked.
“Have you ever had someone close to you pass away? Someone very close like a best friend, a parent, or maybe even a beloved pet?” Zalan asked. Each of the travelers nodded, so he continued. “You know that first feeling you get? The little wretching inside your heart when you are first told that your best friend is dead? It’s just like that, but worse. And it keeps going. Instead of a rational part of your brain that allows you to know that it’s going to get better with time, it’s just the pain of loss. Over and over, like waves of an ocean that want desperately to drown you. There was no part of my brain that got to acknowledge good times because the reaction wasn’t as a result of someone’s passing. It was just the dreaded sensation, and nothing to connect it to. The feeling of my worst fear being realized, over and over. It hurt. A lot.”
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
The travelers nodded gravely, having a better understanding and a higher respect for Zalan having been through that. They reflected on the description for a few moments, not wishing that feeling on their worst enemy.
“Does it still pain you?” Gorb asked.
“Yeah. A little. It’s almost gone now. Right now it’s like a little bubble of anxiety in my heart, but I feel like it’ll go away. I don’t know how I know, but it’s like it just keeps feeling better now that I’m out of the worst part,” Zalan replied.
“That is good to hear,” Rep said.
“Thank you for sharing,” Gorb nodded gratefully.
“I could withstand the creature,” Fran said abruptly.
“You absolutely could not,” Gorb turned to her in disbelief.
“I really think I could! It sounds as though you could surpass it if you had enough conviction!” Fran said bravely.
“That is so easy for you to pretend to know when you have not experienced it like Zalan,” Yelsa scoffed.
“Yes, but I know I could do it. I could withstand it all at full force,” Fran said.
Zalan picked up that Fran was talking about taking on a direct beam from the Mind of Madness. He was going to protest, but realized that it made him feel better to belittle the Mind of Madness in some way. He never wanted to see it again, and would like his memory of it to be less harrowing. Plus, he was partly sure that Fran just wanted to take it on because it was so strong and she thought it would make a great battle.
“I think you would cry like a baby and ask for Nibbles to forgive you,” Gorb smiled fiendishly as he teased her.
“I was five years old!” Fran shot back.
“She grew so attached to a goat she called Nibbles that she believed that it would not be eaten,” Gorb began explaining to the rest. “Keep in mind that from the beginning, Father told her we would eat that goat in a few weeks’ time. He never implied it would be spared. Still, Fran believed Nibbles was too precious to consume. Then, one day, we had goat for dinner. When she discovered that our most recent meal was her favorite goat, she kept calling to her stomach, pleading for Nibbles to forgive her.”
Gorb laughed loudly and the others were greatly amused by the story, save for Fran who was growing more embarrassed the more that was shared.
“You were screaming at your stomach?” Rep chuckled, amused at the image.
“Excuse me for being an empathetic child!” Fran snapped.
“Empathetic? What changed that made you become what you are today?” Yelsa asked, causing the group to laugh, Fran included. Zalan felt the remaining blemishes on his heart ebb away. He felt a lot better now in the company of these people. His friends? It was hard to categorize them. He used to mark his friends as Favorite Contact on his phone. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with dream companions.
Not long after, they settled down to go to sleep and Rep took the first watch. Zalan asked nervously whether they would have to look out for the Mind of Madness overnight, but Rep assured him that it normally went back home overnight. “Normally” didn’t make Zalan feel much safer when he didn’t know what was “normal” in this world. But after a few minutes, he was able to find sleep and woke up what felt like moments later in the early hours of the morning.
Zalan sat up and looked around. The lack of his phone made him feel much more inclined to get up as soon as he woke up. Gorb was the only one awake, the last one on watch for the evening. He was observing Zalan curiously.
“Are you sleeping okay? Are you having nightmares?” Gorb asked.
Zalan made a face, feeling a strong sense of deja vu to a conversation he had with Rep the day before. In a mortified moment, he wondered if he soiled himself in his sleep, riddled by nightmares of the Mind of Madness. He breathed easy when he confirmed his fear wasn’t true. He looked back up to Gorb.
“I slept fine, why do you ask?” Zalan asked.
“Then why do you sleep like that?”
“Like what?” Zalan asked, immediately feeling self-conscious first thing in the morning.
“You frown in your sleep. I noticed it back in the guild,” Gorb said.
Zalan’s eyebrows twitched in a mix of offense and apprehension.
“How am I supposed to know what I do while I sleep?” Zalan asked.
“I thought you would know. I have yet to see you sleep with anything but a frown,” Gorb said.
“Well, I don’t know why it happens,” Zalan said, grumpy.
“When was the last time you cried?” Gorb asked.
“What?” Zalan balked, already hating the direction the conversation was taking.
“When did tears last leave your eyes? For any reason. Fear, grief, doubt, uncertainty. When did you last cry?” Gorb asked.
“What kind of question is that? I don’t know, when did you last cry?” Zalan countered.
“Two nights ago,” Gorb answered immediately.
“I… huh? Why?” Zalan was entirely off balance now.
“I began recounting events of the day. I counted the amount of things I was grateful to God for. I felt very grateful for my sister. And the fact Fran lived through a Giant Gargoyle unscathed. I was grateful to be able to come home with you largely unharmed. Grateful for my parents. For my eyes. My senses. And much more. I was overwhelmed. It brought me to tears,” Gorb said, in a heartfelt tone.
Zalan remained quiet for a moment, examining Gorb. Zalan never thought about his lack of tears before. Gorb was a grand man, eclipsing Zalan in both height and strength, but he was talking about tears he shed. It seemed oxymoronic when Gorb insisted on being called “Gorbonifus” since Zalan wasn’t a strong man. But he wasn’t even shy about crying. Perhaps Gorb’s definition of a strong man was a lot different than Zalan’s.
“What does this have to do with my sleeping?” Zalan asked, trying to bring the conversation back around.
“I fear that the reason you cannot recall the most recent time you cried is because you cannot recall any time you cried as an adult. The lack of tears will make your heart dry. A dry heart makes for a more difficult life and more tumultuous sleep,” Gorb explained.
“Or maybe the Mind of Madness will do that to a person,” Zalan said, trying to sidestep the conversation. He suddenly felt incomplete. He didn’t know how to cry.
“There is something more happening within you, Zalan. We can all see it, the missing piece of you. Your emotions leave you easily embarrassed or often not ready for simple questions. You are unstable. Not in a way that lends any danger to us, but perhaps danger to your future self,” Gorb said sincerely.
“You ever think I’m telling the truth about being from a different world? That would explain a lot of the differences between the way we think,” Zalan deflected, but he knew Gorb was right in some way. He had felt off since before he came to this world.
“Perhaps,” Gorb allowed. “But even so, I would try to find tears of comfort in your life before you are buried in tears of pain, like from a dragon. Try to recount the things you are grateful for in the dead of night. It will benefit you, I assure you.”
“Yeah, sure,” Zalan accepted, desperate to escape the therapy session with Gorb.
“Excellent,” Gorb smiled. Then he cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted with intensity powered by his Elemental Air power. “Wake up!” he boomed, causing all the sleeping travelers to jump from bed with swords in their groggy hands.They looked around confused until Gorb clarified. “There is no danger. We are leaving!”