I shook myself from my reverie, and took a look at the time… It’s just after 3:30pm. Welp, I guess I’m not getting much shopping done today unless I leave now. I rushed downstairs and grabbed my laundry from the dryer, and brought it back up to my apartment. Now at least I don’t have to wear these clothes, I thought. I really don’t want to look like I’m wearing my brothers’ hand-me-downs!
Quickly dressing in my (now clean smelling) sweat pants and shirt, I quickly grabbed my hoodie and my wallet and keys. Just as I was leaving, Pepsi meowed mournfully from the kitchen. What now?! I went over – and saw my little girl pawing her empty bowl. “I’m sorry, baby. Mommy forgot to feed you.” I sighed, and got some tinned food ready for Pepsi. She liked Friskies the best, but I sometimes got her fancier tinned food from the pet store, which she liked pretty well too. I considered Friskies the McDonalds of cat food – good once in a while, but not as an everyday diet. No name cat food was on par with questionable gas station sushi, in my opinion, but then she probably ate better than I did.
“There, baby,” I said. “I’ll be back later.” I looked at the clock – it was 4:10pm. The stores should be open until 8pm or 9pm at least. I should have enough time to get some more clothes, right? I headed for the elevator and hoped I wouldn’t have to wait long for a streetcar.
* * *
Dufferin Mall was a really nice shopping mall in west Toronto, with over 120 stores. I’d been in it dozens of times in the last three years, usually for clothes, or to pick up gifts for friends on special occasions. I’d never been there to buy clothing for ladies, however, and I found I was looking forward to the experience, even if my wallet was not. I needed clothes – from undergarments to outfits to wear, including some shoes and winter boots. I’ll probably need a purse, too, I thought, since some genius figured ladies don’t need actual pockets that work. I knew a few places I wasn’t going – Suzy Shier and Reitmans. I remembered how my ex Penny claimed their clothes were shoddily made, and I didn’t want to make the same mistake. They also looked like clothes for middle-aged ladies, not younger ladies, like I now was. I would also need to go to the Bra Boutique – another place my ex frequented, since she had a larger bust than most. It would probably have the bras I would need with my new physique. I blushed at the thought. I idly wondered what my sizes for clothes would be – since every store and every designer seemed to have a different idea of what a size 6 meant, if my ex’s rantings were anything to go by.
Penny may have been the worst mistake I ever made, but she knew her clothing, and as her erstwhile husband, I had learned by osmosis a bit about ladies fashion over the years. I mean, after 17 years of marriage, how couldn’t you learn something? You’d have to be stupider than a box of rocks to not learn something! What I didn’t know is what kind of style I would like – and that would be part of today’s adventure – balancing what I liked with what I could afford. I knew ladies clothes cost a lot more than mens, and I knew you had to try everything on, regardless of what the tag said its size was. I figured I was fairly well armed with that information, and got down to business.
* * *
An hour and a half later, I knew I was in trouble. I apparently had an hourglass figure, the woman at the Bra boutique told me, which was supposed to be very sexy. I supposed I really had won the genetic lottery – although I wasn’t yet sure about how to feel about the ‘drop dead sexy’ part. What shocked me was learning my bra size – 36G. G!? G!? I was a little scared to hear I was a G-cup, but after the nice woman – Larissa – told me about how bra sizes work, and how the perception of what was big and what was small was totally bonkers compared to real women, I began to calm down. Apparently, with a tall, strong frame like mine, a pair of G-cups would look both appropriate and attractive, without looking like I was taking a role in a travelling freakshow, which relaxed me a great deal. I also learned about how most women are wearing the wrong bra – and I was so thankful for Larissa’s help, I bought five bras – four nice ones with a trace of lace – in white and tan, and one other style that left my shoulders free. I nearly fainted at the price – over 450 dollars, with tax! I remember them being expensive, but damn! I thanked her profusely, both for her advice and for her calming me after I heard my official bra size, and left the store in a daze of sticker shock. Apparently I was her first Emerged customer! I would definitely be going back there.
Next, I went to Marks Work Wearhouse and picked up some blue jeans and a jean skirt, and some nice tops, some sweaters, and socks and T-shirts, as well as two sets of comfortable sleepwear. I bought a lot there, because of an end of season sale. Most of my score was 50% off, which was phenomenal! They were clearing out goods to prepare for the Christmas season, and I took advantage of that ruthlessly. After that, there were stops at Rogers, to replace my damaged cell phone, the food court to get a bite to eat, and Wal Mart, for shoes, boots and a purse, as well as a stop by the pharmacy, just in case Auntie Flo arrived sooner than expected. I knew I needed more stuff – I had maybe one fifth of a wardrobe, maybe – but it was nearing 9pm and my credit cards and ATM cards were shooting blood out their proverbial eyes over how much I’d abused them. I was a little worried – I’d eaten up about one third of my emergency fund, and if I couldn’t find a job, it wouldn’t last long. What could I do? I thought. I had to have something to wear that fit me!
My thoughts were preoccupied as I gathered my goods and took a streetcar home. I had actually really enjoyed myself while shopping. The only regret I had about today was that I hadn’t had more time to explore the other stores and see what styles of clothes I would like. I felt like experimenting a little, and smiled. For the first time in a long time I actually felt alive. I felt vibrant. I felt like me, finally – and I was on top of the world! By the time I got home I was giddy with euphoria, and my face had a smile a mile wide plastered across it.
* * *
After I put away my clothes, I unpackaged and set up my new cell phone. I had opted for the same model initially, but the store had given me a free upgrade in recognition of years of being a good customer. It was basically the same phone, with a faster processor and double the memory, so I was pretty pleased with it as I replaced the sim card and plugged it in to charge up. I liked Samsung over Apple, mostly because I didn’t agree with Apple’s business ethic. That, and I wasn’t made of gold and silver coins to pay their ridiculous prices.
Now, all I have to do is figure out what to do with my old male clothes? I wondered. I guess I could give them to Value Village or something? I decided to post them online, on a Kijiji ad. “Newly Emerged has male wardrobe in need of a good home.” I also noted that the price was ‘make me an offer’ or ‘trade me female clothing that fits me and we’re even.’ It seemed like a good idea – why give it away when you can trade it for something? My old clothes were in pretty good shape, after all… I also put up a second advert “Newly Emerged requires female wardrobe.” I included my relevant sizes in both ads, and hoped that maybe there would be some hits in a day or two.
I turned on the TV, and the rollover news was still talking about Prime Minister Trudeau’s statement earlier that day, so I turned it off and loaded Netflix, and relaxed to an episode or two of ‘The Strain,’ a four season vampire story. I was on season two, and was really getting into it, when my new phone rang. I grinned when I saw the number… it was Eddie!
“Hey, Eddie!” I said, answering the phone.
“Hey, Karen. How have you been? I haven’t heard from you all day.” Eddie sounded cheerful, and his voice made me smile.
“Well, I spent the morning with laundry, and the afternoon and evening with buying some clothes and other needed sundries, considering my new body. I figured I should have more than a sweat suit to wear.”
“Yeah, well you know that towel I laid down on the couch for you to sit on with your stinky clothes? It still reeks and I’ve washed it twice. Febreeze sort of helped, but yuck!”
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
“Yeah. Smoke from house fires smells really gross.” I replied, feeling a bit sorry for him. “I used febreeze scent boosters on my laundry and it seemed to take the smell out of them, if that’s any help. Sorry?”
“Don’t sweat it too much,” Eddie laughed. “Did you see the news – about Doug Ford looking like an Orc, and Trudeau trying to set up superhuman police forces? Please tell me you saw that.”
“Yeah, Eddie. I saw it. You rooting for me to become an RCMP officer?”
“Well, not really. Are you thinking about it? I was just amazed at how fast the government took action. I’m also glad they’re trying to help and not ‘crack down’ on the Emerged, like is happening in other places.”
“I am thinking about it, actually.” I replied. “I need some more time to think, but in the end, I think I will. It’s a paying job, it has some prestige, and I can use my powers to help people. It’s a win-win, in my opinion.”
“Cool!” Eddie sounded please for me, and I couldn’t help but smile in return. “What about Saturday? Have you given any thought to meeting with Shelly for gaming?”
Oh crap! I thought. I hadn’t even told her what happened to me! “Umm… I think I just failed at Girl 101. I haven’t told her yet.”
“What? Oh, man. You know, she probably would have loved to go shopping with you.” Eddie sighed. “Do you want me to call her and let her know what happened?”
“Nah,” I replied. “I’m actually pretty okay with what happened. I’ll call her and apologize myself. If things go well, Saturday is still a go as far as I’m concerned. The Troll King and his minions are waiting for you guys, after all.”
“Bring it, old man!” Eddie replied, then paused. “I guess I can’t call you ‘old man’ anymore, can I?”
I laughed. “I guess not. What do you suggest as a new nickname?” I asked.
“I’ll work on it, okay Karen? It might take some doing.”
“Fair enough.” I replied. “How was your day?”
“Tiring. As far as I can tell, Precision Telecom is gone – filed for bankruptcy due to the building coming down. I heard from Shawn that the building wasn’t insured or something and the owners lost everything, but I don’t know if it’s true or not. I got an email that we were all laid off until future notice. I spent most of the day looking for work and updating my resume.”
“I guess I’ll have to contact Service Canada and try to reclaim my identity, wont I?” I asked Eddie.
“I suppose. It would be best, I think.” Eddie suggested. “You don’t want to be a non-person in the eyes of the law, do you?”
“No, not really. I guess that’s what I’ll be doing for the next few days – the lines at Service Canada and Service Ontario will probably be insane.”
“Yeah, really. If you need someone to vouch for your identity, feel free to put me as a reference, okay?”
“Thanks, Eddie. You’re awesome.” I replied.
“I am, I know. Thank you.” He sounded smug, and I couldn’t help but smirk. I could practically see the expression on his face in my mind’s eye.
“I should probably call Shelly and let her know what happened to me. See you soon?” I asked.
“Sure. Did you want to meet tomorrow, or maybe the day after?” Eddie replied, sounding hopeful.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I do. Seeya Eddie!” I called in farewell.
“See you soon too, Karen.” Eddie laughed, and hung up.
Oddly, once the phone call was over, I wanted Eddie to still be there, talking to me. It was a weird, lonely feeling. I wonder if he felt the same way? He had been acting weird since my change – and I’d been having those strange feelings around him… Am I becoming interested in him? I asked myself. I had liked him for a long time, as a friend – but I knew that while I was male, nothing would be possible even if he was accepting of it, simply because of my personal discomfort with my male body. Now that roadblock was gone… was I letting myself relax and try new things? I wasn’t sure.
I tried to push it out of my mind, and dialed Shelly McNamara, one of my good gaming friends, and Eddie’s partner in crime in my weekly D&D campaign. She played Rosura, the Half Elven Cleric, and Eddie played TukTuk, the Kobold Bard, followed by his pack of paid street urchins whom he was training in the arts of thievery. TukTuk made an unlikely father figure for those streetkids, but he doted on them – even taking feats so that he could protect them if they were attacked. Shelly’s Rosura was halfway ready to adopt a few of them too. They loved the ‘Brat Pack,’ as they called it. I just hope Shelly wouldn’t be too disappointed in me for not calling her before now.
The phone rang twice, and a familiar voice picked up on the far end. “McNamara’s Roadhouse. You kill ‘em, we grill ‘em.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Shelly was always coming up with silly little comments like that, that made people chuckle. “Hey, Shelly… It’s Kevin. I guess I’m Karen now. I wanted to tell you I’m all right.”
“Right. Is this a joke?” she asked, sounding annoyed.
“No, really!” I replied. “I got hit by the weird lightshow and Emerged yesterday afternoon. I look like a young woman now, with blonde hair and purple eyes.”
“Prove it.” She replied, bluntly.
“You once told me when you were drunk that you thought I was gay for Eddie, and your parents named you ‘Shelindra’ instead of ‘Michelle,’ and you fucking hated it when you were growing up.”
“Okay…” Shelly began. “I’m listening.”
“You and Eddie have been in my D&D game for four years, and Rosura is planning to adopt two of the Brat Pack as her acolytes and children, and you got drunk crying about how you’ll never meet anyone and have some kids of your own, and I joined in and told you I was transgender.” I sighed. “Do I have to keep going? I don’t want to dredge up all this stuff.”
“Kevin? Is that really you?” Shelly asked.
“Actually, I’m going by Karen now, but yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh my god!” She squealed. “I’m so happy for you! You’re a girl now? Send me a pic!”
“I don’t have any yet.” I said. “I haven’t exactly been taking selfies. I’ll send one as soon as we hang up.”
“You’d better, missy!” She replied, happily. “How’s it feel to join the winning side?”
“Awesome.” I said in complete truthfulness. “I feel awesome.”
“Is it weird? Being a girl now?”
“No and yes. I’m still getting used to being me and dealing with boobs and hips and so forth, but I feel like me. My dysphoria is gone, and I feel so much better it’s like I’m walking on air half the time. I’m so excited, and scared and I can’t even think about stuff.”
“I’m so glad.” Shelly replied. “Did you want to get together tomorrow and hang out? I’d like to see the new you with my own eyes.”
“If you don’t mind waiting with me at Service Canada and Service Ontario half the day. Don’t you have work?” I asked.
“Nope. My shifts got cancelled due to the chaos caused by the Emergence. Work’s shut down until next Monday, which is awesome, except that I’m going to be short on cash.”
“Damn. Are you going to be okay? Financially?”
“Yeah, probably – but if we go for coffee, you’re buying, okay?”
“Sure thing, Shelly.”
“Do you have any clothes to wear?” She asked, “Or are you wearing your boy clothes?”
“I did some shopping today. Sorry I didn’t think to invite you. I probably could have used your help.”
“You went without me?” I could almost hear her pout. “Fine – I’ll forgive you, but only if you take me with you next time, and you show me the swag you bought.”
“Fine, fine.” I laughed. “I promise.”
“Does Eddie know? Hell, does your church know?”
“Yes, Eddie knows, and no, my church doesn’t. I hope they don’t lose their mind this Sunday, but I guess it is what it is. If they’re set against me, I’ll just leave. It isn’t worth the grief.”
“Well, I hope you don’t have to leave. You really seem to like being there.”
“I guess I just like to think there is a higher power, Shelly. That there is some justice to be found in this world – either in this life, or the next.”
“Yeah, I know. I won’t fault you for it. I really hope they are okay with you.”
“Thanks, Shelly. It means a lot to me. You still up for gaming Saturday?”
“Oh yeah!” She laughed. “I took your advice and have some spells from a third party book I want you to vet before the game. Let me know if they’re legal – and if so, assume I buy some scrolls for my character.”
“Will do.” I replied. “And I’ll send you a pic of me too. I think I turned out pretty cute.”
I heard Shelly squee with excitement. “I hope you are! Send me the pic! Bye!”
“Bye!” I hung up, and used my new phone for its first picture. I put Pepsi on my shoulder so she would know it was me, and took the selfie. It looked pretty good, in my opinion, and I sent it to her. It didn’t take long to get her texted reply.
* OMG you bitch! You’re not cute, you’re beautiful! Sooooo jealous right now. You’ll have to beat the boys and girls off with a stick, Karen!
I smirked and texted a replied.
* Yeah, I guess so… And I have no idea what to do about it. Can we talk tomorrow?
* Sure thing, hot stuff. I’m actually considering going lesbian for you, you’re so hot. We’ll talk, for sure tomorrow. Call me when you leave and I’ll meet you at Service Ontario or Canada, whichever one you go to first.
* Thanks, Shelly. I’m glad you like the pic. Pepsi likes the new me too. See you tomorrow!
* See you too, you lucky bitch! OMG you’re gorgeous! Pepsi has good taste!
I skritched Pepsi, who had climbed from my shoulder down to my lap, and sighed. I’m glad that went well, I thought. I thought about calling my mom, or my dad, but decided against it. They wouldn’t care – or if they did it would bring me grief. They had cut themselves out of my life a while ago, when I came out as Trans. It still hurt, but I couldn’t bring myself to call them. They didn’t want me in their life, then so be it. At least I had Eddie, Shelly and Pepsi. Penny’s parents had been less than supporting after her overdose on opioids – I think they blamed me in some way for her death. In my darkest hours, I sometimes did too. Maybe if I could have been a better husband, she would still be alive? I didn’t know. Being a man for her nearly killed me. In the end, I trusted that I had done the best I could, and tried to keep living. I think that’s what bugged her parents the most… that I didn’t die with her, or have my life fall utterly apart after she was gone.
I shook my head, trying to clear my mind of sad thoughts. I had friends. I had Pepsi, my little furbaby. I had powers, and a beautiful female body. For the first time in a very long time, things were looking promising for me. I smiled, and prepared for bed.