In this modern era, science and psychology have shed light on the inner workings of a child’s psyche and the long, dark history of poor parenting that has lent to generations of self-perpetuating abuse. Among the myriad of crimes committed against a child, there is one that stands out among the others. One deed, among the very first that could be exacted against a person, stands apart from the following lifetime of shame and turmoil. Many in their life would suffer far greater tribulations, torments, and abuse, but few would be made to suffer so early on in their lives as those given, against their will, a trendy hipster name. 

Oukleigh Leif Eierkuchen had resented his name since the very day he was taught how to spell it. He had decided early on to just go by Oak, for simplicity's sake. The name Oak was normal enough and easy to remember, it allowed him to fly under the radar most of the time. 

Truthfully, a name that sounds out to be “Oakley” wasn’t all that terrible anyway; in fact,  Oak could think of at least a hundred other names that were far worse. This wasn’t what bothered him. It was the fact that His parents had to spell it so damn weird, mixed with the fact that he was named after his father’s favorite brand of sunglasses. It was the way it felt so… unfeeling, like they didn’t care to put any more effort into his name than its unusual spelling.

 After deciding to name their son after a pair of glasses, they chose his middle name because oak trees have leaves and, of course, Leif is a name and why should his middle name have any more meaning than his first name? To his parents, they went together like milk and cookies and not like the graham crackers and cottage cheese that it was.

 Finally, his last name, a traditional German name that was pronounced like a bear sneezing into a garbage bin while simultaneously farting like an elephant rampaging in a bubble wrap factory, as most German names happen to be pronounced.  The name Eierkuchen means “egg cake” and has no further significance than that. Altogether, his name meant “tree leaf egg cake” and once the other kids at school caught on to that fact, they never let him live it down.

It was common enough for kids to have weird hipster names while Oak was growing up but most of them at least had a normal last name so that, when teachers gave roll call, they could at least call out kids by their surname instead. For Oak, every teacher on the first day of school or substitute teacher would pause, squint their eyes, and inevitably say something along the lines of “Ooklay Earkoochen?” and laughter would ensue. 

By the time he reached high school, Oak had mostly come to terms with his name and embraced the long-running joke with his school friends. Honestly, the name Oak itself wasn’t terrible and he had found it unique enough to be set apart but normal enough to not be a complete laughingstock. 

Oak attended Prarie Hills, a public high school in Colorado Springs, a town located in one of the most beautiful locations in the States but felt as underwhelming as a bowl of buttered noodles when one was promised a heaping plate of spaghetti with meatballs. Don’t be mistaken, for rock climbers, mountain bikers, and avid hikers, the city was a dream come true, but for anyone who just wanted a decent place to eat and any form of non-outdoor entertainment, the city was as exciting as a sigh. 

 Oak went to school in a nice part of town, where most of his peers lived in homes bigger than his, with parents richer than his, and had most things in their lives handed to them. His school had a chronic lack of drive and he often found his peers insufferable in their incessant complaining. 

By his senior year in high school, Oak had started taking classes at the local college, as he found his high school classes simply didn’t push him anymore. Even the AP classes had failed to push him to the level where he felt challenged. To him, it seemed like the standards just kept going lower and lower, doing nothing but a disservice to the other students at his school.

Oak mostly tried to avoid socializing at his school but, every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon, he would rush out of his Bio1000 class to drive back to his high school and join in with the one extracurricular activity he was excited to be a part of, the anime club.

Oak wouldn’t have considered himself an anime fanatic or anything close to that, but his best friend, Greyson, had started the club and was desperate for members in its early days. Even now, the club only has eight loyal members, Grey and Oak included. 

Oak had watched several animes with Grey over the years but hadn’t taken the initiative to watch many on his own until he joined the anime club. Grey was adamant about Oak helping him run the club and insisted that he at least be caught up on the most relevant animes. So, while Oak did his homework for classes, he did his homework for Grey and watched every season of Naruto, Bleach, and Hunter x Hunter as well as many of the highest-rated animes that Grey hadn’t already forced him to sit through. 

Early in their Junior year, Grey had gathered together as many anime enthusiasts who were bold enough to publicly proclaim their love for the medium and convinced them to join the club. In the course of the next two years, all eight of the club’s members had grown fairly close to one another.

The anime club felt something akin to the Island of Misfit kids but it had also become a safe and welcoming space for those students. It was the very reason the school even let the club exist in the first place. One of their teachers, Mr. Clinley, had advocated for them and offered his classroom to host them. He had convinced the principal that there should be a space, outside of the classroom, where every student feels like they fit in. 

The club was composed of six guys and two girls who, aside from Grey and Oak, didn’t share a single thing in common outside their affinity for anime.

 Mia was a typical small, quiet, alternative girl who wore black clothes all year long and alternated between her two favorite graphic zip-up hoodies. She appeared shy at first glance, rarely talking… until she started talking, then the trick was trying to get her to shut up.

Ashley, on the other hand, was a cheerleader and the least popular of the popular girls. She tried to emulate their styles and likes but had always been the one at the back of the group. She had joined the anime club on a whim in attempt to break her mold and find friends who would appreciate her for her and not the mask she put up for her friends.

Of the boys, Haven was the largest of the six, standing at 6”3’ and a solid 260 lbs, he was a gentle giant. He was also one of the only kids at the school that could grow decent facial hair. The varsity football team had begged him to join even just for the intimidation factor but he adamantly refused, joining the C-team instead. He had said it was because he didn’t have enough time for varsity but Oak suspected it had to do with the other members of the varsity team.

Caine was the smallest of the boys and best friends with Haven. His arms looked like chopsticks and a thin, fuzzy mustache plagued his upper lip and made him look twice as cringe-worthy as he already was. “It requires a woman with refined tastes to truly appreciate a good mustache,” he would say, pretending to twist the edges of his lip caterpillar. He was the club’s clown and resident perv, to a mild degree. Regardless, Mia made sure to meet every pervy or stupid comment with swift retribution, often in the form of physical abuse. The scrawny boy could do little against her assaults and Haven rarely stepped in to defend his monkey-brained friend.

The last two boys, Hayden and Alex, hadn’t known anyone in the club beforehand and had joined out of their pure, unadulterated love for anything and everything anime, and that means anything anime. The two would often get into long-winded arguments about the best battle sequences or the most voluptuous women depicted in the more cringe side of anime.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

“There’s no way Sasuke beat Meruem, he’s the strongest apex predator, even with his susano, Sasuke doesn’t stand a chance,” Hayden would begin.

“You’re not getting it, I’m talking about Sasuke with the full power of the Sharingan eyes, his visual prowess is arguably better than even Madara’s by the end of the series and Meruem only uses nen,” Alex would reply heatedly, and the debate would continue through all of club time, then into the hallways, out into the parking lot, and their whole walk home. It could get exhausting.

Outside of the club, Alex was also a massive history buff and knew everything there was to know about war tactics and medieval weaponry. This knowledge often found its way into his arguments with Hayden and had left the other boy sulking in the corner on more than one occasion. 

Hayden was less the nerdy, scholarly type and was the only other jockey in the club besides Grey, who was on the soccer team. Hayden had been a runner his whole life and had won several state track meets. If Alex began to win an argument, Hayden often tried to convince him to settle the matter over some sort of physical competition which he, of course, always won.

At the end of their senior year, Oak and Grey had been debating who they should leave in charge of the club once they graduated. Haven was their first choice but he was also a senior. Oak had just finished his last Bio1000 exam and had come to the club to boast about finishing most of his classes a whole month before everyone else. Grey had met him at the main doors and they talked as they walked to Mr. Clinley’s classroom.

“If we elect Mia she’ll never muster up the courage to invite anyone and then anyone who does come will have their ear talked off before they even take a seat. You remember how she got when we asked her opinion of Fullmetal Alchemist.” Oak argued as Grey begrudgingly nodded in agreement. 

Grey had developed a crush on the gothic Junior over the last two years and had yet to muster up the courage to say anything to Mia. He always had an excuse like “I’m just biding my time” or  “She has a test this week, I dont want anything to distract her”. Eventually Oak gave up as she somehow had some test or major event every single week that simply made it impossible for Grey to express his feelings.

“Ashley’s a good choice but she’s not the most consistent in attendance. Hayden and Alex are off the table, they would undoubtedly abuse their power and every meeting would be more arguments than even the debate team has. That just leaves Caine but I’m not sure anyone would ever come if they knew he ran the group,” Grey replied and the two of them walked in quiet contemplation for a while.

“Hey, Caine’s got some leadership skills, he’s just too… easily distracted,” Oak said with a shrug.

They rounded the corner and stepped into Mr. Clinley’s room. A bang sounded next to Oak’s ear and something rough smacked his face. His ear rang for a moment and he swatted away confetti from his shoulder. A chorus of kazoos sounded off and Oak looked up to see everyone standing around a table with cake on it, adorned with colorful balloons fixed to the table with scotch tape. 

Oak smiled and walked toward the table before Caine leaped from beside him and latched onto him. He would have tackled him to the floor if he had any more mass on him but only managed to make Oak stumble a little. 

“If only I weren’t so straight, I’d kiss ya, right on the lips, but alas! No, wait, I still might get one little smooch,” Caine said, leaning in toward Oak while puckering his lips. Oak pushed him back and nearly threw him onto a table before Haven put an arm around Caine’s neck and shoulders and pulled the scrappy boy away. 

Grey punched Caine lightly on the shoulder, “C’mon Caine, we’ve all heard how you talk about Gojo, let’s not act like you wouldn’t bat for the other team for the right guy,” he jested.

Caine put on a serious expression, “Listen, anyone would swing the other way if it’s Gojo we’re talking about. I would gladly wear heels and a dress just to be able to gaze into that man’s crystalline eyes,” Caine said with a mock dreamy expression.

Mia smacked his head with a book, “Not thirty seconds in and Caine’s already said the weirdest and most sexist shit you’ve heard today,” she said as Caine voiced his protests.

“What is all this?” Oak asked with a half-cocked smile.

“We wanted to celebrate our seniors and give you guys an early grad party. It’s just a little something Mia and I put together.” Ashley told him.

“Alex and I helped too!” Hayden butted in.

“Yeah, well, we all know how long-winded those two can be, so they helped blow up the balloons.” She said with a smirk.

“Don't forget who funded this little extravagant celebration.” Mr. Clinley said, walking up behind Oak and Grey and placing his hands on their shoulders. “Well, somewhat, most of the decorations are from Ms. Faux’s art room but she doesn’t need to know about that. The cake I bought though, I thought it was fitting. I couldn’t find any egg-cake but I think I spelled all your names right.”

The cake was a sheet cake with the printed image of Colonel Mustang, from Fullmetal Alchemist, crying over a gravestone with Oak, Grey, and Haven’s full names on it. Oak and Grey chuckled a little at it and cut into the cake. The club had spent a whole meeting, several in fact, arguing over the best anime ever made and had concluded that Fullmetal Alchemist was, at the very least, one they could collectively agree stood out from most other anime. Mia was always quick to specify that Brotherhood was the better of the two versions of the show and had prepared the equivalent of a doctoral thesis on why that was the case.

Oak sat down with his cake and noticed that there was a ninth member of the club today and nudged Grey with a questioning glance. Grey, being the more charismatic of the two of them, raised his voice and acknowledged the new attendee, “Hey, I didn’t know we had someone new! Who’s this?” He asked excitedly.

The girl reddened a little after being singled out but Ashley gave her a nudge of encouragement, “Maxine, but you can call me Max, I’m just one of Ashley’s friends, I usually have practice but the season’s over already so I decided to come today,” the girl introduced herself.

Caine took the opportunity to chime in, “Another female joins the group, a pretty one nonetheless, we will soon be outnumbered,” he said with a smile, until another notebook connected with his head. He scowled at Mia who looked pointedly away with an indignant smirk.

“Well, if Caine ever does get a girlfriend, it certainly won't be because of his incredible skills with words,” Oak jested.

“Pleasure to meet you, Maxine, just know, whether you’re an anime enthusiast or have never seen an anime in your life, everyone is welcome here. And please don’t let Caine scare you off, he’s not actually as creepy as he lets on,” Grey said to her.

Max smiled an embarrassed smile and sipped on a cup of soda. Haven wrestled Caine into a headlock and gave him a noogie scrub while the boy squirmed and cringed. The rest of the crew fell into their normal routines while Mr. Clinley turned on a compilation of anime theme songs in the background. 

Alex and Hayden fell into another heated debate over the female who was the best “wife material” from the Big Three, that being Naruto, Bleach, and One Piece. Caine chimed in occasionally arguing his case based mainly upon physical attributes, which were followed quickly by a thud from Mia.

Oak looked around the classroom wistfully, reminiscing over the times they had spent there. While they had made for an odd group of friends, he had found genuine friendship in all of them. None of them held anything back or tried to be something they were not, at least not here, and Oak couldn’t begin to express how much he appreciated that.

Oak nodded his head as he looked around and smiled. He stood up, grabbing his plastic cup of soda from the table and raising it in the air, “Hey everyone!” he shouted to get their attention. Caine sat on a disgruntled Haven and stroked his beard gently while the others sat down in their respective seats,  “I’d just like to make a toast to you… no, to us!” he said looking over at Grey and Haven, “All of us have-” he cut off, looking up suddenly as the ground shifted beneath him. 

In front of his eyes, the classroom vanished, along with, the chairs, their backpacks, and even Mr. Clinley. Darkness flooded around them and he watched as everyone who had been sitting down collapsed on the now hard and metallic floor. Caine collapsed on top of Haven who abruptly threw him off like a sack of potatoes. A cool night breeze blew through them and Oak looked up to see stars above him. Shock riddled his face as he gazed into the sky and saw, not one, not two, but three moons suspended above them. 

Oak’s stomach sank and his mind reeled at what he was seeing. The first moon looked like a smaller version of the one he knew, riddled with foreign crater patterns. The second was orange with red spots on it, the largest of the three. The third, on the other hand, shimmered with dark light and had cracks marring its surface; meteors left craters causing a bright, webbed contrast to the dark surface. 

He tried to find his voice but all he could do was stutter. The entire group was lost for words as they stumbled and gazed about. Even Caine, the group’s gum runner, was at a loss for words. 

The night felt eerily still and Grey seemed ready to speak when a loud, melodic chime rang out over the midnight landscape. An overly pleasant, slightly robotic-sounding voice spoke from behind Oak and he watched Caine’s face twist with surprise then blanche. He turned around to see a ghostly, shimmering feminine figure standing behind him, casting a blue light over the group.

“Welcome to Grog: the Galaxy of Champions! Your world was selected by our benevolent lord for integration. You may offer him tribute at any time for his kindness and wisdom. Simply select ‘Tribute’ in your HUD and select the item most befitting our generous benefactor.” She said, holding out her hand and casting the image that showed a large, digital button that read ‘Tribute’ on it. The entire group of students just gawked at the woman, mouths agape.

Caine, of course, was first to speak, “What the F-”