The sword stops a foot away from my neck and so does everything else around me. The droplets of rain hang suspended in midair reflecting the light of the flames looking like miniature stars falling onto the earth. The asshole who was coming with the downward swing just stands there frozen, looking like the world's most scariest garden decoration.

There's only one logical explanation for this.

.

.

.

.

.

I have somehow awakened my magical time-bending powers!

FUCK YEAH!!!

Suck a big fat one Donnis, you old fucking hack of an archmage cunt! Who's the one who said 'You have no magical talent'? Well, surprise mother fucker! As soon as I'm done with this asshole I'm gonna grope every pair of tits and ass from here to Lancaster, where I will kick your wrinkly ass nuts a thousand times and then a thousand times more before this time stop wears off!

But first things first, I should use one of the potions inside my side satchel to heal up a bit. I'm pretty sure I can't regrow a foot from chugging a potion or two but maybe Regis can help me with his light magic. If it doesn't work it's no big deal since I heard they're making great strides in peg leg technology, maybe I can get one with vibration options, for the ladies.

But first I gotta pull that potion out.

.

.

Any day now.

.

.

Won't be long now.

.

.

I can feel my hand reaching to where my satchel is but it's just not grabbing anything.

Please don't tell me I'm missing my other hand too.

I place my hand in front of my face and I sigh in relief as I wiggle my fingers but then I realized something.

I can see through my hand.

A quick burst of panic ran through me and I quickly scrambled up to my feet an- wait what?

Glancing down I somehow see not one but two semi-transparent legs touching the ground. Not sure what I was seeing I started looking at my whole body just to discover my whole body was somewhat transparent, and I apparently have both of my missing limbs reattached. Neat.

Confusion begins to set in as I wildly looked around but what was once a scene of a raging burning forest one moment has now been instantaneously replaced with a pure white endless void the next. A feeling of weightlessness and nausea crept up on me as I just found myself floating in the white nothingness. I tried looking around to get my bearings but when everything looks the same to you, you can't even tell if you're even moving at all, which leaves you with the feeling of being paralyzed.

With all this going on I had only one question.

What the fu-

Suddenly streams of multi-colored lights flash into existence swirling around me like an infinite school of fishes. I could feel my body being pulled towards to what I assume is the ground as wooden floorboards began to materialize beneath my feet. A whole entire room was beginning to materialize around me as the swirling lights began to dissipate.

As the last of the lights faded out I found myself in a dimly lit hallway. It kinda looks like a hallway on an inn. I mean it had all the telltale signs an inn hallway: faded creme color walls, barely functional magelight lamps hanging on the ceiling, multiple thick wooden doors with little golden number plaques on them, crappy wooden furniture that no sensible person would ever own, paintings of random crap hanging on the walls between rooms, all the usual things you find at an inn.

Hmm. . . . . I guess I also have teleporting powers as well it seems. So far I'm two for two now Donnis. 

I could feel a strange sense of familiarity as I started walking down the hallway. As I scanned my surroundings a painting at the end of the hall suddenly caught my eye. It was a painting of a bunch of grapes in a cornucopia. I don't know why this picture drew my attention but again the sense of familiarity was still there.

Where have I seen this picture before?

"Mn mm!"

The sudden sound of a woman's luscious moans immediately knocks me out of my stupor. I looked to the door to the right of me as I tried to concentrate on my hearing.

"Ah, yees yes!"

Thud thud thud

Somebody was definitely having a good time in there. I would normally never try to pry on a couples private moment of intimacy, especially given the current situation I am in, but somehow I still find myself leaning in to press my ear against the door to get a better listen. Expecting to feel the texture of solid wood against my ear, all I felt was a smoky nothingness that was quickly enveloping my head. Startled I tried to grab a hold of something to stop my fall but my hand just grasped at nothing and my face immediately made contact with the floor. 

I quickly rolled onto my back and grasped at my face expecting the usual pain from face planting but there was no pain, not even a dull throb. Removing my hands from my face I'm treated with a comical sight of my upper body sticking out from the other side of the door. Wanting to test something out, first I lightly tapped the ground with my hand just to make sure it didn't sink in. Feeling satisfied I sat myself up with my eyes and mouth closed as my head approached the door, again I felt the sensation of smoky nothingness but only for a moment. Opening my eyes I see my missing lower half in the hallway still transparently intact.

Now I have ghost powers. I guess that's why I'm almost see through?

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

Oh well, now I'm three for three Donnis you old fucker.

A small chuckle escaped my lips as I lean back out and saw the other side of the door again. Then I leaned back in and saw the hallway again.

Then out.

Then in.

Hallway.

Room.

Hallway

Room.

Hallway.

Oh no somebody left a pair of legs in the hallway.

Surprise bitch! It's actually a ghost!

Thud Thud Thud

"Ah ah mn!"

The sound of the bed pounding against the wall and female pleasure sounds quickly reminded where I was at the moment. I turned around to get a once over look of the room on the other side of the door and again yet a more powerfully familiarity was there.

I know I've seen this room before but when?

My eyes caught a trail of clothes and undergarments on the floor leading to the bed. On it, partially illuminated by a lamp on a nightstand was a man and a woman, who were going at it hard in the classic doggy style position.  Normally  I would be keeping my eyes on the woman but somehow my eyes were being drawn to the man giving it to her and then slowly my eye starts wandering down until I was finally staring at the guy's ass.

Let me make this very clear that I'm not into dudes, but there was something about this guys ass that spoke out to me. The slightly tanned color asscheeks were firm yet looked soft to the touch, it moved back and for in a dignified way without slacking. It was a good looking ass. When I squinted my eyes to get a clearer view in the barely lit room I notice a little birthmark on the upper right cheek.

Funny that looks just like-

Suddenly the realization hit me like warhammer to the back of the head.

I know whose ass this was.

Quickly getting the rest of my body through the door I walked over to the side of the bed to the confirm my claim. The guy must have been at least over 6 feet, sweat dripped down his athletically built body. His face was youthful with a little bit of stubble, he was probably of the age of sixteen or eighteen. His partially long dark brown hair was combed back as not to obstruct his light brown eyes of the sight of the luscious woman in front of him. He had a roguish grin on his face as he firmly held onto the woman hips as he thrusted in and out, relishing in the woman's lovely symphony of moans.

Yup without a doubt this person  is-

"Oh, Ryder! Your gonna break me!" The woman screams in pleasure.

-me.

"Shh, your husband is gonna find us out" The look alike Ryder said to quiet the woman but instead he quickens the pace of his thrusting much to the delight of his female partner.

"I don't fucking care!" She replies as she reaches behind her and turns her head to passionately locks lips with Ryder as he plowed her from behind.

Damn, that's hot.

Everything started coming back to me. This was the Heron & Finch Inn in the town of Dobres. The woman he was currently banging was the uptight innkeepers beautiful, sexually frustrated wife, Helen.

This scene that's happening right in front of me happened almost six months ago, which means.

Gods dammit! I'm in a fucking flashback!

I must be having one those 'life flashing before my eyes' moment I hear so much about. All of this isn't real there just memories of my very shortly lived life, I'm still in the middle of the forest waiting for the sword to my head split open.

I guess I don't have any magical powers that just suddenly awakened during my great time of need but that's ok.

 At least I know your still a fucking cunt Donnis.