“Rep!” Zalan said, hovering his hands over Rep in a panic. “You’re… you’re hit bad!”
Rep’s breathing was faint, his eyes listless and his arms grabbing automatically around his chest, as though searching for the missing piece of his body. He didn’t seem like he was hearing Zalan at all. Zalan realized he must have been in some form of shock. He wanted to add pressure to the wound, but it was too big to cover.
“Rep, listen to me. You’re already on your bed, you just need to sleep. Sleep and you’ll heal right up. Rep, can you hear me?” Zalan wanted to jostle him, but was terrified to touch him.
He never expected to see so much of the innards of a human before. Much less a living one. It shook him to his core. Rep was already so cold.
“Go to sleep Rep. I think you can still heal!” Zalan insisted.
Rep’s eyes were wide open, his mouth dry and breathing lighter with every breath. Zalan ran both hands through his hair. He groaned to himself at a loss. He was still filled with the sensations of just having escaped Morloch. He was in too much pain to have any good ideas.
“You need to sleep, Rep!” Zalan said. “I can’t bring you back if your heart stops! I don’t even have my lightning!”
Rep’s eyes finally shot toward him. He looked remorseful at Zalan’s condition. Zalan was aggravated by Rep’s ability to still look out for him even when he was bleeding out. Despite his initial feeling, Zalan tried to smile. Maybe if Rep saw that he was okay, then he would finally take care of himself.
“I’m going to close your eyes okay,” Zalan said, pain in his voice and a tremble in his half smile. “I can’t think of anything else. You need to do the healing rest or you’ll die. I can’t have you die right now, Rep. Do you understand? If you die, I’m done for. I need you to stay alive.”
Rep’s eyes were still on Zalan. He seemed like he registered some of what was said. He didn’t do anything in terms of assenting to the plan, but neither did he look like he had the ability to. His face had gone too pale. His breathing was quieter.
“Here,” Zalan said in a whispered panic. He placed a very gentle hand over Rep’s eyes, sliding them closed. Rep’s erratic breathing began to slow down. “Go to sleep, buddy. I need you to wake up all healed up, okay?”
Rep’s breathing grew even more faint, choking for life.
“You’re going to sleep right now, right?” Zalan asked, his heart in an anxious storm. “I didn’t close your eyes for anything but sleep. You can’t close your eyes and die. The plan is for you to heal. You can’t die.”
Rep continued to look weaker. Paler. Quieter.
“Rep, please,” Zalan whispered. “I know I messed up by trusting Nold, but… I don’t know! I can’t be in this realm alone! I’m sorry I screwed up.”
Zalan felt something cold on his wrist. Rep had moved to grasp his arm in an act of comradery, but he couldn’t quite reach. A last act to try and make Zalan feel better about the situation. His finger brushed against Zalan, and then he went limp. Zalan kept his hand on Rep’s eyes, not daring to remove them. He couldn’t hear Rep breathe. He couldn’t see his chest filling with air, either.
“Good, you’re sleeping,” Zalan whispered quietly, pretending to be confident in his assessment.
Rep didn’t move. Zalan kept his hand over Rep’s eyes. He couldn’t bear to remove his hand and see opened eyes right now. He remained in plausible deniability. Zalan’s mouth twitched with uncertainty. His fake smile was gone, overwhelmed by pain and fear.
He physically turned away from Rep, terrified to not see him start to heal. He felt so cold. Zalan didn’t want to witness his death when he was so close to healing. Death atop the bed that would heal him was the cruelest irony Zalan could imagine. This realm had been cruel enough that he saw it as a real possibility.
After a few seconds of being turned away, Zalan had to sit down. He didn’t have the energy to stand, or even lean against Rep’s cot. He slid himself down to the floor and lightly removed his hand from Rep’s face. He stayed where he was, slouched on the floor. He gripped his hands together tightly. He had no intention to heal himself. He didn’t deserve it so long as Rep was… Zalan decided to try and stop thinking about it.
But Zalan’s thoughts all circled around Rep’s condition. Was there a limit to the Healing Rest? Would he be bedridden? Could it restore severe wounds to inner organs?
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How would he travel without lightning? Of course, he would have Rep. Unless he didn’t. But he didn’t want to think about that. Would he go back to Madam Hikma? What was the point when he didn’t have his lightning? Rep could help with that. Unless he couldn’t. But he didn’t want to think about that.
The viscous feedback loop made Zalan recall some of the lessons in recursion he took while in college. But thinking about college made him think of home. His real home. He had never felt more homesick before. His world had never felt this terrible before. He had never witnessed someone die, much less multiple times since coming to this realm. He ached to go back. He wanted to visit his mom. How would he get home without Rep’s assistance?
Zalan dug his face into his hands, pulling tightly at his bleeding, scarred face. It hurt him, but he felt he deserved the pain. This was all his fault. If Zalan wasn’t so stupid to not see the signs that Morloch was clearly deranged, he could have stopped the whole series of events. He wouldn’t have led Xavier to his death. He wouldn’t have stranded Captain Buttonwillow. He wouldn’t have lost his lightning. And he wouldn’t have lost Rep.
The last thought made Zalan shake his head in denial. He refused to believe it. But he also refused to check. Pulling his hands away from his face, Zalan looked at the twisted purple scar on his wrist. Morloch told him it came as a result of him sending his power through the Transfer Table. The scar was an odd line over his wrist, looking like it would clash with his stats. He narrowed his eyes in dreaded confusion. He tapped his forefinger to his thumb and summoned his stats.
LEVEL: 08
STRENGTH: 08
WISDOM: 13
EXPERIENCE: 14
The spot where ELEMENT normally appeared below EXPERIENCE was crossed out by the ghoulish scar. He had effectively cut out his own stat. Had it dragged out of him, more like. Zalan stared in despair. Was his Wisdom absolutely worthless now? Could he even be granted another Elemental Power if he succeeded in another challenge? Or was the stat gone for good, now? Was all that remained his Strength? It was far lower than his Wisdom.
Everything had gone so wrong. Zalan felt so distant from home. The longer he sat alone, stinging in pain, the more Zalan convinced himself he didn’t deserve happiness. All that remained was darkness that he had earned through his terrible actions. He couldn’t stand the idea of visiting his mother with these memories dragging him down. He would rather die here than go back with Rep dead on his own healing bed.
Zalan spent the next several minutes summoning his stats and watching them fade away. They were a sign of progress before, but now it was the largest detriment he could think of. It looked like it was mocking him. Scarred Elemental Power that he had given away. Wisdom that he would never be able to use. He felt the furthest thing from wise.
Suddenly, Zalan was startled by a noise. Rep coughed lightly. Zalan strained himself to his feet, his body crying out in pain. He looked over his friend with a gaping mouth and quick breaths. Rep was alive. The hole in his chest was inching closed, but he was deep asleep. There was dried blood all over his body. And a deep frown over his face.
“Welcome to the club,” Zalan said, with a frown on his own.
Even though Rep’s condition should have been fantastic news, Zalan barely felt anything. Rep’s recovery only meant that Zalan was one step behind a total failure. He should have breathed a sigh of relief and gone to heal himself, but couldn’t bring himself to leave Rep’s side so long as he was still in limbo. Zalan could feel in his hardening heart that he wouldn’t be able to find sleep for a while. Even if Rep was fully healed and awake, Zalan’s self pity had more ways to keep him wide awake through his pain. He would not heal anytime soon. And Zalan felt he deserved that.
He rested his head against Rep’s cot. His thoughts continued to race as he waited for his friend’s complete revival. His endless stream of consciousness caused him to exhaust himself even further than he already was. He nodded off for a while, a sour grimace on his face.
“Zalan?” Rep nudged him lightly.
Zalan opened his eyes. He had been scowling when he slept and had to consciously rest his face. He began looking over his friend who had survived the ordeal.
“You’re covered in blood,” Zalan said.
“Dry blood. You are covered in fresh blood. You need Healing Rest,” Rep said urgently.
“Mmm,” Zalan said distantly. He didn’t make any move toward his cot.
“Very well. Just because you delay does not mean I must follow your lead,” Rep said.
Zalan didn’t understand what he meant until Rep hoisted him from under his arms. Zalan cried out in pain and protest. He tried to push against Rep, but was too weak.
“Stop,” Rep said seriously. “You know this will be good for you.”
Zalan knew he would be unable to refute Rep in a reasonable way. He couldn’t think of a way to form into words that he didn’t deserve to be healed. Rep didn’t even walk across the room to Zalan’s cot, he placed him down on his own. Zalan allowed himself to be laid back on the blood covered cot.
“Heal well, and we can discuss what to do from here, my friend,” Rep said. “And thank you, for saving my life. Without you, I would not be here right now.”
Zalan couldn’t bring himself to object. He truly believed that the only reason Rep was at the brink of death to begin with was his fault. He rolled over on the cot, looking away from his closest ally in this realm. Zalan’s lips trembled. He already felt like he was missing a part of him without his Elemental Power. But he felt that something much more fundamental was missing in his heart as he lay down. He felt at his lowest point, both physically and mentally at that moment.
But not a tear came to his dry eyes. Zalan felt entirely empty.