I lay in bed curled up with Yuki after returning to the hotel room. I told Shiro I needed time to collect my thoughts and calm down. So I ran. I ran back to the hotel room and curled into a ball with Yuki. The one being that would comfort me no matter what happens. She’s gotten bigger now that I think of it. She’s almost the size of a regular fox now. And she felt so nice to cuddle with at that moment as I sobbed into a pillow and hid under the bed sheets.

After a while, I heard the door open, “Hey, Zeana. You doing all right?” Haze asked from the door. I didn’t answer. Deciding I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Haze sighed and closed the door. A second later, I felt the bunk bed shake as she climbed onto my bed and sat down. She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head.

Haze rubbed my shoulder, “It would help if you talked about it. And I’ll sit right here until you do.”

I was silent for a while longer, hoping she would leave me alone so I could cry in peace. She still didn’t leave, just sat on the end of my bed and waited patiently. “Why?” I mumbled under the bedsheets.

“Why what?” Haze asked.

“Why did she have to make them suffer? Why couldn’t she have just killed them quickly? Why did she do that?”

“Why are you asking the wrong questions?” Haze asked me.

I poked my head out from under the bed sheets and sniffed, “What do you mean?”

“You can ask me why this and why that all-day,” Haze said, “But that won’t change what happened. Now what are you feeling? And why?”

Looking up at Haze, I saw the concerned and loving look on her scared face, and I looked away as I sat up, unable to look Haze in the eyes right now. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m feeling sad.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know why,” I sniffed, “Maybe it’s because I felt like I lost the fight? Maybe it’s because I lost control of my instincts and won? Or…” My throat tightened as I considered my next words, “Or maybe it’s because I couldn’t protect them. I couldn’t protect—” My chest tightened, and I had to fight the urge to cry again. “I couldn’t protect everyone. I couldn’t protect Shiro. I couldn’t protect Cami, Jax, Xiao, or Scarlet. I couldn’t protect them.”

I broke into tears, and Haze pulled me into her chest as she hugged me and said, “Shhh, shhh. Let it all out.”

“I couldn’t protect my family!” I cried as Haze held me tight, “Do you know what that’s like!? To be unable to protect someone! Someone you love? I know they’re fine, but – but at that moment, I-I was so scared. I-I—”

“Zeana, I know how you feel more than you know,” Haze said as I cried into her chest.

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“H-H-How!?” I cried through sobs.

Haze pulled away from me and pointed to one of her many scars, “Do you know why I have scars and next to nobody else doesn’t have scars?” I shook my head, wiping away tears. “It’s because of how our chakra works. When we heal ourselves or others, it heals them perfectly. No scars, no issues, no problems. But when something traumatic happens when you’re being healed, then something else happens. A scar forms and becomes a permanent reminder of what happened that day.”

I blinked and looked at all the scars along her body. From what I could see, there were at least fifty scars on her. I pointed to bite marks on her right arm, “What caused that one?”

Haze looked and said, “A Beowolf attacked a village not too far from Ree’ze. We ran there as fast as we could but were too late. The village was wiped out before we got there. But we could kill the Beowolves and at least avenge the citizens that lived there. We fought hundreds of Beowolves. We were overwhelmed, and one of my students was reckless and got too far from the group. I got this while trying to stop him and watched as he was ripped apart and eaten alive. I couldn’t do anything to save him.”

“What about those?” I asked, pointing at a circular scar below her ribs.

“A bandit raid back when I was still an emerald rank. My master at the time saved me but at the cost of his own life. I can still feel his blood dripping onto me as he fought off bandit after bandit. He killed one hundred and thirty bandits that day. I found him impaled at the top of a mountain of corpses.”

“And those?” I asked, pointing to the ones around her eyes.

Haze looked saddened as she touched the scars and said, “I … I watched as something killed all my students and … and my husband,” and I saw Haze’s composer break for just a second as she recalled the memory before continuing, “I don’t remember what the monster was. I didn’t get a good enough look. But it captured me, my team, and my husband alive and locked us in a cave. It spent hours just torturing each and every one of us. Started with my youngest students burning them, cutting off their skin, and eating their flesh while they still lived. I can still hear their screams. And I couldn’t look away as it sowed our eyes open and forced us to watch as it tortured them. After a month of torturing them, it finally got to my husband and cut him into pieces little by little until he was nothing but a head left.”

I leaned into Haze and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Haze interrupted, “and my story isn’t over yet. Once it finished with my husband, it saved me for last. I cursed it as it came closer to me, and it laughed all the while. Before it did anything to me, it spoke. That was the first time I heard a monster speak in all my life. Its voice was cold and uncaring and full of glee. It said, ‘I see life within, but it is not your life I see.’” Haze then rubbed her belly, where five small circular scars circled her womb. “It reached into my stomach with its claws and pulled out my intestines, and ate a baby I didn’t even know I had within me yet. As I screamed in pain, the monster sang, ‘Moonlight blue. Grace in the glimmering, stars are glowing anew.’ At that point, I had enough and broke free from my restraints,” she rubbed the pale scars around her wrists, “I fought the monster and drove it off with no chakra left in my body. I thought that day would be my last until Dr.Hima saved my life with a group of other masters. I am still searching for that monster to this day, and I will kill it.”

I hugged Haze tighter and said, “I feel like there was supposed to be a point to these stories.”

Haze chuckled and hugged me back, “The point is, you will lose people you care about, and you will have to learn to live with that pain. This tournament will help dull the pain when that day does happen.”

“But I don’t want to lose anyone,” I whimpered.

“I know, kiddo, I know,” Haze said, placing a kiss on my head. Haze held me tight for a bit longer, and I enjoyed the feeling while it lasted. Then she pushed me away and said, “Let’s get some food. I’m sure everyone is eating right now, and we could join them for a bit.” I nodded, and Yuki climbed onto my shoulder as we got off the bed and left to find food.

***