Getting home was nerve wracking. I hated being out in the Christie Pits after 10pm – there were gangs, and it was a fairly high crime area. Ontario Housing always is. It’s not that the people in Ontario Housing are bad people – it’s just when you cram a whole lot of people into a small geographical area, the percentage of people who are going to commit crimes goes up a lot – and when you add in low income, and for many unemployment, well, violent crimes just followed along. For a while I thought I was being followed, but I reached my apartment safely, and got inside.
Breathing a little easier, I headed to the elevator – which unsurprisingly still smelled like burnt rope and chemicals – and rode up to my floor. Apartment 404. I liked it because I always told people my apartment was a “404 – not found.” Some of my nerdier friends – mostly my gaming group and a few people at work – got the joke. Others looked at me weird. Oh well, I thought. I guess the joke wasn’t for them. I didn’t have many visitors.
Once I finished the ritual unlocking of the three locks, I got into my small apartment, and turn on the lights. Immediately I felt a bump on my ankle, and heard a cute little “Brrup!” as my cat Pepsi came to greet me. Pepsi was two years old, still with a lot of kitten in her. She loved chasing string, still hunted the red laser pointer, and in general was super awesome. She had interesting fur too – she looked like a small cougar, with reddish tinged tawny fur.
“Hey Pepsi! How are you doing?” I called out, taking off my coat and boots. I hated walking around my apartment with shoes, so I always had people take their shoes off. Not that anyone visited much.
Pepsi meowed, and head butted me again. She was hungry – and happy to see me.
“Yeah, Mommy will get you dinner.” I went to my small kitchen, and got the little tyke some food, and soon she was happily munching on Seafood Dinner or something like that. I only fed her wet food – plus a bit of kibble. I had heard too much kibble could cause kidney problems, and I took care of my furbaby.
A look at the clock told me that it was well after 10pm by the time I got home. Crud. It was late –and if I didn’t want to be late again tomorrow, I’d better be in the sack with an alarm set by 11:30pm. I put my duffel in the kitchen, and went to get dressed for bed. Once I was more relaxed, I headed to the kitchen, and prepped my lunch for the next day – I probably wouldn’t have time in the morning. Satisfied everything was done, I left Pepsi eating and logged on to the internet for a half-hour of answering emails and browsing facebook and a few other sites.
The time went too quickly, and I realized it was time to turn the computer off and sleep. Am I really going to do this? I wondered. Is this really happening? I realized I felt scared – but I also felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt light – like I could almost fly. I didn’t know how to explain the feeling – it wasn’t one I’d had in so long I didn’t know what to call it. Hope, maybe? If so, I liked it.
In the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and flossed, and washed my face. It wasn’t a bad face, I guess, as faces go… It was just too damn male. I was glad I didn’t have to shave anymore – that was a godsend, being lasered clean – but the squareness of my jawline and the ridge on my forehead reeked “MALE” like sign in bold red letters. I knew surgery could help that, and so could hairstyles. I wondered if it would make enough of a difference. I had short brown hair, some of it going silver, with muddy green eyes, and a little too much flesh to look attractive. Some people had called me handsome in the past – but I never wanted to be handsome, and so their words stung, even if it was unintended. I tried to imagine myself looking like a woman – and I couldn’t. “I hope Eddie’s right about this.” I muttered. I hope.
I went to bed, but sleep was a long time coming. My mind was awhirl with worries of what would happen the next day, of what my few other friends would think – of what my parents would say. In the end I worried myself to sleep.
* * *
I woke the next morning to the annoying *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* of my alarm and did my best effort not to destroy the clock as I turned it off. I groaned a bit, and felt a bit of warmth on my chest – it was Pepsi, my little kitty, sleeping on me. She turned to me, with a disgruntled look as if to say “Don’t you dare move!”
I smiled at my little cat. “Sorry honey.” I said, shifting, putting her on the bed next to me. “Mommy has to go to work.” When I crawled out of bed, she immediately took the spot I had been in, and curled up – at least partially content. I smiled – she did this every morning – it was part of our routine.
I headed to the kitchen and got a glass of ice water, and grabbed a box of cereal and some milk. Breakfast of champions? I wondered. I doubt champions eat “Fruity O’s” but hey, they taste good. I also popped a bagel into the toaster and set it to toast. I knew I could grab stuff on the way to work if I wanted, but living frugally was the only way I could make ends meet – and I was lucky enough to have a decent job. It was just above minimum wage – but it was 40 hours a week with some benefits, and that was worth a lot.
I shook the treat jar – and like usual, Pepsi came running. After treating her to a few crunchy catnip treats, I turned on the TV to CP24 – a rollover news channel with weather and road conditions and other breaking news. A while later, I polished off the bagel with some cream cheese, and was packing my lunch. The TV had said today was going to be overcast – but the rain we expected had drifted to the north overnight and we should be relatively dry.
I got up, and finished the business of getting ready for work – shower, dressing, saying goodbye to Pepsi – you know – the usual – and headed out in good time to get to the bus stop well ahead of schedule.
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I saw my landlord, Phil, and his wife Theresa on the way out. They were nice people – a little elderly, but nice, and they were great landlords. All they ask was the rent was on time – on everything else they would work with you. Problems with no hot water? Check! Leaky taps? Check! The only thing they hated was being late with rent – so I had developed a habit of paying rent first, and literally everything else came second or third.
As I headed out into the cool autumn morning, I felt a little uplifted by last nights’ decision. I was still scared – but I was positive about it. Hopeful at least. The air had a significant chill to it. I wouldn’t be surprised if the rain we were supposed to get later was snow instead. Yuck. Winter is too soon.
* * *
Eddie was already at a desk, sipping probably his second coffee of the day. I had a bottle of diet coke with me, partially full. I waved as I headed in, and put my stuff down next to him.
“Morning, Kevin. How’d you sleep?” Eddie asked.
“Good, all things considered.” I replied. “I’m going to go talk to Sharon about seeing HR.”
Eddie smiled. “I’m glad you’re still doing that. I hope it helps you.”
“Well, I’d like to say it can’t make anything worse, but we both know that’s not true. I have to do it anyway. For me.” I tried to look as full of resolve as I had last night, and I wasn’t sure if I succeeded or not – but it was something.
“Good luck!”
“Thanks.”
A few moments later, I was at Sharon Nordstrom’s office door. I gulped, and then knocked.
“Come in!” I heard her say in a rather clipped voice. Oh great, I thought, she sounds really pissed off again. I wonder what it is this time?
“Hello, Ms. Nordstrom.” I began. “Could I have a moment of your time?”
“Of course, Mister Castle. It’s good to see you here on time today.” She smirked at the last comment, like it was a joke for her. Maybe it was?
“I was wondering if I could get an appointment with HR later today. About a personal matter.”
“Is there anything I can help with, Kevin?” she asked, which surprised me, because she rarely used anyone’s first name.
“I don’t think so, Ma’am, but thank you.” I replied, a little worried.
“Alright.” She looked at her computer terminal. “They have a spot open at 4:45pm today. I’ll make sure you can log off the network to go see them.” She turned back to me, and looked serious for a moment. “Mister Castle, I hope that if you were being bullied, or harassed, you would alert me to it. It is my job to keep that sort of behavior under control.”
“No ma’am – it’s not that. Most people here are just great. It’s a personal issue, like I said.”
She looked at me dubiously, and nodded. “Alright then. Myself or one of the other supervisors will get you this afternoon before it’s time for your appointment.” Her lips were a bit pursed, like she was annoyed, or thinking something.
“Thank you, Ma’am. Very much.” I got up and headed back to my desk, feeling like a mouse that had just walked out of the lion’s den alive. I honestly don’t know why she terrified me so much – but I knew part of it was that she had literal control over my livelihood, and if she had a bad day I could lose everything. Most of the office feared her – and it seemed she liked it that way.
“How’d it go, Kev?” Eddie asked as I returned to my desk.
“Pretty good, actually. I have an appointment with HR at 4:45pm.”
“Great! I hope it goes well.” Eddie smiled, and tried to be supporting.
“Me too, Eddie. Me too.”
We chatted for a little while till the clocks showed our shift starting, and logged onto the system to check any system updates or emails from higher up. A few minutes later, we donned our headphones and got started taking calls.
The work was interesting – we had been trained in how internet services were provided to customers, how the routers worked, and had a system of files we could call upon to solve most problems. The real trick was dealing with the people behind the problem – the users. We often joked the real problem was PEBCAC – “Problem exists between Computer and Chair” – which was more often than not, true.
Oddly enough, I didn’t have problems socializing on the phone with people I had never met, and would likely never talk to again. I was polite, professional, and did my job well – and most people were just glad to get someone that spoke English clearly that they were polite back. I still laughed at the time one customer thought I was an automated voice, and started pushing buttons to get an operator. It actually took five minutes to explain to him he had reached a real Customer Service Rep and not a computer. I smiled – that was one of the good days.
Time passed, and as my appointment approached, I felt my nerves get jittery. Finally, around 4:30pm, Scott – one of my supervisors – came over, and told me to log off. I did, and Eddie gave me the thumbs up – I smiled back, and headed down to HR.
The HR office was small, and painted a kind of blue that made me think they wanted “Robins Egg” blue – but just got a kind of lame pastel blue like you see on an Easter egg. The secretary took my name, and I sat down to wait. Two other people were waiting with me – a young woman in her early twenties, with brunette hair and a Green Day shirt. The other was a man – probably in his mid thirties, wearing a shirt, tie, and slacks – much like I was – and running shoes. I idly wondered what they were here for, and looked out the window. It was still overcast, and yucky – but strange lights played in the sky, like some sort of messed up foxfire or aurora borealis.
Didn’t that usually happen at night? I asked myself.
I wasn’t the only one who saw it, either. The man in his thirties came over to have a look. “I wonder what’s going on?” He muttered.
I wondered too, but before I do anything, there was a huge flash of light - like a bolt of lightning so titanic it lit up the entire sky - followed by a peal of thunder so loud it sounded like the hammer of God striking. The force of the thunderclap was so strong, the windows rattled, and then cracked, leaving a spiderweb pattern in the glass. The strange lights fell over me - and suddenly, I began to feel like my body was burning up. I gasped, and clutched the arms of my chair to try and keep from falling to the floor. Suddenly, it seemed as if I was consumed by the weird lights – and then I felt my bones shifting – breaking – and my skin burning all over my body. I screamed in terror, and in pain – and then all I knew was darkness.