As we left my room, I saw Greg trailing after us. I frowned at him.
“I’m not leaving you two unattended,” he said sternly, “’Twould be quite improper.”
Allan glanced slyly in Greg’s direction. Stooping down, he cupped his hand around my ear. “It’ll be tricky, but I think we can come up with a way to ditch the ghost.”
I nodded and rose up on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear as well. “I’ll get the sage and you can get the holy water.”
Allan laughed as Greg appeared in front of us. “No whispering!” he insisted.
I let my expression go blank. “Of course not Mother,” I said, “we would never dream of whispering. Whispering is the worst.”
Greg shot us both a dirty glare. “I’m watching you two,” he said as he slowly vanished.
Allan and I walked a few steps in silence. “Is Greg still following us?” I hissed.
“Yep,” Allan said with a nod, “and he just gave me a rather rude gesture.”
I choked back a laugh as Allan and I walked through the great hall and out into the courtyard. While he showed our tickets to the person waiting at the door, I could only stare outside in wonder. During most days the courtyard wasn’t used for much. It was just a grassy, garden area surrounded by the castle walls that guests could walk through, but that was about it. Right now though, it was completely transformed.
The whole courtyard was lined with burning torches and long wooden tables filled one portion of the lawn. On the far side, a small stage had been set up and a few musicians were playing a lively tune. Some people had already started dancing.
I followed Allan over to the tables as he pulled out a seat for me. I took it, and he sat down beside me. A moment later, the first course of our meal was brought to us.
“So,” Allan began after we started eating, “I was thinking about it, and this is kind of like our first real date.” I gave him a questioning glance, so he continued. “The first one doesn’t count since it was formed under false pretenses, and the ghost hunts and sword fights were more like hanging out.”
I leaned back slightly. “Sure,” I said, “if you’re going by the stereotypical ideals for a date, then this fits. There’s food and dancing and so far no one’s been possessed even once.” I took another bite of my food. “But does this mean that we have to go through all the cliché date questions?” I asked. “What are your interests, what movies do you like, where do you see yourself in ten years, et cetera?”
Allan leaned forward. “Of course,” he said. As we finished up the first course, a bowl of soup was brought to each of us. “How about you start?”
I rolled my eyes. “My interests include communicating with the dead, befriending the dead, and hanging out with the dead. I like movies about dead people, and in ten years I see myself as a mortician.”
“Well then,” Allan said stuffily, “if you won’t take this seriously, then I will. Inane date questions are not to be taken lightly. They are very, very serious.” He looked at me gravely. “My interests are juggling, mandolin-playing, singing, and general buffoonery. My favorite movies involve dragons and the occasional musical number and in ten years,” he said as he glanced down the long wooden tables at all the seated guests, “I’ll be the king, ruling over these lowly peasants!”
I didn’t know how he was able to keep such a straight face. Keeping myself from smiling was almost killing me. “King huh?” I managed to ask at last. “Are you going to overthrow the current queen, or will this be a peaceful rise to power?”
He shrugged, his grim façade disappearing as a grin pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Neither,” he said. “It’s more like the queen is begging me to stop goofing around and take on some responsibility. But the rise to power won’t be peaceful if I can help it.” He placed a hand over his heart. “I will fight hard for the right to continue making a fool of myself.”
My eyes were wide as I stared at him. “Allan!” I said, elbowing his shoulder, “Are you serious? Your mom wants you to start taking over?”
“Kind of,” he said, rubbing his arm. “She wants me to take on more managerial stuff. She’s worked so hard on this place that she wants it to stay in the family. But, if I don’t step it up, she’ll have to find someone else to take over.” Allan shrugged as he stared down at his bowl of soup, his smile disappearing. “I’m just not good at dictating and managing and that kind of thing. It’s not nearly as fun as being a jester.”
“Well,” I said, leaning forward. “If you ever become king, can I be a knight?”
He glanced at me and his smile returned. “Absolutely,” he said, “I’ll need all the help I can get in keeping these rebellious peasants in line.”
The third course was brought to us then. It was a heaping plate of roasted potatoes and vegetables, and of course, a massive turkey leg. Our conversation tapered off a little then as Allan and I dug in, but when we got closer to being finished, we continued talking. It was nice to find out more about him, the little facts and details I hadn’t known before. I felt like every time we hung out, we either joked around or talked about really heavy stuff, and there was never much in between. I enjoyed getting the in between.
When we were done, Allan took my hand and we went over to the grassy lawn, where people were dancing. The musicians were still playing and beside them stood a dance instructor. He was showing everyone a couple of traditional dance forms. I tried to get close enough to hear what the man was saying, but Allan pulled me back.
“I can teach you, if you want,” he said.
I scowled at him. “Oh, so you magically know how to do these dances too?”
He grinned. “Grew up here, remember?”
I grudgingly smiled as he led me to the outskirts of the courtyard.
“Now you stand there,” he said with a gesture of his hands, “and I’ll stand here.” He moved directly beside me. “Take my hand and then we’ll move forward with a step, skip, step, skip.” He showed me once, then moved back to my side and held out his hand.
With a feeling of trepidation, I took his hand and we moved forward together. I wasn’t entirely sure what Allan was doing with his feet, but I knew for a fact that I was not doing the same thing. I laughed as I tripped over the hem of my skirt.
“You may be getting more than you bargained for,” I said as I held tightly to his hand for balance.
“Nah,” he replied. “It’s hard for everyone at first. It’s pretty funny to watch actually.” He turned toward me. “Now you take both of my hands and we lift them up, then down, and then we step to the side and circle each other.”
My head was spinning with the instructions but I took both his hands anyway. I couldn’t help but laugh again as he lifted my hands.
“I’m so short!” I cried. “My arms are totally extended and yours aren’t at all! We look ridiculous.”
“Good thing we’re both used to people staring,” he said with a laugh of his own. “If I was a really buff guy, I could just pick you up, and then we’d be the same height.” He looked down at himself. “But I am a far cry from being really buff.”
“You could always kneel down,” I said.
We both laughed as he gave me a sweeping bow, and then knelt in the grass.
“Aha!” I said, “Look who’s the short one now!” Taking his hand, I danced around him, skipping over his legs as I came around to face him again. Then I helped him back up to his feet. “Let’s forget about the official steps,” I said. “I can guarantee you that I’d be terrible at all of them. Let’s just dance.”
Allan laughed nervously. “Now we’re really going to see who’s bad at dancing.”
The music was energetic and without wasting another moment, I started to dance. It took Allan only a few seconds to follow suit. We looked like complete morons, twirling and jumping and skipping around, but it was also unbelievably fun. It wasn’t long after, however, before we were both out of breath. When one of the songs finished, Allan pulled me aside.
“Man,” he breathed, holding his sides, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m exhausted!”
“We can take a break if you want,” I said.
He gave me a tired grin. “That might be a good idea. My head’s starting to hurt a bit too.” Straightening his posture, he stretched. “How about we go out to the fair and walk around for a bit?”
“Sounds good,” I said with a nod.
We headed for the gate that led out of the courtyard and into the fair. It was just as hectic tonight as it had been last night. Vendors lined the castle walls and even though night had fallen, the crowds were still thick. As we walked through the mass of people, we passed a couple of stages with different performers.
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“I take it that you don’t have a jester show tonight?” I asked, glancing up at Allan.
He shook his head. “I’m only doing two shows this week, but my mom’s had me wandering the fair during the day, dressed up and juggling and stuff. I’m basically just here for the aesthetic,” he said with a laugh.
I breathed out slowly. “Well, you certainly do your job well,” I said. “It isn’t fair. You can juggle, play the mandolin and sing, and you’re good at archery. It goes against the laws of nature for one person to have so many talents.”
He rolled his eyes. “So many talents and not one useful skill!” He glanced down at me. “But if it makes you feel any better,” he said, “the price to pay was steep. My social life throughout junior high and high school was utterly nonexistent, unless you count numerous excursions to mental hospitals.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I barely graduated from high school as a super senior and the only reason I got any good at juggling and the mandolin was because I wasn’t allowed to have any dangerous objects while on suicide watch. It got boring.”
I knew it was terrible of me, but I couldn’t help but laugh. The way he said it was so lighthearted and off-beat. He smiled at me.
“I’m glad you laughed,” he said. “Whenever I try to make a joke about that stuff around my mom, she just gets this sad, hurt look. She thinks stuff like that shouldn’t be joked about, but for me, making a joke about it is better than the alternative.”
I heaved a sigh. “I just feel bad for all the nurses who had to work with you,” I murmured. “Your mandolin practice probably drove them crazy.”
Allan looked genuinely surprised as he laughed. “Wow,” he said, “rude!” He grinned and shook his head. “They did always seem very relieved to get off duty.” Raising his hand, he rubbed his eyes.
I felt a thread of worry when I saw him wince. “Are you alright?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, dropping his hand to his side. “My head just hurts and my eyes itch. It’s probably allergies.”
“Oh, okay,” I replied, “but if you’re not feeling that great we can call it a night if you want.”
He grinned at me. “I feel just fine. You’re not getting out of this date that easy.”
I laughed as we continued walking. We were now a good distance from the lights and noise of the crowd. It was darker out here and the tall grass whispered against my dress. Glancing around, I tried to spot Greg, but he was nowhere to be seen. Allan and I were alone.
Without bidding, my heart started to beat a little bit faster. Allan had led me out here. Did he really just want to go out for a walk, or was he trying to set up a moment—a moment where something could happen? My heart beat even faster.
What would happen?
His steps slowed and suddenly, I could feel his hand reach out and take mine. I pressed my lips together as the urge to yell welled up within me. This was happening! This was really, truly happening! Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap. I couldn’t breathe. It hit me then that my hand was sweaty. He was probably super grossed out. I didn’t even care. He was holding my hand.
His steps eventually came to a stop as we neared a wooden fence. Silence stretched on between us as his eyes met mine. Was he—was he going to kiss me? If so, this night just went from great, to incredibly awesome. I could almost hear the chorus of angels descending from the heavens.
He took a deep breath. “Jessi, I—there’s something I want to tell you.”
My excitement deflated as my anxiety doubled. Talking was not as great as kissing. Talking was scary.
“Um, go ahead,” I whispered, “tell me anything.”
He glanced away from me, his expression conflicted. Standing this close to him I could see that his eyes did look kind of red and irritated. Maybe his allergies were worse than he was letting on.
“E-everything I’ve told you about me is true,” he began, “but—but I haven’t told you all of it.” He let go of my hand and covered his face as he took a deep breath. “I feel like—I feel like you need to know, even if—even if it totally freaks you out and you never want to see me again.”
I felt a tentative warmth swell in my chest. I already knew what he was going to say. His mom had told me all of it. I also knew that despite his past, I really cared about him. He took another breath. His hands were shaking. Maybe I should let him tell me himself, but it looked like the poor boy might fall to pieces if I did that. It seemed kind of cruel to not tell him what I already knew.
“Allan,” I whispered, “before you start, I should probably tell you something too.” His eyes met mine and I could see his obvious relief. “The day after we stayed out all night,” I began, “your mom called me to her office. She told me a lot about you, and about the things you went through as a kid.”
A whole spectrum of emotion crossed his face in that moment. I was nervous to see how he’d react, but he mostly just seemed surprised—surprised and relieved. “So you know?” he asked breathlessly. “You know about the thing that possessed me, and what it made me do?”
“I know about what it almost made you do,” I whispered. I stared down at my hands, afraid to meet his eyes for some reason. “Hearing all of that, it was a lot to process. But it made me realize just how incredible you are. You’ve had to fight so hard through so much crap and you’ve come out as a really good person. It’s honestly amazing.” I shrugged and my hands fidgeted nervously as Allan took a step closer to me.
“All the stuff that happened to you,” I continued, “it was in the past. It doesn’t define you now. You’re a good person and I trust you. I guess I wanted you to know that.”
For a long moment, Allan didn’t say anything. At first the pause felt natural, but then it stretched out to be uncomfortably long. Testing my courage, I glanced up at him.
His eyes were closed as he stood just inches away from me. His eyebrows were bunched up, causing a crease on his forehead. Taking a shaky breath, his expression grew pained.
“You trust me,” he said. He didn’t pose it as a question, he just said it with a sort of resignation in his voice. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. “I am such an idiot,” he hissed.
The way he was acting alarmed me. “Are you okay?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Allan opened his eyes then. They were even redder than before. “I tried to kill my parents,” he choked. “Do you comprehend that? I was nine and I had a knife in my hands and now you say that you trust me?”
I took a deep breath and tried to steady the pounding of my heart. “That wasn’t your fault,” I said. “Something else was making you do that.”
“You know how possession works,” he said, the panic in his face growing, “A spirit can’t control you if you don’t let it in. I let that spirit in, I let it control me.”
I wanted to reach out and comfort him somehow, but I felt like if I touched him, I might make matters worse. “I’m not going to pretend like I can understand what if feels like to go through what you have,” I said, “but I’ll be here for you Allan. I’ll help you through whatever you want.” I cleared my throat and looked down. “I’m not about to run away. I really—I really care about you.”
There was a silence again and I looked up. Allan had taken a step away from me, his eyes still fearful. “I am so sorry,” he whispered, “but I can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
He raised his hands defensively. “I like you Jessi, I like you a lot, but I can’t do this. I thought I could, I thought I was better, but I’m not.” He took a deep breath. I could see that his hands were shaking harder. “There’s something else I have to tell you,” he whispered, his voice barely audible, “When I was little—”
A sudden coughing fit overcame him and he doubled over, resting his hands on his knees for support. I rushed over to him, desperate to help somehow, but there was nothing I could do as the coughing shook his entire body.
The coughing seemed to last forever until Allan finally straightened his posture. His face was red and his eyes were now completely bloodshot.
“Are you okay?” I asked. This whole thing was freaking me out. “Can I help you, or—or get you anything?”
He just shook his head as he caught his breath. “I can’t hang out with you anymore Jessica,” he said weakly, “I have to go.”
To my surprise, he turned to leave right then. I caught his arm, pulling him back toward me. “What’s going on?” I asked. “One minute everything is fine, and then there’s all this?”
Allan raised his hands, rubbing his eyes yet again. “I can’t be around you anymore,” he said, “I just can’t. Can we leave it at that?”
I stared at him, wide-eyed. “No,” I said, “absolutely not. Allan, what’s wrong?”
His hands fell as he took a steadying breath. “I’m in pieces,” he said. “I thought I was put back together enough to try and live my life, but I’m not. I’m not ready. The people around me have always been afraid of me and then you come along and you’re not, and you should be!”
I let out a disbelieving laugh. “Are you serious Allan?” I asked. “You think I should be afraid of you? Why? Because of the crap you’ve gone through? Because people thought you were crazy?” I shook my head. “I’ve spent a lot of time with you, alone, in dark creepy places where no one else knew where we were and look, I’m here perfectly unharmed.” I raised an eyebrow and smiled at him, hoping to lighten the air with a joke. “If you wanted to convince me that you were a murderer or something, you passed up a bunch of really good opportunities.”
“This isn’t a joke Jessi!” Allan yelled.
I took a step back, his outburst catching me completely by surprise. It was hard to see him in the dark, but he looked angry. I’d never seen him this angry.
“This is my life,” he continued. “The stuff I’ve had to deal with has been hanging over me for years, and you think you can fix it all just by saying it’s in the past? You think that just promising to be there for me when I need it, and then finishing it off with a sarcastic comment, will make all the crap I’ve experienced go away?”
“Allan,” I cut in, “I didn’t mean—”
“You have no idea!” he said. His hands were clenched into fists. “You have no idea what it’s like. You don’t go to sleep every night, terrified that you might wake up as something you’re not. I don’t want to do this anymore Jessica. I don’t want to see you anymore.”
I couldn’t hold back any more. “Then what the crap was tonight?” I yelled, my own anger flaring up inside of me. “All I ever wanted to do was help you and I don’t understand why you’re freaking out at me. This isn’t you Allan, I know it’s not you!”
“You wanna bet?” he asked. “This is just as much me as the jester act is. You don’t know me at all.”
“I guess not,” I said, taking a step back. His words bit into me and I could feel the sting of tears in my eyes. Just a few minutes ago this date had felt like a dream. Now it was dissolving into a nightmare. “But that doesn’t give you any right to yell at me like this. I’m your friend Allan, and I know I make jokes all the time, but you just said that you were okay with that! And if you’re really not okay with it, then you could just tell me instead of blowing up and acting like a total jer—”
“Shut up!” Allan yelled, slamming his fist against the wooden fence. A long moment of silence stretched between us. I didn’t know what to do. A lump was rising in my throat.
“I’m sorry,” he said at last, his voice soft again. “I shouldn’t have yelled. It’s just—you think you’ve got it all figured out because you were haunted once, but you don’t know the half of it.” He pushed away from the fence. “I’m done.”
Turning away, he walked off. I let him go this time. I was too stunned to try and call him back. I was too hurt and confused. With the sting of tears even stronger now, I stumbled back until I reached the fence. Sliding down to sit in the grass, I wrapped my arms around my knees and let the tears fall.