Chapter 2

While everyone is planning new year resolutions and how they are going to spend the festive season with their loved ones while I am questioning who mine are. On the night of Christmas Eve my little brother and I went to bed hoping mom will be here in the morning to spend Christmas with us instead of working, just like every year, maybe, just maybe this year will be different and mom will be there. We both went to bed wishing this year would be better than last.

The next morning we woke up with joy and excitement and the little hope we had of our mom being home. To our surprise she was waiting for us at the dining table but she was not the only one. After 9 fine good long years, our father is back, trying to act like he has been there and never left. I only recognized him as he left when I was 9 years old but Lucas didn’t know who he was because he left when my brother was only a toddler just learning how to walk. When I saw my long lost father, I felt the blood rush through my veins and a wave of negative energy flow through my body. My little brother was taken to his room by my mother because he was as lost as a single cloud in the sky. While my mother and brother were in the room, I was left alone at the dining table with my father, whom I hated from the bottom of my bleeding, aching and lonely heart.

That very moment, I felt that yes he may have left us all alone with nothing but it was Christmas and I was kind of feeling the festive mood. I sat down still feeling the blood rush.

In the middle of my sobs the only questions I asked were “Dad was I that bad of a child that you left us, left me? Was I unworthy of a father? Was I not good enough for you, for you to accept me as a daughter?”

All this man that I supposedly called my father said “No it was me. I couldn’t protect you on a stormy day. I couldn’t provide for you on any day. I wasn’t good enough on a sunny day for you either. When I knew I wasn’t good enough so I stopped showing up, then, I didn’t show up enough times, and it began to feel like leaving, until I did leave. I just wasn’t ready for you or your mother or Lucas. I am sorry for what I did and I’m happy about who you are now and that you are okay.”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Thank you for telling your side of the story but your job was to stay and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you did. You are the reason I can’t love or trust any one to be part of my life. You are the reason for my anxiety and depression as I don’t want any more pain of someone leaving because I will never stop hurting. I will not cry or scream at you because I can’t do that and if I cried every time somebody left I would never stop crying. I am sorry but I cannot forgive, I just can’t” was the only thing I had left to say before storming out of the room before I broke down more than I already had.

The only thing I could possibly think of doing is running away from the drama at home. The only place I could run to was to Josh’s place somewhere where I would be treated like family at this time of the year. As soon as I reached his place and rang the doorbell he immediately opened the door and I jumped right into his arms and hugged him sobbing as he held me tight in his arms and for the first time in a long time I felt so much love and warmth and I just wished it would stay like that forever. We eventually went in and I met everyone and they all welcomed me with open arms and after long I felt welcomed and had a sense of family happiness, an amazing complete family.

I stayed at Josh’s place for the day and spent time with him and his family and it was a moment that I wanted to stay in forever but unfortunately everything beautiful has it’s moment and then it passes. The only thing we could do is cherish them and store them as memories. When I returned back home I found my mother in tears and Lucas just trying to figure out something to help her. I then asked my brother to leave so that I could have a conversation with my mother alone. I then asked her “Mom what happened? Why are you crying?”

She replied “your father has a new family. He stayed for them but he didn’t stay for us. He’s got a job and a whole different life but he didn’t come back for us. I wasn’t enough to keep him as your and Lucas’ father.” At that very moment I felt that I needed to confront him, because if I don’t it will eat me up more than it had. I told myself I can not let my mom and I live in this pain. We deserve happiness. We deserve to move on and be at peace with our past. I spent the rest of the day with my mother and brother comforting them after what had happened trying to get their mind of it by watching christmas movies and playing games to get them some happiness after the nerve wrecking, emotional rollercoaster of a day