I explained how to catch a rabbit to Levi before we headed outside into the night to search for one. I managed to find and catch three before Levi successfully found one; catching it was another story for him.

“How do you see or even catch these fuckers in the dark? I chased mine around the woods for like ten minutes!”

My little pile of wood began to burn as I ignited a flame in the pit beneath it, “I’ve lived my whole life in the wasteland, having to fend for myself. I promise that collecting rabbits is the easiest of things to do out here.”

“Easiest,” Levi scoffed, “That’s great to know.”

I do my best to preserve the fat from the rabbits as I skinned and gutted them for eating. One rabbit per person, we all should be fed for the night at the very least.

As they cooked, I combined the rest of the ingredients and placed the mix into a steel sphere with a foot-long chain attached to retrieve it safely from the heat.

While Levi and I ate, I let it rest in the hot embers, and we talked more about the city.

“I feel like I’ve learned about this stuff in school. “They said Old World people would take plants and animals and turn them into thousands of different things.” He took a bite of his tender rabbit. They said it was unconventional and greedy, and that’s why the Great Swallowing happened, but this isn’t unconventional. You’re saving Bear’s life.”

“No,” That felt like a little much; I wasn’t saving anyone, at least not yet, “I haven’t even given him the medicine yet.”

Levi shrugged, “And? I haven’t felt all that great the last month we’ve been out here but tonight is the first time I have. This rabbit, the heat from the fire, the fact you’re making your own medicine, there’s no way you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Looking away, I shook my head as I felt my cheeks blush. “You’re too kind, Levi. I’m just doing what I was taught.” Then I realized I had let his name slip, and he’d never told me his name.

“How’d you—”

I cut him off by popping out of my seat and grabbing the chain off the ground, “The medicine should be good now!” I pulled the sphere from the near ashes and wrapped the chain around my fingers once to bring it closer to my face. The smell that radiated was heavenly, and it was prepared perfectly.

Without saying anything else, he followed me inside, and I set the hot sphere on the table.

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I had a spare, clean cloth on me and began to cut it with my knife until I got just a thin strip of material that I could fold into a tiny square. By the time I was finished, the metal had cooled enough for me to take the lid off without burning myself and see a honey-brown liquid still bubbling on the inside. I dropped the piece of fabric in and let it soak up the tonic.

Finally, I turned to Levi, “You just have to put this on the inside of his bottom lip and wait.”

“Wait?” He asked, “How long?”

“It could be anywhere from ten minutes to twenty-four hours. It all depends on how sick he is, but if you say he was talking and moving between yesterday and tonight, I would say it would be on the lesser end of waiting.”

Levi nodded, brought the medicine, and prepared rabbit into the room where Bear lay. I sat in the candle-lit kitchen and listened but heard nothing. The house was entirely still as I waited.

Finally, after what felt like forever, he returned, jumping over the hole I had created. He sighed as he sat beside me, “He was begging for water, but his reserves are gone.”

It was hard to hide my apparent shock and disdain, “Let me get this straight: you didn’t bring enough water, you don’t know how to catch your food, and your medicine is practically useless. What do you guys even do in the city to survive?”

“Alright, jackass, we don’t survive in the city, we live in it. Plus, they gave us a quick rundown on cleaning water in school but didn’t expand on it because they said we’d never have to worry about preparing our own water.”

His words hit me like a vicious right hook: ‘We don’t survive in the city; we live in it.’

“Right,” I said, unable to stomach the undeniable feeling of envy brewing in my gut, “Well, it’s pretty late, I think. I’m going to set up my tent in the wooded area behind the house, and you can come get me when he wakes up.”

Levi grabbed my wrist as I began to stand, “Wait, what? Why? It’s freezing out there!”

“I’m used to it; don’t worry about me.” I smiled softly and freed my wrist from his grasp, but he still looked unsure and worried even as I prepared to go outside. “I have warm clothes I can put on, and my tent insulates well. I’ll be alright.”

He shook his head, “Girls like you don’t exist in my world. I have to wrap my head around that.”

“You should,” I replied. “What you guys have going on in that city isn’t sustainable if you want to start mingling with the people and things out in the wasteland. We are survivors; we keep our heads on a swivel and take care of our own by any means.” Levi raised his eyebrows at my sudden change in tone. “I hope your girlfriend makes it back and lets your people know that.”

Before he could reply, I shut the door behind me and disappeared into the woods.

It took me a matter of minutes to set up my tent and bed, and as I lay twisted up in my blanket, I mulled over my day, unable to fathom what had transpired.

How could I, of all people, have been the first for city people to make contact with? I suppose it was better they ran into me than some trigger-happy gang member, but it’s so difficult for me to let them go knowing they aren’t prepared for what’s out there.

I hope what I made for Bear works, but after I set them up with more medicine, I’m going back home—back to Leo, my garden, and my books.

These city people aren’t my responsibility, and I don’t want to let myself begin to feel like they are.

I can’t take another loss, not again.