Waiting for the paramedics to come was the longest ten minutes of my life. I stayed by Allan’s side the whole time, terrified that they might come too late.
When they finally did arrive, the room was filled with movement and chaos. Allan was loaded onto a gurney and taken out. It was hard for me to let them take him. I was so scared that if they carried him away, it would be the last time I ever saw him.
Somewhere in the confusion, his mother arrived. She was gone a moment later though, following the ambulance to the hospital. I was left to tell the remaining paramedics and policemen what had happened. I told them that Allan had tried to kill himself, but that I’d come just in time to try and stop him. In that moment, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
Once Allan was gone, I was escorted out of the room and left alone. Not knowing what to do, I wandered down the corridors. Before I even knew where I was going, I found myself heading to the employee housing. I walked down the hall silently, pausing before entering my old room.
It looked just as I’d left it. My stuff was gone, but the mountain of antiques remained. I walked over to the pile and knelt down, pulling out the old, familiar box. Lifting the lid, I picked up the rusted blade that lay inside.
“Are you here Greg?” I whispered. A tear rolled down my cheek. I was surprised that I could still cry after everything that had happened. “Please still be here,” I choked. “I’m so sorry for everything I said!”
The light above me flickered and I glanced up in hope. Greg stood before me, a sad smile on his lips. He was so faint I could barely see him.
“The witch is gone,” he assured. His voice was a mere whisper in my mind. “When I pulled her from Allan, she could not survive, not with her cauldron destroyed.”
I swallowed. Even though I could see Greg standing in front of me, my fear wouldn’t leave. He was so hard to see.
His smile softened and he knelt down, so that he was eyelevel with me. “I too, am sorry Lady Jess,” he whispered. “I acted rashly, and selfishly.” He leaned closer to me, his dark eyes boring into mine. “How I wish I could truly be here with you,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “How I wish I could hold you tight and wipe your tears away.”
I shook my head. “Don’t say these things Greg,” I begged. “Please, please don’t make this sound like a goodbye!”
I could see the sadness in his eyes. “My dear Jess,” he whispered, “this is a goodbye.” I shook my head as the tears fell faster.
“You’ve helped me so much,” he continued. “I’ve been afraid of death for so long Jessica, but I know that I cannot hide forever.” He bowed his head, a weak laugh escaping his mouth. “If I am honest, I’ve been feeling the pull for a few weeks now. Ever since I told you of my sister’s death, I thought that perhaps I could find the courage to face her and beg for her forgiveness. I thought that if you’d heard what I had done, and still viewed me favorably, then she might too.” He looked back up at me. “But I ignored that pull Jessica. I clung to this life not out of fear anymore, but out of a desire to stay by your side. I knew that you still had feelings for Allan, and I took it upon myself to make sure you never saw him again. I tricked myself into thinking I was doing something honorable, when truly, I just didn’t want to say farewell to you.”
His eyes too, grew wet with tears. “Now I don’t have even that to cling to. After tonight, the darkness I always felt from Allan will be gone. I have no reason to try and keep you two apart.” He let out a heavy breath. “Thank you Jessica,” he choked, “Thank you for freeing me from my torment. Thank you for banishing my fear.”
I couldn’t bear the desperation that was overcoming me. “Don’t thank me!” I cried. “Please don’t! You can’t go, you can’t just leave me here alone!” I wanted to bury my face in my hands and let the sobs shake my body. But then I wouldn’t be able to see him. I couldn’t lose a single moment of seeing his face. “I’m begging you Greg, don’t leave!”
He smiled at me through his tears. “I can’t stay,” he said. “I have a family Jessica, a family I have not seen in so long. I can’t remember my mother’s face, or my father’s voice.” He laughed again, a sudden joy seizing his expression. “I’ll get to see my brothers Jessica! I’ll get to hold my sister tight! I have missed them all so terribly.”
His joy faded as he looked back down at me. “But I will see you again too,” he assured. “When it is your time to leave this world, do not hold on to hate or fear. Let it all go, and I will be there, waiting for you.”
I wrapped my arms tight around me, as if that might keep me in one piece. “I love you Greg,” I choked. “I can’t—I can’t imagine going back to life without you.”
“You will find a way, Lady Jessica,” he said softly. His image was so faint now. “You are strong, and you will weather this storm.” Reaching out, he caressed the side of my face. I would have given anything to feel it. “I love you too, my brave deirfiúr.”
I stared up at him. “You’ve called me that before,” I whispered. “What does it mean?”
His image flickered again as he dropped his hand to his side. “I love you too,” he repeated, “my brave sister.” He smiled at me one last time, and then he was gone.
I stared at the space he’d just been, refusing to believe it. He couldn’t be gone. I shook my head as a sob tore from my throat. He couldn’t just be gone! Holding the rusted blade tight in my hands, I rocked back and forth, crying until I had nothing left.
***
The stale white walls of the hospital looked strange to me. I chewed on my lip as I lingered outside of the room. It had been a little over two weeks. They were the longest two weeks of my life.
I’d been on the fence for a while, wondering if I should come or not. I knew I would have to come eventually, but I didn’t know if I was coming too soon, or too late. Maybe Allan needed more time. Maybe he didn’t want to see me at all. Or maybe he was wondering why I hadn’t come yet? I took a deep breath. I could do this. Out of habit I glanced around, hoping to see Greg. He wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t there.
Stepping forward, I gave a quiet knock on the already open door and stepped inside. I hated hospital rooms. They were so sterile and bland. A nurse was standing beside the bed. She gave me a passing glance, then turned her attention back to the patient.
“I’ll be back to check on you in a few minutes,” she said. Turning around, she nodded as she passed me.
I took another step into the room, my eyes still avoiding the person on the bed.
“I was wondering if you were going to come or not,” he said.
Slowly, I lifted my gaze. Allan was lying there, looking at me. I expected him to look ill and haggard, but to my surprise, he looked better than I’d ever seen him. Granted, he was still stuck in a hospital bed wearing one of those paper-thin blue gowns, but his face actually had some color. He didn’t look quite as tired as he always had. He gave me an uneasy smile.
“How have you been?” he asked.
I tried to snap out of my surprise. “I’ve been—I’ve been fine.” I walked over to his bed. “But what about you? Are you okay?”
He laughed, then winced in pain. His blankets covered his lower abdomen. I couldn’t see the spot where he’d been injured. “I’ve been pretty good actually,” he said, “all things considered.” He gave a shrug. “I honestly don’t remember much from my first couple of days here. After that I was on suicide watch for a while, but they’re letting up on that now due to my impeccable behavior.” He smiled, as if he’d just shared an inside joke. “It’s nothing I haven’t been through before.”
Guilt filled me. “I’m so sorry about that,” I said. “When the ambulance came, I had to tell them something. I didn’t know what else to say!” I stared down at my shoes. “I’m really, really sorry.”
He laughed again, but then he groaned. “I have to stop laughing,” he muttered, “it hurts so bad!” I glanced up to see him leaning back on the pillows of his bed, breathing deeply.
“I’m glad you told them it was a suicide attempt,” he said after a moment. “It’s what I would have said. It’s what I had originally planned to do that day anyways.”
I looked down, digging my hands into my pockets. It killed me to talk so casually about something so horrible. My hand touched something in my pocket and I was relieved to have an excuse to change the subject.
“Oh yeah,” I said, emptying my pocket, “I got you something for while you’re recovering.”
Allan looked surprised. “You didn’t have to do that Jessica.”
“Really, it’s so stupid,” I said, feeling embarrassed as I looked down at the pack of cards in my hands. “I just figured that since you already know how to juggle and play the mandolin, you might be looking for a new hobby.” I held out the cards to him and he accepted them. “Learning a few card tricks might be right up your alley.”
He smiled as I handed him the pack of cards. “This will definitely help pass the time. Thank you.”
When he grew silent, I looked down again. This was so hard. There was so much I wanted to ask him, so much I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t know where to start. He was just acting civil. I couldn’t tell if he was actually happy to see me, or if he wasn’t.
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The silence grew uncomfortably long.
“You know,” Allan whispered at last, “you don’t have to do this.” I glanced up at him. His expression was grim. “I know this is probably hard for you, being here. I’m the last person in the world you want to see.” His pale eyes found mine. “I really am so sorry Jessica. I am so, so sorry. When I think about what almost happened—” His voice caught and he looked down. “I tried to do everything I could to keep you safe, but I guess I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was.”
I stepped closer to his bed. “I need to apologize to you!” I said. “I’m the reason you’re in here Allan. I stabbed you! I’m the last person in the world you want to see.”
Allan’s eyes grew wide. “You’re apologizing to me?” he asked. “Jessi! You and Greg saved my life! Sure, I got stabbed, but honestly, that’s a thousand times better than what was in store for me. Even dying would have been a thousand times better.”
So much of the anxiety that had been twisting up inside of me escaped at hearing his words. “So you’re not mad at me?” I asked.
I didn’t think it was possible, but his eyes got a little bit wider. “Are you crazy?” he asked. “Of course I’m not mad! You’re the one who should be furious with me! You—you should hate me! You should never want to see me again after what I did.” He rubbed his eyes. “You’re probably having nightmares with me in them!”
Moving forward, I sat down in the chair next to his bed. “The witch did all of that,” I said softly. He lowered his hands from his face and stared at me. “She was torturing you Allan. None of that was your fault.”
An unreadable expression came over him. He let out a shallow breath. “Jessi,” he whispered, “I—”
“Jessica!” a voice called out. I jumped slightly in surprise as I glanced at the doorway. Melissa, Allan’s mother, stood there with a smile on her face. “You finally came! I’m so glad!”
I stood up as she rushed into the room. What she wore surprised me. Even away from the castle she was still decked out with a long peasant skirt and bead necklaces. Dropping her purse to the floor, she wrapped me in a hug before I could even process what she was doing.
“Allan told me everything,” she said as she held me tight. “I can’t thank you enough!”
At first I was too stunned to react, but as she continued to hug me, I felt a wave of emotion. Until this moment, I hadn’t realized how very long it had been since I’d been hugged by a mom. It felt so familiar that I almost started to cry. When Melissa finally pulled away, I saw that her eyes were wet.
“You saved my son,” she said as she held onto my arms. “There are no words to tell you how grateful I am.”
“Mom please,” Allan interjected, “stop smothering her.”
“Oh hush you,” she said as she turned to him, “You’re too wounded to give a proper hug to, so I’ve got to smother somebody!”
I laughed. “It’s fine,” I said. “I should probably get going now though.”
Allan looked up. “You just got here,” he said, sounding dismayed.
“Yes, you must stay awhile,” Melissa added. “Pull up a chair. You don’t have to run away just because the mom showed up.”
I shrugged nervously and took a seat. Melissa moved to the other side of Allan’s bed and sat down there. Leaning back in her chair, she looked at me.
“How have you been holding up?” she asked.
I shrugged again. “I’ve been better,” I said.
She laughed. “I think we could all say that. This kid,” she said, shooting a glance at Allan, “has given me more scares than I can count. If this keeps up, I’ll be completely gray by the time I’m fifty.”
“Oh yeah,” Allan said sarcastically, “like you’re one to talk about going gray Mom. I was totally white at twelve.” He smiled weakly, resting his hand on his abdomen. “But this’ll be the last scare of this nature, I promise.”
“I’ve heard that before,” she said dryly.
“I mean it!” he insisted. He glanced at me, then back at his mom as a sincere smile formed on his face. “She’s gone,” he said, “she’s completely gone.” He shook his head. “I wish I could have told you both that she was still there before, but she always had some control over me. I couldn’t tell you guys about her, just like I could never break that stupid cauldron!”
Melissa was staring down at the floor. She looked tired, but not surprised. Apparently Allan had already told her about Josephine.
“I still can’t wrap my mind around it,” she said, “that all your life, you’ve been fighting against something so awful.”
“Sometimes it wasn’t so bad,” Allan admitted, “but even during these past couple of years, when she was mostly silent, I could always feel her, in the back of my mind. She was like a coiled snake. I was always just waiting for her to strike.”
He looked at me, his gaze apologetic. “That’s why I lost it the night of the fair,” he said. “She’d been silent for three years and I thought maybe I had won, but then you told me you trusted me and that was when she started talking again.” He flinched, as if remembering some old pain. “I freaked out—I didn’t know what else to do. I just knew that I didn’t want to risk hurting you, so I pushed you away. I’m so sorry.”
Leaning forward, I rested my hands on the edge of his bed. “Don’t worry about it Allan,” I said, “You were more than justified.”
He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. “I tried so many times to end myself when I felt that she was getting too strong, but I was always too afraid to go through with it. I never wanted to die. This last time was worse than before. I wanted life so badly.” He opened his eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt you again Mom, and Jessi,” he turned his eyes to me, “I wanted to see you again. Josephine used that weakness to control me.”
Allan fell silent. It was almost unbearable to hear him talk about this. For the past month I’d been so angry at him for the things he’d said to me, having no idea of the pain he was going through. As we sat there in silence, I could see Allan move his hand over to mine, so that our fingers were barely touching. Slowly, I moved my hand forward, wrapping my fingers around his.
A loud ringtone suddenly tore apart the silence and I pushed away from the bed in alarm, letting go of Allan’s hand.
“I am so sorry,” Melissa said as she picked up her purse and dug through it. When she finally found the phone, she looked at it and frowned. “It’s Brian,” she said with a glance at Allan. “He’s probably calling with some plumbing emergency again.” She rolled her eyes. “I leave the castle for one minute and the place falls to pieces.” Standing up, she put the phone to her ear and walked out of the room. I could hear her voice get quieter as she continued walking down the hall.
“Jessica,” Allan said. I turned back toward him. He was looking at me, a light in his eyes. “While my mom is gone, there’s something I have to tell you.”
“What is it?” I asked.
He gestured for me to come closer so I stood up and leaned toward him.
“It’s something I don’t want anyone else to hear,” he whispered.
My curiosity piqued, I drew closer until my face was only a few inches away from his.
His blue eyes bore into mine for only a moment before he lifted his hand to the side of my face and then he was kissing me, his warm lips pressed against mine. My heart stopped completely. Before I could even get over my initial shock, our lips parted. I leaned back quickly, my mind reeling.
“Holy crap,” I muttered. I shook my head slightly. “I-is there something you actually needed to tell me?”
“No,” he said. “I just needed an excuse to get you closer. I’m sort of stuck to this bed.” He looked at me, a worried expression overcoming his face. “Is it okay that I kissed you? Did you not—”
I leaned forward and kissed him then, cutting him off mid-sentence. Hopefully this would answer his question. As we kissed, I closed my eyes and reached out to run my hands through his short hair, pulling his face even closer to mine. I couldn’t believe it. After so long, after so many ups and downs, I was finally kissing the jester!
One of Allan’s arms wrapped around my waist to bring me closer, but then he pulled back sharply.
“Ow!” he cried. I leaned back, my eyes wide with concern.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
He was clutching his abdomen. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “just fan-freaking-tastic.” He laughed weakly. “I can’t even kiss someone without injuring myself.”
I laughed too. “You better be careful,” I said, glancing up at the monitors he was hooked up to, “messing around like that might get a whole flock of nurses descending upon us.”
He groaned as he lay back down against the pillows. I stayed where I was, sitting on the edge of his bed. I glanced nervously at the door, but there was still no sign of Melissa.
“I wanted to get up and kiss you the second you walked in here,” he said, “but that would have been a bad idea for several reasons.”
“One of them being your hospital gown,” I added. “That would have made things a bit awkward.”
“Or fabulous,” he said with a sarcastic grin.
A surprised laugh escaped my throat. “That’s not the word I would use.”
His grin widened. “I like you Jessi,” he said, “and at the risk of sounding very cheesy, I think I’m actually kind of in love with you.”
“Then it’s a good thing I love cheese,” I said, “and a good thing that I love cheesy people even more.”
His smile faded. “I wish I could have told you how I felt sooner,” he said, “and I am sorry, again, for everything that I did. I feel like I’ll never be able to say sorry enough.”
Reaching out, I picked up his hand and trailed my fingers down his forearm. There were so many scars there, old and new alike. “I forgive you for everything Allan,” I said softly. “The only forgiveness I think you’ll have trouble getting is your own. But don’t worry, I have faith in you. I think you’ll get it eventually.” I smiled as I returned his arm to him. “However, I may not find it in my heart to forgive you if you tell me I’m like the tenth girl you’ve kissed.”
“Whoa,” he said, raising his eyebrows, a teasing smile on his lips. “We said we liked each other like ten seconds and you’re already getting jealous? This is a whole new side to you Jessi.”
I gave him a shrewd look. “You’re avoiding my question.”
“Well if you must know,” he said, giving me what I think was supposed to be a seductive look, “I actually had quite the love affair when I was fifteen. I was in a rehabilitation center, which as we all know, is the perfect place for a budding romance, and there was this girl who was really into me. We did kiss.” He shrugged before continuing. “What I didn’t know was that the girl had multiple personalities, so when one personality kissed me, the other tried to set me on fire the next day.”
I tried to choke back my laughter, but I don’t think I was very successful.
“It was a rather short lived romance,” he said with a laugh.
“That can’t be true,” I said, grinning wide. “You totally made that up just now.”
“Whether it’s true or not,” Allan said, “I’m sure you and Greg will never let me live it down.” He looked up. “Is he in here?”
At the mention of Greg, my smile vanished. Allan must have noticed my sudden change.
“What is it?” he asked.
It took a moment for Allan’s comment to sink in. “You don’t know if Greg is in here or not?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Ever since the witch was destroyed, I haven’t seen a single ghost. Without her possessing me, I can’t.”
I couldn’t read his expression. “Does that make you happy?”
He looked troubled as he chewed on his lip. “Yes,” he said after a moment, “but it’s hard to get used to. I’ve been seeing ghosts for most of my life. To have them all be gone now is unsettling. I feel like I’ve gone blind because I know they’re all still there, I just can’t see them.” He gave me a slight smile. “It’ll take me a while to get a feel for it.”
I looked down at my hands, fighting to keep my voice steady. “Well, to answer your question,” I whispered. “Greg isn’t here. He isn’t anywhere. He moved on.”
Allan leaned forward. “Are you serious?” he asked.
I nodded. Tears were welling up in my eyes now.
“Jessi—” His voice caught. “Jessi, I’m so sorry.”
Our hands found each other and I held on tight. I remembered how cold his hands had always been. They were warm now.
“It’s okay,” I whispered at last. “He missed his family. I couldn’t make him stay with me forever.”
Allan pulled me closer to him and I leaned forward, resting my head on his shoulder. “We have each other now,” he whispered. “We’ll be able to get through this.”
Even as my tears seeped into his hospital gown, I knew he was right. We could get through it.
A few minutes later, Allan’s mother returned. When she saw my tears, she pulled me in for another tight hug. It felt so good to be around people who I could really talk to, people who knew what was going on. I stayed for a while after that, talking with them about everything that had happened. Allan held my hand the entire time. Melissa kept giving our hands a sideways glance and then she’d get this sly little smile that made me wonder if maybe she’d seen us kiss through a window somewhere.
For the first time since losing Greg, I didn’t feel alone. I still missed him so much, and I knew the coming months wouldn’t be easy, but I also knew that they would be bearable. The past two weeks had nearly destroyed Allan and me, but here we still were. Together, we’d be able to face anything that came our way. A smile lifted the corners of my mouth. Together. Whatever happened, we’d face it together.